(Iggy’s servants are placing heavy protective gear on him.)
Giant Goomba: Iggy, you dolt! You nearly interviewed Roy unprotected!
Giant Koopa: I’ll lend you my shell, and maybe you should cast defensive spells. DON’T DIE ON US.
Giant Hooktail: I’M BIG. PH33R MEH!
Iggy: No, guys. I set up a defense system specifically to block bullying. No one can bully within this building.
Giant Hooktail: WHY ARE YOU NOT PH33RIN’ MEH?
Giant Goomba: Iggy, no offense, but even with a defense system, Roy’s going to-
Iggy: The defense system might take that as an insult.
Giant Goomba: Oh, right. Just don’t get killed, okay?
Iggy: Of course I won’t be killed. Even if I do die, Pick-Me-Ups are only five coins.
Giant Hooktail: SPEAKING OF FIVE COINS, I’LL GIVE YOU FIVE-THOUSAND COINS IF YOU COME CLOSER. I MEAN…. PH33R MEH!
Giant Koopa: That reminds me, why were Pick-Me-Ups so cheap anyways?
Roy: HELLO, LADIES.
Everyone except Roy, Iggy, and Giant Hooktail: SPARE MY LIFE!
Giant Hooktail: HELLO LOSER! PH33R MEH!
Iggy: Roy, sit in the chair.
Roy: Fine.
(Roy sits in Iggy’s chair.)
Iggy: Roy, other chair.
Roy: Yours is more comfortable.
Iggy: Give it to me!
Roy: Are you asking to be beaten up?
Iggy: Precisely!
(Roy tries to punch Iggy, but gets crushed by Metal Mario.)
Metal Mario: Metal cheese!
Iggy: I installed a security system so we can get on with the Interview.
Roy: I… despise you.
Iggy: What does despise mean?
Roy: I DON’T KNOW.
Iggy: AHAHAH. Anyways, why is your head pink?
Roy: I TOLD YOU TO IGNORE IT, IG-
(The Ultra Hammer falls on Roy’s head.)
Iggy: What were you saying?
Roy: Grr… My head is pink because I went to beat up Morton one day, and the Angry Sun gave me an angry sun burn.
Iggy: Shouldn’t it be gone by now?
Roy: How do Mallow’s tears create rain when he finds his real parents, even though he’s on top of a cloud?
Iggy: Good point. My last question before the audience starts is: What’s behind your sunglasses?
Roy: This is a secret that me, Lemmy, Ludwig, Mom, and Dad will take to our graves.
Lemmy: He has a lazy eye, and is too stuck up to let it show. I would know, I was there when he hatched.
Roy: LEMMY, I’M GOING T-
(Roy gets crushed by Giga Bowser.)
Iggy: You were saying?
Roy: Another question!
(A giant Spiny Egg is hovering over Roy’s head.)
Roy: Another question please, Iggy.
Iggy: Why do you wear a pink shell? Do you think pink is manly?
Roy (in a girly voice): It like, totally matches my head, and I have to keep up with the fashions.
Iggy: Really?
Roy: OF COURSE NOT. I wear pink because it shows that I'm fearless. I'm BOLD enough to wear pink.
Iggy: So what's the real reason?
Roy: Bowser got bored, and made me wear pink so he could laugh at me.
Iggy: Oh dear. Let's move the question asking to the audience.
Larry: Yeah, I'm totally not holding the world's smallest video camera, about to blackmail you.
(The previous giant Spiny Egg hits Larry.)
Iggy: Blackmail is a form of bullying, you terrible liar.
(Iggy gets smashed by the moon from Majora's Mask.)
Roy: Insulting someone's lying abilities is a form of bullying.
Lemmy: Hey, I have a question. Why were we all not crushed by the moon if it's as big as Clock Town?
Roy: Does this even count for the Interview?
Lemmy: No, but I'm asking you anyways.
Roy: Uhh… How does the lava under Lava Piranha not solidify when Sushi uses Tidal Wave?
Lemmy: Here's a question that counts. Why don't you use this knowledge when your private tutor is trying to teach you something?
Roy: Because I can beat him up when he asks me a question, unlike right now. This reminds me, IGGY, YOU'RE DEAD AFTER THIS INTERVIEW?
(The moon rolls over, crushing Roy.)
Iggy: Death threats are a form of bullying, Roy. Does anyone have legitimate questions?
Giant Hooktail: WHY DON'T YOU PH33R MEH?
Roy: I don't fear you because you're the least scary thing I've ever seen.
(A doomship crashes through the moon and plows into Roy.)
Iggy: Look Roy, you made Giant Hooktail sad.
Giant Hooktail: I AM SAD!
The Doomship: Hey, Roy! Why do you have to be so heavy, and shake me around every time you jump?
(Metal Mario and a giant hunk of metallic cheese fall on The Doomship.)
Iggy: You basically called a girl fat, which is a form of bullying.
(Iggy gets crushed by Glitzville.)
Hoggle: Calling someone the opposite gender is a form of bullying.
Iggy: Fine! Someone ask Roy another question.
The Doomship: But he didn't answer my question!
Roy: I'm heavy because I have actual MUSCLE. ROCK ON.
Larry: Fine. Roy, why do you only beat up four of your six siblings?
Roy: Well, it's mainly because Ludwig is fat-
(Roy gets crushed by a Giant Thwomp.)
Roy: -and could crush me in one blow, and I can't do anything bad to a girl, so I can't hit Wendy.
(Giant Hooktail leaps onto Roy.)
Iggy: Why did you jump on him? He didn't do anything bad!
Giant Hooktail: He said he can't do anything mean to a girl, but he said I was the least scary thing he ever saw. Lying is a form of bullying!
Iggy: Well, if it gets Roy crushed, I'm okay with it.
(Iggy is crushed by Mrs. Thwomp.)
Roy: Haha, you got crushed!
(Roy gets crushed by Bowser's Super Mario World Castle.)
Iggy: No, you got crushed!
(Iggy is crushed by a giant fighting robot, and their fight continues for the rest of eternity.)
Lemmy: Uhh... End transmission?
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