TANK: How long has it been?
Author: 4 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, 5 hours, 3 minutes, and 39 seconds.
TANK: Wow, specific.
A.Q.P. 3rd: Very...
TANK: Well, today, we are going to interview another suicidal soldier, Bullet Bill.
(A Bullet Bill flies in and blows a hole in the wall.)
TANK: Ok, give us another one.
(Another one flies in and blows a hole in the wall.)
A.Q.P. 3rd: I have an idea, send another one.
(A.Q.P. 3rd throws TANK at the next one that comes, then duct tapes it down to a chair.)
TANK: WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU? DO THAT AGAIN AND SO HELP ME, I WILL TURN THIS BUILDING AROUND!
Bullet Bill: *grumble* He started it.
(A.Q.P. 3rd glares at him and begins lifting the duct tape.)
TANK: Don’t... even.... think about it.
(A thought bubble appears over A.Q.P. 3rd's showing him lifting the duct tape.)
TANK: What did I just say?
A.Q.P. 3rd: To not think abo- *looks up* I hate the author.
Author: I hate you too. *eats a whole bucket of chicken in 5 seconds*
TANK: So, let’s get this started. First question, do you like exploding?
Bullet Bill: I’ve never done it; once we explode, we are gone.
A.Q.P. 3rd: What is the point in having arms?
Bullet Bill: So I can do THIS!
(Bullet Bill punches A.Q.P. 3rd.)
A.Q.P. 3rd: WHY YOU LITTLE!
(A.Q.P. 3rd charges him, but is held back by some duct tape.)
TANK: Ahh, duct tape, the Canadian solution to everything.
A.Q.P. 3rd: *grumble*
TANK: Do you have any relation to Bob-ombs?
Bullet Bill: No, we are machines, we don't have relatives.
A.Q.P. 3rd: Where were those Bullet Bills being fired from in the Mario levels where they fly from the edge of the screen?
Bullet Bill: There was a flying fortress at sea firing them.
TANK: Any fears?
Bullet Bill: We are machines, you moron, we don't have fears.
TANK: One more crack like that and I will put you over my knee!
A.Q.P. 3rd: *chuckle* You don't have a knee! *snicker*
(A.Q.P. 3rd bursts out laughing, while TANK throws him out the window.)
Lemmy: You do realize we just got a 20-story expansion to the building, right?
TANK: Ummm...
(A.Q.P. 3rd can be heard screaming, followed by an atomic explosion.)
Audience: That's strange.
Strange: Once again, I’M strange.
(Strange catches on fire, and TANK can be seen holding a flamethrower while smiling.)
TANK: Are Ballistic Bills fired from giant cannons?
Bullet Bill: Yeah, they just have bigger cannons.
(A.Q.P. 3rd bursts in beside the door.)
Fancy waiter: Do you have a reservation?
A.Q.P. 3rd: Grrrrrrrrrr...
(A.Q.P. 3rd lunges at him, and a censor covers the carnage.)
TANK: I have a question everyone is dieing to know; why do you explode in some games, but pass right through Mario in others?
Bullet Bill: It’s because *blocked out by the waiter's screaming* and that *blocked out by a revving chainsaw*
Bowser: I didn’t hear that.
TANK: I did, and I'm not asking it again.
Bowser: Want to fight about it?
TANK: You’re on!
(TANK grabs a hockey stick and lunges at Bowser, while another censor appears and covers that.)
Bullet Bill: I DEMAND TO BE INTERVIEWED!
Lemmy: I WILL!
(Lemmy runs in from the hallway.)
Lemmy: So, I will ask one question, then we will go to audience questions.
Bullet Bill: Ok.
Lemmy: Do-
(Before he asks his question, A.Q.P. 3rd walks out from the carnage.)
A.Q.P. 3rd: I will continue this, but first I shall watch TV.
Lemmy: It’s in the room with the skull and crossbones on the door.
A.Q.P. 3rd: I'll be right back.
(A.Q.P. 3rd walks in, and the door locks him in.)
Lemmy: Anyway, how can Mario kill you guys by jumping on you?
Bullet Bill: We don’t explode if hit from the top.
(TANK walks out from that carnage.)
TANK: Lemmy, get out of my chair and go make my dinner!
Lemmy: But I'm your boss.
TANK: And why do I care? I keep you locked up in a steel box and feed you a bucket of chum once a week, I don’t exactly respect you, you’re just like Opie.
Opie: WABLOO! WABLOO!
TANK: Opie, go back to the attic and find some pigeons and rats to make pigeon-rats.
Lemmy: FINE!
(Lemmy storms out of the building.)
TANK: You do know we got a 20-story expansion to the building, right?
(Another atomic explosion can be heard.)
TANK: Audience questions. Seat 41?
Magikoopa: SPIEL!
(A trapdoor opens under him.)
TANK: Seat 9?
Luigi: Do you dream of killing Mario?
Bullet Bill: Yeah, what Bullet Bill doesn't?
Luigi: Don’t worry, I do too.
Mario: What was that?
Luigi: Nothing.
TANK: Seat 666?
Santa: Muahahahaha!
TANK: Seat 2512?
Satan: HO HO HO!
TANK: Stop acting like each other. Seat 1?
Waluigi: WAHHH!
TANK: Seat 90?
Yellow Toad: Are there ways you can be launched other than from a cannon?
Bullet Bill: Finally, a question that isn't stupid.
(TANK can be seen picking his nose.)
Bullet Bill: Eeewwww... And no, we can only be fired from cannons.
TANK: Last question from seat 1,000?
Ozzy Osbourne: SHARON!
TANK: I wanted a question, but since I am too lazy to pick another seat, you will all be killed.
Audience: Uhhhh...
(300 Spartans run in and kill everyone in sight, cornering one by a bottomless pit.)
Goomba: THIS IS MADNESS!
Spartan: Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTA!
(The Spartan kicks him.)
TANK: You have done well, now to get rid of you guys.
(The Persian army runs in.)
Spartans: AAAAAHHHHHH! PERSIANS!
(All the Spartans jump out of the building, followed by 300 atomic explosions.)
TANK: Now to get rid of you guys. SHOOP DA WOOP!
(TANK fires a lazor and kills everyone.)
Bullet Bill: Can I go now?
TANK: Ok.
(TANK goes to lift up the duct tape, but notices A.Q.P. 3rd running out of the room.)
A.Q.P. 3rd: I’M SCARED OF PIRATES! Wait, what are you doing with that Bullet Bill?
TANK: Oh, nothing.
Bullet Bill: (whispering) Find cover.
A.Q.P. 3rd: Uuuuhhhh... End transmission.
(The screen goes black, followed by the lifting of duct tape and screaming.)
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