Lemmy: AHH! Bees!

Dark Koopa: What? It's not my fault. He shouldn't have been poking that beehive.

(The bees chase Lemmy across the stage.)

Dark Koopa: Today I interview Monty Mole with or without Susan's help.

Susan: Without.

Dark Koopa: What kind of earthly animal are you, Monty Mole?

Monty Mole: A mole of course! Or maybe a gopher. Why are you asking this unusual question?

Dark Koopa: How should I know? Why do you wear those sunglasses?

Monty Mole: My eyes are sensitive to the light. Like yours.

Dark Koopa: No, not like mine. My eyes aren't sensitive to light. *takes off sunglasses* AHH! It burns! *puts sunglasses on* Nope. Not sensitive at all.

(Lemmy chases the bees across the studio, firing his wand at them.)

Dark Koopa: Where do Monty Moles live?

Monty Mole: Most Monty Moles live on Mt. Rugged. These is also a super race of us that live in Flower Fields.

Dark Koopa: What's with those Monty Moles? Why are they so much stronger?

Monty Mole: It's the soil of Flower Fields. It makes anything that consumes it much stronger, like many of the flowers there.

Dark Koopa: What are your stats?

Monty Mole: 3 HP, 2 ATK, 0 DEF.

Dark Koopa: Why are you so weak?

Monty Mole: We're not very healthy. There isn't much to eat while we're underground.

Dark Koopa: Who are your allies?

Monty Mole: Just the rocky Cleft.

(The bees chase Lemmy across the stage, flying in spaceships.)

Dark Koopa: Where did Mega Moles come from?

Monty Mole: Those are Monty Moles influenced by Kamek's magic. The magic was only temperary though, so they couldn't go far from Bowser's castle.

Dark Koopa: How are you able to dig underground so easily?

Monty Mole: Our claws are very strong and can cut through almost any material.

Dark Koopa: Why didn't you use your claws to attack Mario?

Monty Mole: We're not very fast. Mario could have counter-attacked.

Dark Koopa: Alright. Time for audience questions. Seat 809.

Al Gore: I invented seats.

Dark Koopa: Security! Get him out of here before I get accused of stealing someone's joke!

(Pink throws Al Gore out of the studio and takes his seat.)

Susan: Pink's the only one on your security?

Dark Koopa: Pink's all I need. Seat 14.

Lakitu: How many of you live in Donut Plains?

Monty Mole: Not that many. Most of us that were there were used as obstacles for kart races, like in Moo Moo Farm.

Dark Koopa: Seat 69.

Luigi: How are some Monty Moles able to jump so high?

Monty Mole: You can't see it on any game, but those Monty Moles wore spring shoes.

Dark Koopa: I want you executed, so I'll call seat 809.

Pink: Do you like Yoshis?

Monty Mole: No.

Pink: Die!

Monty Mole: Retreat!

(Monty Mole digs a hole out of the studio. Pink jumps in the hole after him.)

Susan: Looks like Pink is going to China. I've been there once.

Dark Koopa: At least she'll stop executing my interviewees for a while.

Lemmy: AHH! I've been stung! Call an ambulance!

Dark Koopa: Quick! What's the number to 911?

Susan: I don't know.

Meanwhile in China...

Pink: Get back here!

Monty Mole: AHH!

Pink: Wait a minute. I'm in China. Quee, this should be interesting.

Chinese Wart: End transmission.

Pink: You're next.

Chinese Wart: Epp!