Bowser: Did you call me stupid?

Dark Koopa: Nope.

Bowser: Oh, okay.

Dark Koopa: Idiot...

Bowser: What did you say?!

Dark Koopa: I said... um... uh... pass?

Bowser: You have a really bad memory.

Dark Koopa: Sure. Let's go with that. Can you leave now?

Bowser: Okay. Um, where do I live?

Dark Koopa: That way.

Bowser: Thanks.

Thumbs: Wait. He can't leave.

Dark Koopa: What? Why not?

Thumbs: He's next on the list for security guard.

Dark Koopa: We have a list?

Thumbs: ... Yes.

Dark Koopa: How long will it take to go through this list?

Thumbs: A few weeks. No big deal.

Dark Koopa: No big deal?! Do you have any idea how long that is?! I sure don't.

Thumbs: A few weeks.

Dark Koopa: Yeah, whatever. Bowser, you-

Bowser: Lord Bowser.

Dark Koopa: "Lord" Bowser, you have one Interview to do stuff.

Bowser: Stuff?

Dark Koopa: Yeah, like go kill Mario or something.

Bowser: Gladly.

(Bowser runs off. Screams are heard, most of which are his.)

Dark Koopa: Okay. Interview time.

Gonzales Jr: Yeah! Yeah yeah yeah!

Dark Koopa: Yup.

Gonzales Jr: So, you gonna ask a question?

Dark Koopa: Yeah.

Gonzales Jr: Yeah!

Dark Koopa: Okay, what did I name you? Recent polls say I forgot.

Gonzales Jr: Pura.

Dark Koopa: ... Let's just hope someone with the same name isn't watching. Though I probably jinxed myself now.

Gonzales Jr: Wait a second... That's a girl's name!

Dark Koopa: Hehe.

Gonzales Jr: Oh well... I suppose there are worse things you can be called... like Dark Koopa.

Dark Koopa: I am not amused.

Gonzales Jr: Huh?

Dark Koopa: Never mind. What was that southern island you came from?

Gonzales Jr: Lavalava Island.

Dark Koopa: How did you get to Glitzville?

Gonzales Jr: When I was still in my egg, my parents wanted to go on a trip to Toad Town from Lavalava. In order to get there, they had to ride some tuna. Well, they brought me with them, and when they got there, they left me on the tuna!

Dark Koopa: Mmm... tuna... Er, go on.

Gonzales Jr: The tuna dropped me off on the docks and some Mushroomers found me. Thinking I was some regular egg, they sold me to Mr. Hoggle, claiming I was a chicken egg from Lavalava Island... which made no sense. Hoggle brought me to Glitzville to his hotdog stand, where he tried to cook me...

Dark Koopa: And you didn't tell any of them you were a Yoshi?

Gonzales Jr: You can't hear inside the egg unless you're like half an inch away.

Dark Koopa: Do you still call Mario "Gonzales"?

Gonzales Jr: Sometimes, but I've been trying to stop. I'm just accustomed to it, that being his ring name in the Glitz Pit and all.

Dark Koopa: At the end of Paper Mario 2, you were seen fighting in the Glitz Pit. How did you fare?

Gonzales Jr: I'm at rank one.

Dark Koopa: So you couldn't beat Rawk Hawk?

Gonzales Jr: Rawk Hawk? Ha! He was easy. No, it's that darn Prince Mush...

Dark Koopa: Oh. Well, you don't live with Mario, I'm sure, so where do you live now?

Gonzales Jr: With Mr. Hoggle in Glitzville. He makes good hotdogs.

Dark Koopa: Cannibal...

Gonzales Jr: What?

Dark Koopa: Nothing.

Bowser: Ha! I have slain Mario!

Dark Koopa: That's a blow-up doll of Mario.

(The doll blows up in Bowser's face.)

Dark Koopa: I didn't mean that literally.

Bowser: Curses!

Dark Koopa: So... why do you have hair?

Gonzales Jr: Excuse me?!

Dark Koopa: Well, you're pretty much the only Yoshi I've seen with hair.

Gonzales Jr: It IS possible for Yoshis to have hair, you know. It's just a rare trait in them.

Dark Koopa: Oh... Well, I suppose it's time for audience questions. Seat 67.

Smorg: SMORG!

Dark Koopa: Yes, please.

Gonzales Jr: Huh?

Dark Koopa: He was offering s'mores, right?

Thumbs: No. He was asking where the Yoshi's shorts came from.

Dark Koopa: Aww...

Gonzales Jr: I put them on after I hatched. I found them in a locker while Gon-Mario was in a match.

Dark Koopa: And you never take them off?

Gonzales Jr: Nope. They're lucky shorts.

(Dark Koopa scoots away from Gonzales Jr. a bit.)

Dark Koopa: Seat 7.

Bowser: How come my intelligence varies from Interview to Interview?

Dark Koopa: Ask a question about the interviewee.

Bowser: Answer that first.

Dark Koopa: Answer what?

Bowser: I... don't know.

Dark Koopa: Seat 2.

Heave Ho: Will you step on me?

Gonzales Jr: You'e just gonna launch me.

Heave Ho: So? Beep.

Gonzales Jr: Good point.

(Gonzales Jr. steps on the Heave Ho and is launched.)

Gonzales Jr: Woo! Yeah! Aweso- Oof!

(Gonzales Jr. hits the ceiling and falls back on the stage.)

Dark Koopa: Seat 31.

Larry: When you use your Stampede attack, where do those Yoshis come from?

Gonzales Jr: Argentina.

Larry: Do not.

Gonzales Jr: Do too.

Larry: Do not.

Gonzales Jr: Okay okay, they're other Lavalava natives. They're supposed to be following around as part of the audience, but instead chose to help out by attacking when I whistle.

Bowser: Must find Mario...

Dark Koopa: Seat 6.

(Mario can be seen dressed up as an American President.)

Mario: It's-a me, Abraham Lincoln!

Dark Koopa: ... Le sigh...

Mario: I cannot tell a lie. I did not a-chop down that-a cherry tree.

Dark Koopa: You're right. It was George Washington. No one ask how I know that.

Audience: How did you know that?

Dark Koopa: ... Ignorance is bliss.

Bowser: Hmm... Do you know where Mario is?

Mario: I'm-a Mario! I mean, Abe Lincoln!

Bowser: Oh...

Dark Koopa: Seat 23.

Pura: Hello.

Dark Koopa: Goodbye!

(Dark Koopa runs out of the studio.)

Pura: Er, I thought it was flattering he named someone after me...

Gonzales Jr: Um, Interview over?

Thumbs: Not yet. One more question. How do you feel about Mario?

Gonzales Jr: He's awesome, man! He's fast, strong, and intelligent! The perfect combination of a fighter, yeah!

Thumbs: Intelligent, you say?

Mario: I'm-a Mario!

Bowser: Aha! I found you, Mario! Now, what was I gonna do when I found you?

Mario: Hit yourself with a hammer?

Bowser: That sounds crazy enough to work!

(Bowser does so.)

Thumbs: Well, I guess sometimes.

Gonzales Jr: End transmission, yeah!