Luigi was running around the house, shoving things into a suitcase. Mario casually walked in with a bag of chips in one hand.
Mario: Hey, Luigi, what’re you doing?
Luigi: I’m packing.
Mario: Packing for what?
Luigi: Our vacation!
Mario: Vacation? Was that today? Oh, sorry, I can’t make it. I promised Bowser I’d meet him for coffee.
Luigi: I think this is more important, Mario!
Mario: What is?
Luigi: OUR VACATION!
Mario: Vacation? Was that today?
Through much arguing, Luigi finally got Mario out of the house. He explained their vacations plans.
Luigi: We’ll take a plane to Rogueport, then from there head by train to Poshley Heights.
Mario: Yeah, sure.
The Brothers made it to the airport and started going through security. Everything was fine until Mario entered the metal detector.
Security: I’m sorry, sir; the detector says you have metal on you.
Mario: Oh, that’s just change in my pocket.
Security: You were supposed to empty your pockets.
Mario: Why?
Security: In case there might be metal in them!
Mario: Is that bad?
Security: Why the fungus are you so stupid?
Mario and Luigi boarded the plane, sitting in the left row at the back, with Luigi next to the window. Little did they know that Bowser had sent Morton on the plane because he was annoyed about Mario breaking their coffee date.
About half an hour into the flight, Luigi looked out the window and saw a hairy monster standing on the wing, tearing it apart.
Luigi: Mario, can you look at this? Mario?
He looked to see that Mario wasn’t there. Mario was a row in front of Luigi, where no one was sitting. He was struggling with the window.
Luigi: Mario, what are you doing?
Mario: I’m trying to open this window! It’s really hot in here!
Luigi: I don’t think that’s wise.
Mario: Hmm?
Luigi: It’s not supposed to open.
Mario: Oh, okay. I’ll just throw this heavy thing through it.
Luigi: That’s my suitcase!
Morton: A-ha! Now could be my chance to sneak, crawl, hide, and work my way to Mario and catch, kidnap, and steal him! How exciting, exhilarating, intensifying, incredible, fantastified, wondrousinated, fabulous…
While Morton was talking, he didn’t notice Mario throwing the suitcase through the window. The suction pulled Morton in, causing his massive head to jam the window!
Morton: Aaaaaaaaaaah! This is horrifying! Terrible! Frightening! Worrisome! Painful! Dissatisfying! Uncomfortable! Impossible! Horrid! Weird! Loud! Annoying! Repetitive!
Mario absentmindedly closed Morton’s mouth as though it were a windowshade, and the flight continued on its way without further casualties.
In Rogueport, the Brothers had an hour before the train left. They spent their time at the inn.
Mushroomer: Hello. My name is Jessica, and I will be your server today.
Mario: HI JESSICA!!!
Jessica: Can I get you two anything to drink?
Luigi: Two coffees.
Jessica: How do you take ‘em?
Luigi: No sugar, two creams.
Jessica: And you?
Mario: WHITE!
Luigi: You mean black?
Mario: NO!!! I mean white!
Jessica: You mean you want so much milk, it’s white?
Mario: Exactly!
Jessica: So you want a glass of milk with a little coffee, then.
Mario: No! Less coffee than that!
Jessica: You want plain milk!
Mario: Yeah!
Luigi: Why didn’t you say that before?
Mario: Before what?
Luigi: We’re going to wait at the train station now.
Luigi dragged Mario out of the inn by the arm.
Mario: Where are you taking me? Are we going to the VET?
Luigi: What?!
Mario: You’re taking me to the vet, aren’t you? You want me to have my rabies shot!
Luigi managed to convince Mario that he wasn’t going to the vet. But when Mario finally got on the train, he refused to leave his cabin again.
Luigi: Don’t you want dinner?
Mario: What are they serving?
Luigi: It’s a buffet.
Mario: I don’t want a buffet!
Luigi: You’re acting like a child!
Mario: You’re acting like a child!!!
Luigi: If you want to be a child, you can be punished like one. STAY IN THIS CABIN!!!
To make a long story short, the train ride didn’t go well. On the first day, Mario bit two people and licked another. On the second day, the train stopped off at Riverside Station.
Conductor: Attention, everyone! The washroom on the train is out of order. If you have to go, please use the toilet in the station while the train refuels. You have thirty minutes!
Luigi: Mario, are you going to use the toilet?
Mario: Nuh-uh. I don’t have to go.
Luigi: Mario, please!
Mario: NEVER!!!
Mario wandered away to chase a butterfly.
Luigi: Say, why is the washroom out of order?
Conductor: Some idiot shoved the entire roll of toilet paper down the drain.
Luigi: Oh, Mario…
A day later, the Brothers reached Poshley Heights. Mario got off the train and looked around as if he was a kitten in a large room.
Mario: Oooooh… Where are we?
Luigi: Poshley Heights.
Mario: Poshley Heights? Wait… I know! We’re going to Disneyland, aren’t we?
Luigi: No.
While Luigi saw the sights, Mario wandered to the fountain, where he saw a teenage girl.
Girl: Hi.
Mario: Hi! I’m Mario!
Girl: I’m Lisa.
Mario: Sarah?
Lisa: Lisa!
Mario: Alicia?
Lisa: Lisa!
Mario: Maria?
Lisa: Lisa!
Mario: John?
Lisa: LISA!!!
Mario: Lisa?
Lisa: Yes!
Mario: … Rogan?
Lisa: What?
Mario: Lisa Rogan?
Lisa: NO!
Mario: Why not?
Lisa: Because this is Super Mario, not The House of the Dead!!!
Mario: Oh… why?
Lisa: Ugh! Say… isn’t that Luigi Mario?
Mario: Yeah!
Lisa: This is awesome! I’m the treasurer for the Luigi Fan Club!
Mario: Luigi has a fan club?
Lisa: Yes! I’m trying to find his game, Luigi’s Mansion, but I can’t even find it on the Internet!
Luigi: Hey Bro!
Lisa: EEEE! It’s Luigi! I love your game, Luigi’s Mansion! I’ve beaten it twice!
Mario: But… you said…
Lisa: SHUT UP!
Luigi: You like my game?
Lisa: I love it!
Luigi: Well… Thank you so much for-to playing my game!
Mario: That’s my line!
Luigi walked away.
Mario: Why did you lie to Luigi?
Lisa: Shut up! You’re just like my mother! Don’t pursue this green guy, Lisa! Get a haircut, Lisa! Get better grades, Lisa, be a doctor, Lisa! AAAAARGH!!!
Mario: I’m going to leave now.
Mario wandered off.
Mario: Hey, Luigi.
Luigi: Hey, Mario. Want to check out Poshley Sanctum?
Mario: Sure.
Mario and Luigi entered the sanctum. Pennington noticed them and greeted them.
Pennington: Ah! Hello, Luigi!
Luigi: How do you know my name?
Mario: He was talking to me.
Luigi: But he said my name!
Pennington: Surely you jest!
Mario: Yeah, Bro! Jest!
Pennington: This is your brother?
Mario: Yeah!
Pennington: You must be Mario.
Luigi: He’s Mario.
Mario: I have to go.
Luigi: Have you been holding it in?
Pennington: You’re Luigi!
Mario: Yes!
Pennington: So you’re Mario!
Mario: I was talking to my brother.
Luigi: How long have you held it in for?
Mario: Since yesterday!
Luigi: Why didn’t you go at the station?
Pennington: Who is who?
Luigi: I’M LUIGI!
Pennington: STOP LIEING!
Luigi: We’re leaving!
Mario: Where are we going?
Luigi: Home!
Mario: Home? Are you taking me to Disneyland?
The Brothers exited the sanctum and headed for the train station. They boarded the train.
Luigi: I’m sorry our vacation didn’t go well.
Mario: Vacation? Was that today?
Luigi: *sigh*
Mario: I have to go.
Luigi: The toilet should be fixed by now.
Mario paused.
Mario: No. I’m good.
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