It's a peaceful day at Mario and Luigi's house. The silence is broken by the rattle of a piece of mail being placed in the box outside the Bros.' house. As per usual, Luigi goes to retrieve it. After opening the letter (a perfect rip, straight across), he reads it aloud to his older brother.
Dear Plumb Scum,
My kids and I will be robbing Mushroom Bank today at noon. If you want to save your precious coins, be there! Come alone... or else!
Hugs and kisses,
King Koopa
Luigi: Come on, bro! We got to stop Koopa!
Mario: What part of come alone don't you get?
Luigi: But Mario! It's Koopa and his Koopa Kids! You'll get killed!
Mario: Yeah, but he did say or else. You stay here and, I don't know, look at your stamp collection or something.
Luigi: Brother, we don't even know which of us this letter is addressed to!
Mario, who is already halfway through the door, turns to look at Luigi, an expression of pure pity on his face.
Mario: It'll be a cold day in December before you get a letter.
With that, Mario turns and leaves.
Luigi: But it is cold in December! Oh drat.
Meanwhile at Mushroom Bank, Bowser and his kids are standing around, waiting. Bowser pulls a pocket watch out of nowhere and checks the time, then puts it away.
Bowser: Ludwig! Are you sure Mario will be here?
Ludwig: Don't worry, King Dad! Once he gets here he'll fall right into my trap!
Bowser: You didn't answer my question! I asked will be here?
Larry: Who cares? If he doesn't show up, we'll rob all the coins in Mushroom Bank!
Wendy: Mario'd better get here soon! I can't wait to start sin-
Morton: Shut up Wendy! Not another word, or you'll give away our b-b-b-brilliant plan, our clever scheme, our modum opperandi, our-
Roy: Shut up or I'll pound you! I don't know how much of this sissy stuff I can take.
Lemmy: Shut up and-
Iggy: Look! Mario's right-
Lemmy and Iggy: Over there!
Indeed, Mario is standing nearby, still oblivious to the Koopas' presence. His journey to Mushroom Bank was uneventful, but what scary, stupid threats await him? Find out... now!
Mario approaches the bank, then suddenly stops as he recognizes his arch-nemesis. By this time he is about a foot away from the Koopa king.
Mario: Koopa!
Bowser: Yes?
Mario: What a shiny red hat you have!
Bowser: The better to prevent sunburn!
Mario: And what nice blue suspenders you have!
Bowser: The better to be properly clothed!
Mario: And what a pretty red shirt you have!
Bowser: The better to... uh... well I like red.
Mario: Hey! You're dressed just like me!
Bowser: Mario... I have something... difficult... to tell you.
Mario: You're my father?!
Bowser: Yes Mario. You must join the Dark Side.
Mario: Never! We shall fight to the death!
Bowser: Calm down, Mario! I was only joking.
Mario: Oh... really? Uh, then what is it?
Bowser looks at Ludwig. Ludwig nods.
Bowser: Mario... I want to be like you.
Mario: Yeah, I get that a lot.
Bowser: No, I really mean it. I'll explain it to you this way.
Ludwig runs offscreen and returns pushing a piano. He sits down and begins to play. Bowser clears his throat, opens his mouth, and... oh my DAD, he's gonna sing!
Bowser: Mario... I want to talk like you, walk like you, and yes I even want to look like you!
Mario: What?
Bowser: That's right! I want to eat like you, sleep like you, in fact I really want to think like you!
Mario: No way!
Bowser: I've finally realized, after all of this time, you are who I want to be!
Mario: Really?
Bowser: I want to jump like you, breathe like you, Mario, I want to be like youuu!
Koopalings: He wants to talk like you, walk like you, and yes he even wants to look like you!
Mario: Uh huh!
Koopalings: That's right! He wants to eat like you, sleep like you, in fact he really wants to think like you!
Mario: Oh yeah!
Koopalings: He's finally realized, after all of this time, you are who he wants to be!
Mario: 'Bout time!
Koopalings: He wants to jump like you, breathe like you, Mario, he wants to be like youuu!
Mario: So let me get this straight! You want to talk like me, walk like me, and yes you even want to look like me!
Bowser: You got it!
Mario: And you also want to eat like me, sleep like me, in fact you really want to think like me!
Bowser: That's right!
Mario: You've finally realized, after all of this time, I am who you want to be!
Bowser: Just the same!
Mario: You want to jump like me, breathe like me, hey Koopa, you want to be like meee!
Bowser: Yes yes yes! And all I need to change, is, youuu!
Mario: Yeah yeah what?
Ludwig: Grab him, siblings!
Mario quickly looks around. It seems that while he was singing, the six Koopalings besides Ludwig circled around him.
Mario: Ah shoot.
Morton: Get him!
Roy: Charge!
Mario tries to escape by jumping out of the circle, but Roy grabs him by the ankle and drags him down to the ground. Mario is quickly subdued.
Lemmy: We win!
Iggy: Mario loses!
Wendy: It was all thanks to my singing!
Larry: Let's go rob the bank!
Mario: It's just my luck that stupid brother of mine decided not to come.
Ludwig: So, King Dad, what do you think?
Bowser: Ludwig... DON'T YOU EVER ASK ME TO SING AGAIN!!!
Ludwig: But you have such a lovely voice!
Bowser: Shut up.
Later, after the Koopalings have dragged Mario back to the castle while Bowser yelled at them, we find Mario, Bowser, and Ludwig in the lavatory.
Ludwig: That's laboratory, you uncultured fool!
Sorry, we find them in the laboratory.
Ludwig: That's better.
Mario: Hey, where'd your other kids go?
Bowser: They don't exist right now.
Mario: Yeah? Well even though I'm tied up and in the presence of my arch-nemesis and his strongest son, I'm not worried because I know that some plot twist will save me just in time.
Bowser: Not this time, lame brain! ... Right Ludwig?
Ludwig: Right King Dad! With my Deoxyribonucleic Acid Changing Machine, I will turn Mario, into you! Wahowahohowahohowaha!!!
Bowser: Deoxy what? Did you take lessons from Morton?
Ludwig: Who?
Bowser: Oh, right, he doesn't exist now.
Ludwig: Look, it's very simple. I'll put Mario into this machine, and when he comes out he'll be exactly like you.
Bowser: You mean smart, handsome, and an all-around super guy?
Ludwig: Uh, yeah, sure, what you said.
Bowser: Alright!
Mario: Hey, I'm sure you're really excited about using your new gizmo, but do you think you could wait until Luigi gets here? I'm sure he'll want to see.
Ludwig: Sorry Mario, we already took care of Luigi.
Back at Mario and Luigi's house...
King Boo: Boo!
Luigi: Ahh!
King Boo: Boo!
Luigi: Ahh!
King Boo: Boo!
Luigi: Ahh!
Ad infinitum. Back in Ludwig's lab...
Mario: Oh, well in that case, it would be stupid to wait around for him. You'd better just put me in the machine then.
Ludwig: Alright, I will!
Ludwig somehow does so. He then presses the big red button on the machine's control panel. The machine starts to hum and change shape as Mario, presumably, is tossed from side to side.
Ludwig: I'm going to leave now, for no good reason.
Bowser: Ok, see ya later.
Ludwig leaves now, for no good reason. Bowser stands around doing nothing while the machine continues to make strange noises and bounce around. All of a sudden, Ludwig's invention explodes, and a white cloud of smoke covers its entire vacinity. As the smoke clears, a large figure gradually comes into view.
Mario: Wow, I sure am handsome!
Bowser: I'll say! You look like me!
Mario: Yeah, I guess I do! In fact, now I walk like you, talk like you, and don't you know I even look like you!
Bowser: For sure!
Mario: And don't forget I also eat like you, sleep like you, and hey I even really think like you!
Bowser: As planned!
Mario: You've finally beat me, after all of this time, and now I am just like you!
Bowser: Go me!
Mario: And now I jump like you, breathe like you, hey Koopa, I'm just like youuu!
Bowser: That's right because you walk like me, talk like me, and yes I know that you do look like me!
Mario: Just like twins!
Bowser: And I can see you also eat like me, sleep like me, and it's pretty clear you even think like me!
Mario: Quite clear!
Bowser: I've finally beat you, after all of this time, and now you are just like me!
Mario: Like you!
Bowser: So now you jump like me, breathe like me, Mario, you're just like me!
Mario: That's right! And now that I'm you, I'll scare like you do, and kidnap and burgle and rule!
Bowser: We're one of a kind! We share the same mind! Those who oppose us are what did you say?!
Mario: GUARDS!
Whish!
Hammer Brother: Yes, King Koopa?
Mario: Take this imposter to the dungeon!
Koopatrol: As you wish.
The guards advance towards Bowser.
Bowser: Wait, wait a minute! I'm the real King Koopa! That's Mario! He's the imposter!
The two guards look at each other, then survey the scene. To the left they see Bowser wearing a red hat, blue overalls, and a red shirt. To the right, amidst debris from Ludwig's machine, is another Bowser, wearing nothing. That's because Mario's clothes are too small for Bowser, so they were shredded during the transformation.
Hammer Brother: Er... if you're King Koopa, why are you wearing Mario's clothes?
Bowser: This is a disguise, you nincomkoop!
Bowser rips off his Mario disguise. Now both Bowsers look the same.
Hammer Brother: (to Koopatrol) What do you think?
Koopatrol: (to Hammer Brother) How about we ask some questions only the real King Koopa would know? Then we'll know who the imposter is.
Hammer Brother: Good idea. Ok, who knows what King Koopa's favorite color is?
Bowser: Red.
Mario: Red.
Koopatrol: How many pictures of himself are in King Koopa's room?
Bowser: Fifty...two.
Mario: Fifty-two.
Koopatrol: The one on the right seems more sure.
Hammer Brother: Don't worry, only the real King Koopa will know this. What is the code to the secret safe behind King Koopa's throne?
Bowser: Thirty-eight left, fourty-five right, twenty-four left.
Mario: Thirty-eight left, fourty-five right, twenty-four left.
Koopatrol: Wow, they're so similar.
Hammer Brother: Yeah, and neither of them knows the code.
Koopatrol: Look, you were wearing Mario's clothes, so you're Mario, and that's that.
Hammer Brother: Works for me. Let's get 'im.
Bowser: Wait! If you don't believe me, you'll have to believe my KIDS!!!
Whish!
Ludwig: Yes King Dad?
Lemmy: Wow! We-
Iggy: Exist again!
Bowser: Tell the worst guards ever which one of us is your good ol' dad.
Morton: That's easy, it's mmph!
Wendy: Shut up Morton! We'll only tell if you give us a raise in allowance!
Larry: Ooh! I should've thought of that!
Roy: Yeah, so pay up!
Bowser: Why I oughta... I mean, five extra coins per week for my lovely, sweet children.
Lemmy: It's the one on-
Mario: Ten!
Iggy: The right!
Bowser: Lousy kids!
Larry: Hey, supply and demand.
Hammer Brother: Look, your kids say you're the imposter, so you're just gonna have to go to the dungeon with us.
Bowser: Can't make me! Nahnahnahnah nah nah!
The two guards look at each other. Koopatrol does a funky dance, and another Koopatrol appears.
Bowser: Still can't make me! Nahnahnahnah nah nah!
Many dances later...
Bowser: Still can't make me! Nahnahnahnah woah! Hey, put me down!
Hammer Brother: We will, in the dungeon.
Bowser: Grr, I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS MARIO!!!
Exeunt Bowser and guards.
Wendy: Now, about that allowance...
Mario: GUARDS!
Whish!
Hammer Brother: Yes, King Koopa?
Mario: Take my kids to the dungeon!
Koopatrol: As you wish.
Roy: Well this stinks.
Morton: This is not right! This did not go as planned! Or as expected! This is all wrong, this is not how it was supposed to go at all! We were supposed to win! Mario was supposed to lose! And he's Mario, and not good ol' King Dad, who's in the dungeon, because we said he was Mario, but-
Guards: Shut up!
Exeunt Koopalings and guards.
Mario: ... Good thing I brought this Koopa suit!
Rimshot.
Meanwhile, in the dungeon...
Bowser: Tell me again how this plan was supposed to work.
Ludwig: Yes, well once we made Mario just like you, he would be on our side and help us take over the Mushroom Kingdom!
Bowser: Interesting, but I have one question.
Ludwig: Yes?
Bowser: WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THE DUNGEON?!
Ludwig: Obviously the plan backfired.
Bowser: Ludwig?
Ludwig: Yes?
Bowser: I'm going to kill you.
Ludwig: I'll miss your singing voice.
And so, once again the day is saved by, SUPER MARIO!
The E- Hey, what's going on at Mario and Luigi's house?
Luigi: I'll get you, Koopa!
Mario: Luigi, it's me! Ow! I'm stuck in a yow Koopa suit! Help me owch get it off! Oof! LUIGI!!!
The End for Mario
Whoops! You're not logged in! |