Lord Crump: Yes, my first co-lab Interview!
JOHNNY: It's co-op, not co-lab.
Lord Crump: Whatever.
JOHNNY: Do you even know how to do a co-op?
Lord Crump: Haven't a clue dude.
(Kody appears.)
Kody: Huh? What am I doing here? Is this some sort of magic teleportation thing I've used but decided to drop in past interviews?
Lord Crump: Yay, a dude to interview with!
(Lord Crump runs straight at Kody like an idiot, and knocks him down.)
Kody: What the- Crump?! GAH!
(Kody is crushed flat.)
JOHNNY: Crump, you idiot! You crushed your co-op partner!
Lord Crump: What's a co-op?
JOHNNY: Fine, as you would say, a "co-lab". Just pick him up.
Lord Crump: Fine.
(Lord Crump picks Kody back up.)
Kody: Ow... If I was still a Boo I could have avoided that...
(Kody dusts himself off).
Kody: Please don't do that again, Crump. And why aren't you obsessed with pancakes? Or does that only happen in my Interviews?
Lord Crump: Pancakes? I'm allergic to those! AHH!
(Lord Crump runs behind stage. JOHNNY turns to Kody.)
JOHNNY: Good luck with him.
(JOHNNY leaves the studio.)
Kody: Fine fine, no pancakes.
Amaury: What am I doing here?
Kody: I have no idea. I have no idea what I'm doing here either, but just go with the flow.
Amaury: Okay. Can I interview?
Kody: No.
Amaury: Aww.
Lord Crump: Oh, no pancakes. That's good.
(Lord Crump returns from backstage.)
Lord Crump: So who's the lucky dog we're interviewing today?
Flavio: Flavio hates dogs! Scurvy dogs especially!
Kody: ... Eh, why not? Flavio, get up here.
Flavio: Flavio hates obeying Boomboxers.
Lord Crump: Well I say get up here. Do you like obeying X-Nauts any better?
Flavio: Flavio hates X-Nauts! You sea pirates attacked us at Keelhaul Key!
Lord Crump: Uh... About that...
Flavio: Nothing about that! You wanted to kill Flavio! That makes Flavio sad. So, Flavio say nay!
Lord Crump: I have a shiny coin.
Flavio: WHERE?!
Lord Crump: On that chair onstage.
(Flavio dashes up, sits in the chair, and grabs his coin.)
Flavio: I got it!
(Flavio tries to get up.)
Flavio: What gives? Flavio stuck!
(Lord Crump is seen holding a glue bottle.)
Lord Crump: Well, there's no escaping. Now you have to be interviewed. Buh huh huh huh!
Flavio: Flavio disapproves of such trickery!
Kody: Kody doesn't care if Flavio disapproves. In fact he doesn't care about Flavio at all.
Flavio: Then why are you about to interview me?
Kody: Dunno. Just for a cheap laugh. And maybe a Koopaling vote.
Lemmy: Denied.
Kody: Aww...
Lord Crump: Well regardless, we don't care about you. We just need you as our interviewee. Now act like a dummy, sit there and look pretty, which might be hard, and answer these questions!
Flavio: And if I don't?
Lord Crump: I'll take back that shiny coin.
Flavio: No! Anything but that! Fine, Flavio submits!
Lord Crump: I love it when I get what I want. So Flavio, first question: how did you get that Skull Gem in the first place?
Flavio: Flavio's ancestors passed it down for many generations.
Kody: But Cortez said he had it...
Flavio: Uh... well... Flavio's ancestors fought Cortez and took it from him by force! Flavio's ancestors hated Cortez!
Lord Crump: Why did your ancestors hate Cortez?
Flavio: Flavio's ancestors hated Cortez because he kept raiding their ships when they were trading across seas. That's how Flavio's family became the wealthiest in Rogueport. He was just interfering with our trade, so Flavio's ancestors took the Skull Gem that powered his ship, and sent it to be keelhauled.
Kody: I'm surprised he didn't kill you on the spot when he saw you venture to Keelhaul Key...
Flavio: That is because Flavio still had the Skull Gem on him! ... Flavio had to give it back to Cortez to protect his own life. It saddens me still...
Lord Crump: How funny.
Flavio: Shut up!
Lord Crump: So Flavio, why did you go on the expedition to sea that eventually led to you losing the Skull Gem?
Flavio: Flavio heard about riches out there, and Flavio wanted them riches.
Kody: Bah, that's typical of you treasure hunters. Why didn't you recognize Crump here as a stowaway on your ship, or even realize he was up to no good?
Flavio: Flavio didn't know who this Crump was until he attacked us on the beach. That's why. I regret hiring such an accomplice!
Lord Crump: Cuz I'm so good!
(Flavio stares angrily at Lord Crump.)
Lord Crump: Uh... So once on Keelhaul Key, why did you venture further into the wilderness?
Flavio: Again, the riches drew Flavio in.
Lord Crump: Flavio sounds greedy.
Kody: Extremely wealthy men always scavenge for more ways to rake in more dough...
Flavio: This is a disgrace! Flavio refuses to answer any more questions!
(Kody blasts soundwaves at Flavio. It doesn't take him off the chair though and Flavio smacks into the wall, the chair still stuck to him.)
Flavio: Ow.
Kody: You were saying, Flavio?
Flavio: Yeeeaaah... Flavio will keep answering... Ouch...
Lord Crump: Good, good. So Flavio, why don't you live in a huge manchine?
Flavio: Then thieves would know Flavio is rich.
Lord Crump: Uh, everyone knows you're rich.
Flavio: Yes, but they don't know what house I live in. If they saw the fanciest, biggest house in town, they'd know it was Flavio's. That's why Flavio stays in small, simple home.
Lord Crump: What a moneybag.
Flavio: Grr...
Amaury: What's a manchine, anyway?
Kody: ... I think he meant to say "mansion".
Amaury: But what's a manchine?
Kody: A hungry machine? I don't know. Anyway, back to the Interview. How much did the S.S. Flavion cost to build?
Flavio: *sob* Two... Two million coins... AND IT SUNK!!! OH THE SHAME!!!
Kody: Urgh...
Lord Crump: You disgust me.
Flavio: You disgust Flavio!
Lord Crump: Well since I'm about ready to puke from hearing about all your greediness, let's turn it over to the audience here. So, start off with seat 46.
Kamek: Why do you hang around that soda parlor all day?
Flavio: To tell Flavio's wondrous adventures! And Flavio doesn't need to work, as Flavio has enough money to get by. Flavio could use a couple billion more coins...
Kody: Seat 5.
Parabomb: Who listens to your stories anyway?
Flavio: The people in the parlor, that's who!
Parabomb: And just why would they listen to you ramble all day long?
Flavio: Errr... Because they want to?
Lord Crump: I doubt that.
Flavio: Um... It's because they need to work. Like the poor people they are. Only rich people like Flavio get choices.
Lord Crump: After this Interview I'm gonna hurt you badly... Seat 24.
Shy Guy: Do you still make any money?
Flavio: Of course Flavio still makes money. Flavio gets 80 percent of all money brought into Rogueport by its merchants.
Shy Guy: Isn't that a little much?
Flavio: A LITTLE MUCH!? Flavio wanted 99 percent, but noooo, Flavio had to settle for a mere 80 percent!
Kody: Sorry, I have another question before we continue with the seats. If you get 80 percent of all money brought into the town, why are you only the second-richest man in Rogueport?
Flavio: Flavio only the second richest in town? Flavio must find the richest person and kill that fool! How dare they think they can be richer than Flavio?
Kody: Well you yourself admitted that because the S.S. Flavion sank, you had become the second-richest man in Rogueport... Who's the true richest man in Rogueport? And answer truthfully, or I'll test out my sound-powered attack a second time.
Flavio: Fine. Since the S.S. Flavion sank, Don Pianta took advantage of that, and got everyone on Flavio's ship to become casino rats. That dumb Don Pianta...
Lord Crump: You know The Don could hurt you easily, right?
Flavio: Flavio does not express his hatred towards Don Pianta openly, that is how he avoids being pummeled.
Kody: So you ARE weak.
Flavio: NO! Flavio is strong and strong-hearted! Why do you think I went on the venture to Keelhaul Key?
Kody: Greed, not bravery or strength.
Flavio: ...
Lord Crump: So, I think this little wrinkle has been resolved. So let's continue on. Seat 36!
Bandit: Are you ever going to go back to Keelhaul Key and get riches?
Flavio: Flavio knows there are none left.
Lord Crump: Didn't Cortez leave a bunch of riches behind?
Flavio: He did?!
(Flavio's greed causes him to burst free of the chair and go running off.)
Lord Crump: Get him!
(Several X-Nauts charge into Flavio, knock him down, and carry him back to the chair.)
Flavio: Sassafraz!
Kody: Watch your language! Seat 3.
Larry: Why do you keep singing that awful "Boom Bassa Boom" thing?
Flavio: How dare you?! Flavio and his old colleagues from sailor school used to sing that every night! It is tradition.
Larry: Doesn't stop it from being awful...
Kody: I have to agree with Larry.
Lord Crump: Buh-huh. Last one, seat 34.
Pokey: Hi. Before you became a sailor, what were you?
Flavio: I was a clerk.
Kody: A clerk? That's it?
Flavio: Hey, clerks were highly respected around Flavio's time!
Lord Crump: I guess that ends the Interview. And with that, pow! You're a goner!
(Lord Crump walks over to Flavio and starts pummeling the snot out of him.)
Flavio: Owww...
Kody: Woo, I guess I have no place here. I'll be leaving then.
Lord Crump: Buh, yeah, bye I guess, and thanks again.
(Kody leaves, followed by Amaury,)
JOHNNY: Crump, why are you beating Flavio into the ground?
Lord Crump: I said I'd hurt him. Badly.
JOHNNY: Well I think you're going a bit far.
Flavio: Flavio can't feel his limbs...
Lord Crump: Buhhh...
JOHNNY: *sigh* Let me do this. END TRANSMISSION.
Flavio: Flavio hates ends...
Lord Crump: You don't like ends? Then the hurting won't end! Buh huh huh!
(Lord Crump continues pummeling Flavio.)
Flavio: OW! Flavio and his big mouth...
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