Fireball: Hello, everyone, and welcome to my Interview show!
Mario: Is WT here today?
Fireball: Yep! He's locked up in this steel cage next to me.
The camera pans to the left, showing that WT is, indeed, locked up in a steel cage.
WT: All I wanted was some time off!
Mario: Well, that explains the cage there.
Fireball: Sure does.
Wario: Who are you interviewing?
Fireball: My dear and not close friend at all... Goombario the Goomba with a hat that's blue and face that is brown.
WT: And rosy cheeks, a big belly, and a red suit covered in soot... No, wait; that's Santa Claus.
Amadeus, who is WT's best friend and cameraman, in case some of our more recent viewers didn't already know that: Well, I guess since we interviewed Goombella while working with Martin, it was only a matter of time before we interviewed Goombario as well.
WT: Let's just get this over with so I can get out of this thing. Goombario, here's my first question: Why a BLUE cap? If you're one of Mario's biggest fans, wouldn't you wear a RED cap like him?
Goombario: Haven't you played Super Mario 64? Mario takes twice as much damage when he has nothing to cover his head! He NEEDS all of the red caps he can get!
Mario: You bet I do!
Fireball: Here.
Fireball gives Mario a red cap with the letter M on it... upside-down.
Wario: HEY! That's the great Wario's hat!
Fireball: No...
Wario: Yes! You can even see the yellow paint coming off of it.
Fireball: Er... Next question, are you friends with Goombella?
Goombario: Well, actually, we've been going out. She's very smart, cute, and all that other stuff that makes no sense at all.
Fireball: I see...
WT: You two are going out?! ... I mean, I've read in plenty of stories that you two were close, but I didn't think you were actually dating!
Amadeus: Love works in mysterious ways, WT.
WT: I guess... So, Goombario, what's up with the names of people in your family? Did your parents know that you'd be a big Mario fan? Were Goompa and Goompapa destined to marry nice Goomba females and become fathers?
Goombario: Well, I know that my parents wanted me to grow up to be a hero just like Mario and give Goombas a better name. I don't know about my parents or grandparents, but I think that the people that raised them had high expectations when it came to family matters.
Fireball: No comment whatsoever...
Mario: My Goombas!
Wario: Whaaaaaaaaat?
Mario: I can't believe Goombario and Goombella are dating without me knowing!
Fireball: Next question, what was your favorite place in Paper Mario?
Goombario: My favorite place would have to be... This is a tough one... tough... tough.... Chapter six! You know, with all the flowers and such.
Fireball: Not going to ask why.
WT: Same here. Speaking of Paper Mario, which of the bosses did you consider the hardest?
Goombario: By far, it was the Crystal King. The guy kept making copies of himself, and unlike Mrs. Thwomp from Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time, there was NO way of knowing which one was real!
Amadeus: You could tell those Thwomps apart?
Goombario: Certainly! One fake has a chip in her side, another is missing some teeth, and the third fake's teeth are more pointed. It's amazing how many of my online friends couldn't figure it out!
WT: Can we get back to the main topic, please?
Goombario: Oh, yeah, right. Sorry 'bout that. Back to the Crystal King, unless you could do a group attack that hits all of them simultaneously, which I can't, you're just taking lucky guesses when you strike. And even when I DID hit him, ice is certainly not something that one's head is meant to hit!
Fireball hits Goombario with a block of ice.
Goombario: Ow! Right in the middle of the head, too!
WT: ... Fireball, where in the world did you get that block of-
Fireball: Next question, who was your favorite partner?
Goombario: That would have to be Kooper. All of us are still friends today, though.
Fireball: Well, that was quite lame... Go, WT! I just can't stand this guy much longer. He's just not normal! He just is not!
WT: ... Says the crazy red Yoshi to the narcoleptic Waluigi lookalike that has an obsession with the color orange. Anyways, Goombario, I'll just cut to the chase and ask the same question I've asked in every Interview in the past. What do you think about Waluigi?
Amadeus: Well, actually, there's a couple of times you've forgotten to ask it. I don't think you inquired about it during the Cudge Interview, or-
WT: Oh, shut up, and let Goombario answer the question!
Goombario: Waluigi, you say? Well, I have to admit, I'm impressed by his quick rise to stardom. After all, ever since his first appearance, I don't think there's a single multiplayer Mario game that he hasn't been in. I think his crowning moment was when he appeared in that Gameboy Advance Mario Tennis title without Wario alongside him, showing that he's gained some independence over the years.
WT: HA! Did you hear that, audience? He's IMPRESSED! Booyah! Score one for the lean, mean, purple machine, baby!
Everyone looks at WT.
Fireball: Ok, don't ever do that again.
Goombario: A shocker to us all.
Fireball: I'm going to ask the people who are scared right now... Seat 904.
Roy: What was the worst beating you took?
Goombario: What a stupid question! Well, anyways, the worst beating I ever took would have to be from Bowser. We may have won the battle, but we still took a lot of damage. And that was the worst beating I ever took.
Fireball: Go WT……………
WT: ... Well, that was certainly a long pause. Anyways, I pick... Endark, in seat 7!
Endark: Ugh, I was hoping that I'd go unnoticed.
Amadeus: You have a metal gauntlet for a left arm. That's pretty hard to miss, y'know.
Endark: Whatever, commoner. So, Goombario, are you a capitalist or a communist? That is, do you believe that governments should favor economic growth and support valuable industries, thus improving the area they command as well as their bonds with other areas through trade but simultaneously enforcing a multi-tier system for its civilians? Or, should governments focus more on treating their citizens as equals and use their own cash to help those that need it, thus making sure no citizens are left to fend for themselves, but at the same time, slowing down the development of new products that could potentially help its citizens in the near future?
Wario: ... What in the world did he just say?!
Kammy: I have no idea whatsoever.
Goombario: Uh... I guess I'd be a communist, sorta. I mean, just because it's possible for some people to obtain a higher standard of living, I don't think it's right to just leave everyone else behind. And since Goombas like myself have been left behind countless times in the past, in terms of-
WT: Say no more, Goombario. Seriously. I have absolutely no idea what you or Endark are saying, and if you continue, my head might pop.
Fireball: Yeah, no one likes a long sentence like that, especially if nobody can understand what you're saying.
Wario: YEAH!
Fireball: Seat 839.
Luigi: Did you like me at the start of the game?
Goombario: I'm not really sure... You said “Hi” to me and such, but when you could not catch a Shy Guy, Mario and I had to... And you're scared of Boos, which Mario and I had to deal with in Chapter 3.
Luigi: How do you know I'm scared of Boos?
Goombario: Er... Next question, please.
WT: Seat 19.
MC Ballyhoo: Lil' Goom, if you could've been in another of Superstar Mario's adventures, which one would you have picked?
Goombario: The question is, which one WOULDN'T I pick? They're all so exciting and adventurous! The only one I probably would dislike to be a part of is Super Mario Sunshine; it would've been nice, warm, and sunny, but my head would’ve got stuck in too much sludge to enjoy it.
MC Ballyhoo: Mondo! By the way, Mr. Fireball, how much for that orange creature in the cage? It would be PERFECT for our next show!
Bigtop: We could have it jump through flaming hoops, balance Bob-ombs on its nose, fire it out of a cannon... It's fun for the whole family!
Fireball: It does sound like a good deal...
WT: Hey, are you guys talking about me?
Amadeus: It looks like they are, pal.
WT: ... Fireball, wrap this up. NOW. And remember, if you sell me to those creeps, I'll never co-host again!
Fireball: How much for him?
BigTop: Lots and lots of money.
Fireball: Sounds good... but no. How could I do that to WT? WT has done so many things for me… Hmmmm... Never mind.
MC Ballyhoo: Fine!
Fireball: Seat Mario-4.
WT: I don't think that's a legitimate seat number... but, whatever gets this thing wrapped up soon.
Mario: Did you really think you could... Did you like being with me?
Goombario: Yes. The quest and the thrills were awesome.
Mario:*sniff* How touching!
Fireball: Well, that's the end of the Interview show, everyone.
Mario: Dang it!
Fireball: I know, Mario. See you in the morning, WT. Seems like I lost the key for your cell.
Wario: Sorry I ate it, WT.
WT: I... You... He... WHAT?!
WT faints inside of his cell. Amadeus walks to the cage, grabs a side of it, and slowly starts to drag it offstage.
Fireball: See you next time with me, Mario, Wario, Roy, Kammy, Endark, Lemmy, Kamek, Goomba #24, Kooper, Koops, Goombario, Goombella, WT, MC Ballyhoo, Bigtop, Peach, Dasiy, Luigi, Waluigi, Goomba #37, Goomba #3920...
One hour later...
Fireball: ...Koopa #007, Mayor Kroop, Puni Elder, Punio, Puni #2, Koops' father, Larry, Wendy, Morton, Iggy, Ludwig, Chef Torte, Goomba #21, Koopa #83, D.D. Koopa from Wario and the Seven Gold Coins, some Pixls, a plane, I'm running out of names, Bowser Jr, and... End Transmission.
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