Dark Koopa: So, who am I interviewing today?

Thumbs: The Shadow Queen.

(The audience runs out of the studio, screaming.)

Yellow: Someone unchain me from this seat!

Dark Koopa: What?! This is worse than those Piranha Plants! What are you trying to do to me?!

Thumbs: It was Lemmy's idea.

Dark Koopa: And of course, he's not here.

Thumbs: Nope.

Dark Koopa: Pink, bring me the first poor sap you see on the streets. I need another victim, err, interviewer.

(Pink goes outside and brings back in a Mushroomer.)

White: Hi.

Dark Koopa: (in Monty Burns's voice) Excellent!

(White gets a scared look. The audience comes back in.)

Audience: Is she gone yet?

(Just then, the doors slam shut and the audience gets locked in chains.)

Dark Koopa: Okay, let's bring the crazy killing machine out.

(The Shadow Queen comes into the studio, laughing manically.)

Dark Koopa: Um... you ask the first question.

White: Umm... Umm...

Shadow Queen: Boo.

(White runs to the door and kicks it over and over again.)

Dark Koopa: Okay, fine. I’ll ask the first question. Is there a Shadow King?

Shadow Queen: Yes, but I possessed his soul 1,000 years ago, so he’s gone now.

Dark Koopa: … Wow… So that’s who you possessed when you destroyed Rogueport the first time?

Shadow Queen: Exactly.

(White comes back and whispers something into Dark Koopa's ear.)

White: At the end of the Interview, let's sic Pink on her. I wanna see what happens.

(White sits back down in his chair.)

White: So, what do you think of Mario, Shadow Queen?

Shadow Queen: That jerk! He ruined my chance at global domination!

Dark Koopa: Oh, don't worry, you're not the first he's done that to.

White: Yeah, so what do you think of Bowser? I mean, after all, you did steal his idea of world domination.

Mario: I'm an idiot.

White: Yes, we know. Be quiet.

Shadow Queen: Who's Bowser? I'm not interested in common folk.

Dark Koopa: What is your relationship with the Shadow Sirens?

Shadow Queen: I created them when my power was first unleashed a thousand years ago.

Dark Koopa: Wow, Vivian's kinda cute for her age.

(Vivian slaps Dark Koopa.)

Dark Koopa: That was a compliment ya know!

White: Well, could you demonstrate some of your power? Like on Yellow way over there.

(White hands the binoculars over to the Shadow Queen.)

Yellow: What?! No no no!

Shadow Queen: I don't think you're worthy of witnessing my power.

Yellow: Phew.

Shadow Queen: Perhaps later.

Yellow: Eek!

White: So, what are your stats?

Shadow Queen: My stats are 150 HP, 7-15 Attack, and 1 Defense, unless I'm in my true form.

White: Wait a minute, what form are you in now?

Shadow Queen: I've possessed this poor sap.

Iggy: Heeeelllllppppp mmmmmeeeee.

Pink: How come I haven't talked the whole Interview?

Luigi: Ho-

(Thumbs drops a piano on Luigi.)

White: Ouch!

Dark Koopa: How do you possess people?

Shadow Queen: I'm darkness. That's essentially all I do.

Dark Koopa: How do you do it?

Shadow Queen: It's very easy. You just have to jump in someone's body.

(Dark Koopa tries to jump in Thumbs's body, but ends up falling on the floor.)

Shadow Queen: You have to go in headfirst.

Dark Koopa: Oh...

White: Well, can light do that too?

Shadow Queen: No. Just darkness.

White: Darn. So why did you make the Crystal Stars? I mean, after all, you were imprisoned by them, right?

Shadow Queen: I didn't make them. They were made by some powerful mages that were citizens from the old Rogueport. The Crystal Stars were the only thing that could lock me away from the world.

Dark Koopa: How were you created then?

Shadow Queen: I was created by Dark Magikoopas a few years before the Crystal Stars were created. They wanted to take over the world. Little did they know that no one control me.

Dark Koopa: So what was that treasure that was associated with the Crystal Stars?

Shadow Queen: It was just an Ultra Shroom. During that time they were very rare. But I'm sure by now it's decayed.

White: YOU MEAN I WENT AFTER THE CRYSTAL STARS JUST FOR A MUSHROOM?!

Dark Koopa: ...

Pink: ...

Thumbs: ...

Shadow Queen: ...

White: I mean... Look! Balloons!

Dark Koopa: BALLOONS!

(Dark Koopa runs out of the studio.)

White: Well, I guess it's time for audience questions. Yellow?

Yellow: Can I leave the studio?

White: No.

Yellow: Then can I have a closer seat?

White: Double no. Seat 90.

Luigi: How's about we-

(Thumbs drops a safe on Luigi.)

Luigi: Good thing I have all these 1-Up Mushrooms!

(Thumbs drops several more large heavy objects on Luigi.)

Luigi: Ow.

White: Seat 445.

Wario: What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Shadow Queen: I'd destroy a city!

White: Seat 3.

Morton: Do you love wedding cake?

(White sighs.)

Shadow Queen: Yes, I'm coocoo for wedding cake.

(White can be seen hitting his head against a wall.)

White: Seat 500.

Toad: Why did you attack me, an audience member?

Shadow Queen: I need souls to fuel my body!

Toad: I'm sure you get invited to a lot of parties...

White: Seat 66.

Lord Crump: Why were your hands called Dead Hands?

Shadow Queen: They are the hands of those whose bodies I have stolen souls from.

White: You're so pleasant to be around. Seat 81.

Dark Koopa: Can I have a balloon?

White: What are you doing down there?! Get back up here!

(Dark Koopa comes up to the stage.)

White: Here. Play with this.

(White hands Dark Koopa a balloon.)

Dark Koopa: Yay!

(Dark Koopa starts playing, juggling, hugging, and doing all other kinds of things with the balloon.)

White: Seat 87.

Grodus: Why did you do this to me?! Because of you, I'm just a bouncing head now!

Shadow Queen: Because no one likes you.

No One: It's true!

(Dark Koopa's balloon pops.)

Dark Koopa: NOOOOO!

(Dark Koopa can be seen crying.)

Dark Koopa: Why does stuff like this always happen when there are other interviewers around?!

White: Quiet you!

Dark Koopa: Get him, Pink!

(Pink attacks the Shadow Queen.)

Dark Koopa: I said him. Not her.

(Pink somehow beats up the Shadow Queen, who still has Iggy possesed.)

Iggy: Owie!

Pink: Do you like Yoshis?

Shadow Queen: ...

Pink: Sounds like a no to me.

(Pink continues beating up the Shadow Queen. White gives Dark Koopa a look of hate.)

White: Hey Pink, I just love Yoshis.

EdPink: You lie!

(Pink chases White out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Yes! Sweet victory! Now end transmission before everyone realizes that White guy wasn't harmed at all.

Thumbs: Um-