Peach: HELP ME!
Bowser: Hey, way to jump right into the story.
Peach: Fine.
It was an okay day in the Mushroom Kingdom, until the okay turned into... not okay! Bowser was kidnapping Peach! Again!
Bowser: Gwhahahaha! How evil of me!
Toad: Oh no! What will we do?
Bowser: I'll tell you what you're not going to do! Tell Mario! I've got a nice letter I'm going to send him!
Toad: Wouldn't it be easier if I just told Mario?
Bowser: Well... True. But I put a lot of effort into this letter too... The decisions of a Koopa King...
Peach: Make up your mind!
Bowser: I hate coming up with decisions on the spot... Fine, I'll just send it in the mail. Anyway, time for my exit!
Bowser flies off with Peach in his Clown Copter, only to hit a house.
Bowser: What a weird spot to put a house.
Peach: No it isn't.
Bowser: Uh, yeah, it is. Don't argue this point with me, I'm the kidnapper.
Peach: Fine then.
Bowser then takes Peach over to Bowser's Castle.
Bowser: Okay, that was a below average kidnapping. I feel like you weren't putting much effort into it, and I was trying to make it work, but you were bringing it down.
Peach: I'm sorry, but this is, like, the millionth time you've kidnapped me.
Bowser: It doesn't matter, you're supposed to make it look believable. It would also be nice if you dropped the attitude, and more screaming for help can never hurt.
Peach: Anything else you want me to write down?
Bowser: Yes, don't argue with the kidnapper, even if you're right... which you weren't. That was a stupid place for a house.
Peach: It was a nice spot!
Bowser: Come on! It was in the middle of the road!
Peach: Is that all?
Bowser: Yeah. You know the rules, you can roam around the Castle as you please, but no escaping like last time! That was a dirty trick! Also, no disturbing the minions, no turning into the minions with that stupid parasol, and you must be in bed before midnight.
Peach: Boy, it sure is dark outside...
Bowser: No kidding, my castle just happens to be in Dark Land. Though when it gets this dark in Dark Land, it means it’s around midnight.
Peach: Didn't you kidnap me this afternoon?
Bowser: I ran into a house, didn't you notice how slow the Clown Copter was going?
Peach: Well, I guess I'll be going to bed.
Bowser: You’d better, or you'll go past curfew.
THE NEXT MORNING 9:00 AM
Bowser: It's actually 9:02.
9:02 AM
Bowser: No wait, this clock is always two minutes ahead, I just never bother to fix it.
9:00 AM
Bowser: No, no, I think that's the clock in the kitchen...
9:02 AM
Bowser: Anyway... *yawn* What a great day to be a Koopa King!
Koopa: King Bowser, sir!
Bowser: What do you want?
Koopa: I'm here with your breakfast in bed like always, sir!
Bowser: Oh yeah... Well give me my food then, minion!
Koopa: Here you are, sir!
Bowser: What is this?
Koopa: Scrambled eggs with burnt toast!
Bowser: I hate scrambled eggs with burnt toast! Don't you idiots know that I love my eggs sunny side up with unburnt toast!
Koopa: But sir, yesterday you said you loved scrambled eggs with burnt toast! And the day before that, you said you loved your eggs sunny side up with unburnt toast! It's just a cycle that continues forever!
Bowser flips over the eggs and toast.
Bowser: Well if you had made it both ways, you could give me the way I want it!
Koopa: I did, sir! But then you asked for no eggs with 19 pieces of untoasted toast!
Bowser: Well make it the way I just told you! I hope this problem won't happen again!
Koopa: It probably will!
Bowser: Get out!
The Koopa runs off.
10:00 AM
Bowser: Why is my breakfast never cooked right? It's not like I'm asking for much... Whatever, time to brush these pearly whites! Gwhahahaha!
Hammer Bro: Do you always talk to yourself, Your Greatness?
Bowser: What?! How long have you been standing there?
Hammer Bro: I just got here.
Bowser: What do you want? Tell me quick and I may not burn your tail off!
Hammer Bro: The princess was changing into minions again.
Bowser: Come on, I thought we agreed on no doing Paper Mario stuff! Here are your new orders, put her in that very comfy room and guard her at all times!
Hammer Bro: Yes, sir!
The Hammer Bro leaves.
Bowser: Hey, and we’re out of toothpaste! Good, brushing my teeth is always a pain!
Lemmy: Don't listen to him, folks! Always brush your teeth to keep away from the dentist!
Bowser: Don't you have a site to run?
Lemmy: Well, yes.
Bowser: Then get out.
11:07 AM
Bowser: Ah, now to sit on my throne and read the paper!
Hammer Bro: Do you always talk to yourself, sir?
Bowser: What are you doing here?
Hammer Bro: I got bored of guarding.
Bowser: Did you have someone take your shift?
Hammer Bro: Uh, no.
Bowser: *sigh* Go capture Peach and put her back in her room.
Hammer Bro: Yes sir!
The Hammer Bro. leaves.
Bowser: Finally...
Roy: Maybe you should have thought about that before you started calling me names!
Iggy: They were compliments, really!
Bowser: Hey... Trying to read the paper here.
Roy: I'm not falling for that again!
Iggy: HELP! KING DAD!
Bowser: Ugh, let me guess, Roy wants to beat you up because that's what happens all the time.
Iggy: Get him to leave me alone!
Bowser: Fine, Roy, go punch a punching bag. Iggy, you also go punch a punching bag.
Iggy: Why?
Bowser: Don't argue with me. Now I can't finish reading the paper because of you! I have to go do my other duties now!
12:30 PM
Bowser: No, no! That's too much! Aw, nobody ever listens to me on The Price is Right.
1:00 PM
Bowser: *sigh* Waiting for Mario is always so boring. Hey, wait a minute!
Bowser goes outside.
Bowser: Look, you idiots! I told you to guard the castle, stop playing Twister!
Koopatrol: You make us stop playing all of our games!
Dry Bones: Even chess!
Bowser: Hey, chess is for nerds! Wikipedia doesn't lie!
Dry Bones: You know anyone can edit Wikipedia, right?
Bowser: Really?
2:30 PM
Bowser: Gwhahahaha! Time to edit my article!
2:40 PM
Bowser: (typing) King Bowser is also awesome because he defeated Mario in Paper Mario! It was awesome, just like King Bowser! I never lost to Mario, he blew up my castle that was in the sky. My Star Rod was also being stupid. I blame Luigi, but what can you do? Also there should be more parades after games, those were really awesome. Just like me.
3:02 PM
Bowser: That time doesn't make any sense.
3:00 PM
Bowser: No wait, it does, I was looking at the kitchen clock.
3:02 PM
3:03 PM
Bowser: Stop that.
6:00 PM
Bowser: I wonder what time zone this is...
Morton: King Dad! Are you talking to yourself?
Bowser: Why can't I talk to myself? Is there something so wrong with that?
Morton: Yes, it's strange.
Bowser: What do you want? You woke me from my nap.
Morton: You weren't really napping if you had just been talking to yourself, unless you were talking in your sleep, in which case-
Bowser: Yeah, yeah, I get it. Now get on with it.
Morton: When do you want us in our battle positions to stop Mario?
Bowser: Are you kidding? It's night! Well, not really... But it's close to night!
Morton: So?
Bowser: The day's almost over, and why would you even want to wait three days in your castle for Mario? Now get going!
Morton slowly leaves.
Bowser: Dang kids and their slow leaving these days... I'm also tired of you guys invading my life! Yeah, you guys. Give it up for the day, would you?
THE NEXT DAY BECAUSE BOWSER TOLD US TOO 9:02 AM
Bowser: Wait, is it 9:02 AM? Yeah, it is.
Koopatrol: King Bowser! Your Greatness!
Bowser: Can't a Koopa wake up and get his awesomeness together? What do you want?
Koopatrol: Downstairs, it's... It's... It's... It's... It's...
Bowser: I'll just go look myself because you obviously can't speak right now.
Bowser goes downstairs.
Bowser: I don't see anything.
Bowser goes in the kitchen and gets himself a cup of coffee, and turns around to see Mario saving Peach.
Bowser: Hey! What are you doing here?
Mario: I've come to save Peach! I have to tell you though, when I was coming here, I was expecting a challenge! Not even one lousy Goomba to step on!
Bowser: You're not supposed to be here, the mail takes three business days!
Mario: I think someone put it on urgent emergency or something.
Bowser: What?! That costs 10 extra coins! Grrrrr! This is so unfair! Looks like I'm going to have to stop you now, Mario!
Mario and Peach start leaving.
Bowser: Stop! Ah well, I tried.
Hammer Bro: I'm sorry about what happened, King Bowser!
Bowser: Ah, it happens. If only my troops were better and not lazy. Watching you do 100 pushups for me will ease my pain.
Hammer Bro: 100, sir?
Bowser: Yeah, go ahead!
Hammer Bro: Fine then... (doing pushups) 1, 2, skip a few, 99, a 100.
Bowser: Gwhahahaha! Do you really think I'm that stupid, you didn't do one!
Hammer Bro. does one more pushup.
Bowser: Aw, that... Actually doesn't make me feel better at all! Everyone, get out!
Hammer Bro: Are you okay, sir? I'm the only one in the room!
Bowser: I wasn't talking to you, I was talking to everyone watching.
Hammer Bro: What?
Bowser: Everyone just get out!
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