DS Guy: I’d like to apologize for my absence at my Interview with Wendy O. Koopa. But I’d like to thank Gourmet Guy and my rich neighbor Wealth E. for filling in.
Gourmet Guy: You’re welcome, and I’ll make sure to tell Wealth E. that you thanked him as well. So anyway, did you thank Lie Guy?
DS Guy: For what?
Gourmet Guy: For watching your house while you were gone. In fact he’s still here right now.
(Meanwhile in a hallway, Lie Guy is slowly advancing towards a door.)
Lie Guy: Walking down these halls reminds me of that one time when I explored a tomb in the Koopahari Desert.
(He notices a sign on the door.)
Lie Guy: “Do not open until X-Mas.” I wonder what’s behind the door.
(He opens it to see Santa.)
Santa: Can’t you read?!
Lie Guy: Sorry, I can’t speak English.
Santa: You’re speaking it right now.
(He kicks Lie Guy away and slams the door shut.)
Back at the Studio…
DS Guy: As long as he stays away from my garden, I’m ok with it. Anyway, today we are interviewing the ruler of Giant Land and Yoshi’s Island, Iggy Koopa. And my Shy Guy Form of the Day is, Snifit.
(DS Guy transforms into a Snifit while Iggy walks onstage. He is a lot different than he was in SMB#. He is taller, skinnier, and his hair looks like a thin, tall patch of grass.)
DS Guy: Boy, you have changed. Why are you different?
Iggy: Roy said that he was going to make me buff, but he tricked me. He-
(Roy shakes his fist in anger.)
Iggy: Actually, I can’t remember anything else.
DS Guy: Iggy, you’ve made lots of machines just like your brother Ludwig. Did you learn from him?
Iggy: Actually, I taught myself, but I have helped Ludwig with his inventions from time to time.
DS Guy: Does Ludwig appreciate you’re creations?
Iggy: No, not at all! As a matter of fact, he sometimes steals my inventions and never gives me any credit.
DS Guy: In Hotel Mario, you were the only Koopaling to not get a hotel, how come?
Iggy: It costs a lot of coins to build a hotel, and King Dad only had so many coins. He did, however, let me work in Bowser’s Seizure Palace Hotel.
DS Guy: What was your occupation there?
Iggy: I was assigned to Bowser’s BBQ Room as a chef. I can make a killer steak, seasoned with my secret spices, but I won’t tell.
(Meanwhile on Yoshi’s Island, Larry and E-Guy are running for their lives from the hungry Blue Yoshi.)
Blue Yoshi: Yoshi!
Larry: *huff, huff* What did he say?
E-Guy: Does it look like I speak Yoshi?!
Larry: Can’t you just teleport us out of here?
E-Guy: So we will have our bodies switched again? Forget it!
(Larry and E-Guy trip over a tree root. The Blue Yoshi is closing in on them until a Spear Guy comes and scares it away.)
Blue Yoshi: Yoshi!
Spear Guy: Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme?
Larry: What did he say?
E-Guy: Luckily, I took Native Shy Guy in college. He wants to know if we’re all right. How, now, brown, cow.
Spear Guy: Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble.
Larry: Ask him if there is someone we can talk to in our language.
E-Guy: I’m getting to that! One fish, Two fish, Red fish, Blue fish?
Spear Guy: One, two, buckle my shoe!
E-Guy: He said to follow him. He knows someone who speaks English.
(At DS Guy’s Greenhouse, Lie Guy has gotten lost.)
Lie Guy: Man, I’m hungry!
(He spots a bush with berries, and next to it is a sign that says “Do Not Pick!”
Lie Guy: They’ll do.
Back at the Studio…
(DS Guy shudders.)
Iggy: What’s wrong?
DS Guy: I have the feeling that someone’s in my greenhouse. Anyway, you can spin into the Mario Bros. in Superstar Saga. Did you teach yourself this as well?
Iggy: Yes, I read a book on Groove Guys and was so inspired by the way they spin that I spent weeks perfecting that move.
DS Guy: Did you master the hardest dance move known to Groove Guys, the Reverse Mega Triple Flip Spin?
Audience: *gasp*
Goomba: But no non-Groove Guy has ever dared to attempt it before!
Iggy: As a matter of fact, I have. Watch and learn!
(Iggy jumps from the stage and starts spinning really fast in a counter-clockwise direction. Then he flips in the air three times while going through 3 hoops that are on fire. Finally, he lands on an X and walks all the way back to the stage, as the audience is impressed.)
DS Guy: Where did the flaming hoops come from?
Iggy: I don’t know.
DS Guy: I’ve got another question, what happens if you fail to perform the dance move?
(Mario comes into the studio.)
Mario: I’ll try it!
DS Guy: How did you get in, and do you know what we are talking about?
Mario: That is for me to know and for you to find out. Stand back, and be amazed!
(Mario tries to do what Iggy did, but ends up falling through a well after his first jump. A huge crashing noise is heard after he falls in.)
Mario: I’m okay.
DS Guy: Now a well is here. Where did it come from?
Iggy: Things just randomly show up.
Prof. E. Gadd (from the audience): Hey, a nickel!
Iggy: Just like that.
DS Guy: Well anyway, your father must be proud of your dance skills.
Iggy: Actually King Dad won’t allow me to dance. He said that it is for sissies and people would beat me up for it.
Roy: Well, he is right, even if I beat you up for it every day.
(Meanwhile on Yoshi’s Island, E-Guy and Larry are walking into a Shy Guy village with the Spear Guy.)
Spear Guy: Are you sleepy? Want a bed? Solid comfort, straight ahead!
E-Guy: He said to wait here; he’ll bring someone who speaks English.
Larry: What a day! I was interviewed by DS Guy, got attacked by a Shy Guy general, had our bodies switched, almost got eaten by a Yoshi, and a Spear Guy took us to his village. What’s next, we meet a Toad who has lived with them?
(A female, pink-capped Toad wearing an explorer’s outfit walks up to them. She has yellow hair and is wearing glasses.)
Dr. Fungerson: Greetings, my name is Dr. Matthews Fungerson. I have lived in this Spear Guy village for 20 years, studying the Spear Guy way of life. A Spear Guy told me that he found you and brought you here. And what are your names?
E-Guy: My name is Electro Guy, but most people call me E-Guy, and this is Larry Koopa.
Larry: Your first name is Matthews?
(E-Guy bumps Larry’s arm with his elbow.)
Larry: Ow.
Dr. Fungerson: So, what brings you to…
E-Guy: Well, it’s a long story.
One long story later…
Dr. Fungerson: So that’s your story. Well if you want to teleport back without switching bodies, then I can give you the material to build another one. That, or I can lead you to a pipe I found a few years back.
E-Guy: Well, I would take my chances and choose the pipe. I do not want to use the watch for awhile.
Dr. Fungerson: What watch?
E-Guy: It’s my latest invention. It’s my Wrist-watch Teleporter 3000. Let me show it.
(He holds out his watch, but several Spear Guys panick at the sight of it and throw their spears at it, knocking it out of E-Guy’s hand. The Spear Guys each grab another spear and advance towards E-Guy and Larry, chanting angrily.)
Larry: Uh, what’s going on?
Spear Guy: The rain in Spain lay neatly on the plane!
Larry: What’s going on? What are they saying?
Dr. Fungerson: Oh my. It seems that the Spear Guys think that your Wrist-watch Teleporter 3000 brings evil spirits, and now they want to sacrifice you to the volcano god.
Larry: I have an idea, we use the pipe. E-Guy can get back home and as a bonus, I don’t have to get sacrificed.
E-Guy: Seconded. Can you tell me where to find it?
Dr. Fungerson: It is in a cave north of here. Just follow the path and you’ll find it. I’ll hold off the Spear Guys, just try to get out of here.
(Larry and E-Guy run off towards the path. Dr. Fungerson is getting ready to calm the Spear Guys down.)
Dr. Fungerson: Wait, I should have told them that there is a monster at the other end of the pipe. Oh well.
(The Spear Guys jump at Dr. Fungerson.)
Dr. Fungerson: I should have gone to law school!
Back at the Studio…
DS Guy: Did you teach the Koopas anything in the past?
Iggy: Well, I taught them how to climb fences.
Roy: That’s a lie, how can you teach them if you can’t even climb three inches up the rope in gym class?
(DS Guy presses the “Bigfoot Attack” button and Bigfoot comes into the studio. He starts to charge at Roy but ends up getting tossed out of the room.)
Roy: Haven’t you learned a thing?
DS Guy: (sarcastically) Man, I can’t wait to interview you.
Iggy: When are you leaving, Roy?
Roy: Not until Larry gets back.
DS Guy: (Should I tell him that I met Larry in my hallway acting like E-Guy? Nah.) Iggy, why do you wear glasses? Are you nearsighted or farsighted?
Iggy: Because I have trouble with my vision. I became nearsighted at a young age, then farsighted, and then back to nearsighted again. It alters every 5-8 years.
DS Guy: I never heard of such a thing.
Iggy: My optometrist says that I am a rare case.
(Everyone in the audience has a confused look on their faces.)
DS Guy: Optometrist means eye doctor.
Audience: Oh!
DS Guy: In New Super Mario Bros. Wii I swore that I heard some birds in your room. Are they yours?
Iggy: They’re not mine. They must have snuck in through the cracks in the castle walls.
DS Guy: Well, we have no time for audience questions. Join us next time for when I interview Roy Koopa, the guy who can’t be stopped by my remote.
Roy: So you’d better get out of the way!
(Meanwhile in a cave on Yoshi’s Island, E-Guy and Larry aere walking up towards an orange pipe.)
E-Guy: There it is, we should go in and hopefully get home from there.
Larry: But we don’t know where it leads to.
E-Guy: Would you rather take your chances with the Spear Guys?
(They hear the Spear Guys’ angry chanting, indicating that they’re getting closer to them.)
Larry: Good point.
E-Guy: On a count of three. One… Two… THREE!
(They both jump into the pipe.)
End Transmission
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