Phantos67: Well, I want to interview with somebody.
Wacko: I'll do one.
Phantos67: No.
(A Hammer Bro walks in.)
G Bloop: Who are you?
Lester: I'm Lester. Who are you?
Phantos67: I'm Phantos67. What are you doing here?
Lester: I was bored.
Phantos67: Same. So who are we interviewing?
Lester: Interview?
Phantos67: Yeah. I feel like an Interview. So who?
Lester: What about Gloomba?
Phantos67: Naw. He's just so uninteresting. Besides, I interviewed him already. What about Jonathan Johnny Jones?
Lester: Who? I don't know he is.
JJJ and Gloomba: HEY!
Phantos67: What about Bowser Jr?
Lester: Hey! I know who he is!
Phantos67: Then it’s settled. Now, Bowser Junior!
Bowser Junior: What do you want?
Phantos67: To interview, cooperate or die.
Lester: Woah! How did he get in here?
Phantos67: Never mind that! Now, will you interview, or not, punk?
Bowser Junior: Hmmmmm, NO!
Lester: Phantos67, Let's get him.
(Thud crushes him, G Bloop shocks him, Lester pounds him into the ground with his hammer, and then Nasher bites him.)
Junior: TOO MUCH PAIN!
Phantos67: More is in store. So Q1: Why are you not considered a Koopaling?
Bowser Junior: Because I wasn't born 'til the Koopalings had starred in a few games already. So it was too late to join the seven. :(
Lester: Q2: What’s with the mask you have?
Junior: Dad gave it to me when I was little. I only wear it to remember when I was a kid.
Lester: You are a kid.
Junior: Why you-
Phantos67: Observe the spikes hanging above you. It would be a shame if one fell...
Junior: *gulp*
Phantos67: Q3: How come you got to be the big cheese in New Super Mario Brothers, huh?
Junior: Because Bowser died, and the Koopalings were busy. I liked it.
Phantos67: You mean getting beaten to a pulp by Mario?
Junior: No.
Lester: Isn't that what happened?
Junior: *sigh* Yes.
Phantos67: Hehehe.
Lester: Q4: Why did you change bats between Mario Superstar Baseball and Sluggers? Wouldn't a spiky club or whatever be tougher than your paintbrush?
Junior: Dad made me change! He's a doofushead.
Bowser: I am offended!
(Bowser walks up and smacks Bowser Junior.)
Junior: I'm sorry! I won't do it again! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHA!!!
Wacko: What a wimp!
(Bowser comes over and smacks him too.)
Wacko: WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Phantos67: So how come you don't have a wand like the Koopalings do?
Junior: They got their wands before I was born, and by the time I was of age to get one, that kind was out of style. Now the Koopalings rarely use them in games, usually only around the house. I’ve got one, but it’s not as good as theirs.
Phantos67: Maybe it went out of style because you got one.
*Bud dum crash!*
Lester: Q6: In Mario Superstar Baseball, you were friends with the Hammer Bros, but not the other minions. Why?
Junior: The Hammer Bros are the strongest minions. I am mostly proud of them.
Minions: Hey!
Lester: Hehehe.
Junior: Deal with it.
Bowser: You say you're sorry, mister.
Junior: (reluctantly) I'm sorry, minions.
Bowser: Louder!
Some minions take out video cameras.
Junior: I am sorry for all I have done, minions. I will never underestimate your awesome power again.
Phantos67: Bowser, get out.
Bowser: Junior has to be accompanied by an adult.
Phantos67: You've let him run loose before.
Bowser: Never too late to change.
Phantos67: At the end of the Interview, you're dead. Question... whatever number it is: Why do you think Peach is your mother?
Junior: She is pretty, and Bowser said she was.
(Phantos67 eyes Bowser.)
Bowser: ... What?
Phantos67: Why would you lie to your kid?
Bowser: I was bored. *shrug*
Lester: Q8: How did you get past Prof. E. Gadd to get his paintbrush?
Junior: My wand. I turned invisible.
Lester: Wouldn't he think you were a ghost?
Junior: His doo-dads can sense ghosts, not magic.
Phantos67: Well, since the audience isn't here, we'll have to skip out on them.
Wacko: An Interview without audience questions?!
Phantos67: Si senor.
Wacko: Since when did you speak Spanish?
Phantos67: First of all, that's the EASIEST phrase that everybody knows. Second, I took it in high school.
Wacko: Oh.
Phantos67: So Junior, how old are you?
Junior: Eleven this Thursday.
Phantos67: Are you serious?
Junior: No. I'm not telling a stranger my age!
Lester points at the spikes.
Junior: *gulp*
Phantos67: So... Audience questions yet?
Lester: Sure.
Phantos67: If I may... Seat NOT SO FAST!
Koopa T. Quick: Why do you abuse some Koopas in some games by putting us on the front lines?
Junior: Because if one of you dies, who cares?! There's plenty more!
Koopa T. Quick: We should revolt.
Bowser: Ahem.
Koopa T. Quick: Hehehehe...
Lester: Seat FATGREEDYMORON.
Wario: In Luigi's Mansion, why-
Junior: I wasn't in that game!
Wario: Oops. At the end of Super Mario Sunshine, how did you know that Peach wasn't your mom, but in Mario Superstar Baseball, you still thought she was?
Bowser Junior: Uhhhhh... I forgot?
Phantos67: Likely story. Seat BLOOPER ROBOT!
Mecha Blooper: You are often confused with Baby Bowser, why?
Junior: Duh, I look exactly like my dad when he was little. When I grow up, I will look exactly like him.
Lester: Will you keep that dumb haircut?
Junior: Hey!
Lester: Seat WEDDING CA- er, GLITZ PITZ ANNOUNCER.
Jolene: Why have you starred in so few games?
Bowser Junior: Because my brothers and sister got so few games. And you should talk! You've only been in one game!
(Jolene holds up a copy of the game Super Jolene World.)
Phantos67: You have got to be kidding me, I'm not buying that!
Jolene: Meanie!
Phantos67: I was being nice compared to what I could've said.
Jolene: I still think you're mean.
Phantos67: Bummer, the loss of one fan.
(All the audience leaves except two Goombas that are fast asleep.)
Phantos67: Time to pick this thing up... FREE ICE CREAM IF YOU STAY!
(Everybody comes back in and the Goombas wake up.)
G Bloop: Seat THE LOCH NESS MONSTER!
Dorrie: I'm not the Loch Ness monster. Plan on appearing in any future game there, little buddy?
Junior: I'm not little, and I'm certainly not your buddy!
Jolene: Meanie!
Phantos67: Ignore Ms. Fitt over here.
Jolene: Me-
Thud: JOLENE SHUT MOUTH, OR THUD SWUASH PIP SQUEEK!
Jolene: I'll be quiet now... Hehe.
Junior: But yes, I'm a big hit in the Mario series.
Wigit: No, you'll be known as the guy who killed the Mario series.
Junior: HEY!
Lester: Nothing else to do, but...
(Lester picks up Bowser Junior.)
Junior: Hey, what are you doing?
(Lester throws him at the camera.)
Phantos67: Oh, and before we end it, I told Bowser he would die, so...
(Phantos67 uses telepathy to throw Bowser into a hole of freezing cold water)
Phantos67 and Lester: END TRANSMISSION!
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