Buzzy B: Hello, and welcome to the Interview show, everyone!
Mario: Awesome!
Buzzy B: That's right, Mario! Today, I will fill in for Fireball, because when he stole Luigi's stuff, he went back home and ate an apple pie!
Wario: That sounds great. And Luigi's stuff was awesome! What a loser.
Endark: ... Fireball ate a pie that didn't even make him sick? THAT'S his excuse? Even the orange-clad Waluigi impersonator had better excuses.
Lancelet: So, Endark, who's going to be this week's co-interviewer? You, or me?
Endark: Neither; I decided to bring in somebody new. He's some Nimbi that came to Plit in order to fight wars and help people, so I figured that he'll counterbalance the show's regular insanity.
(A male Nimbi enters the studio. He's wearing a blue longcoat, and a hat to cover up his naturally bald head.)
Lancelet: ... Oh my DAD! OMD OMD!
Endark: ... You know him?
Lancelet: DUH! That's Vincent Tethyalis, one of the heroes from the little-known-but-still-dramatic battle against super soldier Colonel Kurtz a year or so back! This guy left his homeland, not knowing whether or not he'll ever return or what would happen if he died, all in order to protect innocent souls before their lives were needlessly lost! He served under Captain Bucky, nicknamed “The Chameleon'” and was one of the few survivors! And even after witnessing the terrors of war and retiring from the army, he still kicks behinds in the name of justice from the police force! This guy is, like, my IDOL!
Vincent: ... Please, stop talking. I appreciate your fascination with me, honestly, but your voice is getting a little annoying.
Wario: Yes! The last thing we need is Lancelet being Endark!
Endark: I'm an otaku, not a fanboy!
Lancelet: Whatever you say, Mr. Tethyalis!
(Lancelet leaves the general interviewing area and takes a seat somewhere in the audience.)
Vincent: So, Mr. Beetle, I figure that thou... “you'” I mean; old speech habits are hard to break...should know who we will be interviewing. After all, you are the replacement for this show's regular host. Could you please enlighten the rest of us?
Buzzy B: Well WT is, well, still pretty furious at Fireball. That explains why you're here, but you should already know that. And, like I told you-
Vincent: I didn't arrive until AFTER you made that announcement.
Buzzy B: Whatever. Fireball ate an apple pie, and then went to the local movie store. He bought a DVD called Royal Rumble and got trapped in the room he watched it in later. That last bit was just relayed to me.
Vincent: By whom? ... Eh, it probably doesn't matter in the long run.
Luigi: You're not making any sense, Beetle.
Buzzy B: I can kick you out!
Luigi: PLEASE DO!
Buzzy B: Never mind... You stay here. We are interviewing Dr. Freezegood, who had to pay Lancelet 90 coins last Interview.
Endark: I gave him a government check to make up for his loss, though.
Buzzy B: And since I'm new and stuff, I'm filling in for Fireball, and I have to be like him.
Endark: ... For my own good, I SHOULD be leaving immediately... but I want you guys to owe me one.
Buzzy B: This job is hard already... maybe because he makes other people do his work and all that other stuff... And don't make a smart comment, Endark!
Endark: Why? Can you only understand the stupid ones?
(Wario grabs Endark and duct tapes a muzzle onto the Shaman.)
Wario: That'll shut yer trap!
Dr. Freezegood: Can you guys please start this show already?
Vincent: I agreeth; we should begin immediately. I'm going to volunteer at the soup kitchen once this is over, and I can't let the poor folks down there wait too long. So, Doctor, here is my first question of the show: why are you not melting, even miles away from your snow-capped home?
Dr. Freezegood: Same reason as how snowmen like myself and Mr. Blizzard can exist in the first place, even though we're made of mere frozen water. A Magikoopa did it... specifically, Kamek.
Buzzy B: Kamek can do anything with his crazy magic!
Kamek: That's right! All it takes is Dark Magic! And... and a hint of nutmeg.
Mario: Sweet.
Buzzy B: Let's get rolling, shall we? Next question, Mr. Freeze, did-
Dr. Freezegood: It's DOCTOR Freezegood. Mr. Freeze was a Batman villain.
Buzzy B: Sorry. Now, did you think throwing some snowballs would really beat Mario?
Dr. Freezegood: Now you're confusing me with another foe. I was one of Yoshi's enemies, way back when Mario was still a baby. I attacked the dino by skiing directly into him to make him drop the child, or by just standing on a thin platform that he needed to jump on. And I would've been a better enemy if I had been given arms like Mr. Blizzard!
Buzzy B: Ask a simple question, get a yelled at answer.
Vincent: Speaking of skiing, how do you do it?
Dr. Freezegood: ... Well, to be honest, I have to be carried by Bumpties or a ski lift to the top of a really steep hill. Then I get pushed to the edge, and wait for gravity to takeover. I can't really control my movement at all. I say “skiing” because it's more formal than “being dragged by a force of nature”.
Vincent: Really? I would've guessed that Goombas were involved.
Goomba #225: Yeah, well, we're tired of doing things for you better minions!
Bowser: Shut yer trap before I fire ya!
Goomba #225: ...
Endark: MPH! MPH!
Vincent: Yes, we know that Bowser needeth diction lessons. But he's the Koopa King, so please give it a rest.
Buzzy B: Next question, are Bumpty Penguins your friends or something? You know, you got their back, and they have yours?
Dr. Freezegood: Well, I would say that most of us Freezegoods and the Bumpties have been good friends ever since since we met each other. I was one of the first of my kind to encounter a Bumpty; I had literally fallen to pieces, and he put me back together. I'd protect him, since all he can do is bump others off of platforms, and his kind helps us ski and whatnot.
Wario: Pickles and eggs!
Vincent: ... Not only is that random, but it's also a terribly disgusting choice of meal.
Wario: It's my favorite snack!
Vincent: So, Dr. Freezegood... Are you and the other Freezegoods really doctors?
Dr. Freezegood: Yes, we are... Well, in psychiatry. We don't have the arms to perform operations, you know. Kamek's Toadies took some time to teach us about how the average living mind works, so we could deal with opponents better. It's not just about physical might; tackling enemies on the mental field by striking at the precise moment counts as well!
Wario: Waffles are good with eggs all over... *drool*
Buzzy B: Yeah, that's nice, next question then. Do you have any special abilities or anything?
Dr. Freezegood: Well, we can use regular snow to heal ourselves instantly if we ever get injured. It tastes awful, but it works!
Mario: I've heard that somewhere before, but where did I... Wait!
Vincent: Please don't revealeth thine answer, in case we are being sponsored by a different medical company. Now, Doctor Freezegood, what do you suppose would happen to your kind if they were subjected to great amounts of heat?
Dr. Freezegood: Well we would probably melt into a puddle, like anything else composed of water would do. Then either we would be trapped in a liquid state, solidify into a Freezie if a cold wave swept through, or evaporate and become one of those smiling clouds if the temperature continued to rise. I'm not certain, though.
Wario: Really? Then let's find out! I've got a spare Fire Flower stashed in the-
Vincent: Wario, control yourself! This man has done nothing wrong! Besides, we still needeth to finish the Interview.
Wario: I get it, we'll get him with the Fire Flower after the Interview! Good thinking there, Vinny!
Dr. Freezegood: *gulp*
Vincent: Don't worry, young soul. If I can't dissuade Wario after the Interview, I can at least try to persuade Jaydes to granteth thee reincarnation... if I can find a portal back to my home dimension, that is.
Buzzy B: Next question, and hopefully the last for me today, do you have any weaknesses? ... Other then a Fire Flower.
Dr. Freezegood: Well I already told you guys that high temperatures are bad for us, so that's one weakness. A second weakness is Yoshi eggs; one hit in the right spot, and we turn to snowflakes. And, for one final weakness, Mario. Just... Mario.
Buzzy B: You know, I wonder how Fireball is doing...
Meanwhile at the local video store...
Fireball: Wow, what a great DVD! I'd better get down to the Interview studio and make sure Endark gets that raise I promised. But, I won't give it to him anyway, 'cause I'm just that nice.
Fireball gets out of the building, which somehow is not locking him in anymore. Some might think that he just stayed there for fun... and they'd probably be right. Anyway, long story short, he begins to make his way to the Interview studio, which we will now go back to.
Vincent: Judging by Buzzy's remark, I assumeth that it is time to call out audience seats. Number 29, would you please go first?
Lancelet: Sweet, that's mine! So, Doctor, if you could beat up anyone except for Mario, who would you trounce?
Dr. Freezegood: Wario, certainly. If not for the money, then for the bragging rights. After all, I would've just creamed the most powerful human on this entire planet!
Wario: ... Is that supposed to be an insult, or a compliment?
Dr. Freezegood: ... The second one?
Wario: Ah, okay.
(Fireball enters the Interview studio. Fast, isn't he?)
Fireball: Welcome to-
Buzzy B: It's been a long time now, Fireball!
Fireball: Oh! I'll go sit here then.
(He sits in seat Fi53.)
Buzzy B: Seat Fi53.
Endark: MPH!
Vincent: Correct, Endark; that couldn't possibly have been a coincidence.
Fireball: Cool, but Dr. Freezebad-
Dr. Freezegood: GOOD!
Fireball: Good for you. Did you have to take skiing lessons to learn how to go down those mountains?
Dr. Freezegood: I already told everyone that it's more like falling than skiing.
Fireball: Doesn't mean you'll get it right on the first try.
Dr. Freezegood: ... Fine, I'll admit it, I had to take a couple to learn how to keep balance. Those Bumpty Penguins were surprisingly good teachers when it came to that!
(Endark rips off his muzzle.)
Endark: YEOW! Duct tape, Wario? SERIOUSLY? What, a padlock not good enough for you? At least I finally got that stupid thing off... And if you ever dare do that again, I'll bring down the whole studio trying to annihilate you. And I swear on the soul of every great being that has ever graced this planet, your Vim WILL run through my fingers should such a folly occur!
Wario: The great Wario is not scared! ... Well, maybe a little.
Fireball: Are you sure about that, Wario?
Wario: Meh.
Vincent: Seat 99.
Bandinero: Doc Freezywell, how-
Dr. Freezegood: For the last time, my name is... Oh, forget it! Just continue your question.
Bandinero: How come you retired after Yoshi's Island?
Dr. Freezegood: Combine the fact that we Freezegoods are one-trick ponies, Mario's ability to wield Fire Flowers, and the possibility of just being stepped around should we appear in a 3D game, and the answer's quite obvious.
Mario: It... it is?
Dr. Freezegood: *sigh* LOOK! Fire Flower, one shot, game over for me.
Mario: ... I still don't get it.
Endark: Anyone remember when I wondered if Fireball actually hired impersonators instead of getting actual heroes to show up? Well, the real Mario couldn't possibly be THIS stupid... I hope.
Fireball: Come on, Beetle, you're doing a bad job! So your pay is raised and it comes from Waluigi's pay...
Buzzy B: Sweet!
Waluigi: My pay is gone!
(An angry, screaming sound is heard in the distance.)
Endark: ... That WT certainly has a set of lungs on him...
Fireball: Who's WT...
Buzzy B: Seat 230,230!
Bandit: Shut up! Anyways, if you could be one enemy, what would you be?
Dr. Freezegood: Mr. Blizzard. I was talking a while ago about him! Oh, what I wouldn't give for arms... Not that I have much to give, of course.
Vincent: Well, this show hath become fairly repetitive. “Gravity does the work” this, “Why is nobody listening to me” that. Now is as good a time as any for the final two questions of the night. Seat 128.
Lakitu: If you and your similarly-named friends actually HAD defeated Yoshi and Baby Mario back in the day, what do you think would've happened?
Dr. Freezegood: Honestly, I think Baby Bowser would've scorched us with his flame breath so he could take all the credit for defeating what could've become the savior of the entire Mushroom Kingdom. At least I would've felt useful for a couple of seconds, which is quite rare for guys like me.
Fireball: Seat Mario!
Buzzy B: That's my job... Seat Mario2.
Mario: Did you really think you could beat me?!
Mr. Freezegood: My goodness, YES! You weren't even one year old, and you were riding on a cold-blooded creature in the middle of a freezing environment, with nothing on you except for a diaper! If logic worked in this world, you wouldn't have stood a chance!
Fireball: ... Well, that's the end of my Interview show!
Mario: Dang!
Buzzy B: Interviewing is harder then I thought... Never ask me to interview again, Fireball!
Vincent: Agreed; I should be spending my time catching criminals, not appearing in shows liketh this.
Fireball: Who are both of you again?
Wario: Meh.
Lancelet: You're my hero, Mister Tethy-
Vincent: Oh, shuteth thine mouth, PLEASE.
Fireball: See you next time... End transmission!
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