Wacky: Hello, everyone, and welcome to yet another interview that may cause eye damage if you stare at that computer monitor for too long; starring Axem Green, Axem Black, our interviewee, a very loyal audience…
Audience: Boooooooo!
Wacky: …and me.
GIMB: And me!
Wacky: GIMB?! When did you get here?
GIMB: Well, they threw me out of the hospital for faking an injury. Plus, I’m now banned from that hospital as well. So, now I’m here.
Wacky: Well, get lost; I’m perfectly capable of doing this Interview myself.
GIMB: Not if I have anything to say about it.
(GIMB then jumps onstage and tackles Wacky. Both of them crash into the wall and actually go through it.)
Axem Green: Well, now who’s doing the Interview?
Axem Black: I will!
Axem Green: Oh, why not?
Axem Black: Woohoo!
(Axem Black jumps onstage.)
Axem Black: Hello everyone, and welcome to the Interview!
Audience: Uh, yay?
Axem Black: Love that enthusiasm! So now, I will be interviewing the coldest guy around, Mr. Blizzard!
(Nothing happens. Crickets begin chirping in the background.)
Axem Green: Aw man, don’t tell me we have crickets in here! I spent three months fixing up the studio after Petey destroyed it!
Axem Black: Calm down; we’ll just call an exterminator.
(The Ghostbusters theme then starts to play. Luigi then bursts through the door with the Poltergust 3000 on his back.)
Luigi: Did someone call for an exterminator?
Axem Green: We meant a bug exterminator, not a ghost exterminator.
(The music dies off immediately.)
Luigi: Oh. Well, I can get rid of bugs, too.
Axem Black: That works.
Later…
Axem Black: Okay, we’re now outside again until Luigi clears the studio of the cricket problem. So, without further ado, here is Mr. Blizzard.
(About six Frost Piranhas come onstage pushing a giant freezer.)
Axem Black: Where’s Mr. Blizzard, and why do you have a giant freezer?
Frost Piranha: Mr. Blizzard is in there. We need to keep him in a freezer, otherwise, he would melt.
Axem Black: I see.
(The Piranhas then open the freezer. A gust of cold wind and ice blows onto the entire audience. Sure enough, when all the mist clears, Mr. Blizzard is standing there.)
Mr. Blizzard: Hey everybody!
(The audience is shivering, having a layer of frost on them.)
Axem Black: So much for a warm welcome.
*Rim shot*
Back at the studio…
Wacky: GIMB, you’re a jerk, y’know that?
GIMB: Hey, you were excluding me, so I wanted back in.
Wacky: Whatever, let’s just go… Hey, where is everyone?
(They have just entered the empty studio. As they look around for people, a cricket jumps in front of them.)
Wacky: What’s a cricket doing here?
GIMB: I’m not sure.
(All of a sudden, the cricket hops away.)
Wacky: I wonder what that was about.
(Suddenly the studio starts to rumble.)
GIMB: Uh, what’s that rumbling noise?
(Suddenly, the wall is knocked down and a swarm of crickets appear.)
Wacky and GIMB: AHHHHHHHH!
(Wacky and GIMB then try to run away, but the crickets outrun [or rather, out hop] them and swarm on top of them. They try to break free, but cannot budge against the power of these insects. They then carry them into the actual studio, where Luigi has been hung upside-down by his ankles and is being beaten with a wooden paddle. Two other ropes are hanging from the ceiling.)
Wacky: Since when were crickets this smart? And why are they so interested in torture?
GIMB: Well, it couldn’t get any worse.
(Suddenly the crickets pull out a steel baseball bat and a rusty crowbar.)
Wacky: You had to say something, didn’t you?
Back at the Interview…
Axem Black: So, Mr. Blizzard, if you’re a snowman, how are you alive?
Mr. Blizzard: Magic from Bowser.
Axem Black: I see. How do you dig underground, and once there, how do you pop back up?
Mr. Blizzard: We have little shovels on the underside of our bodies that we use to dig underground and hide there until Mario comes. When he gets near, we use springs, also on the underside of our bodies, to shoot back up to the surface.
Axem Black: All right, why do you guys steal Mario’s hat?
Mr. Blizzard: He has cool taste in headwear.
Mario: Yay! I’m-a liked!
Axem Green: No you’re not, your hat is.
Mario: Aw…
Axem Black: Anyways, how do you guys die from Mario running around you?
Mr. Blizzard: We are very prone to motion sickness, despite being snowballs.
Axem Black: Wow. Time for audience questions. Seat 27.
Toad: How do the snowballs you guys throw hurt Mario? I mean, they’re just snowballs, aren’t they?
Mr. Blizzard: That’s where you’re wrong. We actually throw rocks coated in snow.
Toad: That’s cheap!
Mr. Blizzard: Life’s cheap; get used to it, kid.
Axem Black: Agreed. Seat 605.
Wario: Why is your name Mr. Blizzard?
Mr. Blizzard: The first Mr. Blizzard ever born was created during an extremely long and powerful blizzard. Since there have not been any powerful blizzards since then, Magikoopas have found out what we’re made of and have used magic to create us.
Axem Black: Seat 98.
Koopatrol: How do your snowballs freeze people in that one minigame in Mario Party 4?
Mr. Blizzard: Those are super powerful snowballs with freezing powers that Magikoopas put into the snow.
Axem Black: Well, that just about wraps up our Interview.
(Suddenly a tidal wave of crickets hover over the crowd.)
Everyone: AHHHHHHH!
(Before anyone can move, however, the swarm crashes down onto the crowd. Everyone is now trying to fight off the cricket infestation.)
Mr. Blizzard: NO! They took my freezer. Without it, I’ll…
(Mr. Blizzard then melts into a puddle of water.)
Axem Black: Agh! They’re crawling in my network system.
(Suddenly Axem Black smiles very evilly.)
Axem Black: *evil, mechanical voice* DESTROY ALL LIFE!
(Axem Black then pulls out machine guns and starts firing them wildly into the crowd. Axem Green then pulls out a bazooka and shoots Axem Black. Axem Black explodes.)
Axem Green: This is going to get violent. I’ve gotta end the transmission.
(Suddenly the crickets use a bomb to destroy the camera.)
Axem Green: NO! We can’t end the transmission now. This is the end of life as we know it.
(Eventually the crickets overpower everyone. Now everything is nothing but crickets.)
Later, in a jail cell…
Wacky: So it’s settled then; we all hate crickets.
Axem Green: Yep.
GIMB: Uh-huh.
(GIMB then vomits.)
GIMB: I can’t stand the sound of crickets anymore.
Hooktail: Welcome to my world. End Transmission!
Axem Green: You can’t end a transmission without a-
TRANSMISSION ENDED!
(The screen goes black.)
Axem Green: $%@#! How does he do that?
Cricket Ruler: Quiet, you.
(Axem Green gets beaten into unconsciousness with a night stick.)
Whoops! You're not logged in! |