(Nobody is on the interview set yet. Two Goombas in the audience are talking.)
Goomba 1: So, I heard there was supposed to be another new group of interviewers introduced today.
Goomba 2: More? Man, there are so many new interviewers on this show that it’s hard to keep track.
Goomba 1: I didn’t hear who they were, though.
Goomba 2: Hmm. Oh, hang on. Check it out. I think it’s starting.
(An announcer is heard through the loudspeaker, indicating the start of the show.)
Announcer: Aaand, we’re going live in 3... 2... 1...
(The camera pans to the interview set as the audience applauds and cheers. Lemmy rolls out from backstage and stops at the front of the set.)
Lemmy: Hello, and welcome to…
Everyone: LEMMY’S INTERVIEW SHOW!
Lemmy: Okay. Today we’re going to introduce you all to a new group of interviewers! Of course that’s not really anything new because there’s something short of a million interviewing groups now. Let’s get to it, then! The guy who’s… uh, supposed to be doing most of the Interviews is… Wait. What was his name again?
(A Lakitu floats from backstage and hands a note to Lemmy.)
Lemmy: Oh, right. Ridge Troopa!
Reggie: It’s Ridge Racer! RIIIIIIIIIIIIDGE RA-
(Reggie is ejected from his seat and flies through the ceiling.)
Lemmy: *cough* I have a feeling we might be doing that a lot…
(A green-shelled Koopa with a blue hoodie and tan cargo pants walks out onto the set and sits in one of the interviewers’ chairs.)
Ridge: All right then. Thanks for the, er, introduction, Lemmy. You’ll find out more about me as I interview more. Now, moving on- first we’re interviewing someone better known, Petey Piranha.
(Petey flies out from behind the set and lands in front of one of the interviewee chairs. He opens his mouth and looks like he’s about to swallow the chair whole.)
Ridge: Didn’t someone tell him he’s NOT supposed to eat the set?
Lemmy: Well it’s assumed that the interviewees are smart enough not to eat the set.
(Petey takes a large bite out of the chair, swallows, and sits down in what’s left of it.)
Ridge: … Oookay then, let’s move on to the questions. Do you really have as small of a brain as you seem to?
Petey: What’s that supposed to mean, huh?
Ridge: Nothing. *cough*
Petey: That’s what I thought. In relation to my head, my brain could be considered… er, small, but I’m not stupid. I just get distracted easily and people don’t seem to understand me when I make loud noises.
Ridge: Okay. Why do you have to eat everything you see?
Petey: Well, I don’t eat everything I see. Most of the time I eat things in my way or that are annoying me. I do get hungry quite often, so I’ll eat anything that’s… well, meat or other plants. Usually meat though.
Ridge: Erm, is it really a good idea to be doing this one? I don’t want to end up as lunch…
Petey: Just because I eat a lot doesn’t mean I’m not at least a little civilized. Otherwise there might be a few of the Koopalings missing. And besides, I’m not hungry at the moment.
Ridge: Phew. Good. Speaking of the Koopalings, how is your interaction with them?
Petey, Well, considering that I live in the castle, I’m part of the Koopa family. I’m especially close to Larry though, because he’s my creator in a way.
Ridge: Creator? You mean you’re not like this naturally?
Petey: Nope. I was originally just a normal Piranha Plant. How you see me now is what happened when Larry decided to dump some unusual plant growth hormone on me one day.
Ridge: Interesting. Next question, why do you wear those… err… briefs?
Petey: They match my head. Aren’t they stylish?
Ridge: They do match, I’ll give you that. But I’m no expert on stylish clothing.
Koops (from the audience): I’ll say.
Ridge: I’ve always wanted to know, how do you manage to keep your balance with such a huge head and such small legs?
Petey: My leaves help me to keep my balance.
Ridge: Why didn’t I think of that?
Koops: Isn’t that pretty obvious?
Ridge: For the last time, just because I wear something similar to you doesn’t mean I’m copying you. Jeez, let it go.
Koops: Then why does your girlfriend have strawberry hair like my Koopie Koo?
Ridge: Uuh, no, actually she has brown hair.
Koops: … Fair enough.
(A female, brown-shelled Koopa peeks around from behind the set. She has brown hair, a blue tank top, a deep-colored pink skirt, and a blue star on her shell.)
Tint: I heard someone mention me.
Luigi: Nobody mentions Weegee!
Petey: … Who are you again?
(Luigi skulks off of the set looking put-down.)
Tint: … All right then. Anyways, I guess since I’m out here I may as well join in.
(Tint walks to the chair beside Ridge and takes a seat.)
Ridge: All right then, you can ask the next question, Tint.
Tint: Why did you only have one attack when you fought Mario in New Super Mario Bros?
Petey: I couldn’t spit up because I hadn’t eaten anything that day. As for my spin attack, I would have easily slipped on the ice and been vulnerable.
Ridge: Why were you even put in charge of guarding the ice world‘s castle?
Petey: I would have been boss of the desert world, but Mummipokey was already there. And originally, Chief Chilly was supposed to be where I was, but the arena wasn’t big enough for him to fight in and we were pressed for time because of how fast Mario was going. So instead of knocking out the walls of the castle arena for Chilly, King Bowser had me recruited.
Ridge: No wonder you had to fight on an empty stomach.
Tint: Wait, I just thought of something. If you were created by Larry, how were you a boss in Partners in Time? That was quite a while before Larry was even born.
Petey: Well, I was wandering through the castle, bored, when I found a time machine made by Ludwig. I decided to get inside and see if it actually worked, even though I was half expecting it to blow up.
Ludwig: Vhy does someone alvays have to mention zat stupid rumor?
Wendy: Because it’s usually true.
Petey: Long story short, I ended up meeting with the Shroobs in the past and became part of their army for a little while. That’s how I was able to fight the Mario Bros.
Tint: Wouldn’t you have been stuck in the past, though?
Petey: Nah. Ludwig came from the present and brought me back when I was noticed missing.
Ridge: Makes sense. Okay then, last one from me, why did you have completely random attacks in Partners in Time?
Petey: Since there was sand, I could burrow in and pop my head out. I’m not sure what advantage that gave me… But I wasn’t able to do it during any other fight because the ground was too solid. As for the rest of my attacks, those were some new moves that the Shroobs taught me.
Ridge: I see. All right, audience question time. Let‘s go with seat number BEANEDUCATOR.
Woohoo Professor: Since you’re green and have leaves, are you able to generate some of your own energy from the sun like other plants?
Petey: Yes, but I still have to eat. Sunlight doesn’t fill an empty stomach.
Ridge: Seat MARRIAGEPASTRY.
Morton: HaveyouevereatenanythinglargerthanyourselfbecauseIdontthinkanythingthat
bigwouldfitinyourmouthbutthenagainyoucouldprobablyeataweddingcakewholeoh
YESILOVEWEDDINGCA-
(Lemmy pulls a rope hanging from the ceiling, and Gourmet Guy falls on Morton.)
Morton: Mmphbmbmphmmm!
Lemmy: Should have seen that coming.
Ridge: Tint, pick someone else that can actually ask a question.
Tint: How about seat WILLCOOKFORCONTACTS?
Zess T: Why were you paired up with King Boo in Double Dash?
Petey: Mainly because he and I were both working for King Bowser in Super Mario Sunshine. Since then, we’ve been good friends.
Ridge: Last question. Seat GREENDINO.
Yoshi: Yoshi wants to know how you change size when play sports, but so big when fight Mario?
Petey: King Bowser has Kamek shrink me down to size to play sports, because it would be unfair to have such a huge player on one team.
Ridge: Well, I think that’s about it, then. Thus concludes the-
Gourmet Guy: WAIT! I have a question!
Ridge: Yeah?
Gourmet Guy: Do you have any cake?
(Lemmy pulls the rope again, and the ceiling above Gourmet Guy collapses on him.)
Ridge: No. Now, what am I supposed to say to end the Interview again?
Lemmy: End transmission.
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