(The scene opens on what appears to be a meeting between Dan, Norbert, Dagget, and various other people around a pretty large table. Dan is, for some reason, seemingly wearing a wig like the ones judges used to wear. Y'know, the one with all the curls. The various people are talking to one another before Dan lifts a gavel and hits the table with it.)
Yoko Dan: This meeting of The Grand Evil Council of Villains Who Wish Either For the Betterment of Society and/or World Domination and/or the Destruction of All That Is Good, also known as TGECVWWEFTBSAOWDAOTDATIG, will now come to order. We will begin with evil role call...
(The camera slowly shifts from Dan to Norbert Beaver.)
Norbert, from The Angry Beavers!
Norbert: Hello my fine com-PAW-drays!
(The camera moves to Dagget, who is sitting right next to Norbert.)
Dagget, from The Angry Beavers!
Dagget: Hey there, how's it goin'?
(The camera shifts to what appears to be a man made of black smoke or gas, with lighter parts resembling eyes and a mouth.)
Hexxus, from FernGully: The Last Rainforest!
Hexxus: I seek the destruction of worthless jungle lands!
(The camera shifts to a somewhat elderly man with long white hair that covers one of his eyes.)
Maxamillion Pega-
Norbert: WOAH, WOAH, hold on a minoot!
Yoko Dan: What is it?
Norbert: Now, how is it that this guy's a villain? Sure he pretty much kidnapped some old guy just so he could play a children's card game with the guy's grandson, but he was doing it to bring back his dead wife!
(Dan places a hand upon his chin in thought while the other people around the table talk about what Norbert had just said.)
Yoko Dan: All right... All in favor of kicking out Pegasus?
Everyone: I!
(Dan flips up the head of the gavel, revealing a button that he promptly presses. Maxamillion Pegasus is ejected out of the room and into the horizon, after which Dan closes the gavel.)
Yoko Dan: Thank you for pointing this out, Norbert.
Norbert: And one more thing... Why are you wearing that wig?
Yoko Dan: It's just for fun. Now then... Let us resume role call.
(The camera shifts to show a large, demonic, turtle-like being. If you can't tell who this is, you've lived in a cave your whole life.)
King Bowser Koopa from Super Mario Brothers!
Bowser: GWA HA HA HA HA HA!
(The camera moves to show a... I guess gray-skinned man wearing a cape with a reddish-brown beard and balding head.)
Ganon, from Zelda!
Ganondorf: Hahahahah!
(The camera pans to show a freaky, dog-like creature who wears a wizard's robes. He has a yellow jewel-like thing on his forehead.)
Ganon, also from Zelda!
Ganon: You must DIE!
Norbert: WOAH, WOAH, hold up a second! How are there two of them?
Yoko Dan: That's easy, CDi Ganon and LoZ Ganon are two different people.
Norbert: Oh, okay.
(The camera shifts to show what could be described as a psychotic clown.)
Dimentio, from Super Paper Mario!
Dimentio: Ah ha ha ha ha ha! I will end your games... with magic!
(The camera shifts to show a guy in knight armor with horns on the helmet. You also can't see his face.)
Garland, from Final Fantasy!
Garland: I, Garland, WILL KNOCK YOU ALL DOWN!
Dagget: Why isn't Sephiroth here?
Yoko Dan: Oh he's not a villain, he's an angsting emo momma's boy.
Dagget: Right.
(The camera shifts to show a goldfish in a bowl.)
Bob the Killer Goldfish, from Earthworm Jim!
Bob: In the name of La Planeta De Agua-
Everyone but Bob: Arriba!
Bob: -I will destroy! Destroy! DESTROY!
(The camera shifts to show what seems to be a man-sized anthropomorphic crow in a yellow spacesuit.)
Psy-Crow, also from Earthworm Jim!
Psy-Crow: I'm only here cuz Dan dere is apparently a fan of mine. Othahwise I wouldn't be wastin' my time!
(The camera pans to show a large, purple dragon.)
Ridley, from Metroid!
Ridley: I will crush you all.
(The camera pans to show a white, alien-like creature with a purple stomach and a long, purple tail.)
Mewtwo, from Pokemon!
(A dark voice can be heard by all in the room; Mewtwo's lips weren't moving, so he is apparently speaking through telepathy.)
Mewtwo: Mewtwo. Mewtwo.
Ganondorf: Oh, don't pull that "Pokemon only say their name" garbage! We all know you're really super smart and that you can talk!
Mewtwo: Don't make me rearrange your internal organs with my psychic powers.
Dagget: Wait, why are YOU here?
Mewtwo: They wouldn't let me join the Brawl.
Psy-Crow: Why not? You're Mewtwo!
Mewtwo: They said my Final Smash was "too graphic".
(The camera pants over to a large alligator wearing a red cape and a golden crown.)
King K. Rool, from Donkey Kong!
K. Rool: They wouldn't let me in Brawl either. But the reason they gave ME was that I don't own a Landmaster.
(The camera pans over to a rather large, bald man with red eyes and a long, orangish-red moustache.)
Dr. Ivo Robotnik, from The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog!
Dr. Robotnik: Where are Scratch and Grounder?!
(The camera moves over a bit to Robotnik's right to show a green, tank-like robot with drills for hands and a nose, Grounder, and a taller robot modeled after a chicken, Scratch.)
Scratch: Right here, your viciousness!
(The camera moves over to show what could only be described as a green-skinned women with almost-glowing yellow eyes and black and purple attire with demonic horns atop the... thing on her head.)
Maleficent, from Sleeping Beauty!
Dagget: Aren't you supposed to be dead?
Maleficent: No.
Ridley: Think of it this way- Ganon and Garland are supposed to be dead, too.
Dagget: Well what about Dimentio?
Dimentio: I'm the master of dimensions. Do you honestly think my game would end that easily?
King K. Rool: Yes.
(The camera moves over to show what at first seems to be an empty chair.)
???: Yoo hoo, down here.
(The camera then points down a little to show a cockroach with two arms and four legs and wearing a purple cape.)
Carl the Evil Cockroach Wizard from Yin-Yang-Yo!
Carl: Hiiiii! I'm Carl. You may or may not have heard of me. If you haven't, I blame my stupid older brother Herman. Y'know, ‘cause he and the Nightmaster kept stealing my idea to blot out the suns, but I saw a specialist and so that little plot theft doesn't bother me anymore.
(The camera moves back to Dan.)
Yoko Dan: Now, as you all know, Sarasaland has been gaining power lately... too much power. If we do not act soon, it will become the most powerful nation on Plit. Any suggestions?
Ganondorf: Well why can't we just nuke it? That worked with Japan.
Yoko Dan: Peach has control over all the nukes, and she won't let me use any of them.
Ridley: How about we kidnap Daisy? She's the current ruler, so it stands to reason that she's behind all of this.
Bowser: We tried that about two weeks ago.
Bob: How'd it go?
Norbert: The doomship got shot down before it could cross the border, starting the war that Dan was helping Lemmy with.
Maleficent: Perhaps we can place a curse upon her.
Bowser: Kamek tried that, but she wasn't affected.
Psy-Crow: I say we blast the broad with a REALLY BIG LASAH!
Carl: I say we drag the moon down and have it CRASH INTO SARASALAND!
Dr. Ivo Robotnik: That's been done!
Carl: Really?
Garland: Skull Kid did that.
Carl: Well I don't see YOU coming up with any ideas!
Dimentio: We could just end her game.
Yoko Dan: And risk a multinational war akin to World War II? I don't think so.
King K. Rool: That'd be like when they took out Arch Duke Ferdinand.
Hexxus: We could just pollute Sarasaland to the point that it rains acid and becomes almost uninhabitable.
Bob: Why do you always have to suggest pollution?
Hexxus: I enjoy the filth.
Mewtwo: I suggest-
(Mewtwo's suggestion is censored for being far too graphic.)
Yoko Dan: Okay, even [i]I find that disturbing, so we're definitely not doing that.
(Peach walks in at this moment. The camera zooms out to show where the meeting is being held.)
Peach: What are you all doing in the basement?
Yoko Dan: Robotnik blew up our old HQ in an experiment. Regardless, why are you here?
Peach: Since you, Norbert, and Dagget refuse to apologize to Rosalina... I want you to interview her.
Dan, Norbert, and Dagget: NEVER!
(Dan, Norbert and Dagget run off, Dan hitting a button on his gavel to reveal an escape pod, which they jump inside. The escape pod then disappears into the ground, resurfacing in the Interview studio.)
Norbert: Ha-HA! We've esca-
(The three notice Rosalina is in front of them.)
Dagget: Aw spoot.
Yoko Dan: Let's get this over with...
Norbert: So how old are you?
Rosalina: Two hundred and forty-six.
Dagget: Wait, aren't you supposed to be human?
Rosalina: Yes.
Dagget: Then how in the name of Oxnard Montalvo are you two hundred and forty-six?
Rosalina: Star Bits possess a magical property that reduces the rate of aging. I've eaten so many of them that I'm immortal.
Yoko Dan: Well I guess that makes sense... So why do you look like Peach?
Rosalina: I'm her mother.
Norbert: REALLY?!
Rosalina: No.
Yoko Dan: Then what is the real reason you look like her?
Rosalina: The real reason is that all royalty looks like this- by that I mean blonde hair and blue eyes.
Dagget: Y'know, come to think of it, every princess ever has had blonde hair and blue eyes.
Rosalina: But what abou-
Yoko Dan: Daisy doesn't count.
Norbert: So why don't you tell us a little about yourself?
Rosalina: One day I discovered a rusty spaceship, not unlike the Starshroom, with a Star Child inside. The Luma popped out and said it was waiting for its mother. I felt bad for it, so I promised to wait with it.
Dagget: So would it be safe to assume that you care for all living things?
Rosalina: I do in fact care for all living things.
Norbert: Please go on.
Rosalina: I used my father's telescope to search for the poor thing's mother, waiting years for the comet that carried the Luma's mother. Eventually we fixed the spaceship and flew off into space. Over time we encountered more Lumas and built the Comet Observatory.
Yoko Dan: That Luma you spoke of, is it Polari?
Rosalina: Yes.
Dagget: So did you ever find their mom or what?
Rosalina: Unfortunately no... All the same however, they've taken me as their mother. I love them as if they were my own children.
Yoko Dan: (whispering to Norbert) Gag me with a spoon...
Rosalina: What was that?
Norbert: Oh, nothing... So why are you in Mario Kart for the Wii?
Rosalina: Do you have any idea how boring it gets in the Observatory?
Dagget: Good point. What kind of powers do you have?
Rosalina: I can levitate and project a barrier around myself. With a little concentration, I can project the barrier around the entire Observatory and turn it into a comet.
Yoko Dan: What can you do as far as combat goes?
Rosalina: I can fire magical blasts from my wand.
Dagget: ... That's it?
Rosalina: That's it.
Norbert: No offense, mah lay-day, but that's lame.
Rosalina: Well, excuse me for not being a shell-less turtle in a blue bathrobe.
Yoko Dan: You don't have to be. Even KAMMY has more powers than you do.
Kammy (in the audience): See? I'm not completely useless!
Yoko Dan: What exactly are Star Bits?
Rosalina: Star Bits are the solidified remains of a star blasted by intense radiation that gives them their color.
Norbert: Wouldn't that make eating them suicidal and incredibly stupid?
Rosalina: Normally yes, but I've built up an immunity and the Lumas aren't affected.
Dagget: What exactly is a Luma?
Rosalina: A Luma is a star given a corporeal and sentient form. By sacrificing most of their sentience they can transform into anything they desire. However, they can always change back if they want to. If they decide to make the change permanent, they are reborn.
Yoko Dan: How is it that they are able to stop black holes?
Rosalina: Lumas are stars and have their power as well. A black hole is also a star, so to speak. When in large groups, Lumas can do practically anything- even warp reality itself as they see fit.
Norbert: Are Lumas immortal?
Rosalina: Yes.
Dagget: Are you related to Peach in any way whatsoever?
Rosalina: As far as families go, no. But I am related to her if you count the fact that I was once a princess-to-be.
Norbert: What happened to make you no longer a princess-to-be?
Rosalina: I left the planet to help Polari find his mother.
Norbert: Oh, right.
Yoko Dan: Time for audience questions. Seat 84.
Yoshi: Yoshi want know who actually save Pwincess Peach in Mario Galaxy.
Rosalina: Mario, of course.
Dagget: Seat 428.
King Dedede: Why is it that the Comet Observatory goes by Plit only once every one hundred years?
Rosalina: All other time is spent searching for the Lumas' mother.
Norbert: Seat 109.
Luigi: If you were to date someone, who would it be?
Rosalina: Mario.
Luigi: WAAAHHHH! Why does no one pay attention to Weegee?!
Yoko Dan: Seat 128.
Ultimoose: ULTIMOOSE, would like to ask why you don't possess any magical powers that don't stink?
Rosalina: Why don't you have any magical powers at all?
Ultimoose: ULTIMOOSE, hates you. HOOH! HAH! HOOH!
Dagget: Seat 99.
Snifit: Where did you get your wand?
Rosalina: The Lumas crafted it using a combination of their power and Star Bits.
Norbert: Seat 203.
Red Koopa Bro: Yo, long time no see! Great to be back! Anyway, you said earlier that all royalty has blonde hair and blue eyes. So why is it that your hair is so pale?
Rosalina: I've been in space for so long that my hair has lost its original color. The same goes for my skin.
Yoko Dan: Seat 256.
Francis: Why are you in the same class as people like Bowser in Mario Kart Wii?
Rosalina: Oh, you haven't heard? They got rid of the Weight Class system in favor of a Height Class system. Now everyone is grouped based on how tall they are.
Francis: That's NOT high-technicaaaaaaaaaaal!
Dagget: Don't you usually freak out around girls?
Francis: I took a therapy class that fixed that problem. Now I can speak with them easily.
Yoko Dan: Seat 777.
Iago: Hey uh, why is it that you float instead of stand in the Comet Observatory whenever Mario or Luigi talks to you?
Rosalina: The truth is, I'm lazy. Although I don't show it, caring for all the Lumas is VERY exhausting.
Iago: Well maybe if you didn't look after two billion kids you wouldn't get so tired!
Norbert: Well, that's all the time we have.
Dagget: This was even worse than when we interviewed Morton Jr.
Yoko Dan: Thank you, orphan girl, for allowing us the displeasure of interviewing you. I hear your mother makes good fertilizer; which tree is she sleeping under, again? I'd like to get some fertilizer for my plants.
(Rosalina runs off crying.)
Dagget: Well, I feel better.
Yoko Dan: Me too.
Peach: DAN! NORBERT! DAGGET!
Norbert: Uh oh- QUICK! TO THE ESCAPE POD!
(The three quickly jump into another escape pod, which blasts off into the air before crashlanding in the basement from before.)
Carl: Why are you guys in such a hurry?
Norbert: No time to talk- everyone, get in the escape pods!
(Dan presses yet another button on his gavel, several escape pods popping up from the floor. Every villain gets inside one before they all blast off and into the air.)
Yoko Dan: I regret nothing!
END TRANSMISSION
Ganon: You must DIE!
*The voice of Hexxus was provided by Tim Curry*
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