Badyoyo: Hee hee. I love you all!
Micheal Tarver: You do know that wasn't an actual attitude adjustment Cena gave you, right?
Badyoyo: Oh...
Micheal Tarver: Also, I forgot to tell you. While you were mindlessly making Fun Fiction and forgetting about the auditions for (Soon To Be)'s replacement, I got bored and destroyed my competition.
(Badyoyo looks at all the other contestants in pain.)
Badyoyo: ... *sigh* Well, looks like you get to interview-
(Badyoyo sees Mario has escaped from his chair.)
Badyoyo: Drat... Well... since we have the camera on, we'll have to find another person for you to interview.
N. Gin: How about me?
Badyoyo: No!
Michael Tarver: I found this guy outside the stadium. He seems pretty cool. I want to interview with him.
???: Yo, what's up?
Badyoyo: Who are you?
(Badyoyo obviously hasn’t looked at the title of this Interview. We see a young man in his late teens with brown hair, glasses, blue eyes, long eyelashes, green and orange sweater vest, black and blue shoes, and long jogging pants. He walks down to the interviewer chair.)
Guy: Heh. I am so glad that I got talked into going to this live show. It is starting to get funny.
N. Gin: Huh?
Michael Tarver: I don't know, he's from Diamond City. And Diamond City is getting popular nowadays.
Badyoyo: Hm, welcome to Badyoyo Studios...
Guy: CJ, CJ Lambert.
Badyoyo: All right, now all we need is an interviewee.
Michael Tarver: How about that guy who Mr. Malovonnie was going to interview?
Badyoyo: Ok, Zack Koopa, come on down!
Zack Koopa the Dry Bones walks down.
Michael Tarver: He's a frequent viewer of our show.
Badyoyo: Yeah.
Michael Tarver: CJ, you get the first question.
CJ: So Dry Bones. What makes you different from a Dull Bones?
Zack Koopa: ‘Cause I'm not Dull, duh!
Michael Tarver: Kid, you should've seen that coming.
CJ: Yeah, I guess.
Michael Tarver: What sets you apart from other Dry Bones?
Zack Koopa: ‘Cause I'm one of the only Koopas to survive a battle with Mario.
Michael Tarver: Hm, tell me more.
Zack Koopa: While I was still a Koopa, I was guarding a fortress. Mario came in and attacked me, grabbed me, and threw me and my shell at a switch. I fell in the lava, just barely managing to escape. However, my skin and good bits of my shell burned off. Now I'm here to tell you the tale of Mario.
CJ: Well I know that you are not dull, but WHY aren't you dull? How are Dull Bones and Dry Bones made? How do they become dry and not dull, and vice-versa?
Zack Koopa: Fine, I'll play by your rules. It's all about the Koopa. For instance, if Koops died right now, he would become a Dull Bones. Dull Bones are social outcasts that did nothing with their lives.
Michael Tarver: So what interesting things have you done?
Zack Koopa: I'm Diamond City's Favorite New Generation Radio Announcer. Duh.
CJ Lambert: Oh yeah! The Zack Koopa Show! I love your "Music of the Week" segments.
Zack Koopa: Thanks, man.
CJ: How is it that you don't die when a fat plumber jumps on your head, but you do when said fat plumber is in hammer mode, invincibility mode, and in cape feather mode?
Zack Koopa: Because no matter how fat the plumber is - and I assume you mean the Mario Bros. - our bones are too weak to break, but the hammer smashes the bones to bit. Being invincible means, well, being invincible, and the cape feather damages our joints.
CJ: Not very technical, is it?
Zack Koopa: I'm not the one that made up the physics of the cape feather.
CJ: I never said that you did, but I've been hit with a cape before and it doesn't hurt that much.
Zack Koopa: That may be because you aren't of the undead!
Michael Tarver: So why in the world do you guys sound like Boos in Super Mario Sluggers?
Zack Koopa: Because Boos had a strike against Bowser saying how he wasn't using them enough. So Bowser eventually gave in and gave them extra voices in Super Mario Sluggers as well as their cameos as a power-up and that Boo you get. Then we Dry Bones had a war against the Boos for our appearances.
Michael Tarver: A war? Do tell!
Zack Koopa: It's not much; 70,000 Dry Bones attacked Luigi's Mansion against the 51 Boos. However the Boos won the battle with their ability to teleport and turn invisible.
Michael Tarver: What about your regenerating ability?
Zack Koopa: It wasn't enough. They tossed our bones into the fireplace in the Mansion.
Michael Tarver: How does that help?
Zack Koopa: If you want to destroy us, our bones burn easily. That's why we don't respond when our heads fall into lava.
CJ: How come some of you can throw bones in Super Mario World but others can't?
Zack Koopa: Because some of us have some bones to spare and can throw them without any detrimental effects.
CJ: And I take it that the bones are from deformities you have?
Zack Koopa: Or we just pick up bones of destroyed dead bones to fling at the Mario Bros.
CJ: But what if the Dry Bones aren't destroyed?
Zack Koopa: ... I don't know. I haven't had that happen yet.
(Michael Tarver takes a bone out of Zack Koopa. He falls apart.)
Michael Tarver: There we go, problem solved.
(Zack Koopa puts himself together.)
Michael Tarver: How does that work, anyway?
Zack Koopa: What, the bones thing? Oh, it's standard for an experienced Dry Bones. You see, we Dry Bones have only one vital organ, the brain. If we're smart enough, we can use telekinesis to put ourselves together. If we're not smart enough then we require other Dry Bones to put us together. This only happens to Dull Bones, however.
CJ Lambert: How come in Super Mario Galaxy, Dry Bones aren't bipedal?
Zack Koopa: Because the gravity in the different galaxies affects the bone structure and can make the bones more dense. As a result, they’re too heavy for those Dry Bones to stand on two feet.
CJ Lambert: But what about Mario? It doesn't affect him at all?
Zack Koopa: That is because it only affects bones that are exposed to the atmosphere. If Mario had only legs that were bones, he would be on his hands also.
CJ Lambert: Despite the fact that he has tons of training in a lot of areas.
Zack Koopa: You can't train against gravity.
Michael Tarver: Are you related to the Matter Mouths?
Zack Koopa: Well... uh... That's a good question... Gee... I don't know.
Michael Tarver: Give me info! TARVER TUCK!
(Michael Tarver bodyslams Zack Koopa, who puts himself back together.)
Zack Koopa: Uh... They're a disabled new generation of Dry Bones. Unless they can somehow reproduce, Dry Bones are now an endangered species.
Michael Tarver: Man... Harsh.
Zack Koopa: Says the guy who just bodyslammed one!
Michael Tarver: Why don't you have some law against people who attack you then?
Zack Koopa: We probably wouldn't be able to attack people. And that would cut hundreds of Dry Bones from Bowser's Army.
Michael Tarver: And I thought the unemployment on Earth was bad.
CJ Lambert: Why is it that the Dry Bones in the other galaxies of Super Mario Galaxy are more aggressive than they are here?
Zack Koopa: Because the lack of gravity and the general atmosphere changes their moods.
CJ Lambert: So basically the other planets’ atmosphere makes them react badly?
Zack Koopa: Yup. Although that might seem like a weak answer, Dry Bones are simple.
CJ Lambert: Do you mean simple like in slow?
Zack Koopa: No. We are actually very intelligent off the battlefield.
CJ Lambert: Then why doesn't Bowser have you come up with strategies?
Zack Koopa: Because that would mean switching us with the Magikoopas, who are less durable then us.
Michael Tarver: I don't know…
(Michael Tarver takes out another bone, Zack Koopa falls apart.)
Michael Tarver: You guys don't look really durable either.
(Zack Koopa puts himself together,)
Zack Koopa: Stop that! It wasn't funny before, and it's not funny now!
Michael Tarver: Sorry... Hey, wait. I've seen Dull Bones throw bones before. Explain that!
Zack Koopa: Have you ever noticed that Dull Bones are where bones usually are? It's the graphics of the GameCube that made it look like they were throwing their bones.
CJ Lambert: So it is a glitch that makes it look like they are throwing their bones.
Zack Koopa: Yup! They just pick up random bones from the ground to throw at Mario. They do not throw their own bones.
CJ Lambert: What happens if they pick up bones of a Dull Bones that falls apart?
Zack Koopa: Then it will take longer for that Dull Bones to regenerate. It just looks fast because time speeds up when Mario leaves the area.
CJ Lambert: You have just got to love video game logic.
Michael Tarver: What about the team in the Glitz Pit?
Zack Koopa: What ABOUT the team in the Glitz Pit?
Michael Tarver: There's no bones there.
Zack Koopa: That's simple! They use the spare ones that Jolene gave them.
CJ Lambert: I think they use inventory like they do in Animal Crossing. I love videogames.
Zack Koopa: I wish we had more videogames in Diamond City.
Michael Tarver: Why?
Zack Koopa: Well Wario's the big "Microgame" guy in Diamond City. The only actual videogames we can get are from "Games Ahoy!”, that weird gift shop, and anything made by Wario's Apprentice.
Michael Tarver: Any of the ones that are not made by Wario's Apprentice, were they made by Nintendo?
Zack Koopa: Are you kidding? They're ALL Nintendo Games!
Michael Tarver: HA! You can't play awesome games like *Insert your favorite Non-Nintendo Game that you can only buy on a Non-Nintendo Product here*!
CJ Lambert: I don't know why anybody would want video games created by Wario. I've played some.
Zack Koopa: And how are they then?
CJ Lambert: Overpriced and not very good quality.
Zack Koopa: Well they’re are the only video games that I can get my hands on.
CJ Lambert: I know of some good underground taverns where you can get better games.
(Michael Tarver starts making slashing motions across his throat.)
CJ Lambert: What?
(Max the Thwomp lands on CJ Lambert.)
Max: OOR!
CJ Lambert: OW!
Michael Tarver: I should've mentioned that Badyoyo's a major fan of Wario.
(Badyoyo is seen next to a switch that can launch Max. He's glaring at CJ Lambert.)
Badyoyo: Michael-
Michael Tarver: -Tarver.
Badyoyo: ... Michael Tarver. Don't you think it's time for the audience to ask questions?
Michael Tarver: Sure, whatever.
Badyoyo: Max, get off the interviewer.
(Max gets off of CJ Lambert.)
Michael Tarver: You first.
CJ Lambert: You didn't need to do that. I just say it like it is. Anyway, you, the Whomp in the back.
Whomp: How come in Paper Mario, Dry Bones are weak against fire?
Zack Koopa: Because we are made of paper in there, and paper burns fire to soot. Duh!
CJ Lambert: It’s simple physics, really. Just like fire burns bugs and ice.
CJ Lambert is seen cleaning his flamethrower.
Zack Koopa: Where did you get that?
CJ Lambert: EBay. You can get anything on Ebay.
(CJ Lambert accidentally presses a trigger and blasts Badyoyo with fire.)
CJ Lambert: ... Did I do that?
Zack Koopa: Yes. Yes you did.
Badyoyo: I'm glad I'm a ghost and stuff like that doesn't harm me.
(A Hammer hits Badyoyo on the head,)
Badyoyo: OW!
Amazing Flying Hammer Bro: Sorry.
Badyoyo: (mumbling) Stupid Mario Bros. 3 physics…
Michael Tarver: Anyway, you, that random guy who doesn't look like he wants to be here at all!
Bashful: Me? ... Uh... (Gosh, this is embarrassing, I don't even have a question) ... Why are you guys white, but in SMB3 you were grey?
Zack Koopa: That? Oh, it's a good and evil thing. In SMB3 Bowser fried innocent Koopa Troopas so their kindess made them grey. While in SMW Bowser had a bunch of fried Koopas to spare. So he used them, that's why most of us are white.
Amazing Flying Hammer Bro: When am I gonna get my check?
CJ Lambert: When I get around to IT!
Zack Koopa: You hired him?
CJ Lambert: I just love having backup plans.
Michael Tarver: I forgot to mention, CJ's also an assassin working for... IT.
Badyoyo: (rubbing head) IT?
Michael Tarver: Yeah, IT, "International Terrors"... Actually it's just a group of Stephen King villains that meet every Monday Night. Their members include Two Langoliers, IT the spider clown thing, and that writer from The Shining... and of course CJ Lambert.
CJ Lambert: How did you figure this out?
Michael Tarver: This Bandit gave me a memo that he stole from you.
(Bandit from Wario's Apprentice snickers and runs off.)
Badyoyo: Why do we seem to get the weirdoes to co-host this show?
Michael Tarver: You're the guy who wanted to employ a Spartan Clubba.
General Toad (in audience): Hey! I thought that would've been cool!
Michael Tarver: Oh, if you think that's cool, then ask a cool question.
General Toad: I had one prepared. How many girls do you get a week with that radio show?
Zack Koopa: I lose count every week.
(Amazing Flying Hammer Bro accidentally throws a hammer at General Toad, who explodes. General Toad turns out to be a robot built by N-Gin to get viewers interested in "Badyoyo Interviews".)
Michael Tarver: That's sad, when we have to go to that low for views.
CJ Lambert: Oh, some guys working for Wario are next on my list.
(Suddenly an explosion is heard.)
Zack Koopa: Now I'm really scared.
CJ Lambert: Don't be scared! I like you!
Zack Koopa: Really?
CJ Lambert: Yeah! I only hurt people that hurt me or my friends.
Badyoyo: I will refrain from making any Ike jokes.
Michael Tarver: Anyway, you! Guy who's asleep!
Jawful: ZZZZZZZZZZ.
Zack Koopa: Dodgeball, definitely. I loved smashing other Koopas’ faces in.
Michael Tarver: You understood that?
Zack Koopa: Totally, if you die in a haunted place, like the haunted fortress I was guarding. Boos can help you learn how to enter people’s dreams. Did you know Jawfuls think in their dreams?
Badyoyo: Huh, strange.
Zack Koopa: The downside is, if you're a Dry Bones, it feels like you just got punched in the gut. Unlike for Boos, who have no gut.
CJ Lambert: And it just so happens that I have a dodgeball right here!
Zack Koopa: Ooh! Let me see!
CJ Lambert: Knock somebody out.
Zack Koopa: Don't mind if I do!
CJ Lambert: This should be fun.
(Zack Koopa throws the dodgeball at Jawful.)
CJ Lambert: Next question: You, the Shy Guy in the middle seat.
Shy Guy: Do Dry Bones have to eat?
Zack Koopa: We don't have any taste buds since they rotted out, but we do eat food to get energy. We would survive otherwise, just be really tired all of the time.
(Badyoyo checks his watch.)
Badyoyo: Look like it's that time of the day again, bring out the...
Michael Tarver: WHEEL!
N. Gin: OF!
Badyoyo: PAIN!
(Tikimon spins the wheel and it lands on...)
Badyoyo: Get beat up by two angry people working for Wario
Lakione: Who labels the slots on this wheel?
Lakitwo: Maybe I should beat you up and become a wrestling heel.
(A burned up Dribble and Spitz march into the interview room.)
Dribble: All right! Who's the wise guy who blew up our taxi?!
Badyoyo: He did!
(Badyoyo points to Zack Koopa.)
Zack Koopa: So what? You can't hurt me! I'm already dead!
Spitz: Hey! Aren't you Zack Koopa?
Zack Koopa: The one and only.
Dribble: I love your show!
Zack Koopa: Thank you. By the way, that guy blew up your taxi.
Dribble: WHAT?! I'll get you!
Spitz: I'll join you!
Zack Koopa: And I'll get you for blaming me!
(Dribble and Spitz start charging toward CJ Lambert, while Zack Koopa grabs a hammer and starts charging toward Badyoyo. Badyoyo pulls out his wand.)
Badyoyo: Tenacious B! We require our teamwork to win this battle! ... COME FORTH!
(5 Lightning Bolts surround Badyoyo. Birby and ETFROXX emerge from them. Three "Out to Lunch" signs are also around.)
Badyoyo: (For the love of!) Birby! Help me with Zack! ETF! Help CJ!
(Zack Koopa comes charging, and Birby takes out his hammer and smashes him to pieces. He smashes the head for good measure.)
ETFROXX: HIYA!
(ETFROXX, being skilled in Karate, kicks Dribble in the jaw, knocking him out. Spitz is still charging. CJ Lambert pulls out his flamethrower and burns Spitz to a crisp.)
Badyoyo: Good job, guys! We sure showed them!
CJ Lambert: Yeah, you guys were pretty good. (I had the coolest performance though.)
Badyoyo: You really impressed us with that flamethrower though.
CJ Lambert: (Finally, they notice.) Yep.
Badyoyo: Say, how would you like to join Tenacious B? You can add IT to the team as well.
CJ Lambert: (I still need to kill Badyoyo, I'll have to find a way somehow. So working on his team to find a way to kill the ghost is the perfect way to get him! ... Also that ETF girl is kind of cute, and tough. I like that in a girl.) I accept.
Badyoyo: Good.
Badyoyo and CJ Lambert shake hands.
(End Transmission)
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