(1-up Boo is looking around his “new” studio…)
1-up Boo: Ahh… Looks so much better than when we first found it, which wasn’t too long ago.
Vim: You could have paid that Magikoopa something.
1-up Boo: I don’t pay, Vim, you know that.
Kingfin: We get audience too.
(Yes, there is an audience.)
Audience: Why are we here exactly?
1-up Boo: Because you’ll get cookies.
Audience: Really?
1-up Boo: No, you’re here because Void rounded you up and glued you to the chairs.
Koopa: Oh yeah, that’s why my seat’s sticky.
Kingfin: I wanted cookies.
1-up Boo: You’ll get cookies if you find someone to interview.
Kingfin: YAY!
Kingfin jumps into the audience, searching for someone to interview; many scream.
1-up Boo: Vim! *pulls out rocket launcher* Why are you standing there enjoying freedom?! Get to work!
Vim: What’s there to work on?
1-up Boo: Helping Kingfin.
1-up Boo whacks Vim with his rocket launcher.
Vim: Gah!
Vim falls in the audience, which is in chaos at the moment.
Void: Hmm…
1-up Boo: Well Void, it’s just you and me.
Void: On the stage.
1-up Boo: Yup… Say, is the computer working?
Void: It’s… still got minor problems.
Void notices that 1-up Boo is heading toward the computer.
Void: Wait! Don’t-
BOOM!
Void: Too late…
1-up Boo: Errgh… Ya know what, I’m going to start the Interview quick for once.
(1-up Boo pulls out a fishing rod with a Mushroom at the tip of it. He then casts it into the audience.)
Vim: Kingfin… get… off… of… me.
Kingfin: Oh, sorry.
1-up Boo: I got something!
(1-up Boo reels in a Goomba.)
1-up Boo: A lousy, good-for-nothing Goomba?
Goomba: *gulps down the Mushroom* Hey… not nice.
1-up Boo: I have plenty more insults.
Goomba: Such as?
1-up Boo: You are a worthless, uncultured swine.
Goomba: … Ouch, man.
Vim (getting back onstage): Hmm… You haven’t interviewed a Goomba yet.
1-up Boo: I have not. Mr. Goomba, you shall be… INTERVIEWED!
(Lightning flashes outside.)
Vim: What the- When did it start raining?!
1-up Boo: Don’t know, don’t care.
(1-up Boo stares at the camera.)
1-up Boo: Today, I interview a Goomba! Say hello, Goomba.
Goomba: Goodbye.
(The Goomba begins to run away but 1-up Boo ties him to a chair.)
Goomba: Rats.
1-up Boo: Okay… Do Goombas have any other ability besides headbonking?
Goomba: Though not many realize it, we have a short-range telekinetic power.
1-up Boo: … How?
Goomba: Well, in Mario Superstar Baseball the bat floats next to us, that’s one example. Also in Mario Kart DS, Goomba King can make Goombas float up and fly at the enemy.
Void: How do you use this telekinesis?
Goomba: Concentration, a lot of it.
1-up Boo: Hmm… Really?
(1-up Boo turns to Vim and stares at him for several minutes…)
Vim: Err…
Goomba: … Boos can’t do it.
1-up Boo: Lies! I’ll try again later. Why are some Goombas in the Koopa Troop while others aren’t?
Goomba: The ones in the Koopa Troop are simply afraid of Bowser, the ones who aren’t… well they must’ve found a secret area Bowser hasn’t found yet to live in peace. Few like serving Bowser.
1-up Boo: Are you afraid of him?
Goomba: Err… no comment?
(1-up Boo points to Kingfin.)
1-up Boo: He can summon metal sharks.
Vim: I forgot about that…
Goomba: Eep, yes… I am.
(1-up Boo pulls out a red stamp and presses it on the Goomba’s forehead, making a big red “LOOSER”.)
Goomba: … Please tell me that’s washable.
1-up Boo: Nope. Ask something, Kingfin.
Kingfin: You sure there no cookies?
1-up Boo: I meant a question!
Kingfin: That is a question.
1-up Boo: For the Goomba…
Kingfin: Oh, how did Goomba King become… the king of Goombas?
Goomba: He was just an ordinary Goomba but he was a very good fighter for a Goomba. One day Bowser came to visit him, and when Bowser offered him some “special power” he pleaded to have it… oh, and Bowser entitled him King of Goombas from that point.
1-up Boo: Pfft, some special power he gave him.
Goomba: Not nice.
1-up Boo: Don’t care. What was with the Red Goomba and Blue Goomba from Paper Mario? Why were they that color and slightly larger than most Goombas?
Goomba: I think Bowser gave them some power too, and told him that they had to serve the new king. The color may have been part of it, or maybe they just colored themselves that to show they were elite.
1-up Boo: Ugh, another “paint to look more elite” thing. I’ve interviewed a Chain Chomp and he said that about the red ones. Who paints themselves to look elite?
Vim: Apparently them.
Goomba: Hey!
1-up Boo: Hmm… Good comment, Vim.
Vim: Thank you?
(1-up Boo presses the red stamp against the Goomba’s forehead to make a “DUNCE” label.)
Goomba: Not cool, man.
1-up Boo: It’s totally cool, VOID!
(Void blasts the Goomba.)
1-up Boo: … You did that last Interview, I wanted you to ask a question… but that works too.
Void: Ah…
(The Goomba’s chair has fallen over.)
Goomba: Ouch.
Void: Any explanation for the Goombas in space in Super Mario Galaxy?
Goomba: Goombas from the Koopa Troop positioned where they were.
1-up Boo: Hey… what’s with those giant Grand Goombas?
Goomba: I believe those are enhanced by Magikoopas.
(Vim sets the Goomba’s chair upright.)
1-up Boo: One more ‘til audience questions. Where is Goom University?
Goomba: What?
1-up Boo: In PMTYD, Goombella comes from Goom University.
Goomba: … Oh yeah, that place. It’s simply a Goomba-only college for Goombas.
1-up Boo: Goombas go to college?
Goomba: Few do, like Goombella
Vim: Speaking of Goombella, why is it that she has hair and no other Goombas do, or at least not much?
Goomba: Uhh… Not sure. Maybe female Goombas can grow hair while males can’t?
Void: That doesn’t make much sense.
Goomba: Well maybe she glued hair to her helmet!
Everyone: …
Goomba: … Shouldn’t have said that.
(1-up Boo stamps his forehead, making a big “IDIOT” label.)
Goomba: I hate you.
1-up Boo: I know. How do Goombas grow wings, Paragoombas?
Goomba: It’s fairly random whether they grow wings or not… okay, maybe not since most don’t have wings. It’s probably just luck behind getting them, evolution and science stuff behind that.
Kingfin: Science hurts my brain.
Vim: You have a brain?
Kingfin: … Never checked.
1-up Boo: Audience questions! Seat 249!
Koopa: When can we get free of this glue?!
1-up Boo: Never, seat 2.
Piranha Plant: He glues my roots to here… Oh, umm… Name all the different kind of Goombas.
Goomba: Hmm… Goomba, Paragoomba, Spikey Goomba, Gloomba, Hyper Goomba, Grand Goomba, along with the spikey and para versions of the hypers.
1-up Boo: What’s with those Hyper Goombas anyway?
Goomba: They were exposed to some chemicals at the Gulch place. Oh, and Gloombas just… change, being in the sewers and all.
1-up Boo: Good, they don’t paint themselves… Seat 24.
Lakitu: Are you the first Mario enemies to appear?
Goomba: Interesting question. No, Spinies are the first.
Vim: Spinies? Interesting…
1-up Boo: Seat 562.
Bob-omb: How many Goombas serve Bowser compared to those who don’t?
Goomba: I think more serve Bowser than those who don’t, actually. In most cases Goombas are enemies, I’d say about two-third serve Bowser.
1-up Boo: Wow, wimps.
Goomba: Hey, like I said, some like to serve him, and I’d rather serve him than be interviewed by you.
Audience: Oooooo…
(1-up Boo whacks the Goomba with his hammer.)
Goomba: Ouch…
1-up Boo: Good one, brown stump. Last question! Seat 102.
Toad: How does it feel to be the weakest enemy in pretty much every game?
Audience: Ooooo…
1-up Boo: Shut up!
Goomba: … What do you think? HORRIBLE! That’s plain out how it is, horrible.
Toad: Ah…
1-up Boo: Well would you look at the time; it’s time we bid you farewell.
Goomba: Whoo…
1-up Boo: But first…
(1-up Boo stamps his head “CAKE”.)
Goomba: …
1-up Boo (pulling out his hammer): So long.
1-up Boo hits him as hard as he can and he flies out the roof.
1-up Boo: And Vim, you’re overdue for a whack.
(1-up Boo does the same thing as he did to the Goomba and sends Vim out the front door.)
Vim: Hate you!
1-up Boo: Ahh, this Interview wasn’t so bad, Vim.
Vim: That’s what you think…
Kingfin: Gwar.
Void: Shall I?
1-up Boo: Sure.
(Void blasts the camera.)
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