(Lemmy is calmly sitting at a computer desk in his room.)
Lemmy: Ok, so let’s see who the people want interviewed on...
(A random spotlight appears over Lemmy.)
Lemmy: LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!
(The spotlight goes away. Lemmy resumes reading the screen.)
Lemmy: NO WAY. Nononononononono! If I... He'll just... Even if I... Because he has... Oh man, I'm going to need some help.
(Lemmy runs to a phone and starts dialing numbers.)
Meanwhile, at General Toad's Mansion, specifically his meeting room...
General Toad: Ok, Snift, tomorrow-
(Doopliss Guy walks in.)
Doopliss Guy: PHONE!
GT: *sigh* Be right back.
(GT takes the phone from Doopliss Guy.)
GT: Uh-huh... REALLY? You want ME? Oh... and OTHERS. But ok... Sure, sure. Be right over.
(GT hangs up.)
Snift: Who was that?
GT: Put Interviews on hold, Lemmy wants help interviewing Mario. I'll be back... hopefully intact, soon. Goodbye.
(GT leaves.)
Snift: ... Anyone up for snowcones?
Meanwhile at the Sunken Ship...
JOHNNY: Work harder!
(JOHNNY's crew is busy doing slave labor around the ship for him. The phone rings.)
JOHNNY: What do ye want?! ... Interview... Sounds great, I'll be there!
(JOHNNY looks to see his crew exhausted from working.)
JOHNNY: Should I bring them... No, they can keep working.
(JOHNNY writes a quick note, leaves it on the table, and sneaks off the boat and starts swimming to the studio.)
Meanwhile at the Phantos67 Castle...
Phantos67: I'm bored.
Wacko: I'm not. What do you want to do?
Phantos67: Co-op Interview.
Wacko: Count me out.
(RING RING!)
Phantos67: Hello? An interview with other guys? BE RIGHT THERE!
Meanwhile at The Void...
YTtF: Remind me, how did he convince us to do this?
YTtF: I didn't. I just ate a sandwich and dragged- Wait, my wand's ringing.
(He pulls out his wand from his pocket.)
YTtF: Hello? ... Yeah? ... WHAT?! ... Sure, I’ll be there! *hangs up* Guys, I've gotta go. Lemmy's hosting a massive co-op Interview with Mario. I'm sorry to leave you... Wait, I'm not. Bye!
Kollin: You can't leave us like this!
YTtF: Yes I can.
(He teleports away.)
Turbo: ...
Meanwhile at Showdown Town...
L.O.G.: These poor, inferior beings... Attempting such an interview of such a high level without any guidance... They'll need my help.
Revolver Ocelot: You weren't invited to the party, you sure you want to crash it?
L.O.G.: I will simply force you to redirect the call the superior Koopaling is making to that Dryest fellow.
Ocelot: And why would I comply?
L.O.G.: If you do not then your existence will be neglected by this meaningless Mario fansite.
Ocelot: Very well...
(Ocelot presses a few things on a random remote control.)
L.O.G.: Yes. No, Major Dryest is still working on the Christmas special... Yes, I'd be happy to... Gladly. Goodbye, Lemmy.
Ocelot: I'll be expecting the proceeds of the Interview...
L.O.G.: You are a worthless recurring cameo character. This conversation is over.
(L.O.G. disappears.)
Ocelot: ... Useless little... Grah!
And soon at Lemmy's Interview Studio...
(Lemmy is standing in front of the group with a chalkboard with scribbles on it.)
Lemmy: Ok, and after that, Zz, you pass to Phantos, who will pass back to General Toad, who will hand it off to YTtF, who will send it to Lord of the Games-
(A Koopa walks in.)
Koopa: 30 seconds, Lemmy!
Lemmy: Darn, so much for football.
Phantos67: I thought we were talking about Interviews...
Lemmy: Ok guys, get out there and show him what you’re made of!
(Lemmy pushes the crew onto the stage and then runs out himself.)
Lemmy: Good evening! Welcome to LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW! Tonight, various interviewers from around Plit will be interviewing *gulp* Mario!
(Mario walks out.)
Mario: Hi-a!
Lemmy: OkgoodluckguysIllbewatchinghavefunbye!
(Lemmy runs into a door marked "Bomb Shelter".)
Lemmy's muffled voice: Ok, start the questions!
L.O.G.: Pleasure to have you, superior game hero. Your marvelous and evergreen gameplay that touches the hearts of millions is an inspiring gem in a sea of gamers who just like blowing things up.
Mario: Errr... Thank you-a very much!
L.O.G.: Again, pleasure. Now, according to reports gathered by the police, when you were fighting Donkey Kong atop a construction site, he was your escaped pet?
Mario: Yes, that's-a right!
L.O.G.: Ignoring the obvious stupidity, how exactly did you raise DK?
Mario: Hard work and-a dedication!
(The audience applauds madly.)
L.O.G.: Not exactly what I meant...
Mario: Well, I thought he would-a make a nice present for Pauline. She-a did like exotic things. I think I-a took it a LITTLE too far, though. My-a bad. ^^
L.O.G.: Yes, just a bit...
JOHNNY: Arr har har, I remember you, Mario.
Mario: Who are you again?
JOHNNY: Captain Jonathan Johnny Jones from the Sunken Ship.
Mario: Oh yeah, you're the guy who was a horrible fighter.
JOHNNY: WHAT?! I am not!
Mario: Yes you are!
JOHNNY: Gr... Well, I suppose I best ask a question. During Superstar Saga, why did you let Bowser team up with you? I mean, didn't you suspect that he would double-cross you?
Mario: I let him team up with me because I planned that once he got us into the Beanbean Kingdom I'd kick him off his own Koopa Cruiser and then I'd get rid of him.
JOHNNY: But you seemed so clueless when you first let him.
Mario: I-a always seem clueless.
JOHNNY: Good point, good point...
YTtF: K. How's it like to be the supreme protector of Plit?
Mario: It's great! But a little bit nerve-racking.
YTtF: In which sense? You ALWAYS win.
Mario: Not in Luigi's Mansion. Although I do most of the time, I still get pretty beat up, and who says I won't get a Game Over? A lot of gamers do, you know, and besides, it's still a pretty hard job.
YTtF: I see. Next question!
Phantos67: Guess it's my turn. Why are you so stupid?
Mario: I'm-a not stupid! The tale got started from Lemmy's Scribbles, they chose me as their favorite character and-a made me look bad.
Phantos67: I still think you're an idiot.
Mario: Watch-a your mouth!
Phantos67: YOU WATCH YOUR MOUTH!
(Phantos67 lunges for Mario, but is pulled back by the others.)
General Toad: Alrighty then. To add onto Your Twin the Fourth's question, HOW did you become the supreme protector of Plit?
Mario: Well-a, I-a thought Peach-a was beautiful! So-a I decided to-a rescue her! It-a was easy!
GT: And why is that?
Mario: Because, Bowser is a wimp-a!
(Bowser leaps out of the audience and starts jumping and shooting fire.)
Bowser: RAWR!
Mario: Just-a like always!
(Mario jumps on Bowser. Bowser runs away and out of the studio, and based on the following sounds, is hit by a bus.)
Lemmy's muffled voice: Ok, audience questions! Someone pick a seat!
GT: Seat 78!
Koopa: Where did you get your hat?
Mario: The stork-a gave it to me-a when I was a baby!
YTtF: Seat EVILTWIN.
Wario: How did you get such an awesome castle? I enjoyed it very much!
Mario: Peach gave it to me as thanks for getting her out of so many situations.
YTtF: One would wonder why he only has one castle...
Peach: Hey! ... Well it's true.
(Peach runs out of the studio crying.)
YTtF: That was random.
Phantos67: I'm next. Seat NINJA BLOB!
Ninji: Why do you bully innocent creatures around?
Mario: To-a save the day! And Peach! And defeat Bowser!
Ninji: You know, if you asked politely they might let you pass on through.
Mario: Would you?
Ninji: No.
JOHNNY: My turn! how about seat 69.
Dimento: Why Peach instead of Daisy?
Mario: Duh, I live in the Mushroom Kingdom, not Sarasaland. Hasn't this question been asked before?
JOHNNY: No.
L.O.G.: Fascinating. So our greatest hero chooses love by how often his eyes cross his damsel? Fascinating...
Mario: What?! No-a! That's-a not what I-a...
L.O.G.: The pointless filler character in seat 92 should have a good question.
Bowser Jr: Filler?! Why I oughta... Ooh, if my papa were here...
L.O.G.: He would be turned into a goldfish.
Bowser Jr: ... ARG! Hmph. Fine. Sorry-o! Why do you ALWAYS gotta spoil my and Papa's time? I mean, can't you just find SOMETHING ELSE and get on with your life?
Mario: Well, to be-a honest, it's-a pretty exciting chasing after the-a bad guys! Plus, Mario's the-a superstar! If I-a didn't go after Peach then the-a Mushroom Kingdom would fall! And I'm-a not going to let that happen anytime soon so... sorry kid!
Bowser Jr: Aw darn! So I can't build a toxic waste pool where that flower garden is?
Mario: Nope.
Bowser Jr.: Aww... I wanted to throw Goombas in and poke them with sticks...
Phantos67: I think I'm going to do some advertising. Well as you might already know I-
Lemmy: Interviews aren't for your own personal advertisements, Phantos.
Phantos67: Gak.
JOHNNY: Well, since there is no personal advertising, how about this!
(JOHNNY pulls down a huge poster advertising Lemmy’s Land Kart, where numerous Lemmy's Land tourists such as Teela Yoshi and Maguskoopa are racing people like Bowser and Wario.)
Lemmy's muffled voice: Enough of this Lemmy’s Land Kart junk. Seriously, like, everyone is advertising for that. Enough!
JOHNNY: I can't help it, that game looks so amazing!
Lemmy's muffled voice: Someone's paying you, right?
JOHNNY: You will never know!
(General Toad hides a bag behind his back that reads "JOHNNY'S LL Kart Ad Money”.)
GT: Yeah! You'll never know! Even if the game is being created by me, with the help of people like JOHNNY. Yep, couldn't be me!
Phantos67: *chuckle* Also, stay tuned for Fireball's upcoming game! It's about-
(Lemmy comes out of hiding and kicks Phantos off the stage.)
Lemmy: *sigh...*
Mario: Is this-a going to end soon-a?
Lemmy: Yes. Yes it is.
(Lemmy punts Mario off the stage also.)
Lemmy: Well it looks like you guys actually did it. I'm really surprised, but you did a very nice job.
YTtF: Thanks, Lemmy!
L.O.G: I also thank you, young superior Koopa.
Lemmy: I guess it's time to...
All: END TRANSMISSION!
Credit goes to General Toad, The Dryest Bones, Your Twin the Fourth, Phantos67, and Zz1666 for writing, editing, suggesting, or in any way enhancing this story.
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