Tira: Due to Kody's amnesia, he still won't be interviewing, so we need to find a replacement.
Dimentio: But where can we find a replacement on such short notice?
Tira: I was going to ask you that.
Dimentio: Sadly I cannot find one.
Captain America: Victory!
Tira: Stop appearing in these Interviews!
Captain America: Shield slap!
(Captain America slaps Tira with his shield.)
Tira: ...
(Dimentio sends him to Dimension D.)
Tira: Why did you do that? I wanted to kill him.
Dimentio: If you had done that, Captain America fans would have been after you like a pack of rabid Jack Russell terriers after a crippled mailman.
Tira: All right.
Clover: Who's the interviewee?
Dimentio: A "co-worker" of mine, O'Chunks.
Clover: Urgh! Forget it.
O'Chunks: HARBLE-DEH! Some long-eared chump stole me wallet!
Dimentio: My heart bleeds.
O'Chunks: I'm bettin' it was YEH, Dimentio!
Dimentio: Now why would I do that... pray tell? I have more important business to attend to than to resort to petty things such as that.
O'Chunks; Eh... Mebbe yer right... err... Then who'll find me wallet?
Popple: Nobody.
Dimentio: Oh, it was Popple. I saw him do it.
Clover: Hey! I'm the only spy around here.
O'Chunks: YEH!!! YEH STOLE ME WALLET!!! I'LL POUND YEH!!!
Popple: You can't prove it, heh heh heh!
Dimentio: Lawsuit?
Harvey Birdman: I'll take the case!
Popple: Good, you're my defense.
Birdman: Roger that. Are you getting this all down, Peanut?
Peanut: Say, would one of you lovely ladies accompany me to the night club next door? Or perhaps both of you? I can manage two ladies.
(Clover and Tira throttle Peanut.)
Peanut: Ouch. Yeah, I'm getting it down.
Dr. Reducto: Hah hah, I'll get you this time, Birdman!
O'Chunks: Yeh'll be me loy-er, willyeh?
Reducto: Stay away! ... I see you all, looking at me... DON'T LOOK AT ME! I'll shrink you all... You'll see!
Clover: ... Hey, I think we found our interviewer.
Reducto: Wait, you want ME to interview HIM?
Clover: Yeah, you puny little man, you.
Reducto: YOU ASKED FOR IT!
(Reducto shrinks Clover to a tenth of her original size.)
Clover: What was– WAAAAAH!!! I'M SMALL!!! Reducto: Now who's puny? NOW WHO'S PUNY?! HUH?! Dimentio: But seriously, we need somebody to interview O'Chunks or something dreadful will happen. Reducto: Fine, but I’d better get paid. I already got paid to review Mario games by Mentok. I shrunk him! Clover: EEK! Let go of me! Tira: Mwahahahaha, I'm gonna have some fun with you. Clover: Nooooooooooo!!! ---- Popple: You sure I'll get off? Birdman: Well let's look at your options. Hmm... I'll do what I can, but right now your future isn't looking too bright. Popple: Beautiful. ---- Reducto: So while I prepare your prosecution, tell me about yourself. O'Chunks: I'm O'Chunks, and I work fer Count Bleck, who's bringin' order teh this world! Anybody has a problem with that, I give 'em a roughhousin'! Reducto: You're too b...big, I must shrink you! I see you looking at me... wanting to pound me into a pancake, you b-big, menacing– O'Chunks: Oy, take it easy, little lad. Yer me attack force against deh Popple who's gonna get some hammage! Reducto: Isn't that damage? O'Chunks: Ehhh... OY! WHO CARES WHAT IT IS?! HE'S GOIN' DOWN AN' YER GONNA HELP! Reducto: Not if you yell at me with that loud voice! O'Chunks: Yeah, yeah... Reducto: So did you ever figure out Count Bleck's nefarious plan? O'Chunks: He 'ad a plan? Reducto: Yes, to destroy all worlds and leave their remains to rot. O'Chunks: LIES, THEM! Reducto: Come now, you must have known there was a bigger plot than to dispose of a hero who could stop an unknown plan. O'Chunks: 'Rrm... Well I suppose it's true... 'Ey! Who are yeh to question deh Count's plans, ey? Reducto: If they destroy the worlds, then I'll question them. I'll even shrink them! Don't look at me like that! I'll shrink you! O'Chunks: Why yeh obsessed with shrinkin', anyway? Reducto: I created a shrinking device, all by myself! It's mine! I created it! And I ask the questions, not you! O'Chunks: Ahright, yeh plumb git, yeh... Reducto: Don't call me that! I have feelings! They may be small, but they're there! And why do you speak in a Scottish accent? O'Chunks: What deh ruddy ‘)*% is Scottish? Reducto: Well what accent do you speak with? O'Chunks: Ah dunno... 'Ad it since I was a wee lad. Reducto: Well it's a strange resemblance to the Scottish accent in the Real World. O'Chunks: What's that? Reducto: A big, big place! I live in it! It's too b...big! It needs to be smaller! (Reducto shoots a chair, turning it to the size of a gnat.) Gnat: I find that offensive! (The gnat is fried.) Gnat: ... O'Chunks: Eh, righ'... Reducto: Oh yes, the Interview. Why do you leave a scene in such a... an eccentric manner? O'Chunks: Too many Shroom Shakes. They fill yeh righ' up, they do. Reducto: I've noticed. Have they made you... b...b...BIGGER than usual? I SAID BIGGER! IN CAPS LOCK! ARGH! O'Chunks: What's wrong with bein' big? HAR HAR HAR! An' no, that dey don't. Reducto: Whew. Then why are you so... b...BIG?! ARGH! I SAID A VARIATION OF BIG! AGAIN! AND I'M TALKING LOUD TOO! ABOMINABLE! O'Chunks: Righ', yer confusin' me. An' I'm big 'cause I am, came with me voice. Reducto: Fine, fine, but no b...b...big thoughts, I'm warning you! Now why do you dance after you throw your opponent? O'Chunks: It be an O'Chunks tradition, ey! Shake yer booty after yeh rough up yer enemy! HAR HAR! Reducto: Speaking of enemies, why didn't you realize Dimentio had controlled you? O'Chunks: With what? Reducto: The Floro Sprout. O'Chunks: Huh? What're yeh on abou'? Reducto: ... He controlled you using a Floro Sprout in the land of the Cragnons. O'Chunks: ... NO ONE TOLD ME THIS! WHERE'S THAT FREAK?! Dimentio: Oh, don't lose your temper so easily like a bull confronted with red linen. I was only testing the heroes' strength, no lasting harm was done to you. O'Chunks: Grrgh... Yeh'll get payback noneterless, I swear it, Dimentio... Dimentio: I can hardly wait. ---- Birdman: All right, let's see your criminal record... Hey, did you see my pen? Popple: Nope. Birdman: Come to think of it, why am I in my underwear? Popple: (hiding Birdman's suit) Dunno, but I think you killed the narrator's mind by voicing that. And possibly every single person reading this. Birdman: Never mind, I'll get another suit. (Birdman opens his closet. It's empty.) Birdman: What?! I just had these dry-cleaned! And they're gone! Popple: You see? The real thief is still here! Heh heh, yeah, that's it. Birdman: I can't write your defense without a suit. Popple: *gasp* Lucky I found one for you! (Popple hands Birdman his suit.) Birdman: Ahh, good work, my friend! Popple: Now then, let's clear my name! (aside) What a pure-bred sucker, ha hah hah... ---- Reducto: There must be an audience somewhere... Maybe it's here! It's too big! BIG! ARGH! It must be shrunk! Dimentio: Shrink the audience and I shall have you hung like a Hangman who's on his last letter. We need them for profits... some of which will be forked over to you after the Interview, remember that. Reducto: Fine, fine. Seat... FATTONGUE. Yoob: !#@%$#@? Reducto: ... Don't make me shrink you! I'll do it! Dimentio: He asked what O'Chunks eats on an everyday basis. Reducto: Well I don't understand whatever that language is. O'Chunks: Beans, ham, beef, mushrooms, eggs, and 'aggis. Reducto: I thought you said you weren't Scottish? O'Chunks: 'Ow can I be when I don't even know what Scottish is? Reducto: Well haggis comes from Scotland... O'Chunks: I never knew that. Reducto: Seat... 34, is it? Ask your question or I will shrink you! Kaboomba: I figure you've had some experience since you fought Bowser last. How high are your stats? O'Chunks: Ah know me health is 'bout 200, but me attack points are 12 now. Kaboomba: No defense? Dimentio: Hardly any characters in SPM had defense points... Reducto: Seat BACK4MORE. Lord Crump: PANCAKES!!! GRAAAARGH!!! (Lord Crump smashes stuff.) Dimentio: Somebody give him some pancakes so the gag will stop... Mimi: I'll do it. Dimentio: No. Your cooking is "El Terrible", like Tubba's Heart with heartburn. Tubba Blubba: You're not funny. (Dimentio sends Tubba and Lord Crump to Dimension D.) Captain America: Final justice! (Captain America is pancaked.) Dimentio: Silence, Narrator. [whatever] Reducto: Seat R0D0. Robirdo: How did you manage to find the Count without Dimentio sending you to Dimension D? O'Chunks: Mimi did that. Reducto: Last question, then no more! Seat 1. Lemmy: Why did you stay in Flipside after the events of Super Paper Mario? O'Chunks: Eh, I decided I needed a peaceful life after all that bloomin' Chaos Heart business. Now, where's that Popple?! Reducto: Haven't the slightest, but he'll be here. Birdman never misses a chance to humiliate me... I hate him! ... Wait, where's the speech I just wrote?! Popple: Oh dear, what a crying shame. You have no proof and no words against me. Sad, isn't it... O'Chunks: AH DON'T NEED A SPEECH TO BUST YEH OPEN, YEH SLIMY LITTLE MAGGOT! Popple: Gah! (O'Chunks chases Popple around and eventually catches him, pounding him into a-) Dimentio: Narrator! [Oh yeah... Grr...] Kody: Hey everybody, I'm back... What's going on? Dimentio: Let's see. Clover is shrunk to doll-size and Tira is playing with her, O'Chunks is killing Popple with his fists, and Reducto and Birdman are just staring at the chaos. Lovely, wouldn't you say? Kody: No. Especially the “playing” part. Tira: I'm bored. Here, Mimi, you can have her. Mimi: Ooh golly, thank you. Clover: WHAT?! NOOOOOOOOOO!!! Dimentio: And why are you a black Boo, again? Kody: Dunno, but I found my musketeer hat. And no, drop the doll. Mimi: Why? Kody: Because of... thing. Popple: I am dying. Kody: I don't care. Who does? (The audience raises all their hands.) Kody: ... BLAAAAAAARGH! Audience: AHHHHHH!!! (The audience runs away.) Kody: Woo, still got it. Dimentio: End transmission. Reducto: I'll shrink you! (Reducto gets hit by a pancake.) Reducto: I hate this job. Whoops! You're not logged in!
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