Dark Koopa: Apparently I'm doing another Interview with that guy who keeps trying to distract me. This is just a disaster waiting to happen, so I'll be over ya.
Thumbs: Ya?
Dark Koopa: Ya. Pura's doing the Interview or else.
Pura: Or else what?
Dark Koopa: Exactly.
(Dark Koopa exits.)
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Pura: Right.
Thumbs: ...
Pura: If you want to harass Dark, he went that way.
Count Blacula: Oh, goodie.
(Count Blacula runs off.)
Pura: Um, who am I interviewing?
Count Bleck: BEH BEH BEH! BLECK!
Pura: What a cruel joke. It should have been a count interviewing a count.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck scoffs at you, dark Yoshi.
Pura: I don't care.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck demands you ask him questions involving some of his deepest and darkest secrets.
Pura: I'll pass.
Count Bleck: Do not force Count Bleck to destroy the world.
Pura: You'd destroy the world over that?
Count Bleck: Yes.
Pura: You have problems.
Thumbs: He did attempt to destroy the world because he lost his girlfriend.
Pura: Hahahaha!
Count Bleck: Count Bleck does not approve of this mockery! You will ask me questions immediately!
Pura: If that's what you want when you hold the world hostage, fine.
***
Count Blacula: HA! Found you!
Dark Koopa: (mumbling) Why...
Count Blacula: I'm not sure.
Dark Koopa: Well, go away. I don't wish to be annoyed for once.
(Count Blacula takes out a guitar.)
Dark Koopa: Please don't sing with it.
(Count Blacula thinks for a moment, and then hits Dark Koopa with the guitar.)
Dark Koopa: ...
***
Pura: I guess my first question is, um, why would you destroy the world over a girlfriend?
Count Bleck: Timpani was Count Bleck's only true love, and I intended to destroy everything that took her from me.
Pura: Well, you know, if it wasn't for the world existing, you wouldn't have met her in the first place.
Count Bleck: ... Count Bleck scoffs at you!
Pura: You really shouldn't do that in front of children.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Pura: ...
Larry: I just have one question!
Pura: Fine.
Larry: Why did we do a cut scene when Dark and Count are ten feet away?
***
Count Blacula: D4!
(Count Blacula blows up half the audience.)
Dark Koopa: You sunk my battleship!
***
Pura: Both authors have some sort of mental problem.
Larry: Well, I already knew that.
Dark Koopa: Feel free to blow him up too.
Count Blacula: D9!
(Count Blacula throws a Bob-omb from the audience at Larry.)
Dark Koopa: You sunk my Larry!
Pura: Okay, with that idiocy out of the way...
Count Blacula: Not done.
Pura: Yes you are. Now Bleck, where'd you find the Dark Prognosticus?
Count Bleck: Give Count Bleck a good reason why he should tell you.
Pura: You asked me to ask you questions.
Count Bleck: That is acceptable, said Count Bleck. I found the Dark Prognosticus in a deep and dark temple now located under my castle.
Pura: I'm guessing you built your castle and created The Void thing after you found it, then.
Count Bleck: Indeed, confirmed Count Bleck.
Count Blacula: What's a prognosticus?
Dark Koopa: I think it's a food group.
Yellow: You guys are idiots.
Dark Koopa: What? We can't hear you from so far away.
Count Blacula: Never gets old.
Pura: So, did you kill your father?
Count Bleck: I did, and I did not regret it, declared Count Bleck! He should not have interfered with my relationship!
Pura: Someone’s obsessive. Um, why aren’t you with this Timpani person right now?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck came here to be interviewed alone! She does not to come to an idiot-filled studio.
Dark Koopa: Oh, don’t worry. I’ll interview her eventually.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck will be there!
Dark Koopa: That’s a shame.
Pura: Didn’t you, like, disappear forever when you banished the Chaos Heart?
Count Bleck: Fat chance, laughed Count Bleck! We simply went to a new dimension! Some people here call it “the Real World”.
Dark Koopa: Hey, I remember that place. It’s not exactly hard to access. I’m sure we have “Real World” cameos in the audience somewhere.
Al Gore: I invented cameos!
Lemmy: Manbearpig.
Al Gore: WHERE?!
Dark Koopa: And we do.
Count Blacula: Mmm, cameo sounds good.
Dark Koopa: That one isn't a food group.
Count Blacula: Aww.
Al Gore: I invented food!
Count Blacula: Really? Gimme!
Pura: Wow, you guys are really dumb.
Dark Koopa: Can't hear you, la la la la.
Pura: I really need to quit.
Thumbs: You already have. You somehow keep coming back.
Pura: And it's never explained either. It's really annoying.
Count Bleck: Back to interviewing me, demands Count Bleck!
Pura: You're really impatient, and really annoying. Why do you talk in third person?
Count Bleck: It was originally to be recognized, but now Count Bleck can't get himself to stop.
Pura: Ever considered therapy?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck cannot go to most public places due to almost destroying the world.
Pura: That's a shame. Um, if you were destroying the world, how did you expect to make a new one?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck expected everyone to go to either the Underwhere or Overthere after the world was destroyed, and we would work from there. Little did Bleck know that those two places would also be destroyed by The Void until he had already created it.
Pura: So... why didn't you stop when you found this out?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck highly doubts he would have received a second chance.
Count Blacula: I'm bored.
Dark Koopa: Yup.
Count Blacula: Let's go outside.
Dark Koopa: Yup.
Count Blacula: ...
Dark Koopa: Oh, sorry.
(Count and Dark exit.)
Pura: I'm sure they're going to do something stupid, but at least now I don't have to see it. So, why the getup?
Count Bleck: Count Bleck is a count!
Pura: No duh. I mean, did you have that outfit when you were Blumiere or just when you were Bleck?
Count Bleck: Bleck indeed wore this outfit when he was known as Blumiere.
Pura: Do you ever take it off?
Count Bleck: Do you ever take your cloak off, asks Count Bleck?
Pura: Yes, but only to put one on that looks exactly the same.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck does this too.
Thumbs: So does every Mario character. Except Mimi.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck always found Mimi strange.
***
Count Blacula: Ahh!
Koopa: Get out of the road, you idiots!
Dark Koopa: Ooh, hey, a McDonald's!
***
Thumbs: What a pointless cutscene.
(Pura's cell phone rings.)
Pura: This call is probably going to annoy me. Otherwise the narrator wouldn't mention it.
Thumbs: You'd be right.
Pura: Hello?
Mr. L: The Green Thunder is knocking.
Pura: No you're not.
Mr. L: Yes, I am. Now say "Who is it?"
Pura: No.
Mr. L: DO IT!
Pura: No.
Mr. L: Please?
Pura: No.
Mr. L: I'll be your best friend.
Pura: Definitely no.
Mr. L: I'll leave you alone forever.
Pura: Fine. Who's there?
Mr. L: Your mother.
(Mr. L hangs up.)
Pura: Loser.
***
Cashier: What can I get for you guys today?
Dark Koopa: We need... six chicken sandwiches, four large fries, two double cheeseburgers, four large drinks, and an apple pie.
Cashier: ... Will that be all?
Dark Koopa: You want anything?
Count Blacula: Uh, a snack wrap please.
Cashier: ...
***
Pura: Why didn't you just go and kill Mario immediately instead of waiting like every other idiotic villain?
Count Bleck: Waste of time.
Pura: Yet you taunted him a couple times in Sammer's Kingdom.
Count Bleck: That was to distract him while the kingdom was destroyed by The Void.
Pura: Too bad he lived.
Count Bleck: Yes... Count Bleck was not expecting that. He suspects Dimentio had something to do with it. I believe Dimentio was interfering with my plans the entire time.
Pura: Pretty much. He's the reason you lost Peach and Mr. L.
Count Bleck: Shame he isn't alive anymore. Count Bleck wishes to give him a good beating.
Dimentio: How many times are people going to say I'm dead when I'm in eyesight?
Thumbs: How many times are we going to say we don't like clowns before you stop coming here?
Dark Koopa: Well, we're back.
Pura: Yay...
Dark Koopa: I'm hungry.
Count Blacula: Yay! A clown! Do something funny!
Dimentio: I don't do funny.
Count Blacula: You're a terrible clown.
Dimentio: ...
Count Blacula: Boo!
Dimentio: For the last time, I am not a clown, you twit.
Count Blacula: You definitely look like a clown.
Dark Koopa: Yep.
Pura: Even I have to agree.
Dimentio: Quite frankly, I've had it with this clown gag. I'm going to be destroying you all now. Ciao!
(Count Bleck conks Dimentio with his wand, knocking him out.)
Count Bleck: Revenge is sweet, says Count Bleck.
Count Blacula: Stinks, says Count Blacula.
Pura: ...
Count Blacula: What, asks Count Blacula. He's right, it’s addicting.
Pura: You should have been the one doing this Interview in the first place.
Dark Koopa: He doesn't have the mental capacity for that. That's why he's only interviewed Morton by himself, and that's not hard. Morton isn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Morton: I can't fit in a drawer...
Count Blacula: HEY-
(Pura throws a cookie.)
Count Blacula: COOKIE!
Dark Koopa: COOKIE!
(Blacula and Dark get in a cartoony cloud fight for the cookie.)
Pura: Is this over now?
Thumbs: Needs more cameos.
Gloomtail: I'M GOD!
Thumbs: We're good.
Count Blacula: Kay, we can split the cookie... A2.
Dark Koopa: NO! My battleship!
(Count Blacula eats the cookie.)
Dark Koopa: That's it! Get off my show!
Lemmy: You mean Lemmy’s Interview Show?!
Dark Koopa: Shaddap!
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Dark Koopa: Um, what was I doing again?
(Count Blacula runs off into the sunset, laughing evilly.)
Pura: You can leave now.
Count Bleck: Count Bleck will leave when he is ready.
Hours later...
Count Bleck: Count Bleck dislikes goodbyes.
Pura: Get out.
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