(Larry, Lemmy, Larry’s Interview Team, and the audience are in a regular studio.)
Larry: I can’t believe we escaped Aperture!
Lemmy: Same here, what you did was genius!
Potato: I can’t believe you put me in a potato!
Crawful: I can’t believe it’s not butter!
Larry: *ignoring Crawful* Silence, PotatOS! *takes a small bite*
PotatOS: Ow!
Larry: All right, so today we’ll be interviewing Smithy!
Smithy (in the audience): I’m not coming down there, someone will attack me and get interviewed instead!
Larry: Don’t be a wuss, get down here!
Smithy: Fine, you convinced me.
Larry: That was easy.
(Smithy sits in his chair, which breaks under his fatness.)
Smithy: Hey!
Larry: Stop arguing with the magic voice that controls us. For this… I’ll need help. Hmmm… *takes out a throwing knife* Throwing knife, don’t fail me now!
(Larry covers his eyes and throws the knife into the audience at random.)
???: Ow!
Larry: Whoever I hit, come on down!
(Nobody does.)
Larry: What’s going on?
Shy Ranger: You killed a Goomba with it.
Larry: Oh. No big loss.
(Larry throws another knife.)
???: My spleen!
Larry: Come on down!
(Dark Koopa walks to the stage, rubbing his wound.)
Dark Koopa: Okay, who threw a knife at me and why sho- Ew, it's Larry.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Larry: Hello.
Dark Koopa: That joke's still going, eh?
Larry: At least it's not wedding cake.
Dark Koopa: Yeah, true. So why did you throw a knife at me?
Larry: I need help with an Interview!
Dark Koopa: Your knife made a poor choice. My spleen isn't very good at Interviews.
Larry: *sigh* Fine, I guess the owner of the spleen will have to take its place.
Dark Koopa: Oh. Good!
(A few seconds pass.)
Dark Koopa: Wait, that means me! I don’t want to interview with you!
(Larry uses a suplex to slam Dark Koopa into his interviewer chair.)
Larry: You’ll interview and like it!
Dark Koopa: Pain…
Shy Ranger: Since he doesn’t want to interview, maybe I could-
Larry: No. You’re boring. You are also bland.
Shy Ranger: I am not!
Smithy: *clears throat loudly*
Larry: Hush.
Smithy: …
(Smithy smashes Larry on the head with his hammer.)
Larry: Sweet DAD Jr. that smarts! All right, we’ll interview you. Right, Dark Koopa?
Dark Koopa: *sigh* Fine. Um… I’m bleeding a bit, can I get some first aid before…
Larry: (talking over Dark Koopa) So Smithy, explain your origins.
Smithy: I came from a planet in a galaxy far, far away.
Larry: I saw that movie. Try again.
Smithy: Shut up! Anyway, I am from a planet inhabited by machines, and I was their king.
Larry: Uh-huh. Go on.
Smithy: Well, we were attacked by a neighboring planet of odd, Mushroom-like aliens. We were unprepared and… well… I ditched everyone in my ship, Exor.
Larry: You’re a horrible king.
Smithy: Meh.
Dark Koopa: I seriously need some-
Larry: Just ask the next question!
Dark Koopa: Uh, Exor doesn't look like a ship. I thought he was a sword?
Smithy: He's a sword that doubles as a ship!
Dark Koopa: Okay, so like, if you're a robot and you're from a planet full of robots, who made the first robot on that planet? Shut up, Larry.
Larry: I didn't say anything.
Dark Koopa: You were going to.
Larry: (He can read minds!)
Dark Koopa: Shut up.
Larry: *recoils* Gah! That’s creepy!
Smithy: ANYWHO! I was the first robot, made by an alien scientist who wanted to rule the universe or something cliché like that. I decided to be independent and kill him, then created Exor, which houses my factory. I then made my own army!
Dark Koopa: Sounds like a really bad science fiction movie.
Smithy: …
Larry: So, why do you look like Santa Claus?
Hermie III: Thanta Clauth?
Larry: Quiet, you!
(Larry throws Dark Koopa at Hermie III.)
Both: Ow!
(Dark Koopa walks back to his crushed chair and sits on the floor.)
Smithy: I’m just old, that’s all!
Larry: So, why do you have hair?
Smithy: It’s robot hair!
Larry and Dark Koopa: …
Dark Koopa: Eh, I believe it.
Larry: -
Dark Koopa: Shut up, Larry. So Smithy, why is Mack so weak?
Smithy: Mack is my earliest invention aside from Exor.
Dark Koopa: I still wanna know why he didn't just jump on people. He's a knife! Same with Exor, actually.
Smithy: Not only was Mack weak, he was also stupid, another flaw I was unable to fix.
Larry: So what in the world is wrong with Bowyer? He sounds like Yoda!
Smithy: He does it for attention, actually. Why do you think his thoughts sound normal?
Larry: *shouts to Bowyer in the audience* YOU LIED TO ME!
(Larry once again throws Dark Koopa, hitting the bow-and-arrow robot.)
Both: Ow!
(Dark Koopa again goes to the stage and sits on the floor.)
Dark Koopa: Seriously, that throwing knife really-
Larry: Ask the next question!
Dark Koopa: … Why didn’t you fix the flaws with Mack when you used Machine Made Mack?
Smithy: The Machine Made minions were a desperate attempt to stop Mario, so I had no time to work out the kinks.
Larry: That was poor thinking, the Machine Made guys were even weaker than your already weak minions!
Smithy: I said it was a desperate attempt! You’re such a bully!
Larry: …
Dark Koopa: Shut up, Larry.
Larry: …
Dark Koopa: And if you throw me around again, I'm writing you out of the submission.
Larry: That wouldn't be so bad.
Dark Koopa: Now Smithy, do you have any hobbies?
Smithy: Destroying the world!
Dark Koopa: So you're not very good at your hobby.
Smithy: I need more practice, indeed.
Gloomtail: Nonsense, mortal! I am the one who is supposed to be destroying the world!
Dark Koopa: Hi.
Gloomtail: Hello.
Smithy: Why are you here, Czar Dragon?
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
Dark Koopa: He called you Czar Dragon.
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
Larry: He called you-
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Gloomtail: WHAT?!
(A stage light falls and hits Gloomtail in the head.)
Gloomtail: This moment never happened.
Dark Koopa: So Smithy, you're a pretty powerful guy, right?
Smithy: That is correct.
Dark Koopa: Why didn't you try ti get the Star Pieces yourself?
Smithy: I was very busy building more machines! They were supposed to be the ones to collect the Star Pieces!
Dark Koopa: Well, I suppose they did find a few... Why didn't they bring them to you?
Smithy: I told them to hold onto them for safe-keeping. If they were all in the same place, a theft could result in losing three or more of them!
Larry: The Axem Rangers were going to deliver the Red Star Piece to you though.
Smithy: Well, it was the second-to-last Star Piece, I was worried!
Dark Koopa: Would it have mattered? Even if the Axems escaped, Mario would’ve gone to storm King Dad’s Keep.
Smithy: I didn’t think he’d get a flying bus!
Larry: Well, if the Axems escaped, you’d still be five Star Pieces short.
Smithy: Well, I would be able to make more powerful minions to fight Mario!
Larry: I guess, but-
Gloomtail: He obviously didn’t plan it all the way through!
Larry: Don’t interrupt!
(Larry picks up Shy Ranger and throws him at Gloomtail, Shy Ranger bounces off harmlessly.)
Shy Ranger: Ow!
Gloomtail: Who threw that ball of paper at me?!
Larry: *points to Lemmy* He did.
Lemmy: Huh?
(Gloomtail steps on Lemmy.)
Lemmy: Ow…
Dark Koopa: So why did you embed a Star Piece into your body? It sounds painful.
Smithy: Let's just say I didn't have a lot of confidence for my minions. I also didn't want the silly fools of this world to have their wishes granted!
Dark Koopa: What do you have against wishes, huh?
Smithy: I wish you'd stop asking me such stupid questions.
Larry: I wish I had a million coins.
Dark Koopa: I wish Larry would shut up.
Smithy: I wish this Interview was over.
Dark Koopa: Well, it isn't. Too bad. How does hitting your head with a sledgehammer change your appearance?
Smithy: It is a magical sledgehammer, of course. It does different things depending on what it strikes.
Dark Koopa: I want to see what it does if it strikes Larry.
Larry: He already did!
Smithy: Yes, but I chose not to use the magic!
(Smithy whacks Larry over the head with his hammer. Larry’s head turns into a perfectly cooked turkey, complete with some stuffing.)
Larry: AAAHHHH!!!
Dark Koopa and Smithy: AAAHHHHH!!!
Audience: AAAAAAHHHHH!!!
Shy Ranger, Hooky, Baba Yaga, Crawful, and Power Gauge: AAAAHHHHH!!!
Larry: CHANGE ME BACK!!
(Smithy hits Larry on the head again, the young Koopaling’s head turns back to normal.)
Larry: *nonchalantly* That was odd.
Dark Koopa: Riiiight…Audience questions! Seat 457!
Iggy: What’s with the transformation during part two of the battle?
Smithy: That’s how I looked when I was much younger.
Larry: Seat 357!
Lakitu: How did you change into that form?
Smithy: All of the Star Pieces have a power that not many people can use, and the Yellow one can make old things young.
Dark Koopa: Seat 663!
Cackletta: Why weren’t you like that when you first fought Mario?
Smithy: I thought I could handle him.
Dark Koopa: How silly of you to underestimate the hero! If you ever have a chance to destroy them, do it.
Smithy: Aren't you just a generic enemy?
Dark Koopa: Yeah, but at least someone aside from Shrugger Shroob knows who I am.
Lemmy: Who?
Dark Koopa: Gloomtail, can you please hit him again?
Gloomtail: Who?
Dark Koopa: Oh, never mind. Seat 71.
Thumbs (in a stylish new hat): I have two questions, and neither are for Smithy.
Dark Koopa: Then I don't think it'd be very fair if you- Eh, ask them.
Thumbs: Firstly, why are we ignoring what happened last Interview?
Dark Koopa: What do you mean?
Thumbs: Are Morton and Wendy still stuck in that chair?!
Dark Koopa: I highly doubt that.
(Yelling can be heard from the back.)
Morton: Hey, help us!
Larry: Did you hear something?
Dark Koopa: Nope.
Wendy: We're still stuck in this stupid chair! And Morton smells funny!
Smithy: I think I heard something.
Dark Koopa: Probably just a hurricane.
Thumbs: Oh, well, if they got out, that's kind of anti-climatic but okay. Next question... why don't you use your staff anymore?
Dark Koopa: What staff?
Thumbs: Pura and that handsome Thumbs guy.
Dark Koopa: Mannequins.
Thumbs: What?
Dark Koopa: Next question.
Thumbs: Hey-
Dark Koopa: I said next question! Seat 72.
Pura: I don't have a question.
Thumbs: Hey Pura, can you ask why he doesn’-
Pura: No. Actually, Smithy, what's up with that hair? Robots don't have hair... freak.
(For whatever reason, Crawful is trying to shove a bagel in Smithy’s mouth. He is either unaware of Crawful, or just ignoring him.)
Smithy: Okay, fine! The hair is fake! I just wanted to look cool!
Larry: … By looking like Santa?
Smithy: … Shut up.
Larry: You’re really lame, you know that?
Smithy: … Yes.
Larry: Seat 89!
Popple: Why did Exor disintegrate after the fight was over?
Smithy: I designed him that way so if someone killed me, he’d disintegrate and kill the ones who killed me. Of course, that was flawed and he disintegrated too late.
Dark Koopa: Seat 81!
Croco: How does that factory fit in Exor?
Smithy: Well, the scientist who made me had books teaching magic. I guess he wanted to be a wizard or something. Anyway, I learned some magic, made this hammer, and made the factory inside Exor.
Larry: Seat 38!
Shy Guy: How does a robot have blood pressure?
Smithy: Well, I don’t have blood, just a blood-like substance that keeps me running. I, and all of my minions, just call it blood.
(Crawful is still trying to get the bagel in Smithy’s mouth. Smithy still seems to be unaware of this fact.)
Luigi: The early bird catches the worm! ... Or is it the bagel?
Smithy: GAH, I'M ALLERGIC TO BAGELS!
(Thumbs drops a piano on Luigi.)
Smithy: Thank you!
Crawful: What?
Dark Koopa: Well, I do believe that's all for today. See you next time on-
Lemmy: Lemmy-
Larry: Larry's Interv-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Larry: I hate you, Lemmy.
Dark Koopa: End.
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