Lemmy: Lemmy's Inter-

Dark Koopa: No. Not now. Not ever.

Lemmy: But...

Dark Koopa: No!

Thumbs: You shall interview VG, whom I helped create. I shall now praise myself.

VG: Hello everyone!

(The audience displays mixed emotions.)

Dark Koopa: Boo!

Thumbs: Don't boo the interviewees.

Dark Koopa: I'm booing the audience.

VG: Suuuure you were... *cries*

Dark Koopa: Was not!

Audience: Boo!

Dark Koopa: Boo!

VG: LIES!

Audience: FRIES!

(The audience runs out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Yay!

VG: Whoopee!

Thumbs: Cushion.

Dark Koopa: Okay, first question: Uh, where do Spinies come from?

VG: Spinies come from Spiny Eggs. As for those, I'm not sure where they come from. Anyway, after a Lakitu throws a Spiny Egg, it splits open and voila! A Spiny!

Dark Koopa: How do the Lakitus get the eggs?

Thumbs: Bob's pet store.

Bob: Buy now! Buy now!

(Dark Koopa catapults Bob out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Why are Spinies, spiny?

VG: Well, I'm not quite sure, but the Spiny Eggs are covered in spikes, and when the egg splits open, it becomes the shell for the Spiny.

Dark Koopa: You're lyin'.

VG: Of course not...

(VG suddenly has shifty eyes.)

Dark Koopa: I saw that!

VG: Uhmm, no you didn't?

Dark Koopa: I didn't?

VG: No, you didn't.

Dark Koopa: Oh, okay then. Why are most Spinies red?

VG: Spinies' shell colors are determined by what kind of Spiny they are. Regular Spinies are very common, that's why you see red ones the most.

Dark Koopa: And what kinds are there?

VG: Well, there are Sky Blue Spinies, regular Spinies, fire Spinies- whose shells make them look like they're on fire- and Ice Spinies, whose shell color is a very shiny bluish white. Those are all I know of. Most of these I found out about in-

(Thumbs picks up VG and throws him against a wall.)

Dark Koopa: What ya do that for?

Thumbs: No reason.

Dark Koopa: LIES!

Audience (from outside): FRIES!

VG: Can I... go now?

Dark Koopa: No.

VG: Aww...

Dark Koopa: How come in Super Mario World, the Spinies turned into silver coins when a gray P-Switch was hit?

VG: Umm, I think it might have something to do with the interstellar quadrants that have the coordinates 2454-A573 B colliding with the quasars in the Spiny zone.

(Dark Koopa is clearly confused.)

VG: Yes, that sequence of words I just said made perfect sense!

Dark Koopa: Ah! But really, why do they?

VG: It's just the magic of those P-Switches. No one can really explain it.

Dark Koopa: It's magic, right?

VG: ... Yeah, it is...

Bill Nye: SCIENCE!

Dark Koopa: AHH! DIE!

Thumbs: LIE!

Audience: FRY!

VG: LET ME OUT OF HERE!

Dark Koopa: Never! I must ask you more questions! *foams at mouth*

VG: *sigh* Fine...

Dark Koopa: Any Spinies get thrown by the Lakitus after they've hatched?

Thumbs: Uh...

(Thumbs starts moving away.)

VG: Well, duh. What did you just see a few minutes ago?

Dark Koopa: Hmm...

(Dark Koopa thinks back and sees nothing but different types of dogs.)

Dark Koopa: Uh, I saw a poodle?

VG: (to Thumbs) Why can't I leave now?

Thumbs: The wonders of science?

Bill Nye: Science!

Dark Koopa: Stop!

VG: I'm tired...

Dark Koopa: Spinies can get tired?

VG: Of course, it's not possible for something to not get tired. *starts staring into space* Except for The Mummy: he doesn’t eat, he doesn't sleep, he doesn’t stop. He rules above all. All hail The Mummy.

Dark Koopa: I suddenly have the urge to bow... Anyhow, it seems you're a dark Spiny. What's that all about?

(Thumbs begins to smirk.)

VG: Well, Thumbs here helped make me into a Dark Spiny using Dark Energy. But that's a different story.

Dark Koopa: Tell!

VG: No.

Dark Koopa: Tell!

VG: No!

Dark Koopa: TELL!

VG: NO!

Dark Koopa: I'll give you some aluminum foil.

VG: NO!

Thumbs: Mine!

(Dark and Thumbs enter a cartoony cloud fight.)

VG: I wanna leave!

(Dark emerges beaten up.)

Dark Koopa: Never!

VG: Why not?

Dark Koopa: Because it's winter on the other side of the planet.

VG: Oh, fine. *pouts*

Dark Koopa: Well then, how did those Sky Blue Spinies get in the Pit of 100 Trials?

VG: They were assigned there to keep people from trying to fight Bonetail.

Dark Koopa: Why would anyone fight an undead dragon with 200 HP anyway?

VG: Because they're morons.

Dark Koopa: ... Good point.

Lemmy: Lemmy's In-

Dark Koopa: Didn't I tell you no?

Lemmy: Yes.

Dark Koopa: Then why are you doing it again?

Lemmy: I hate you.

Dark Koopa: Oh. Well, what's the story on you being a Dark Spiny?

VG: Well, I started out- wait a minute! I'll never tell!

Dark Koopa: TELL!

VG: NO!

Dark Koopa: I'll give you a nickel.

VG: What in DAD's name is a nickel?

(Crickets chirp.)

VG: I'm a health inspector, you know!

Thumbs: Health inspector! Run!

(Thumbs speeds out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Uh... Anyway, why were there Spinies fighting in the Glitz Pit?

VG: Good question. Why are there crickets in your studio?

Dark Koopa: Because they're the only one who will buy tickets.

VG: Fair enough. They're most likely refugees from the Koopa Troop like me trying to make a living.

Dark Koopa: REFUGEE! I mean, why are you a refugee?

VG: Err, is Bowser in the audience?

(Bowser puts on a cowboy hat.)

Bowser: Am not!

VG: Okay then. Well, to tell the truth, I gave him a cheap copy of the Star Rod to fight Mario with- it was a task for a group of traitors I was working for- and stole the real one.

Dark Koopa: Go on.

VG: NEVER!

Dark Koopa: I'll give you some drier lint.

VG: For the last time, no!

Dark Koopa: Aww... Well, what's the story with you becoming a Dark Spiny then?

VG: Thumbs came into the store and asked for- ARGH! CUT IT OUT!

Dark Koopa: Okay.

(Dark Koopa cuts an ad for Bob's Pet Store out of a newspaper.)

VG: What are you doing? And what's my next question? This place smells funny! Hello? I'm not talking to myself!

Dark Koopa: Ask! Stop asking questions! That's my job!

VG: You're obviously not doing it very well!

Dark Koopa: No... Confidence... dropping... Losing...money... Insert random word... No! You still must answer why the Spinies fought in the Glitz Pit.

VG: I ALREADY ANSWERED THAT!

Dark Koopa: Or did you?

VG: Wait, did I?

Dark Koopa: If I recall, you changed the subject. Anyway, I was walking to the store and...

VG: No, it was Thumbs! Anyways, Thumbs came in and asked for some empty Spiny Eggs. Bob, the store owner, didn't have any, and...

…

VG: I hate you...

Dark Koopa: What'd I do?

VG: Uh, I'm not sure...

Dark Koopa: I'm hated blindly by someone! Better check that off the list. Anyhow, where do Spinies usually hang out when they're not being thrown at people?

VG: Well, we like board games, video games, that sort of thing.

Dark Koopa: So you're just gamers?

VG: Basically.

Dark Koopa: And what about those Glitz Pit fighters? Hmm?!

VG: They play Gameboy Advance!

Dark Koopa: You lie!

VG: Fine, they're there because the batteries on their GBAs died and they need more money to buy more batteries.

Dark Koopa: It's that important?

VG: No, but who cares?

(Half the audience raises their hands. Dark sticks out his tongue.)

VG: Ha, it's only half!

Dark Koopa: Half, plus me! HA!

VG: I tie the vote!

(Dark Koopa points a gun at the rest of the audience, who raises their hands.)

Dark Koopa: HA!

VG: Where'd ya get that?

Dark Koopa: Bob's Pet Store. Ever been there?

VG: Yeah, I have.

Dark Koopa: Do tell.

VG: Well, when I was there, Thumbs came in and asked for some empty Spiny Eggs. I could see that Bob had none, but, being the greedy penguin he is, he points at me, saying I'M an empty Spiny Egg. Of course, I'm really mad at him, but I'm an egg, what can I do? So, Thumbs brings me to his- NOOOO! YOU... WHY?!

Dark Koopa: Uh... ratings?

VG: I see. Now where was I?

Dark Koopa: Where did Thumbs bring you?

VG: Oh, he brought me to his...

(Thumbs begins yelling to drown VG's voice out.)

Dark Koopa: Hey, shut up! And how'd you get back in here?

Thumbs: *smirks* The wonders of science.

Bill Nye: SCIENCE!

Dark Koopa: NOOO!

VG: Isn't this running a little long for an Interview? And what was I saying?

Dark Koopa: Perhaps, and Thumbs brought you somewhere.

VG: Oh, right. He brought me to *can't be heard due to Thumb’s yelling* set me on a table to wait. I watched as he... he...

Dark Koopa: He?

VG: You know, I think you just died. We'll have to bury you before anyone finds out.

Dark Koopa: Huh?

(VG gets a shovel and begins to dig a hole.)

Dark Koopa: What are you doing?

VG: Oh, nothing...

(VG begins to measure Dark's body height and width.)

Dark Koopa: And what's this all about?

VG: I SAID NOTHING!

Dark Koopa: Eek!

(VG realizes the hole is too small, but shrugs before hitting Dark in the head with the shovel. He then begins to cram Dark into the hole.)

Thumbs: I'll help!

VG: Yes! I'll need help folding his arms back!

Thumbs: Got it! Start burying him!

(VG begins to cover Dark up.)

Dark Koopa: Why am I being buried again?

VG: Um, I'm not sure. What was I saying before I started?

Dark Koopa; Thumbs was doing something while you watched him.

VG: Right, right.

(VG begins to unbury Dark.)

VG: He was doing some strange experiments with the other empty Spiny Eggs. Some of them changed to Ice Spiny Eggs, Light Spiny Eggs, Dark Spiny Eggs, and Fire Spiny Eggs. I was watching, pretty interested with what was going on. Then I realized that...

Dark Koopa: Yes?

VG: Okay, I'm leaving now...

Dark Koopa: Aww, come o-

(Thumbs whacks Dark Koopa with the shovel and finishes burying him.)

Thumbs: Leave!

VG: I WAS!

Thumbs: NOW!

VG: FINE!

(VG walks out of the studio.)

Several hours later...

(Dark Koopa wakes up and digs himself out of the ground.)

Dark Koopa: Ow, my head.

Audience: AHH! ZOMBIE!

(The audience flees.)

Dark Koopa: Uh... End transmission.