Swooper: Hug?

Dark Koopa: How many times you gonna ask that before you realize nobody likes you?

Swooper: Eleven.

Dark Koopa: Only two more then. Anyway, we have another guest interviewer today, and he probably smells dreadful.

Swooper: Hug?

Dark Koopa: No.

Count Blacula: Hug?

Swooper: Hug.

Dark Koopa: There will be no hugging.

Count Blacula and Swooper: Awww.

Swooper: I demand hugs!

Dark Koopa: That's eleven. Can you leave now?

Swooper: Not without a hug... or an Interview.

Dark Koopa: The latter. Bye.

(Dark Koopa exits.)

Swooper: Well, that failed.

Count Blacula: Yep.

Swooper: So today we are interviewing Mr. L.

Count Blacula: Who's that?

Swooper: It’s Luigi with a mask.

Count Blacula: Hahahahahaha!

Swooper: Anyway-

Count Blacula: Wait, hold on, I’m not done yet. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Mr. L: Hey, the L on my hat is backwards too! And I'm wearing some black!

Count Blacula: Didn't the author that's not me already interview Luigi?

Dark Koopa (from another room): Hey, shut up!

Swooper: Well, I think we get that it's Luigi.

Mr. L: Who is this Luigi person?

Swooper: ... Hug!

Count Blacula: (staring conspicuously at Mr. L) Yep, definitely Luigi, just look at the hair.

Mr. L: Nope. Not that person whom you are speaking of.

Swooper: He does look an awful lot like Luigi.

Mr. L: Lies! I can assure you, I am not Luigi.

Dark Koopa (from another room): Will you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch TV!

Swooper: Ooh, is Law and Order on?

Dark Koopa: Nope.

Swooper: Aww, well, "Mr. L"-

Mr. L: I can see those quotation marks.

Swooper: -how'd you come into existence?

Mr. L: I have always been a loyal follower of Count Bleck!

Swooper: That doesn't answer my question.

Mr. L: I dunno. I just woke up near some Goombas and some blue-haired lady. I don't remember anything before that.

Count Blacula: Were you drinking at the time?

Mr. L: Nope.

Swooper: So you just don’t remember anything?

Mr. L: Yep.

(Count Blacula begins staring at Mr. L's mask within six inches of his face.)

Mr. L: Could you please stop that?

Count Blacula: Oh, sorry. But I do smell some rum.

Swooper: Aren't you like thirty-something?

Mr. L: I'm twelve.

***

Plop: I'm so bored, this job is terrible.

Pura: Yeah, half of these Interviews we're forced to just sit in this coffee room and drink coffee all day.

Dark Koopa: One is half?

Plop: We should go into the studio and wreak havoc on the audience.

Pura: That sounds fun, but only my author can allow me to do that.

Dark Koopa: I’m right here. Hello?

Pura: Hi.

Dark Koopa: I want to wreck havoc for once!

Pura: Nah.

Dark Koopa: You’re annoying.

Pura: Good.

Plop: Dark, Pura and I are the havoc wreakers in these Interviews.

Pura: Just go do your job and we'll worry about the havoc wreaking.

Dark Koopa: But-

Plop: Nope.

Dark Koopa: Fine.

Pura: So can we?

Dark Koopa: You're confusing me. Do whatever.

Plop: Yay!

(Pura and Plop leave the room.)

***

Pura: So which one do you want?

Plop: You take Lemmy and I'll take Mario.

(Plop and Pura begin wreaking havoc on the audience. Lemmy and Mario are conveniently missing.)

Pura and Plop: Lame.

Swooper: Why are they wrecking havoc?

Count Blacula: Because their names start with P?

Swooper: Works for me. So Mr. L, you're twelve? If so, how do you explain the mustache?

Mr. L: What can I say? I guess I just mature more quickly than most.

Count Blacula: You're sure it's not because you're actually Luigi?

Mr. L: If one more person accuses me of being Luigi, this Interview is over.

Swooper: Kay, Luigi.

Mr. L: Interview's over, goodbye.

Count Blacula: Mr. L said he doesn’t like Yoshis.

Pura: I don't care.

Plop: That doesn’t work on me either.

Swooper: Blue Yoshis.

(Plop stares at Mr. L in a very evil manner.)

Mr. L: Okay, okay. I'll continue.

Swooper: Superb. How about some tea and crumpets? (quietly) And hugs.

Count Blacula: Jolly good show.

Mr. L: Right...

Swooper: Okay, I think it's established you THINK you're twelve.

Mr. L: Am twelve.

Swooper: Right. So you invented a robot? I wasn't aware you were an inventor.

Mr. L: Of course I am. You haven't played Mario Party? Each character got a board that fits them.

Swooper: So you admit you're Luigi?

Mr. L: No I do not!

Count Blacula: I dunno about that Mario Party thing. Mario and Rainbow Castle don't seem all that fitting.

(Insert Mario running around like a superhero.)

Pura and Plop: Get him!

Count Blacula: Okay, I think it's time for some audience questions.

Swooper: Seat 12.

Luigi: Yes, umm-

Count Blacula: What the-

Swooper: Where did Mr. L go?

(Pura and Plop throw Luigi out of the studio.)

Count Blacula: Well now we have no one to interview.

(Mr. L walks in looking a little beat up.)

Mr. L: Sorry everyone; I had to use the restroom.

Swooper and Count Blacula: Right.

Count Blacula: Seat 99999999999.

Yellow: I thought we ended this gag.

Count Blacula: What'd you say? Can't hear you since you're so far away.

Yellow: I hate you all.

Count Blacula: Huh?

Swooper: Seat 47.

Bowser: Are you aware you're Luigi?

Mr. Luigi: ...

Bowser: Haha. I rule.

Mr. L: Hey!

Bowser: All right, serious question. Do you really think that Brobot was your brother?

Mr. L: Since I have no brother, the robot was the best I could do.

Bowser: What are you talking about? Your brother's right there.

(Mario proceeds to do cartwheels on the stage.)

Swooper: I thought he just got thrown out.

Pura and Plop: Get him!

Count Blacula: Seat 78.

Waluigi: Wah!

Yellow: Another overused gag…

Count Blacula: Can’t hear you!

Swooper: Plop? Pura?

Plop and Pura: Busy!

(Pura and Plop continue beating on Mario.)

Mr. L: Like I said, my only brother is Brobot.

Count Blacula: I'm sure. Where'd you get the materials to build this Brobot?

Swooper: I thought we were asking audience questions.

Count Blacula: Silence!

Swooper: Hug!

Count Blacula: No!

Mr. L: Count Bleck has factories and stuff. You just don't see them.

Swooper: Seat 65.

Plop: Cake or death!

Swooper: Umm, cake, obviously.

Pura: You there! Cake or death!

Lakitu: Cake, duh.

Count Blacula: What the-

Plop and Pura: Cake or death!

Count Blacula: Uh... Cake?

Plop: Well we're out of cake!

Count Blacula: So my only choice is "or death"?

Pura: Well we only had two pieces and we didn't expect such a rush.

Count Blacula: I'll take the chicken then.

Plop and Pura: Awwww.

Swooper: Okay, who's next?

Dark Koopa: Me! Me! Pick me!

Swooper: Okay.

(Swooper hugs Dark Koopa.)

Dark Koopa: ...

Swooper: You said pick you.

Dark Koopa: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.

Swooper: I'm not.

Dark Koopa: ... "Mr. L".

Mr. L: I see those quotation marks.

Dark Koopa: Shut up. I don't care. My question, why are you such a pathetic villain? Without your stupid Brobot, the only attack you had was to jump in the air. What're you, Iggy or something?

Iggy: Hey!

Mr. L: Hey now... You can't do much when you're twelve.

Dark Koopa: You're not twelve. You're a full-grown adult. You're really sad. No wonder Dimentio killed you. Highlight of that game, by the way.

Mr. L: ...

Dark Koopa: How'd that feel, by the way? Getting killed by some purple and yellow clown?

Mr. L: It hurt?

Dark Koopa: In more ways than one, I'm sure.

Goomba King: I feel your pain!

(Pura and Plop pummel Goomba King.)

Count Blacula: There... Now you can feel some actual pain.

Goomba King: Ow!

Swooper: No one cares, on with the Interview!

Count Blacula: Fine fine. Seat 81.

Lemmy: Lemmy's Inter- Gah!

(Pura and Plop chase Lemmy around.)

Swooper: Seat 55.

Thumbs: When am I gonna ap- Gah!

(Pura and Plop chase Thumbs around.)

Count Blacula: Err, seat 133.

Tippi: How'd you do that sucking attack on Brobot?

Dark Koopa: Haha, your name is Tippi!

Tippi: ...

Dark Koopa: Haha!

Mr. L: Simple. I put a high-powered vacuum inside Brobot's mouth. When I suck a victim up, I toss them around inside the mouth, which has pointy objects inside, and then spit them out.

Dark Koopa: Haha... Tippi...

Swooper: Seat 94.

Peach: How'd you find us in space?

Mr. L: Well, Brobot can easily be worked like a spaceship, as you saw in the game. I was informed of your Whoa Zone location by one of Count Bleck's henchmen, and since you can breathe in the Whoa Zone, I just parked Brobot behind a rock or something and waited for you.

Peach: Stalker.

Swooper: Right. Um, after you “died”, what happened to you?

Mr. L: I cannot say.

Swooper: You will or I’ll hug you to death.

Mr. L: Very well. I have a secret for you all then.

Count Blacula: Hm?

(Mr. L removes his mask.)

Mr. L: I’m a zombie.

Swooper and Count Blacula: ... No you’re not.

Mr. L: Surprised, huh?

Count Blacula: Nope.

Swooper: Nope.

Pura and Plop: Get him!

Mr. L: Wait! Wait!

Count Blacula: What?

Mr. L: None of you are surprised?

Count, Pura, Plop, and Swooper: Nope.

Dark Koopa: Nope. Ha, I get my own line.

Mr. L: Fine then. I shall escape with this record player stunning you all with its bad music.

Record Player: King Mr. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Swooper: That’s pretty bad. You need to try harder.

(Pura and Plop chase Mr. L out of the studio.)

Swooper: I'm hungry. Hug!

Count Blacula: No.