Kody: Ah, isn't time displacement a funny thing... Well between car crashes and Super Smash Bros. Brawl mania I've been out of the loop... and I will continue to be, meaning my crew will do my Interviews for a while. Speaking of my crew, I've decided to hire Clover back.
Tira: HU-WHA?
Clover: I'm as surprised as you are...
Kody: Well, truth be told, I liked Clover, a lot, but I hated the Totally Spies show.
Clover: Hey! They paid me well!
Kody: Pfft, I'll pay you more. Just stay out of trouble.
Clover: Deal! ^_^
Tira: I'm not working with her.
Kody: Yes you are. In fact, you have an Interview to do. Remember, you're in charge.
Tira: Oh yeah, I forgot. And cool.
Meta Knight (flying in): Finally... got... back...
Kody: Hey, you're back! Where were you all this time?
Meta Knight: Auditioning.
Kody: Okay. All right, I must get back to playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
(Kody dashes off.)
Kody: Argh, narrator dude, I'm a Boo. I don't dash.
(SHUT UP!!!)
Kody: ...
Meta Knight: Disturbing...
Tira: Convenient?
Meta Knight: No. Aren't you supposed to be the running gag?
Tira: I gave up on that ages ago. Morton's back to doing that.
Morton: I AM THE CAKE OF WEDDINGNESS!!!
Fawful: ...
Tira: Sheesh, he sure knows how to keep a gag fresh. All right, you, go hit the lights.
Clover: No.
Tira: You'll do what I tell you since he left me in charge.
Clover: No.
Tira: Don't make me take this random object to your head!
Clover: Please. You have no authority over me, we're more or less the same age, so nyah.
Tira: I'm 400 years older than you!
Clover: WHA... Impossible!
Tira: I was born in 1605.
Clover: Wait a sec... Then how can you be here?
Tira: ... Time travel?
Clover: Well I'm still better than you.
Tira: Suuuure. Also, because I'm older than you, you should respect your elders.
Mario: That may be true, but have you ever unclogged a three-gallon flush toilet using nothing but a TV antenna?
Tira: ???
Clover: ???
Mario: ... What?
Meta Knight: Eh... Aren't you supposed to be stupid?
Mario: Too lazy today.
Petey Piranha: THE LAZINESS IS SPREADING!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!
(Petey bounds through the castle screaming insanely.)
Tira: ... Bring that thing out.
Dimentio: With pleasure!
(Dimentio goes backstage and gets out a thing.)
Tira: That's a thing.
Dmentio: Exactly!
Thing: I'm a thing! Hi!
(The thing turns into Goombella.)
Tira: Haha, you are awesome.
Dimentio: No, no, the pleasure is mine.
Clover: Get a room.
Tira: Oh shut up. Well, thing, are you ready to be interviewed?
Goombella: No, but it doesn't look like I have a choice. And actually, I'm not a thing!
Dimentio: So cooperative.
Tira: Truly. Let's begin. Why'd you travel with Mario?
Goombella: Because he saved me from those thugs!
Lord Crump: DANG IT, I'M NOT A THUG!
Kody (from a random room): Can't hear you!
Lord Crump: ... Pancakes?
(Dimentio sends Crump to the sixth dimension... wherever that is.)
Tira: Well yeah, but more specific reasons please.
Goombella: Well you all know from playing the game that we were both looking for the Thousand-Year Door. And... uh... I wanted a bodyguard... he he...
Tira: Wimp. What about the other party members? What did you think of them?
Goombella: Koops and Bobbery were all right. The rest... eh.
Vivian: I feel so unloved.
Tira: Yech, the emotions in here are spreading... Anyway, how long had you been working on this Door discovery?
Goombella: A few years.
Tira: ... That long, huh?
Goombella: You try finding it!
Tira: It seemed kinda easy to find...
Goombella: …
Tira: Speechless? Don't blame you. While you take some time to dwell on that, I'll ask another question.
Goombella: You're crazy.
Dimentio: Of course she is! And so am I!
TIra: Hehe. An undeniable fact. Anyway... WHY do you like archaeology so much?
Goombella: Are you kidding me? It's so cool! You never know what you can find hidden beneath the earth! Discoveries galore!
Clover: I hate getting dirty.
Tira: Quiet, you.
Clover: Hmph.
Dimentio: CONTINUING!
Tira: Uh, yes, thank you for that. So what do you do now that the Shadow Queen is gone?
Goombella: I continue my research at my university with Prof. Frankly.
Frankly: *wakes up* EH?! WHAT?! I'M NOT TAKING ANOTHER SEMESTER!!? Oh... uh... uhhhh.... uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh...
(Frankly falls asleep again.)
Goombella: Sadly he has a fatigue problem.
Tira: I can see that. So... you can Tattle on any character?
Goombella: Any character in my Tattle Log. I took it with me so Mario wouldn't be clueless.
Mario: Hey-a! I know all the enemies around here.
Goombella: Well... you didn't at the time.
Mario: So?
Goombella: *sigh...*
Tira: Someone is becoming stupid again, I see.
King Dedede: TITANIUM!
Tira: ???
King Dedede: By the way, where's that idiot running these Interviews? I want to pay him back for last time.
Meta Knight: Dedede... meddle not in matters you do not understand...
King Dedede: Ah shaddap! I'll deal with you later, Meta! TITANIUM!
(King Dedede walks off.)
Meta Knight: Should have told him to write his will.
Tira: Too late now. Another question for you. Do you have any specific battle stats?
Goombella: No. They keep varying as I level up.
Tira: I mean your current stats!!!
Goombella: 75 Hit Points, 8 Att, and 5 Def.
Tira: That's better. How'd you feel about the Glitz Pit?
Goombella: What do you mean?
Tira: Don't answer my question with another question! And I mean generally.
Goombella: It was boring as it went on. Fame is cool, except when all the paparazzi swarm in on you.
Clover: Wow, you really are a wimp, like she said. If you like fame, you have to put up with people constantly begging for your autograph and wanting you to quote stuff. Of course I can do that quite easily. You, on the other hand, seem to hate it.
Tira: Wow, something we finally agree on.
Goombella: Button it. No one asked your opinion.
Clover: Too bad. (smiling sweetly)
Goombella: WHY I OUGHTA–
Meta Knight: SILENCE!!!
Everybody: ...
Dimentio: Now, now, ain't no thrillin', everybody's chillin'.
Meta Knight: Er, yes. Remember your places, people.
Tira: Whatever. Let the audience ask the wimp questions now, I'm too tired.
Meta Knight: Seat IGETSQUASHEDEASILY.
Mandibug: Why do you hate Piders?
Goombella: EEK!!!
(Goombella hides behinds a chair.)
Meta Knight: Get out from behind there!
Goombella: NO!
Meta Knight: Well then you can at least answer the question.
Goombella: I... HATE... B-BUGS...
Mandibug: HEY! I take offence to that! I'LL EAT YOOOOU!!!
Clover: Hey, hold on! You partially share a name with someone I hate... I'm gonna squash you!
Mandibug: GAK! NOOO-
(Clover jumps on the Mandibug, squashing it.)
Mandibug: Pain.
Clover: (still smiling) Now, what did you learn...?
Mandibug: To avoid girls' feet...
Clover: ...
(SQUASH)
Mandibug: Double pain.
Tira: Yay! Pain!
Dimentio: Hooray for squashability! Uh, the bug is gone, so you may return to your seat like a Waluigi from the movie theatre.
Waluigi: Wah!
(Goombella slowly waddles back to her seat.)
Meta Knight: Seat HALBER- Oh wait, that's my seat. Well I'll ask a question. How come with some enemies, you can’t figure out their stats?
Goombella: Hey, some enemies don’t appear in the book.
Meta Knight: Hm. True. One more question. Seat SPINNYTHINGRECHARGED.
Topmaniac: I… don’t get how you use Rally Wink.
Goombella: I guess Mario gets some confidence when I wink at him.
Topmaniac: That’s disturbing, yet oddly understandable.
Kody: (walking out) Hey! A cool, spinny, destructive thing! You’re hired.
Topmaniac: Uh… Thanks?
Meta Knight: What was that about?
Kody: I like spinny things that destroy stuff.
Tira: You mean like this?
(Tira hurls her ring blade at the camera.)
Topmaniac: That was funny.
Kody: Stop adding to my pain, please.
Tira: Aww, but it’s fun!
Clover: You like to annoy him too? Hm, I guess I misjudged you.
Tira: I still don’t like you.
Clover: Fair enough.
Kody: All right, Clover, you’re doing the next iIterview. Only because I’m entirely hooked on Super Smash Bros. Brawl and can only survive about five minutes without playing. *twitch*
Clover: Sweet.
Meta Knight: Good thing I auditioned. End transmission.
Dimentio: Ciao!
Topmaniac: Does that mean “Cut!” in another language?
Dimentio: Uh, sure, let’s go with that.
Topmaniac: Okay.
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