WT: Happy holidays, loyal viewers! You look great! You really do! Thank you for tuning in to the Xmas edition of Fireball's Interview Show!
Endark: ... What on Plit happened to him? A non-sneaky grin on his face, compliments to the audience, the fact that he's on this show willingly... He's acting completely out of character.
Amadeus: He finally saw the final part of that 'There She Is!!' five-part series. You should've seen him when he first found out it was released; Lancelet had to leave because he, and I quote, “couldn't stand the sheer volume of optimism”.
Endark: Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes said THAT? Oh, dear... This could be more serious than I thought. By the way, did we win that weekly award thing?
Amadeus: I didn't have time to check. I hope so, though; that show was a lot of work.
Endark: Indeed. Now, we had best stop talking; Fireball hasn't said a single word yet, and considering how unpopular he thinks we are, this conversation must be ticking him off severely.
Fireball: Nope, I fine it quite amusing. But about the Interview, we will not figure out how well it went until next week, since it's been held back...
Kroshi: Wow, I hope nothing good goes in Lemmy's Land that could cost us the award.
Fireball: Unless General Toad puts his LL Kart Race in, we're probably not doomed... Or are we?
Mario: I'm guessing, not.
Fireball: See, this is why we have Mario.
Endark: Or at least a Mario impersonator; I'm STILL not convinced he's the real deal.
Fireball: Mario's very supportive and friendly, and makes you feel good about yourself. Yep... This is why he's on our show... Funny and helpful...
WT: YOUR show, Fireball; I'm really perky right now, but I'm still well-minded enough to know that there are certain things I should make well-known! And speaking of your show, our guest for the night is Bumpty the Penguin! You know him, you love him... unless you can't stand him for knocking you off all of those icy platforms in Yoshi's Island, that is. Give it up for Bumpty!
(The audience applauds as Bumpty enters the studio and takes his seat.)
WT: Welcome to the show, Bumpty!
Bumpty: My pleasure.
WT: That's nice. Now, question numero uno! Are you related to those big-headed “Penguins” found in a lot of more modern Mario games, such as 64 and Galaxy?
Bumpty: About as much as Mr. Blizzards are related to Dr. Freezegoods; we have some similarities in our DNA, but other than that, we're completely different from those guys.
WT: Sweet! And now for question... duo, I think!
Amadeus: Isn't it supposed to be Fireball's turn?
Fireball: What he said.
WT: ... That's a good point. But I just really, REALLY want to ask this one, so how about this: Fireball and I both ask two questions before letting the other one do their thing. It's fair, fun, and things will go faster!
Endark: How? Logically, it should take just as much time as usual. This is a television show, not a series of Emails that are being passed between you two.
Wario: For once, Endark has a great point! Or does he...?
WT: ... Whatever. So, Bumpty! How come your skin's so rubbery?
Bumpty: To keep warm in our cold environment... yes, even creatures like us get cold from time to time... we eat a lot so our body can store more energy, and we cover ourselves in a special oil that helps stop heat from radiating out of the body. Turns out that, when combined, it makes it easy for creatures to bounce right off of us.
Fireball: Question threeo!
Luigi: One is un, two is deux, and three is-
Fireball: Look, I never was good at French!
Endark: Which is quite understandable, considering that France doesn't exist on this planet...
Fireball: Just let me ask the next question. How come Yoshi can't swallow you?
Bumpty: Well, like I said before, our skin is rubbery. If Yoshi did gulp us down, it would leave a bad taste in his mouth, and... other problems that I feel should not be discussed here...
Kroshi: Well, that works for me.
Fireball: And my super next question is, how come some Bumpties can fly, but others can't?
Bumpty: Well, you would need to work at it a lot. Like snapping your fingers. Practice makes perfect, since the more you practice, the better you get at it. But, a lot of Bumpties don't bother learning how to fly.
Kroshi: Well, those were some interesting facts!
Mario: Yeah. And there's a lot more to come, everyone, so keep watching!
Endark: As if they had much of a choice by this point. Once you start watching something like this, most minds think of it as a car crash: unusual, and possibly morbid, but way too interesting to look away from.
WT: Nice metaphor! Now, Bumpty, here's question number five out of... well, I don't really know how many, to be honest. Any reason that Yoshi's Island is your only habitat?
Bumpty: Well, the conditions there are perfectly suited for us. Plus, it's not like there's a whole bunch of ways to leave a mountain in the middle of a nearly-deserted island once you get there.
WT: That would be a bit tricky, I guess. My fourth, and the show's sixth, question: how modernized is your species?
Bumpty: It's been updated marvelously. Internet, video games, television... it helps that since we live so high up, our satellite reception is always quite clear. The other species on the Island, if they can make it, always come over on Mondays to watch sporting tournaments with us.
Wario: I wish Endark would stop talking about my socks! My holiday socks! I wear them every Xmas!
Endark: ... What are you talking about? The only mention of footwear I've made in this episode is when I called the absent Lancelet a term which roughly means “way too nice for his own good”.
Fireball: Good for you, now next question, why would you Bumpties go to Poshley Heights? It's not cold or icy there.
Bumpty: Well, it was vacation for us. We were just about to make out own rink there as well.
Endark: ... Build a rink? I don't think you're allowed to do stuff like that if you're just visiting...
Bumpty: We're very good negotiators. Plus, we keep air conditioners in our houses, and it's not too hot there, either. The temperature is quite agreeable.
Kroshi: I always wanted to know that answer...
Bumpty: And now you do.
Fireball: Why don't any of you Bumpties appear in any Mario Party games or any other games like that?
Bumpty: Well, we only live in Yoshi's Island, Shiver City and Poshley Heights. We could appear in a Mario Party game, maybe if it was a cold minigame, like with snowballs. We do make a minor appearance in Mario Party 6, in the snowball fight minigame. You can see us going down an icy slide. Mario: Now WT can ask some questions. And Endark, I am the super Mario!
Endark: ... Nope, still don't believe it. Explain to me why the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom would be spending his free time in a two-bit studio like this, while he could be training to fight Bowser or helping out the Toads that have suffered from his most recent attack... whenever that was. And if you use the word “bribe” or any variation thereof, I'll KNOW you're lying.
Fireball: Talk about confusing...
WT: Oh, just live a little, Mr. Larble. Dude says he's Mario, he's Mario.
Endark: Says the man who has said in the past that he's the twin of Waluigi, a legendary hero, a devil hunter, a professional actor, Spock from Star Trek...
Fireball: Talk about confusing... again.
WT: You'd be surprised how many conventions I get into with that last one. But, enough of that; on with the show! Bumpty, what's your opinion on my number one favorite character from this universe, Waluigi?
Bumpty: The guy could be a rather intimidating villain if he got the chance. He's got the laugh down, his schemes are equal to that of most other bad guys you'll find around these parts, and he's got a lot of knowledge when it comes to explosives. Too bad that his role in DDR: Mario Mix is the closest he's ever going to get, considering Nintendo nowadays.
WT: Sad, but true. Now, third to last question before we ask the audience, did you think you could beat Yoshi?
Mario: Hey! You stole my question!
WT: No, I didn't. You are not a green dinosaur with a long tongue, are you? It just SOUNDS similar to yours and is about a character that gave you pony rides when you were young. Now, Bumpty, what's your answer?
Bumpty: Well, yeah, I thought we could. Firstly, we figured that he'd be cold-blooded, and would collapse the second he entered our sub-zero temperatures... and that's Fahrenheit, too. But, it turns out that his spirit to reunite the Brothers kept him going beyond the boundaries of Mother Nature itself. And secondly, we thought that we'd be too oily to be digestible... Shame we forgot about all of those pits we could be spit into...
Fireball: I didn't get that question much, since I was listening to my new MP3 player.
Endark: All I've ever received as far as musical gifts go is an MP1, and it still works like new.
Fireball: ... But on with the next question I guess. How come all Bumpties look the same, except for main people? Like the mayor from Shiver City.
Bumpty: Like Goombas, we can usually tell each other apart without distinguishing features. It's just a Bumpty thing there, but Bumpties with different color skin are probably from a legendary family, or just dyed their skin because of the job they had.
Kroshi: I can't believe it's not ice!
Luigi: Eating ice? You guys are taking this running gag too far. I think by now, the audience has been getting sick and tired of this joke, for I certainly have been. And I think everyone agrees.
Fireball: ... Who let you back in my studio?
Luigi: ...
Endark: Well, I for one concur with your opinion, at least.
Fireball: Last interviewer question, what does it take to be a mayor in Shiver City or anywhere else where Bumpties live?
Bumpty: Well, first you would have to be able to fly. If you can't fly, then you're not going to be the mayor at all. You need good mechanical skills as well. Plus, you need to know everything around the town and know everyone. That's about it, I guess.
Waluigi: What kind of question was THAT?
Fireball: A good one, we see what it takes to be a mayor.
Endark: I could've answered that with three words, Fireball: bribe public office.
WT: Oh, Endark, you and your bad sense of humor! Now, it's audience time! Seat 9!
Koopa Striker: Do you, or have you ever, worked for Bowser?
Bumpty: Nope. In Yoshi's Island, we were just defending our turf. Not every baddie has to be associated with THE biggest, baddest guy in the area, you know.
WT: True, true... Seat 72!
Magikoopa: Do you believe in any supernatural stuff? Tarot cards, astrology, palm reading...Y'know what I mean?
Bumpty: Well, while I don't use any of the stuff to find out about my future, I do think that astrology has a good chance of being real. After all, it's existed for decades, centuries even.
Endark: And yet, every last astrology prediction looks like it was ripped from a self-help novel.
Fireball: Here's a question for you, Endark... Why does WT let you here?
Endark: I'm paying for his half of the rent on this place. The palace back home has become so... "unsettling" recently, and for just a fraction of a percent out of my coffers, I have the complete and total right to be as big of a smarmy jerk as I want to around here.
Fireball: Ok, I could just easily pay the rent here, but why fight? More money for me, I guess... And I'm not THAT greedy, everyone... Seat 5,251.
Spooky Speedster: Wanna race for a Star, anyone?
(Nobody answers.)
Spooky Speedster: ... Anyway, why aren't you Bumpties enemies in Paper Mario games or such?
Bumpty: We don't have to be enemies in EVERY game, you know.
Spooky Speedster: But you were “defending your turf” in YI, so why not defend Shiver City?
Bumpty: Well, we don't want to fight Mario now that he's grown up. In the Yoshi’s Island games he was just a little baby, but now he could hurt us, somehow... someway... some-
Fireball: Enough of the somes! Seat 33. And Spooky Speedster rules, that ghost who's in Super Mario Galaxy, what an awesome Boo. Ok, now seat 33, ask your question before I change my mind.
Dark Boo: Fine. Do Bumpties have a main boss, or do you guys just decide on your own what to do?
Bumpty: Um, all right. Other than that mayor being the leader of a very small fraction of our species, we don't have any bosses, and we don't need one. It would just cause us more trouble in fact. Bowser would want us to work for him for SURE then. He wants us to work for him now, but we just want to live life to its fullest!
Kroshi: Touching... A little.
WT: Seat 9,671,111!
Duplighost: Was there any particular reason you sealed stuff like giant flowers inside of large blocks of ice? It doesn't really seem logical to me since your only goal at the time was to stop Yoshi.
Bumpty: Well we didn't know that Yoshi could survive swallowing a fire-hot melon or a Flame Guy, let alone use them to turn himself into a large flamethrower. As for WHY we did that, the money belonged to us, and we knew that Yoshi got to play some kind of bonus game that would help him fight against us if he got the Flowers.
WT: So, it was a measure of self-defense? Interesting. Seat 1,111,769!
Diddy Kong: You guys don't use any weapons, unless you count yourselves... but what kind of weapon do you think you'd use if you wanted to use one?
Bumpty: Probably Bob-ombs. They're powerful, they're easy to use, and they might cause an avalanche that could bury our foes in twenty feet of snow... Though, hopefully, such an event would miss the one that threw the bomb.
WT: ... Okay, my inner joy is starting to wear out. Fireball, you ask the final two Q's of the night, 'kay?
Fireball: Diddy, you're fired! Get out of my studio.
(Diddy Kong runs out of the studio.)
Kroshi: Why did you do that that?
Endark: If you keep firing the audience members, no way we’ll make a profit!
Fireball: No Donkey Kong characters are going into my studio and leaving a bad smell, they live on an island!
WT: Well, technically, we ALL live on islands... Some are just really, really big ones called continents.
Endark: ... Fireball, didn't you yell at Amadeus once for kicking Cranky Kong... Why am I even bothering to explain this stuff? It's like telling a Podoboo to take a bath in ice water.
Fireball: Anyway, seat 9!
Lord Crump: Buh huh huh! ... But, let me get serious. Buh... Ok, do you guys ever think about taking over Plit? Or any places like Toad Town? Stealing that place would be easy, except with Mario and all...
Bumpty: Why bother? It would just cause us harm and trouble. And like I said, we don't want to deal with Mario. It's like the same reason we don't want to work for Bowser. Just trouble. Is it really so hard for people to understand that not every enemy of Mario's is a greedy landstealer?
Fireball: Seat 2.
Mario: At last! Did you really think you could beat me?
Bumpty: We did when you were your younger self, but today... no way!
Mario: All right...
(Mario checks off Bumpty on his list of "Did you really think you could beat me?" characters.)
Fireball: That's all for now, everyone!
Mario: NO!
Fireball: Yes, I know Mario. I guess WT will go back home and take a nap. And Endark will pay off half the rent for my studio... Everything works out fine then!
(Fireball gives everyone their pay. WT, Amadeus, and Endark get 50 bucks each, and Kroshi gets 70 coins.)
Endark: ... Did anyone else receive their pay in Monopoly money?
Amadeus: Nope.
Kroshi: Nuh-uh.
WT: Me neither.
Endark: ... Blast.
Fireball: End transmission!
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