(Pig Koopa is sitting in his study when…)
(Boom!!!)
(His door blows up.)
Pig: Who are you and what do you want?!
Lemmy (dazed): Sorry about your door, but it was locked, and I’m too lazy to pick it.
Pig: Why didn’t you knock?
Lemmy: I’m lazy, and I had a bomb with me.
Pig: I’ll never get you. What do you want?
Lemmy: You need to do an interview.
Pig: If it has to do with the undead scum I’ll…
Lemmy: I think now is a bad time to tell you that you’re interviewing a Bony Beetle.
Pig: What?!
Lemmy: I’m kidding. You’ll be interviewing Hamma, Bamma, and Flare.
Pig: *phew*
...
Pig: First question for all of you. How do you like working at the Glitz Pit?
Hamma: I find it fun, plus you get paid for beating people up.
Bamma: I use it to let out my anger from losing all my money at the casino in Rogueport.
Flare: I like setting people on fire.
Pig: Okay… Who are your biggest enemies in the Pit?
Hamma: Rawk Hawk.
Bamma: Chomp Country. We can’t beat them.
Flare: The Koopanator because I can’t set him on fire.
Pig: There seams to be a theme going. Who do you like as a better host for the Glitz Pit?
Hamma: Grubba’s tough, and Jolene is weak. No contest.
Bamma: Grubba let me into the place, so him.
Flare: Jolene is easier to set on fire.
Pig: These next questions are for Hamma. What does your father do as a Business Bro?
Hamma: He makes big stock trades with ille… I mean, cream soda to far away lands, and gets lots of money. He is also very boring.
Pig: Are you three brothers?
Hamma: What? There is no way I want Flare to be my bro. We’ve just been friends since we were babies.
Pig: These are for Bamma. What was your favorite boomerang that you ever used?
Bamma: It was my friend’s Boomeranga 3000. I just loved the way it worked. It was so special, but the 4000 series was worse.
Pig: What was so special about it?
Bamma: It worked like a charm. I used it on practice mode, and if it got close to anything, it would sense it and go in a different path.
Pig: Wow! Almost makes me want to become a Boomerang Bro.
Bamma: It isn’t worth it at your age. Too much training.
Pig: Now for Flare. Why do you like setting people on fire?
Flare: I was born like that: stupid and fond of fighting. Happens a lot with Koopas.
Pig: Do you want to set me on fire right now?
Flare: Yes I do. Can I?
Pig: No. Audience questions! Seat FAT.
Sledge Bro: Hey Hamma. You. Me. 5:00. Church parking lot.
Hamma: You’re on, fat boy.
Pig: Seat FLATTENEDCOP.
Flattened Toad Cop: Where does your father work?
Hamma: I can’t tell you that or else his cream soda business might go down, then we’ll lose money.
Pig: Seat AWESOME!!!
Squiglet: Do you want to know what I know?
Bamma: Sure.
Squiglet: I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves, everybody’s nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody’s nerves and this is how it goes.
(Flare sets the Squiglet on fire. Pig puts the fire out.)
Pig: If you ever do that again…
(Flare sets Pig Koopa on fire.)
Pig: Oh My DAD!!! I’m on fire!!! Someone call the fire department.
(Bamma puts out the fire.)
Bamma: I don’t recall there ever being a Plit fire department.
Pig: Seat GREEDY.
Wario: How successful is your dad?
Hamma: Pretty successful, but you can’t get any money.
Wario: Aww.
Pig: Seat BLOB.
Glurp: Which do you prefer? PM or SPM?
Hamma: I’d say PM because it’s more like the style that we use.
Bamma: I’m neutral. I like PM because Bower becomes invincible, but I dislike it because Bowser is the final boss.
Flare: Count Bleck is easier to set on fire than Bowser, so SPM.
Pig: Seat GOTH.
Black Shy Guy: Can I kill two of you, then frame it on the survivor?
All 3: NO WAY!
(Flare sets the BSG on fire and he runs out screaming.)
Pig: Seat CHAMP.
Rawk Hawk: How do you like being losers?
Hamma: We don’t, and just wait until we defeat you.
Bamma: I could double pwn you at Warcraft.
Flare: I could set you on fire.
Rawk: How scary. *rolls eyes*
(Flare sets him on fire and he runs out screaming. The BSG comes back as a Pyro Guy.)
Pyro Guy: Yes. I have mastered the fire and become a Pyro Guy. Now I shall rule the world. *evil laugh*
Pig: Umm. You do know that you’re going to die in five minutes.
Pyro: I doubt that.
Pig: Just wait and see. Seat HOWAMIBREATHING?
Blooper: I bet you can’t set me on fire.
Flare: Wanna bet?
Blooper: Yes.
(Flare tries setting him on fire, but it fails.)
Blooper: Yes!
Flare: Aww. Here, take your coins.
(He throws 10 coins to the Bblooper, but they are intercepted by Wario, who gets jumped on by Blooper. They roll out of the theater.)
Pig: Seat 3.14159265358979323846264338327950288…
Nerdy Koopa: How do you know where the hammer/boomerang/fireball will go?
Hammer: Huh?
NK: Do you use feel and see, calculate everything out, or what?
Hamma: Feel and see.
Bamma: Do you really expect me to not use feel and see?
Flare: I just do random.
Hamma: No wonder you miss a lot.
Pyro Guy: I’m not dead ye-
(He turns into ashes.)
Ashes: I’ll be back.
(The ashes move away.)
Pig: Well folks, that’s all we have for today. Until next time, bye.
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