Lemmy: LOOK HERE!!! YOU'VE TAKEN TOO MANY DAYS OFF!!! IF YOU DON'T INTERVIEW TODAY, I'M GONNA-
Blaze: Fine... I ran out of people to hire anyway...
(Shy Guy comes in.)
Shy Guy: Uh... Can I have my old job back?
Blaze: No.
Shy Guy: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Shy Guy runs away crying.)
Lemmy: ...
Blaze: So who am I interviewing anyway?
Lemmy: You and whoever your partner will be are going to interview Koopa Kid.
Blaze: Oh terrific. Someone who needs to die. Now, where's my partner?
Lemmy: Gloomtail.
Gloomtail: MORTALS!
Lemmy: I wonder why he stopped trying to kill Roy though.
Gloomtail: Who's Roy?
Lemmy: The guy who punched you during a Sports Hall match.
Gloomtail: The what?
Lemmy: The match you lost.
Gloomtail: I've never been in a match, but I assure you I'd win.
Lemmy: ... Whatever.
Morton: He lied about the pizza...
Blaze: Can we just get this over with before I change my mind?
Lemmy: Uh... Hello? I have a gun.
Blaze: Right... Can I just go kill the interviewee now?
Lemmy: As much as I'd like that, we'd probably get sued.
Blaze: Dang... Perfect. I'm stuck interviewing a stupid Bowser/Koopaling knockoff with a big black lizard...
Gloomtail: What'd you call me?
Lemmy: A big black lizard, because that's what you are.
Gloomtail: Who?
Lemmy: ...
Koopa Kid: Hi, I'm Koopa Kid.
Gloomtail: Who?
Koopa Kid: Koopa... Kid...
Gloomtail: So you're Lemmy.
Lemmy: Don't associate me with him!
Gloomtail: Or maybe like Ro- Roy! I remember what he did, I'll kill him!
Lemmy: Oh, NOW you remember.
Gloomtail: Yep. Off to kill him now.
Lemmy: No. You're doing an Interview.
Gloomtail: And why should I listen to you?
Lemmy: I can remove your existence.
Gloomtail: Nuh uh.
Lemmy: Yuh huh.
Gloomtail: I don't believe you.
Lemmy: Fine. Leave, and risk being removed... forever.
Gloomtail: ... You win this time.
Lemmy: Good.
Gloomtail: Who?
Lemmy: ...
Blaze: If you two are done, I'd really like to-
(Shy Guy comes out of nowhere with an axe.)
Shy Guy: DIE!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Shy Guy trips. The axe falls at Blaze's feet.)
Shy Guy: ... Uh... Just kidding... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
(Shy Guy runs away.)
Blaze: Stupid...
(Blaze picks up the axe and throws it into the audience.)
Goombario: Ow! My eye!
Blaze: Now, on with the-
Lemmy: Wait! Before we get started, we have a special tradition where any highly unpopular interviewee gets pelted with golf balls for one-hundred and ten seconds!
Koopa Kid: What?! When did THIS become a tradition?!
Lemmy: Six seconds ago.
(The audience all have tennis balls.)
Koopa Kid: ... Mother...
(One-hundred and ten seconds later, Koopa Kid is covered in bruises.)
Koopa Kid: Owie...
Lemmy: Ah. That felt good...
Blaze: *ahem* On with this crud. So Koopa Kid, are you related to Bowser in any way?
Koopa Kid: Yes. I'm his son!
Lemmy: WHAT?! YOU ARE SO NOT!!!
Koopa Kid: Yes I am, and I can prove it!
Lemmy: Prove it, then!
(Koopa Kid runs over to Bowser and hugs him.)
Koopa Kid: Daddy!
Bowser: ...Uh... Do I know you?
Koopa Kid: ...
Gloomtail: Fool! Such lying will get you nowhere!
Koopa Kid: Oh fine. A Koopa Kid is just a royal Koopa young.
Gloomtail: I'm very much sure I heard Bowser call you his kid... Not that I've played Mario Party or anything. After all, I'm not in it.
Koopa Kid: Bowser's pretty confused. We do look like Bowser Jr. after all.
Lemmy: He doesn't exist either. Or at least, shouldn't.
Bowser: Who?
Gloomtail: I'm the one WHO asks that!
Bowser: Who?
Gloomtail: Stop that immediately!
Thumbs: Okay.
Gloomtail: Who?
Blaze: (If I hear the word "who" one more time...) Are you done? Because I really want to finish this so I can kill this sorry excuse for a Koopaling...
Lemmy: Lawsuit...
Blaze: Aww...
(Shy Guy runs on with a bow and arrow.)
Shy Guy: DIE!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA--
(Shy Guy trips again and accidentally shoots his arrow. It misses Blaze by a lot and bounces around the auditorium before hitting someone.)
Goombario: Ow! My eye!
Shy Guy: ... Oops... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
(Shy Guy runs away.)
Blaze: Great. Someone ELSE I need to kill... By the way, big black lizard, it's YOUR turn to ask a question.
Gloomtail: Who? Oh, yes, well, my question is... Why is that Shy Guy trying to kill you?
Blaze: Because I fired him and replaced him with Kamek.
Lemmy: Then shouldn't he be trying to kill Kamek?
Blaze: Ask him... He's the one who's so-
Koopa Kid: Uh... I'm ready for the next question...
Blaze: Uh... yeah... Okay, lizard. Ask him a question or kill him.
Gloomtail: Stop calling me a lizard. I'm a dragon, and your ruler, so I should be getting more respect. More bowing!
Koopa Kid: Questions!
Gloomtail: Do not interrupt me while I'm talking, you impudent fool! Now, what were you saying?
Koopa Kid: I want questions so I can be famous!
Gloomtail: Famous, huh? You think you're Dark Koopa or something?
Dark Koopa: Who?
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow.)
Gloomtail: Fine, I have a question. In Mario Party 5, how'd you turn into three different Koopa Kids?
Koopa Kid: That was actually just three of us... The other two were hiding behind a bush.
Gloomtail: I would have hidden behind a bush when I was doing my evil deeds, but sadly I am too big. Oh, being big, such a gift and a curse. But mostly a gift because I can stomp on people.
Koopa Kid: Yeah...
Gloomtail: And what was with the different colors?
Koopa Kid: Koopa Kids can be different colors, you know...
Gloomtail: I don't see it much.
Koopa Kid: Most Shy Guys are red, but not all are red, correct?
Gloomtail: Don't care.
Koopa Kid: I'm trying to make a point.
Gloomtail: And I'm trying to not care.
Blaze: And I'm trying to get this done so I can kill you!
Koopa Kid: I can sue, you know...
Lemmy: AAH! HE'S GONNA SUE!!!
Blaze: Okay... This is getting-
(Shy Guy runs in with a staple gun.)
Shy Guy: DIE!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(Shy Guy trips yet again, and the staple gun lands at Blaze's feet. Blaze picks it up.)
Blaze: ... A staple gun?
Shy Guy: I ran out of weapons... Oh yeah. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
(Shy Guy runs away.)
Blaze: ... This is getting on my nerves...
(Blaze shoots the staple gun into the audience for no reason.)
Goombario: Ow! My eye!
Lemmy: Why did you do that?
Blaze: Uh... The author said "no reason".
Lemmy: Hey! No breaking the fourth wall!
Blaze: Whatever... Anyway, Koopa Kid, why haven't you appeared in any Mario Parties lately? Not that I really care...
Koopa Kid: Bowser fired us because we lost too many games to Mario.
Lemmy: HAHA! LOSER!!!
Koopa Kid: ...
Gloomtail: So what do you do now?
Koopa Kid: Royal Koopa stuff.
Gloomtail: Like?
Koopa Kid: ... Not really anything.
Gloomtail: Thought so.
Koopa kid: It's not like the Koopalings do anything either!
Gloomtail: Who?
Lemmy: You're beating that joke to death.
Gloomtail: That's what I do. KILL!
Lemmy: And haven't you been paying attention, Koopa Kid? We do all kinds of crazy stuff as seen in Lemmy's Land.
Koopa Kid: But nothing in-game.
Lemmy: Nintendo can't handle our awesome adventures with such petty systems as the GameCube and Wii.
Gloomtail: Koopa Kid, you may be royal, but you're no god. I suggest you bow. You too, boy.
Lemmy: Who you calling boy, lizard?
Gloomtail: Who you calling lizard, not lizard?
Lemmy: Don't make me delete you.
Gloomtail: Don't make me ask you not to.
Blaze: Don't make me go mad.
Lemmy: Easy. It'll all be over before you know it.
Blaze: Then I can kill him?
Lemmy: No.
Blaze: ...
(Shy Guy runs in with a bazooka.)
Shy Guy: DIE!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
(Shy Guy shoots. Blaze ducks and the shot blows a hole in the wall.)
Lemmy: You're paying for that wall...
Shy Guy: Sure I'll pay you, once I get my job back.
Blaze: Which you won't...
Shy Guy: THAT'S IT!!! I DON'T CARE WHETHER OR NOT I DO GET MY JOB BACK!!! I'M GONNA-
Blaze: Oh Kamek? Idiot at 4 o'clock...
Kamek: I got it.
(Kamek uses his magic to make a speaker box fall on Shy Guy, who drops the bazooka when hit.)
Shy Guy: ... Ouch...
(Blaze picks up the bazooka, then fires into the audience. The seat where Goombario was is all ashes.)
Blaze: Now, hopefully whatever song starts playing out of that speaker won't annoy me...
(The speaker box plays music.)
Speaker box: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah! We know you know it! Come on you know it! Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!
Blaze: ...
Shy Guy: ... Um... I think I'm forgetting something... Oh yeah. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!
(Shy Guy runs away.)
Blaze: Next time I'll kill him...
Gloomtail: You people are strange.
Morton: You! You lied about the pizza!
Gloomtail: Eh?
Morton: Who?
Gloomtail: Grr... I should be harming the lot of you, but I'm paralyzed with rage.
Morton: I guess you won't mind if I kick you for lying then.
(Morton does so.)
Gloomtail: That didn't hurt, but it still makes me angry. Must... distract rage... with questions... So, Koopa Kid, any plans for the future?
Koopa Kid: No.
Gloomtail: That response makes me angry!
Koopa Kid: Stop announcing how you feel.
Gloomtail: I feel confused that you would make such a request.
Koopa Kid: I'm really tired of talking to you.
Gloomtail: Who?
Koopa Kid: ...
Blaze: ... Okay... I guess it's time for audience questions. Seat... 57!
Roy: I'ma kill you!
Koopa Kid: ...
Blaze: (through grit teeth) Let's try that again... Seat 90!
Larry: I'ma kill you!
Koopa Kid: ...
Blaze: ... Once more... Seat 38!
Bowser Jr: I'ma kill you!
Koopa Kid: ...
Lemmy: YOU DON'T EXIST!!!
Blaze: Ugh... These days it's so hard to pick out an audience member who can ask a good question...
(Shy Guy runs in again with nothing.)
Blaze: ... Where's your weapon?
Shy Guy: I... forgot it...
Blaze: ... Oh Hooktail? Idiot at four o'clock...
Hooktail: What? I don't even LIKE Shy Guys!
Blaze: Fine, then I won't pay you for the rest of the month...
Hooktail: ... All right...
(Hooktail eats Shy Guy.)
Shy Guy (from inside Hooktail): AAAAAAAAAAAH! I'M BEING DIGESTED!!!
Gloomtail: So that's where Hooktail's been... Hooky, is this why you haven't been writing?
Hooktail: Yes.
Gloomtail: This depresses me.
Koopa Kid: Stop iiiiiiiiiiit.
Gloomtail: Also, I refuse to call a seat. Seats are for babies.
Heavy Weapons Guy: BABIES!
Gloomtail: You are correct. I'll ask... why do you all look like Bowser?
Koopa Kid: We don't. That's just how Nintendo portrays us. They act like we're a generic species or something, like Koopalings.
Gloomtail: Who?
Lemmy: We're not generic at all, dorkface. We all look considerably different.
Koopa Kid: "Considerably".
Lemmy: Shut up!
Gloomtail: Why is Lemmy popping up so much in this Interview anyway? You'd think he was writing it.
Lemmy: I am writing it. In your mind. Ooooo.
Gloomtail: Right.
Blaze: *ahem* Seat 29... No wait. That one got blown up. Seat 46!
Bowyer: If Bowser isn't really your father, then who is?
Koopa Kid: I... I... I NEVER KNEW MY FATHER!!! Well, actually, yeah, I did, but you guys wouldn't recognize my parents as they're never appeared in a game.
Gloomtail: Who?
Koopa Kid: STOP IT!
Gloomtail: Serious question. I wanna know the name.
Koopa Kid: Err, umm, I kind of forgot. My parents ditched me at a young age and I was recruited by Bowser to do his... evil bidding like wreck party boards.
Lemmy: That's sad... but I still hate you and think you deserve to die!
Blaze: Then forget the dang lawsuit and let me kill him... Wait. Why are you so worried about getting sued anyway? How can he sue you if he's dead?
Lemmy: ...
(Lemmy shoots Koopa Kid with the gun.)
Blaze: Aww man. I wanted to kill him...
Lemmy: I know! We'll throw him in the oven and cook him!
Blaze: ...
(Three other Koopa Kids show up.)
Koopa Kid #1: How could you?!
Koopa Kid #2: You killed our brother!
Koopa Kid #3: Now we’re gonna kill you!
(All three take out maces.)
Lemmy: Eep!
(Lemmy runs in circles while the Koopa Kids chase him.)
Blaze: Could this get any worse?
Gloomtail: Who?
Blaze: ...
Lemmy: AAAH!!! I'M BEING RUTHLESSLY ASSAULTED!!!
Blaze: I don't care. Anyway, that's all the time we have for today, so GET OUT OF HERE!!!
Lemmy: AAAH!!! THEY'RE RIPPING MY BEAUTIFUL HAIR OUT!!!
Gloomtail: Who? Oh, yes, MORTALS! MY FOOLISH MORTALS, you will all now listen to my plan for WORLD DOMINATION! First, you-
Koopa Kid #2: End transmission!
Gloomtail: Do not interrupt me!
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