(We see the studio covered in Christmas decorations.)
DS Guy: Merry Christmas, everyone! This is DS Guy, and this is Lemmy's-
Lemmy: That's right, if you want to be on MY nice list, you must say it right.
DS Guy: ...Interview Studio. Now have you noticed all the cool things you have, like E-Guy's new digital MP3 player, Gourmet Guy's "Book of 1001 Cake Recipes", and Mario's cheese suit?
(Mario is wearing some sort of cheese suit.)
Mario: You can wear it and eat it!
(DS Guy pulls out his remote and a Thwomp crushes him.)
Mario: Ouch!
DS Guy: And as for me, I didn't get anything special but... A NEW 32-INCH PLASMA TV!
(We go to see DS Guy's new TV being set up by E-Guy, who is listening to his MP3 player while humming to the tune of the Super Mario Bros. overworld theme. Then we go back to the studio.)
DS Guy: Now for my Shy Guy Form of the Day.
(He turns into an Ice Snifit.)
DS Guy: And who am I interviewing, you ask?
Audience: We didn't ask you that!
DS Guy: (holding a flamethrower) Say it!
Audience: Who are you interviewing today?!
DS Guy: Why, it's none other than the evil Santa Claus look-alike himself, Smithy!
(Smithy, in his Santa form, arrives and sits in his seat.)
Smithy: Enjoy your Christmas gifts while you still can, because soon I'll rule you all!
DS Guy: Sure you will. Anyway, since it is obvious that we know that you want to rule Plit, what-
Smithy: Actually, I also want to rid the world of wishes and terrorize Plit's inhabitants until they know who to respect!
DS Guy: Next question, did you built Exor?
Smithy: Actually, I found him in my dimension and transported him to this dimension just by solving a really hard puzzle!
DS Guy: Which is?
Smithy: Which came first?! The chicken of the egg?!
Shy Gal: Then what is the answer?
Smithy: I forgot the answer because I guessed!
Shy Gal: Weird. I'm leaving because I got a new CD of Matchstick 50 my dad bought for me.
DS Guy: Very nice. Anyway, why did your sword crash into Bowser's castle?
Bowser: YOU'D BETTER TELL THE TRUTH BECAUSE I WILL GET EVEN MADDER. THE REASON I AM MAD RIGHT NOW IS THAT I GOT 50 TONS OF COAL FOR CHRISTMAS!
A Toad in the audience: (to himself) What do you expect for being an evil jerk?
(Bowser breathes his hot flames at the Toad.)
A Toad in the audience: X__X
Bowser: ANYONE ELSE GOT ANYTHING TO SAY ABOUT ME?!
(The entire audience is shaking their heads "no".)
Bowser: I THOUGHT SO! Anyway, why did you?
Smithy: I have no control of the sword, where it lands it lands!
DS Guy: And where did you really want Exor to land?
Smithy: If I tell you, will you laugh?
DS Guy: Of course I won't laugh at you, Smithy.
Smithy: I really wanted Exor to land on a girly theme park!
(DS Guy and the entire audience each pull out a vase, each with a random design, and cover their mouths with it. Sounds of muffled laughter can be heard. Smithy is giving them a stern look.)
DS Guy: We were laughing with you, not at you.
Toadofsky: I was laughing at him.
(Smithy comes into the audience and attacks Toadofsky. DS Guy uses his ice beam to freeze them solid and break up the fight, then melts Smithy with a flamethrower.)
DS Guy: Have you ever heard of "Peace on Plit"?
Smithy: I don't believe in peace!
DS Guy: I'll buy that excuse. Anyway, I don't have any more questions to ask but I'm sure that the audience does.
Audience: We don't want to!
(DS Guy pulls out his flamethrower again. The entire audience raises their hands, or at least those who have them anyway.)
Goomba: Hey! That was pretty mean.
(I don't care!)
DS Guy: All right, I am now glad to see that everyone has questions for Smithy. Seat 867-5309.
Donkey Kong: Why did you have the seventh Star on your chest in Super Mario RPG?
Smithy: I thought it would make me look cool! Seat 91!
Vivian: Why do you use an exclamation point at the end of every sentence?
Smithy: It makes me look assertive!
Mario: (crawling out from beneath the Thwomp): And more dominant.
Smithy: That is what assertive means, moron!
Mario: If you're so smart, then can you tell me where my hat is? I have been searching for it for weeks. I can't find it anywhere.
Smithy: It is right on top of your vacant head!
Mario: A Christmas miracle!
(Mario gets knocked out by sleeping gas thanks to DS Guy's remote.)
DS Guy: You can continue, Smithy.
Smithy: Thanks! Seat 81!
Larry: How did you brainwash King Dad's minions?
Bowser: I WANT TO KNOW TOO! WAS IT BY BRAINWASHING CHIP OR HYPNOTISM?!
Smithy: Actually, it was by making them watch so much TV it turned their brains into tapioca pudding! Seat 84!
DS Guy: So you'd better not watch too much TV.
Bowser: Bowser no function TV well without.
DS Guy: Typical.
Tanoomba: How can your head change forms?
Smithy: By hitting my head with my sledgehammer repeatedly! Seat 777!
Grate Guy: Does it hurt when you do that?
Smithy: Yes it does! I even suffer some memory loss now and then! What did I say that I was going to do after this Interview?!
Mario (waking up): I know! You were going to conquer us all!
(DS Guy pulls out his remote and presses the "Alien Abduction" button, and 2 Shroobs come and take Mario away! Also for some reason, December 25th is known as Total Torture day to the Shroobs, not that I would know.)
Smithy: Now I don't want any more questions! It is time to rule you all!
(Smithy suddenly reveals his true form, which is in a shape of a skull in case you were too lazy to play SMRPG. And if you were too lazy to play what I call "the greatest game in SNES history", then you have some serious gaming issues, my friend.)
????: You are not ruining this holiday, Smithy!
DS Guy: Is that Seat 9999?
Geno: Yes, it's me, Geno, and I am going to stop you from ruling the world!
(He hits his head with his sledgehammer to gain a wizard head.)
Smithy: No one can stop me now! Huh?!
(A football lands in his arms. The Detroit Lions tackle him for the ball.)
Smithy: Ouch!
Geno: I was going to take care of that!
DS Guy: (putting away his remote) Be quicker next time. We are now out of time, so this is the Ultimate Shy Guy, DS Guy, and I wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Smithy (under the Detroit Lions): It won't be a Happy New Year for you when I get out of here!
(DS Guy freezes Smithy and the Detroit Lions with his Ice Snifit form.)
DS Guy: End Transmission!
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