Random Announcer: Good evening, Koopas, Goombas, Buzzy Beetles, Squigs... and X-Nauts.
Bob-omb: I wonder if this guy is Morton.
Morton: Oh no! They are on to me!
Morton runs away.
REAL Random Announcer: Sorry about that, had to use the restroom. Anyway, we have a new interviewer. Please welcome, Johnson the Hammer Bro.
*cricket, cricket, cricket*
REAL Random Announcer: Um... Please welcome, Johnson the Hammer Bro.
*cricket, cricket, cric- SQUASH!*
Wario: Did I miss anything?
Cricket: ... Medic...
REAL Random Announcer: Where is he?!
Suddenly crashing sounds and someone saying "Ouch, hurrk, pain, etc" approach.
Hammer Bro: *pant* Good evening *gasp* everyone. *gasp* I just *wheeze* flew in from *pant* Grass Land, and *wheeze* boy are my *pant* arms *gasp* tired.
Audience: BOO!
Boo: What?
Hammer Bro: Open up with lame joke, check.
REAL Random Announcer: What in the world took you?!
Hammer Bro: I, uh... got stuck in the elevator.
REAL Random Announcer: You don't have one.
Hammer Bro: What I meant to say is I, err... got stuck on the escalator.
REAL Random Announcer: You could have walked down, and you don't even have one.
Hammer Bro: I, I… *sigh* truthfully and embarrassingly couldn't find my way out of a closet.
Audience: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
REAL Random Announcer: Poor you. Well I'm outta here, and I gotta say that this wasn't worth 50 coins.
Hammer Bro: Well this is a great way to start off an interviewing career. Some of you have probably guessed that I am Johnson, and you are correct. I am a highly respected captain of Bowser's army from Super Paper Mario. I was trapped in the void with my cadet and met Peach, but most afterwards is a blur. Then I woke up in Bowser's castle.
Goomba: If I recall correctly, we are not interviewing you.
Johnson: Yep, we are interviewing YOU!
Goomba: What?!
Johnson: Yeah well, I figured I should interview the most vile of the vile, the dumbest of the dumb, the most unsanitary of the unsanitary, the weakest of the weak, the-
Goomba: I get the picture.
Johnson: Now before we get started, are there any questions about my Interviews?
The whole audience raises their hands except for those who don't have hands.
Johnson: Oh boy, this is gonna be a long night. You there.
dooplighost: Um... Why are our "seats" potato sacks?
Johnson: Um...
Flashback...
Wendy: If my client doesn't get more money, I’m going to throw a tantrum!
Secretary: Security!
Wendy (as she is being taken away): NOOOOOO! Now I'll never get that spa ticket!
Johnson: Er...
Secretary: Here, take 100 coins.
John: What?! That will never get me anywhere!
Secretary: Tough, you should have found a better lawyer.
Back to Reality...
Johnson: I donated most of my funds to charity.
Gullible Duplighost: Oh, ok.
Goomba: Can we get this over with so I can go home?
Johnson: Very well, take a seat.
Goomba: You mean the floor.
Johnson: Yeah. First question, why do Goombas from Paper Mario 1 and 2 have two HP, but those from Super Paper Mario have only 1?
Goomba: Wow, this is an interesting question. Well it started after one of Bowser's many defeats. When coming up with a new plan he blamed us Goombas for his failures since we are so weak, and he threatened to remove us from his army.
Johnson: I thought Bowser was cruel and brutal to you guys.
Goomba: Well you have to understand, we would be extinct cause he would hunt us all down. Because of this, we searched for ways to make ourselves stronger. We found a strange tree that gave fruit to give us 2 HP instead of one, but the affect wore off during Paper Mario 2.
Johnson: What an answer. Next question, what is with Hyper Goombas and Gloombas?
Goomba: Gloombas live underground where it is cold, so they endure the harsh environment. This gives them better stats. Hyper Goombas are the result of our scientists’ experiments, which gives them amazing power, for a Goomba anyway.
Johnson: Interesting ne-
BOOM! Ludwig comes crashing down through the ceiling.
Ludwig: WHO GAVE MY LAPTOP A BOB-OMB VIRUS?!
Karma whistles.
Johnson: I’m trying to do an Interview here!
Ludwig: Very well.
He leaves.
Johnson: Ok, ne-
Ludwig (offscreen): WHOEVER DID THAT IS GOING TO BE SORRY!
Johnson: -xt question, do you get along with other "baddies"?
Goomba: Of course not! We are always afraid that they could kill us.
Johnson: Than why don’t you fear me?
Goomba: I hate everyone more than I fear them.
Johnson: You will be sorry for that. Next question, why can only the Headbonk Goombas in SPM headbonk?
Goomba: When the effects of the fruit wore off, we were afraid we would be killed when doing that/ The Headbonk Goombas were given count Bleck's magic and were more confident.
Johnson: Ok, I believe it’s the audience's turn. Seat 1.
Fuzzy: MEORK!
Johnson: Seat 11.
Bob-omb: You mean potato sack.
Johnson: Fine, sack 11.
Bob-omb: What do you eat?
Goomba: well, we aren't fed by Bowser, so we eat what we can get, like garbage, food from generous Koopas, and whatever else is around.
Johnson: Ok, I think we are out of time- Oh! I almost forget, Goomba?
Goomba: What?
Johnson: Merry Christmas.
He throws a hammer at the Goomba, who dies.
Johnson: Told you that you should have feared me.
END TRANSMISSION
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