1-up Boo: Ah… Another ghostly day.
Kingfin: Yup.
Vim: Why do you blow up the camera at the end of every Interview?
1-up Boo: Why not?
Vim: … It costs money?
1-up Boo: … No, I don’t BUY my cameras. I steal them from a Goomba’s house.
At the Goomba’s house...
Goomba: WHY DO MY CAMERAS KEEP DISAPEARING?!
Back at the studio...
Vim: When will we finally blast this bucket of bones away?
1-up Boo: When I feel like it.
Vim: … I hate you.
1-up Boo: Likewise, my friend. Likewise.
Kingfin: Shouldn’t 1-up Boo fix door?
1-up Boo: Oh yeah…
(1-up Boo pulls out a white remote and presses a button on it. The door then gets repaired.)
Vim: … I won’t say anything.
1-up Boo: You just did.
Vim: Darn.
Kingfin: Gwar.
1-up Boo: Now THAT’S fancy talk.
Kingfin: Thank you.
Vim: … I’m speechless.
1-up Boo: I DID NOT SAY YOU COULD SPEAK!
Vim: …
1-up Boo: Okay… NOW you can speak.
Vim: I hate you.
1-up Boo: I know. I know, Vim.
Kingfin: Me like here. Me want job.
Vim: Oh no…
1-up Boo: Job? Huh, I can use another slave. Sure.
Vim: AGH!!!
(Vim flees the studio.)
1-up Boo: … Loser.
Kingfin: Gwar.
1-up Boo: Well Kingfin, you will be my security.
Kingfin: Yay.
(1-up Boo floats there doing nothing for another 44 minutes until…)
Vim (running back in): DANGER!
1-up Boo: That’s what you said when there was a giant Squig invading us.
Vim: … MISSILE!
1-up Boo: Eh?
Kingfin: Gwar?
Vim: … This can be bad.
1-up Boo: THAT’S WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT THE GIANT SQUIG!
(A loud, jet-like sound is heard getting louder by the second until…)
(KABOOOM!!!)
????: PAIN!!!
(A large explosion is also seen where the door is… or was, then a large white Goomba somehow holding a rocket launcher walks through the opening.)
King White Goomba: HOW IS HE POSSIBLY NOT DEAD?!
White Goomba Soldier: Well, he is the undeserving prince of all Koopas.
King White Goomba: AHHH… I WANT HIM TO GO BOOM!
BoBo: He did, he just barely lived through it somehow.
1-up Boo: ALIENS!
Vim: Perfect…
Kingfin: Gwar?
Random Soldier: AHHH!
(The soldier runs away in fear of Kingfin.)
Vim: … White Goombas?
Bowser Jr: PAIN!!!
(Bowser Jr. starts crying.)
King White Goomba: BoBo, cut him down from the missile. You can miss if you want.
BoBo: On it, sir!
1-up Boo: ALIENS! ALIENS! ALIENS! Vim!
Vim: What?
1-up Boo: ATTACK!
Vim: Sir, maybe attacking would NOT be a good idea.
(BoBo cuts Bowser Jr. down from the missile with unfortunate precision.)
King White Goomba: Hmm… I can take my anger out on this floating white ball with eyes…
(King White Goomba pulls out a sniper rifle and takes aim.)
BoBo: Sir, shouldn’t we escape before Bowser’s army comes to get us and without wasting ammo on floating white balls?
Vim: … No, it’s okay. Fire. Fire, please. I hate him.
King White Goomba: The small Shy Guy only makes it more tempting to fire.
1-up Boo: Oh, so he knows what a Shy Guy is but not a Boo!
Vim: … Fire.
1-up Boo: Traitor!
Vim: So?
Bowser Jr: When my dad comes to rescue me, you will all be sorry!
1-up Boo: No we won’t, Lemmy threw your dad in the dumpster.
In the dumpster...
Bowser: Unlock this thing!
BoBo: There is still the Koopa army that might come.
(Bowser Jr. starts to tiptoe away.)
1-up Boo: OH NO YOU DON’T, YOU SPIKESHELLED KOOPA!
(1-up Boo bites Bowser Jr. on the arm and drags him to a chair. He then ties him up.)
1-up Boo: Just wait ‘til the poison kicks in.
King White Goomba: Hmmm… A Boo who also hates Bowser Jr. and who just bit him with poison fangs… I should have second thoughts about blasting him.
Random Soldier: Sir! A Koopa army has been spotted!
Vim: I’m on it.
(Vim leaves and comes back with them.)
Vim: This isn’t a Koopa army, it’s our audience… or at least it WAS a Koopa army until I gave them a shiny coin.
Koopa: SHINY!
BoBo: Wow, I’m impressed.
King White Goomba: Why would you need an audience? A missile is in the middle of your studio and you have no door!
Vim: You blew it up. Cool rocket launcher.
1-up Boo: Don’t talk to the aliens, Vim.
(1-up Boo pulls out his white remote and presses a big white button on it. The whole studio gets repaired somehow.)
1-up Boo: Let me go whack Bowser Jr. with a hammer now.
BoBo: How about instead of pummeling him beyond compare, we interview him while he’s still conscious.?
Vim: Good idea, White Goomba.
King White Goomba: Well, now that the audience is seated… YOU, ASK A QUESTION!!!
Koopa: AHHH!
(The Koopa hides in his shell.)
BoBo: Didn’t that happen in our last Interview too?
King White Goomba: I think that’s the same Koopa. Anyone in the audience who DOES have a question?
(No one in the audience responds. King White Goomba pulls out his sniper rifle.)
King White Goomba: How about NOW?!
Kingfin: Still no one respond. Me have question though.
King White Goomba: NO! I will get a question from this audience.
(King White Goomba pulls out a big red button and presses it. A missile then crashes through the newly repaired roof and lands on a Koopatrol.)
1-up Boo: …
(1-up Boo presses his big white button on the remote again, which fixes the roof.)
Koopatrol: OW. Why did you replace the Koopalings?
Bowser Jr: I only replaced them in all the adventures. The only reason King DAD has me with him is because I look most like him out of all of his kids.
King White Goomba: So the other Koopalings are still alive?
Bowser Jr: Yes, but King DAD never lets them out of the castle.
1-up Boo: VIM! STOP TALKING TO THE ALIENS!
Vim: I was just asking him about the rocket launcher.
(1-up Boo whacks Bowser Jr. with a hammer.)
1-up Boo: That was to calm my anger.
Bowser Jr: OUCH!
BoBo: NEXT QUESTION!!! Oh, and the rocket launcher has three shots per clip, Vim.
1-up Boo: YOU TOLD HIM YOUR NAME?!
(1-up Boo starts twitching.)
Kingfin: Gwar?
Goomba: How long did it take you to make that big Bowser bot in Super Mario Sunshine?
Bowser Jr: Only a few days. I had a lot of my servants help me. It was still very annoying when that mean Mario blew it up.
King White Goomba: I have a lot more missiles if no one has any questions.
X-Naut: Where did those hundreds of flying boats come from when you and your dad tried to make your own galaxy?
Vim: Where did you come from?
(Grodus bursts through the door.)
Grodus: THERE YOU ARE!
(Grodus grabs him and walks off.)
X-Naut: NO! I don’t want janitor duty!
Bowser Jr: Well, I’ll answer the question anyway. Those flying boats were a big project that was made after King DAD discovered the power of the Great Stars. He needed a lot of them to go around and build his new galactic empire. They were also built by servants. It took a few months to build them all.
1-up Boo: Do you ever take command when Bowser is away? VIM!!! STOP TALKING TO THAT GUY!!!
Vim: No.
1-up Boo: Wait- Did you just- You can’t object to my orders! It’s all screwed up! Wrong! Heh-mengofehag-
Kingfin: Boss?
1-up Boo: squinogahjoeeeeeeeeeee…
(1-up Boo explodes into white stuff.)
Kingfin: Sir?
Vim: Woah.
Bowser Jr: … Interesting. Well to answer the question, yes. I am always put in charge if Bowser and Kamek are both away. It only happened two times and both times all the other Koopalings beat me up.
King White Goomba: HA HA!
(King White Goomba pulls out a rocket launcher and aims it at the audience.)
King White Goomba: Laugh at him NOW!
(The audience does a pathetic laugh at Bowser Jr. King White Goomba blasts them anyway.)
Kingfin: Boss? Boss?
Vim: Will you let Kingfin ask his question even though I hate him too? Oh, and thanks for telling me how you robbed the donut shop, White Goomba.
BoBo: Call me BoBo.
Vim: K.
Kingfin: Can me ask question?
King White Goomba: Yes, and if you don’t I will blow you up for no particular reason.
Kingfin: How Zowzer Jr. pilot airship in Super Mario Galaxy? Me didn’t see your hands on stearing weal.
Bowser Jr: It’s Bowser Jr. Simple. I wasn’t piloting it. A Hammer Bro was. Though apparently he wasn’t very skilled at it.
King White Goomba: No kidding. BOBO! Do something.
BoBo: Okay.
(BoBo puts on a blindfold, spins around, and then fires his rocket launcher at a random spot on the ceiling, making a hole.)
King White Goomba: I am satisfied.
(Vim shrugs and goes to press the big white button on the remote, which fixes the ceiling.)
Vim: Do you mind if you stop doing that?
King White Goomba: Okay, I’ll restrain from my lovely and pretty explosions, for now.
1-up Boo: YOU ARE IN FOR IT, VIM!
Vim: Oh no…
BoBo: When did you-
1-up Boo: I reformed when you all blinked.
Kingfin: Boss alive.
1-up Boo: Ghosts can’t die.
(1-up Boo pulls out the rocket launcher that he had in his other Interviews and shoots Vim.)
Vim: (while flying up) OUCH!
(BONK! Vim falls back down.)
Vim: Pain…
1-up Boo: Don’t ever object to me.
King White Goomba: Well, now that you’ve reassembled, ask the annoying little Koopa a question.
Bowser Jr: I am not annoying!
King White Goomba: Prove it.
Bowser Jr: Well…
King White Goomba: TOO LATE! Would you like to do the honors, large dead fish?
Kingfin: Okay. Me summon mechanical shark things!
(Some of the mechanical shark things from Bonefin Galaxy pop up and start biting Bowser Jr.)
King White Goomba: Interesting. Any questions from the audience?
Wario: Can I have some money?
King White Goomba: NO! When did you get here anyway?
Wario: Will I get money if I tell you?
(King White Goomba pulls out some red paint, sprays Wario’s clothes, and switches his W to an M.)
King White Goomba: LOOK! IT’S MARIO TRYING TO GET THE KOOPA PRINCE!
(Half of the audience starts pummeling Wario.)
Hammer Bro: He’s gotten fatter since last time. Oh well, easier target for me.
King White Goomba: See BoBo, you can solve some things without explosions.
BoBo: Genius, sir.
Wario: HELP!
1-up Boo: Time for ME to ask a question. Do you know who was piloting the airships in Super Mario Bros. 3?
Bowser Jr: PAAAAIN!!!
1-up Boo: Answer the question or… well, something bad will happen.
Bowser Jr: It was -ow- auto-piloted by -ow- itself.
(1-up Boo whacks Bowser Jr. with a hammer.)
1-up Boo: Good.
Bowser Jr: Stupid metal sharks.
(The mechanical sharks start attacking him again.)
BoBo: Where are you age-wise compared to your siblings?
Bowser Jr: OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!
BoBo: Can you call off your sharks for a bit?
Kingfin: Sure.
(Kingfin roars and moves his tail a bit. The metal sharks stop attacking Bowser Jr. after Kingfin’s command.)
Bowser Jr: OW! Why should I answer any questions when you are being so mean?
1-up Boo: Well that’s exactly WHY you’re answering them, my friend.
King White Goomba: Believe me, you haven’t seen anything yet.
Bowser Jr: Well, I am the youngest of my siblings, but also the coolest!
1-up Boo: Listen you; I have a couple of tricks too. So… don’t call yourself cool. ‘Cause you’re not.
Bowser Jr: Oh yeah… Well, prove it!
(King White Goomba shakes a red spray can.)
Bowser Jr: I am NOT cool.
1-up Boo: Thought so.
(By now Wario is nothing but a bloody pulp on the floor.)
Wario: Can I leave now?
King White Goomba: No, no. Ask your question first, I insist.
Wario: Fine, are you and Koopa Kid from the Mario Parties one and the same?
Bowser Jr: WHAT?! Is there someone stealing my awesome looks?!
1-up Boo: Alien? Would you do the honors?
King White Goomba: First of all, call me King White Goomba. Second, no, I have something special planed for him at the end.
1-up Boo: Oh.
(1-up Boo whacks Bowser Jr. with his hammer again.)
Bowser Jr: Ow.
1-up Boo: Where were you when the Koopalings were still around?
Bowser Jr: I was in the nursery with Clawdia.
1-up Boo: Ah…
Vim: What did you think when Bowser told you Peach was your mama, and how did you know that it wasn’t Clawdia?
Bowser Jr: When I was still too young to remember, Clawdia, my REAL mom, apparently got sick of me and Dad, so she left on a long vacation. A few years later, I asked Dad who my mom was and why he was trying to capture Princess Peach. He said that he was trying to get Mama Peach back from Mario, who had kidnapped her in the first place.
1-up Boo: Fascinating.
King White Goomba: Isn’t that the first time we got two questions out without some interruption?
BoBo: I think it was, sir.
King White Goomba: Interesting. YOU! ASK A QUESTION!
Magikoopa: Ummm, can I have a raise, sir?
Bowser Jr: No.
King White Goomba: … Can anyone ask a real question?
Hammer Bro: Which minion type is your favorite?
Bowser Jr: I would say it’s the Magikoopas because they help me do a lot of cool stuff like make me big or make me stronger. I only don’t like the ones that ask for a raise!
Magikoopa: …
1-up Boo: At the end of New Super Mario Bros, instead of putting Bowser’s bones in that cauldron to resurrect him, you could have taken the throne. Why didn’t you?
Bowser Jr: Actually, if I were to do that, Ludwig would still be the next Koopa King simply because he is the oldest. While I am the only Koopaling seen, my siblings still exist.
King White Goomba: Prove it.
Bowser Jr: Huh?
King White Goomba: Prove that your siblings are still alive.
Bowser Jr: And if I refuse?
BoBo: Do you really want to know?
Bowser Jr:… Not really. They are still alive because otherwise I would be next in line for the throne and I would have gotten it by now since Dad has been defeated by that mean Mario so much.
King White Goomba: ASK A QUESTION, YOU MORTAL FOOLS!
Dry Bones: Why?
(King White Goomba pulls out a sniper rifle.)
King White Goomba: I’ll give you one guess.
Dry Bones: Fine. If you were able to resurrect Bowser, then why don’t you ever resurrect us?
Bowser Jr: First of all, I don’t care for you bags of bones, and second, that potion I put his bones in was incredibly hard to make! It takes about three months to make and we only had one made when I had to resurrect King DAD.
King White Goomba: You didn’t guess yet.
Dry Bones: Ummm… Because you’ll shoot my head off?
King White Goomba: Very good.
(King White Goomba fires the sniper rifle and sends the Dry Bones’s head out the door.)
1-up Boo: … Neat.
BoBo: Where did you get that paintbrush that you used on Delfino Isle?
Bowser Jr: I got it from an old man in a white coat. I don’t know his name, though.
BoBo: Do you still have the brush?
Bowser Jr: Of course I don’t- Gack!
(Bowser Jr. suddenly faints.)
1-up Boo: Huh. The poison must have kicked in.
King White Goomba: That’s odd, I thought it was the deadly radiation poisoning from the missile.
(The entire audience runs out of the studio screaming.)
King White Goomba: Cleared the room for ya.
BoBo: HA! I found his brush!
1-up Boo: Interesting tactic to get the audience out.
King White Goomba: Use it all the time. What should we do with him?
(King White Goomba nudges Bowser Jr.)
1-up Boo: I’ve got an idea.
Later at Bowser’s castle...
Ludwig: Someone’s at the door, King Dad!
Bowser: AHH! I just got out of the dumpster! Now what?!
Ludwig: You were in the dumpster?
Bowser: Shut up.
(Bowser answers the door and sees the fainted Bowser Jr. painted like Mario and with a Mario hat on him covering his face.)
Bowser: MARIO! GET HIM, KIDS!
Ludwig: Umm, Dad, I think that’s…
(Roy then crashes through the window, lands on the incapacitated Bowser Jr, and starts beating him up.)
(Back at the studio pop up)
1-up Boo: Well, the aliens left, Vim. That was a cool flying machine they had.
Vim: I’ve changed my mind on what I said last Interview, THIS has been the most random Interview we ever had.
Kingfin: Me have fun.
Vim: You haven’t spoken for awhile.
1-up Boo: Well, you know what I’m going to do now?
Vim: Blow up the camera?
1-up Boo: Yes.
(1-up Boo starts heading towards the camera with his rocket launcher.)
(END TRANSMISSION)
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