(General Toad, Snift, MagiBoo, and Doopliss Guy are sitting at a conference table in General Toad's Mansion. Captain Koop is standing to the side.)
Snift: Really, he's cool! You should utilize his skills!
General Toad: Naw, I don't feel like it. On that note, you’re fired. Go back to base.
Captain Koop: Yes sir.
(Captain Koop leaves.)
MagiBoo: Great, just great. We need someone who can work the camera and studio effects, like the fake clapping! Now how am I going to do an Interview?
GT: Eh, I'll go hire someone. You all sit tight. I'll be back later.
(GT leaves.)
MagiBoo: Well, I won't stand for this! This isn't fair! I'll just probe minds…
(MagiBoo goes into a trance, apparently probing minds.)
Snift: … Read any good books lately?
(Doopliss Guy V8 slaps Snift.)
Doopliss Guy: Coulda had a v-8!
Meanwhile at Lemmy's Interview Studio...
Lemmy: Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show! Today, Blaze is-
Blaze: No I'm not.
Lemmy: WHAT?! You took a day off the past two weeks!
Blaze: *yawn* I still don't feel like it.
Lemmy: FINE! Who'd you hire THIS time?
(Kent C. Koopa walks in.)
Kent: Hello friends.
(Lemmy V-8 slaps himself.)
Lrmmu: I need a V-8! (Ok, who is going to help this dweeb interview?)
Meanwhile back at General Toad's Mansion...
Doopliss Guy: Really, the last movie I saw was 20 years ago.
MagiBoo: (… Ah ha!)
(MagiBoo evaporates.)
Snift: … Want to-
DG: No.
Back at Lemmy's Interview Studio...
Lemmy: *sigh* So, who's going to help him interview-
(MagiBoo appears in a cloud of smoke)
MagiBoo: Did someone say interview?!
Lemmy: I thought I saw the last of you when General Toad moved to Poshley Heights!
Blaze: Cool. That works out.
(Blaze sits in the audience.)
Lemmy: Gah! Right... Anyways, you guys are interviewing Stuffwell. Give it up!
Audience: Whoo! Happies!
(E. Gadd walks out holding Stuffwell.)
Stuffwell: I'm on my own adventure!
E. Gadd: Bye now!
(E.Gadd places Stuffwell in a chair, then stagedives into the audience. Kamek appears.)
Kamek: I'm being paid to destroy you!
(Kamek points his wand at E. Gadd. E. Gadd turns into a Goomba with a little hair swirl.)
Goomba Gadd: Yabo yabo!
(Goomba Gadd starts to run, but Hooktail falls from the sky and squishes him.)
Hooktail: Yeah! I'm good!
Kent: All right citizens, calm down! Now, first question, Stuffwell. How can you talk?
Stuffwell: Professor installed a voice chip inside me, and thus I was given the ability to talk.
Kent: Oh, okay. So, if I did THIS...
(Kent reaches into Stuffwell's mouth and yanks out the voice chip.)
Stuffwell: (Hey!)
Kent: -then you couldn't talk, right?
Stuffwell: ...
Magiboo: Put it back, Kent...
Kent: Fine...
(Kent puts the chip back in Stuffwell's mouth.)
Stuffwell: Don't ever... do that... AGAIN!
Kent: Why not? Your voice is very annoying.
Stuffwell: Not nearly as annoying as that person in seat 63!
Tails: Hey! Shut up!
Kent: ... You have a point there...
Kamek: Get on with it, will you?!
Magiboo: Next question. Why do you always say BACK TO ADVENTURE?
Stuffwell: What's wrong with that? Personally, I think it's a pretty good phrase...
Blaze: Frankly, we don't...
Stuffwell: You're not on the stage! Seal your cake hole!
Blaze: ...
Magiboo: ...
Kent: ...
Hooktail: ...
Kamek: ...
Lemmy: ...
Audience: ...
Stuffwell: ... What?
Hooktail: I'm almost tempted to eat you for saying that terrible line...
Lemmy: We can't harm the interviewee! We'll get sued!
Hooktail: This is going to be a loooooooong Interview...
Kamek: Can we just get this over with?!
(The wall explodes.)
Audience: *GASP*
??? ???: KAMEK!!!
(The smoke clears. Shy Guy is there holding a bazooka.)
Shy Guy: YOU STOLE MY JOB!!! DIE!!!
Kamek: ... *yawn*
(Kamek shoots a magical blast at Shy Guy's bazooka. It explodes.)
Shy Guy: What the?!
Kamek: Hello? I have a magic wand that can do almost anything!
Shy Guy: … EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
(Shy Guy runs away screaming.)
Blaze: Next time, kill him.
Kamek: Gladly.
Kent: Next question. What can you do... besides hold things?
Stuffwell: I actually have a built in satellite dish. I can pick up signals and track down things, and if you hook me up to a television, you can watch all your favorite shows.
Kent: Man... I wish I had satellite...
(Kent gives Stuffwell a strange look.)
Stuffwell: Don't even THINK about it!
Kent: Aw, come on! I'm stuck with Cable! It's not fair!
E Gadd: I can sue for theft!
Kent: Dang it...
Magiboo: Do you happen to know FLUDD?
Stuffwell: We came from the same inventor, didn't we? Yes, I know FLUDD. Very pleasant water shooting device, he is.
Blaze: And another pointless invention...
Stuffwell: Clog your larynx!
Hooktail: If I hear one more corny phrase from this blockhead, I'm gonna-
Lemmy: Lawsuit! Lawsuit!
Hooktail: Rrrr...
Kent: Can you elaborate on what the Warpulator is?
Stuffwell: Pretty easys. I recombobulate the flowing of time to allow Mario and Company to start at another place.
(Snift appears.)
Snift: But that makes no sense! It's scientifically impossible!
Blaze: Says the guy who can just "appear"!
(Doopliss Guy appears)
DG: Don't give him all the credit! I taught him!
Stuffwell: Silence, you nincomkoopas!
Hooktail: That's it!
(Hooktail lunges at Stuffwell.)
Lemmy: NO!
(Lemmy freezes Hooktail with his Freeze Gun. Hooktail crashes to the floor and flattens half the audience.)
DG: It's like a boulder, only meaty.
Lemmy: You’re next!
MagiBoo: Ok, we got it down how you can talk. But why do you make up words? If E. Gadd programmed you, why don't you talk like him?
Stuffwell: That's a doofy question! Do you talk like... whoever made you? I don't see Lemmy speaking like Bowser! And what do you mean make up words? My vocabulary is perfectly normal!
Blaze: (muttering) Doofy nimcomkoopa...
(Snift appears in the seat next to Blaze. Snift slaps Blaze.)
Snift: Shh! This is good television!
Kent: What happened to you after the events of the Shroob Invasion time adventure?
Stuffwell: E. Gadd took me back to the lab to be improved. I can now cook toaster pastries!
Kamek: NO WAY.
Doopliss Guy: NO WAY.
(Lemmy freezes Doopliss Guy and Kamek.)
Lemmy: I can do this all day long.
MagiBoo: K, I'm thinking it's time to go the audience questions before half the audience is frozen! Seat 64!
Iggy: What kind of things do you hold, being a suitcase and all?
Stuffwell: ... Uh... Suits?
(RIMSHOT)
Blaze: Boo...
(Snifit slaps Blaze again.)
Stuffwell: But seriously, I usually just hold E. Gadd's labcoats, usually just so he has a spare handy. His coats are constantly getting burned due to failed inventions...
Blaze: ...
(Blaze walks up to E. Gadd and blows fire at him.)
E. Gadd: What was that for...? Oh yeah, ow!
Blaze: I don't know...
(Blaze sits back down. Snifit slaps him again.)
E. Gadd: Stuffwell?
Stuffwell: Ugh... Here we go again...
(Stuffwell tosses E. Gadd a spare coat. E Gadd puts it on.)
E Gadd: Thank you.
Stuffwell: Yes... That's pretty much how it works...
Kent: Seat 140... No wait. That one is flattened. Seat 99!
Koopie Koo: Uh... How did you throw that jacket just now if you don't have any hands?
Stuffwell: I haven't the slightest idea...
Magiboo: ... Eh... That was rather pointless... Seat 81!
Smorg: Smmmmmmmmmooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrg?
Stuffwell: Actually, I don't eat anything at all. I'm a suitcase after all. I have no digestive system.
Blaze: More technical crud...
(Snifit slaps him.)
Kent: Seat 12!
Koopa the Quick: How can you understand Smorg?
Stuffwell: I'm smarter than the average suitcase...
Blaze: His voice is annoying, he speaks strange, and he watches 70's shows...
(Snifit slaps him.)
Magiboo: How about you in seats 21 through 60!
Gloomtail: Can you tell that inferior Koopa to unfreeze my sister before I megabreath him?
Stuffwell: ... Okay... Lemmy, unfreeze the dragon.
Lemmy: Sorry, I don't do heat.
(Smoke billows out of Gloomtail's nostrils.)
Stuffwell: Oh... Well then, you're pretty much dead...
Gloomtail: Unfreeze her NOW!
Lemmy: Nah. Blaze, you do it.
Blaze: Give me one-thousand coins!
Lemmy: Never!
Blaze: Then you're dead.
Lemmy: I hate yo-
(Gloomtail megabreaths Lemmy.)
Lemmy: ... Ouchies...
Kent: Well, I guess that about wraps things up here-
(General Toad walks in. MagiBoo, Snift, and a frozen Doopliss Guy look at him.)
MagiBoo: ... BREAK!
(MagiBoo flies at Doopliss Guy and grabs him, then they disappear. Snift pauses, slaps Blaze one more time, then disappears. General Toad looks around.)
GT: Nice place you got here. Looks familiar.
(GT reminisces about his days working in Lemmy's Interview Studio.)
Blaze: Mm hm.
Kent: ANYWAYS PEOPLE! See you next time on-
(Iggy appears.)
Iggy: I FINALLY FOUND YOU, GT!
GT: OH… NO!
(GT runs away with Iggy on his tail.)
Blaze: Ok, time to clean up.
(Blaze thaws Hooktail and Kamek.)
Hooktail: RAWR!
(Hooktail eats the charred Lemmy.)
Kent: Join us next time on-
Echo of Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show...
(MagiBoo reappears.)
MagiBoo: And a fourth of General Toad's Interview Show!
Blaze: END TRANSMISSION!
Whoops! You're not logged in! |