Lakitu: Hi, and welcome to the show! This show only deals with Survivor, and sense the Losers are cast off infrequently, we are able to save up enough money to get them to appear. We missed Toad, the first member voted off, but we were formed in time to catch the second Loser.

Luigi: I wish you could have really caught me after I was shot out of Lemmy’s cannon.

Lakitu: Sorry, we don’t have medical coverage. Anyway, with me I have Luigi, the second Loser kicked off.

Luigi: Hi. Hey, you know, I’ve been in a lot of Interviews lately, so I’m really getting used to all the pointless questions. I’m not sure if I’ve actually told anything about myself yet.

Lakitu: And tonight won’t be any different. We only care about Survivor. But I suppose we can spare a few seconds. Since you brought it up, what have you been doing in your recent appearances in Lemmy’s Land?

Luigi: Well, as I said, I’ve been in two or three pointless Interviews, where maybe I told one good fact about me. I’ve appeared in a couple stories by an author named Keegan… hey, did you know that Keegan doesn’t know what a capital letter is? His unedited stories are in all lowercase. I haven’t had any starring roles lately. I guess Survivor really has been my best part lately.

Lakitu: Thanks for bringing us back to the main subject. So, first, how do you feel about being voted off?

Luigi: I’ve had a lot of time now to think about it, and I’ve decided that my biggest complaint is that Mario showed me up again. I was hoping I would at least outlast him, that no-good brother of mine. However, I have caught up on my sleeping, and also I’ve been exercising. I’ve seen Daisy a lot too, and at least now more people know who I am. Millions of people watch Survivor, and you would be surprised at how much just six days does for your publicity. So I would say it was a good experience.

Lakitu: What can you say about the actual living conditions on the show?

Luigi: Some people think Mario and I are used to camping out in strange locations because of our long adventures. It’s strange, but we never sleep or anything, we just sort of disappear between segments of our adventure. Trying to find food was really difficult, and I wonder how Wario managed to do it. The hardest part was just living with the rest of them. I learned stuff I wish I hadn’t.

Lakitu: Really? Like what?

Luigi: I learned that Waluigi is a wimp, and that’s not good because he and I are supposed to be similar. I also found out that Peach doesn’t look as good as I thought she would.

Lakitu: What kind of an impression did you get of the other mass?

Luigi: The Koopas? Eh, what else would you expect? I knew Bowser’s strength would come in handy. They used to live together anyway, so I expect they already know how to work together.

Lakitu: And finally, who do you think will Survive?

Luigi: I doubt it will be anyone from Mario Gang. They are already down two members, which means they have to win three out of four immunity challenges to go into the merger even. I can imagine a group including Mario to pull it off, and if they don’t go in even or ahead than Koopa Troop is smart enough to pick them off. As for Koopa Troop, I am guessing it will either be Bowser because they will be afraid to vote him off, or Iggy because he’ll slide in as a non-threat. I’ll go with Bowser for winning it all.

Lakitu: Thank you, Luigi. We do have one more thing. Will our Mystery Guest come in?

Toad walks in.

Luigi: Toad! It’s be-

Toad: Shut up, you %(%)! It’s your fault I got voted off!

Luigi: But I didn’t vote for you!

Toad: If you’re not part of the $*(_+ solution, you’re part of the %*)_$ problem.

Toad charges, and he and Luigi get into a huge fight.

Lakitu: I’m Lakitu, with no affiliation to Lemmy Koopa or the Survivor crew… maybe. I’ll see you next time with the third Loser kicked out.