(Hey, what are you doing, Skoops?)
S. Koopa: I'm fixing the camera. What does it look like I'm doing?
(Well, isn't that part of Roger's job?)
S. Koopa: Yeah, but he called in sick.
(So are you going to be working the camera like you did before?)
S. Koopa: No, Kevin is on his way over to do that.
(And we're keeping ads out of this Interview, right?)
S. Koopa: Already taken care of.
(What do you mean?)
S. Koopa: Lemmy couldn't make it here, since he's a bit... tied up today.
In an abandoned warehouse somewhere...
Lemmy (tied to a chair): THIS IS SERIOUSLY NOT COOL, MAN. AND GET THIS CAMERA OUT OF MY FACE.
Back at the studio...
(I don't think I want to know what you meant by that.)
S. Koopa: You'd be right about that.
(A knock is heard at the studio entrance.)
S. Koopa: (still tinkering with the camera) The door is unlocked, so come in.
(The entrance blows open and an eccentric Magikitu enters, picking up a defused Bob-omb as he does so)
Mashi: Hi Skoops! Sorry about the entrance, I had trouble opening it.
S. Koopa: Was it really necessary to blow up the door?
Mashi: Is there any other way in?
Bob-omb: You could have tried turning the knob. Not all doors are push and pull.
Mashi: Really?
Bob-omb: Really.
(Mashi looks around.)
Mashi: So where's Kamek? Kemak misses him.
Kemak: ...
Mashi: It's okay, Kemak, Kamek will be here soon. Right, Skoops?
S. Koopa: (sitting up) Yeah, he should be here any second.
Kevin: (at the doorway, staring) Um...
S. Koopa: Yeah, don't ask.
Kevin: Will do.
(Kevin walks up onto the stage and sits in Seat 0.)
S. Koopa: You... know how to work the camera, right?
Kevin: Of course I do.
(Kevin stares at the camera for several seconds.)
Kevin: ... Ok, yeah, I have no idea what I'm doing.
S. Koopa: All you have to do is press the green button twice when we're about to start, and make sure the camera focuses correctly.
Kevin: All right, that works for me.
(Suddenly Kamek appears in a puff of smoke.)
Kamek: All right, I'm here. When are we going to begin?
S. Koopa: As soon as the author lazily makes the audience appear in a puff of smoke or something.
(A sandbag falls onto S. Koopa.)
S. Koopa (underneath the sandbag): Pain.
Author: That's what you get for calling my methods lazy.
(The audience appears in another puff of smoke.)
S. Koopa: Called it.
(A second sandbag falls onto S. Koopa.)
S. Koopa: ...ow
Mashi: Kamek!
(Mashi embraces Kamek. In response, Kamek pushes Mashi away.)
Kamek: Oh dear DAD. I never imagined seeing you again after the race.
Mashi: That race didn't even exist properly though. But I digress, Kemak missed you!
(Mashi throws Kemak at Kamek. Kamek tries to dodge, but is unsuccessful.)
Kamek: Ow... You still have that pet rock with you?
Mashi: Well, he is a deity after all.
Bob-omb: (sarcastically) I would hate to intrude, but shall we not be helping S. Koopa, who's probably suffocating underneath the sandbags?
Mashi: Oh, sure, sorry Skoops.
(Mashi levitates the first sandbag off of S. Koopa. He then tries lifting the second one off of him, but drops it. Moans can be heard.)
Mashi: Oh, sorry about that.
Kamek: (with grief) Perhaps I should handle this.
(Kamek pulls out his wand and levitates the second sandbag off of S. Koopa.).
S. Koopa: Let's... just start.
(S. Koopa, Mashi, and Kamek take their seats and Kevin begins filming.)
S. Koopa: Hello, all, and welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show! Today, we interview Kamek.
Kamek: Hello. (waves)
S. Koopa: Right, so let's begin. For the first question, what magic do you specialize in?
Kamek: Well, I've mastered nearly all forms of magic, but my strongest would be in the forms of teleportation, transformation, and growth, such as those spells that I used in Yoshi's Island, Mario Parties 5, 6, and 7, and New Super Mario Bros. Wii.
Mashi: Skoops, we shouldn't be asking Kamek these boring and mundane questions! That makes us no different from other interviewers. We need to be more frivolous in asking questions! Or if not, we should at least ask something less banal, such as... Kamek, why is it that you choose to fight alongside evil? Do you consider yourself evil? What's your opinion on the 'good guys'? Do you feel that they truly are good or are victims of unfortunate misunderstanding? And d-
Bob-omb: I believe that you would be more intelligible if you asked one question at a time.
Kamek: No, it's all right, that's possibly the most intelligent thing that he's said... ever.
Mashi: So...?
Kamek: Well, I'm completely aware of the fact that the machinations Lord Bowser and I concoct are cruel and evil, but as far as the reasons go for why I have chosen the side of evil... well, I haven't really thought of it much. My parents were evil, my grandparents were evil... in fact, my entire family tree was evil as far as I know. I suppose evilness just runs in the family for me. And as the head Magikoopa, I have to keep up my family's legacy after all. It would be betrayal if I joined the good guys.
Mashi: That answer was categorically dull.
S. Koopa: Well, he at least answered you. Anyways, do you have any relation with Kammy Koopa?
Kamek: Well, we share the position of being second in command to Lord Bowser, but that's really it.
S. Koopa: So you're not, like, related or anything?
Kamek: My Stars, no! I would never have any roots with that hideous... thing.
Kammy: Yeah, well you're not exactly a basket of fruit yourself, old man.
S. Koopa: Hey, let's save the conflicts for later, all right? I've already decided we're not having any interruptions in this Interview.
Kammy: *mumbling* He started it.
Mashi: Kammy, what's your favorite color?
Kamek: *Ahem*
Bob-omb: Mashi, you should be questioning the interviewee.
Mashi: Oh, okay. Kamek, what's your favorite color?
Bob-omb: Mashi, I think it would be better to question him on a more interesting topic.
Kamek: That's probably the best question we'll be able to get out of him. Blue.
S. Koopa: Have you ever considered retiring from your position?
Kamek: Of course not! I admit that it can be frustrating at times, having to put up with Lord Bowser's constant failure to learn from his experiences, but I could never leave his aide.
S. Koopa: Aww, how sweet.
Kamek: Shush, you.
Mashi: Do you think Bowser's ever going to succeed in any of his endeavors? I don't see the point in sticking around if every plan he enacts ends up being abortive!
Kamek: Well, although Lord Bowser can be a bit of a dolt from time to time, I think that someday, he'll be able to capture the princess for good and finally defeat those pesky plumbers.
Mashi: But how would Nintendo make money if that happened?
Kamek: Ninwhato?
Mashi: Never mind.
S. Koopa: Well, those are all of our questions! Let's move to Audience Question Time! Seat 34!
Gloomba: How old are you?
Kamek: You would really waste an opportunity to ask me something with a question like that?
S. Koopa: Just answer his question.
Gloomba: I'm a girl.
S. Koopa: Whatever.
Gloomba: ...
Kamek: Well, I'm turning 66 next month.
Gloomba: Geez, you're OLD.
Kamek: ...
S. Koopa: ... No duh?
Kamek: (rolls eyes) Gee, you all are making me feel so great about myself.
Mashi: My turn! Seat Rock.
Bob-omb: We've been over this, there is no Sea-
Kemak (in Seat Rock): ...
Bob-omb: ...
Mashi: Kemak asked you why you're so amazing. Bob-omb said the letter "S" in Morse Code.
Kamek: D'aww, thank you. I'm flattered. I would hate to brag, but I am, in fact, very studious and powerful, the strongest Magikoopa there ever was as well.
S. Koopa: Seat 0.
Kevin: Could you shift your head slightly to the left? The lights have been making a horrible glare on your glasses this whole time.
Kamek: Oh, sure.
(Kamek shifts his head slightly.)
Kevin: No, not my left, yours!
Kamek: Oh, sorry-
S. Koopa: Um, could you ask Kamek an actual question?
Kevin: Yeah, but that was bothering me this whole Interview.
S. Koopa: ...
Kevin: So, um, you stated specifically that you were the most powerful Magikoopa.
Kamek: And rightfully so, but why are you telling me this?
Kevin: Well, does that mean that there are more powerful Magikoopas now?
Kamek: Not necessarily. I have taught each Magikoopa everything they know, but not everything I know. I suppose I should have said "am" rather than "was".
S. Koopa: Well, that was an interesting question.
Kevin: Thanks, but you still need to move your head, Kamek.
Kamek: Oh, right. Sorry about that.
(Kamek moves his head again.)
S. Koopa: Well, Mashi, is there anything else you want to say or ask before we cut the transmission?
Mashi: But Kamek, what about me?
Kamek: What about you for what?
Mashi: For being the strongest Magikoopa!
Kamek: ...
Bob-omg: ...
Kemak: ...
Mashi: ...
Bob-omb: You typo'd my name.
Mashi: I think that was intentional. But anyway, Kamek, you've failed to respond to my question!
Kamek: (sarcastically) Oh, you don't count as a Magikoopa, because you're a Magikitu.
Mashi: Fair enough! I suppose that's all I have to say now, Skoops!
S. Koopa: All right! That concludes this Interview, and, for once, nothing stupid or random happen-
Wario: KILL YOU!!!
S. Koopa: ... I weep.
(Suddenly Lemmy stomps into the studio and up to S. Koopa.)
S. Koopa: What do you wan-
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!!!
(Lemmy punches S. Koopa in the face and sprints back out of the studio.)
S. Koopa: I really should have seen that coming.
Kevin: Well, while S. Koopa is down, would you like to end this Interview, Kamek?
Kamek: Of course. End transmission.
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