Nastasia: NO.
Mimi: Come on, Nassy! Pleeeeeease?
Nastasia: NO. I absolutely REFUSE to go ahead with this.
Rigel: You could hypnotize Francis into not being nerdy the entire Interview, you know.
Nastasia: This is my decision, k?
Rigel: It is, and darn it we're gonna change that decision into something else if it's the last thing we do!
Mimi: "We"? Excuse me, but I'm not going against Nassy ever again.
Nastasia: You'd better not.
Rigel: Well we need an interviewer, and I will NOT do it. He'll try and induct me into his "rare collectible" box. *shudder* Plus we are the only ones in the studio room right now.
Nastasia: K, we'll draw straws. Whoever gets the longest straw has to interview the guy, that fair?
Rigel: Undoubtedly.
Mimi: Sure.
Three straws later...
Nastasia: No! I got the longest one...
Mimi: I can prepare some tea for after the Interview, Nassy... okay?
(Nastasia faints.)
Rigel: I think maybe you can prepare some right now.
30 minutes later...
Nastasia: ...
Francis: Neeeeerrrrrrr! This is so hi-technicaaaaal!
Rigel: Quiet! You're only being interviewed right now because you were a boss character and you're next in line... At least, that's what Kody said.
Francis: Neeerrrrrr... He should be doing them in Catch Card order, it's more organized and easier to find...
Rigel: He does things his own way, whether it's wrong or not. Just like I am right now.
Nastasia: Why can't I have that luxury right now...?
Francis: G-g-geh! H-hot babe in roo– OW!!!
(Rigel fires a laser beam into Francis's forehad. Francis is poisoned.)
Francis: Whadda... getting... sick...
Rigel: I'll lift the poisoning if you go about business without freaking out over seeing a pretty girl in the room. If you don't, say goodbye to today's lunch. And possibly breakfast.
Francis: Ne-ee-ee-er... You drive a hard bargain... but I'll do it.
Nastasia: Mmm-hmm-hmm, that was... genius. I just might be able to get through this without cringing further. Thank you.
Rigel: All in a day's work.
(Rigel dispels the poison.)
Francis: Eeeeh... Go ahead. I'll restrain my eyes. Kinda...
Nastasia: K... All right, Nas, be strong... *deep breath* When did you settle at the fort that's currently under your name, and why?
Francis: A few years ago... Got it off of eBay for 25 million coins! All my allowance from Mum and those years of playing the stock market really paid off... And I can't pass down that schweet castle, can I?
Nastasia: ... eBay? Who would sell their castle on eBay...?
Goomba King: Kent C. Koopa bought the one I sold for 60,000 coins.
Rigel: I guess that's one reason, when your “castle” is worthless.
Goomba King: HEY! I only sold it because it was infested with bugs and I couldn't afford an exterminator.
Nastasia: Moving on, k? Now... err... I... I- I can't think of any more questions!
Rigel: You seriously can't?
Nastasia: Not ones that aren't about him!
Francis: Aww, you're too shy... neerrr.
Mimi: Don't slap him or you'll get cooties!
Wendy: I take offense to that word!
Rigel: Argh... Fine, I'll join this Interview. Just to get through this insanity.
Nastasia: Um... Thank you... A lot...
Rigel: But if I suffer, then you suffer.
Francis: ... A COLLECTIBLE ELITE WIZZERD, MUST HAVE! NEEEEERRRR!!!
(Francis tries to snare Rigel with his tongue, but Rigel floats out of reach.)
Rigel: ... First off, why didn't you say that earlier? Second of all, try anything funny and I'll hit you with all the status problems I can inflict.
Francis: ...
Rigel: Now then, why do you wear those ridiculous glasses?
Francis: Hey! Don't insult my glasses, that's not hi-technicaaaaal.
Rigel: Answer the question!
Francis: Neehhh... They're functionaaaal. And I bought them online.
Rigel: Nerd.
Nastasia: (muttering) Question... question... Okay, this should be good. *aloud* Did you know a Pure Heart was in the fortress?
Francis: No... ehhh... What's a Pure Heart? Is it a collectible?
Rigel: Actually, it's something beyond your understanding.
Francis: Geh! Impossible! I watched all 7 OVAs of "Axem Galaxy Rangers" and knew everything that happened, and why! Neeerrr!
Rigel: Forget it, I'll just move on. Why are only "totally hot babes" allowed in your room? What, your forum buddies don't come over to visit?
Francis: NO! They're too far away anyway, and besides, they might nick my stuff. You can't trust anyone! I only trust totally hot babes!
Rigel: Oy vey...
Nastasia: ... Why did you, like, kidnap Lady Timpani?
Francis: Lady who?
Nastasia: Tippi... The butterfly Pixl.
Francis: You mean Francine? Neeerrr... I always had a thing for digi-butterflies...
Nastasia: And you wanted to cage one up...
Francis: She was mine! And that scary babe wanted to steal Francine for herself!
Rigel: No, you idiot! Timpani was important to the heroes' quest, without her they would have failed. Surely you realize that?
Francis: ... No.
Rigel: Hopeless... Why do you have those SecuriMeows and MeowBombs and all those other Meow things in your fort?
Francis: Cats and kitties are so hi-technicaaaaaaal! I modeled them myself, neeerr.
Nastasia: And what do they guard?
Francis: Everything! I'm always in my main room on my laptop, so they're security.
Rigel: Understandable, but you could be less lazy, you know.
Francis: I'm not lazy, I know how to fight! Neeeerrrrr! I watched all the episodes of "The Grodus Chronicles" and can copy every single attack!
Nastasia: Why'd you lock Carrie up in that cell? She was glad to get out...
Francis: HUH?! Geh! Someone stole that hovering Pixl?! Who?!
Nastasia and Rigel: Answer the question!
Francis: I locked her up so no one would get at her.
Rigel: And that's why you put the switch there, huh, to let people open the cell and rescue the Pixl? Dumb.
Francis: It was easier access!
Nastasia: ... Where'd you learn to become invisible?
Francis: I'm a chameleon, it comes natural, neerr. I did alter it with some digital enhancement, though.
Rigel: So being what you are explains the tongue attack, then. Why do you do so little damage using that attack, anyway?
Francis: My gums are soft! I can't chew fast!
Nastasia: And the camera?
Francis: I like the flash it makes! Neeerrr!
Rigel: Doesn't it blind you as well?
Francis: I have stealth sensors around my room so I can tell where intruders are.
Rigel: ... You didn't answer the question. Again...
Francis: Geh... A bit.
Nastasia: So why do you drag that laptop into battles?
Francis: It's my ultimate weapon! Neeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr...
Rigel: Someone could damage it...
Francis: Yeah, who?
Nastasia: Peach... Remember that?
Francis: G-GEH! YOU WERE SPYING ON ME?! NEERR?!
(Francis starts sweating profusely.)
Nastasia: What?! No! Peach told us all that, k? How... how dare you suggest that... I'd... I'd... do something like that!
Francis: Heh heh heh... Admit it, you dig me. Neeerrr.
(Rigel poisons Francis.)
Francis: Gah!
Nastasia: Hurt him more... I must see him in pain, k?
Rigel: Not yet. Okay, he's had enough, for now.
(Rigel relieves Francis of the poison.)
Francis: Geh... I'll have an antidote to that later...
Rigel: But for now, you must endure our disgust and scorn until the end of the Interview. So... you never managed to get another copy of that Swoon.exe or whatever that program was, huh?
Francis: The guy who made it made a better one, but I don't have it yet. But I will get it, I must, so I can win the, heh, ladies over... neeerrr.
Nastasia: Who made it...?
Francis: Zip Toad.
Nastasia: Of course... That's not cool, k?
Rigel: No, it certainly is not. And now we'll go to audience questions.
Nastasia: Right, can I leave?
Rigel: No. Remember, since I joined the interview, you have to stay in it.
Nastasia: *sigh...*
Rigel: And it seems the audience is too revolted by Francis's presence to actually appear, so I'll get another Audience-In-A-Can.
Nastasia: Wait! You can't leave me here alone with that... cretin! Mimi, you go do it, k? That's an order.
Mimi: Ooh golly, of course, Nassy. Bye for now!
Rigel: Right, break time.
----
Sledge Brother: Get down from that flagpole! I can't hit you from here!
Kody: No!
Amazing Flying Hammer Brother: Hey pard, need some help taking down that black Boo?
Sledge Brother: Oh yeah, that'd be nice.
(AFHB hits Kody with a hammer... Kody is sent to the ground.)
Kody: OW! Aw dang it... Wait, you don't have an eulogy written for me, do you? I need one before I can officially die.
Sledge Brother: Duhhh... What's a you-low-gee?
AFHB: It's written for some people at a funeral.
Sledge Brother: But how can he be buried? He's a Boo. I don't get it...
AFHB: Me neither, and instead of wondering about that, we should be making sure he doesn't escap– Hey! Where'd he go?!
(Kody has vanishe.d)
Sledge Brother: This is all your fault!
AFHB: ... Sure, go ahead and think that...
(AFHB knocks the Sledge Bro out with a hammer and leaves.)
----
Mimi: Hi! I'm back... but it took me a while to find a can... Whuh?!
(Rigel is trapped in a large glass dome and Nastasia is shaking in her chair.)
Rigel: Don't ask...
Francis: Neeeerrrrr! That's what you get! Now I can spend some, heh, quality time with the hot babe...
Nastasia: C-COUNT!!! HELP!!!
Count Bleck: BLECK! What is going on here?!
Francis: Geh! Who are you?
Count Bleck: You! You dare pass off your insignificant pastimes to my second in command?! PERISH!
(Count Bleck starts to suck Francis into a void thingy.)
Francis: N-NOOOOO! There were so many collectibles I wanted in life!
Kody: Wait!
Mimi: Why? He's bothering Nassy! And what are you doing back here?
Kody: Breathing! Some Sledge Brother just tried to kill me, and I just lost him. Oh... I see that some just punishment has been dealt forth for Rigel, locking me in that closet and letting you do Interviews, eh?
Rigel: Shut up...
Kody: No. And yeah, Bleck, you can kill Francis afterward, but for now, I need him for the rest of the Interview.
Count Bleck: ... Very well.
Francis: ...
(Mimi throws the Audience-In-A-Can at the far end of the room... Then you-know-what-happens-next happens.)
Kody: Quiet, narrator. Seat 2.
Koopa Striker: Why do you run so weird?
Francis: I haven't had exercise for a while, don't laugh at me!
Kody: Haha! Too bad. Seat 34.
Microgoomba: Why do you freak out when young females are nearby?
Francis: *sniff...* I GET SO LONELYYYYYY... N-NEEERRR... I NEED A SOULMATE...
Kody: Well I'm (not) sorry to say that you'll never get one, with the direction you're headed. Seat 49.
Boshi: Do your “friends” really know who you are?
Francis: No way, in fact I don't even know them at all.
Kody: Then you're hardly friends with them. Seat 1.
Goomba: Why do you have two other “secret” rooms if you spend all your time in your main room?
Francis: I need places to put stuff! Geh, it's always increasing! I'm so proud. I'm thinking about making a third room where that carrying Pixl used to be, neeerrrr... Might have to renovate it a bit...
Kody: Airhead.
Francis: Stop with the insults, I have feelings...
Kody: Hey, I've been snide and spiteful ever since my first Interview, live with it. All the other characters I interviewed did... well, actually, some didn't, but they died. Painfully. And I doubt you have proper pride, anyway, so that shouldn't hurt you. But getting back to the Interview... Seat 68.
Spear Guy: If Peach damaged your graphics card, how could you still use your laptop in the battle?
Francis: Uhh... uhh... I had a backup replacement card!
Kody: ... Yeeeaaah, sure. Last one, seat 10.
Smilax: Why did you appear in Count Bleck's castle?
Francis: I don't know!
Mimi: Um... That was my doing... I asked the heroes what they hated most. Peach said that she hated Francis... Heeheeheeheehee...
Bowser: Hurray! I'm not hated most!
Peach: Well...
Francis: SCARY BABE! G-GEH! RUN!
(Francis tries to run but trips over his own feet.)
Kody: He's all yours.
(Rigel manages to get out of the dome, while Mimi changes to her spider form and Count Bleck readies another large void blast.)
Francis: G-geh... Can we talk about this?
Rigel: DIE!
(Francis is pulped. Badly. Too bad the FCC won't let me describe it in its entirety.)
Kody: Curse the FCC. Well, Nastasia, you are safe.
Nastasia: Can't, um, thank you guys enough.
Kody: Meh, guess I was being too harsh on Rigel and Mimi. They can stay. Especially since Tira and Clover haven't appeared for a couple of Interviews. That may or may not have something to do with me.
Nastasia: And if it didn't?
Kody: Then I blame Lemmy. He secretly despises non-Marioverse characters.
Lemmy: That's not true. I really liked Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn.
(Nothing is left of Francis.)
Rigel: I needed that. Someone end transmission!
(Count Bleck sends the camera into the Void.)
Kody: Can we please stop with the "do-something-to-the-camera-at-the-end-of-every-Interview" gags?
Count Bleck: No.
Kody: Bleh...
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