Mario, Luigi and Peach are all sitting in a room in Toadsworth’s house, watching his TV while their power is out
Peach: It was really nice of you to let us watch your television, Toadsworth!
Toadsworth: Why thank you, young lady! It’s always nice to have visitors over. I haven’t had somebody come over to my house in-
Mario: Quiet! This is-a a good part!
Luigi is completely obsessed with the television.
Peach: It’s okay, Toadsworth. They’re just addicted to television.
Suddenly the power goes off.
Mario and Luigi: Son of a Goomba!!!
Peach: Oh dear…
Toadsworth: Well that’s okay. You know, we could all tell stories! That would be fun!
Mario turns his back on Toadsworth and pantomimes gagging to Luigi.
Peach: That’s actually a pretty good idea! Here, let me get flashlights from my purse…
Peach produces four flashlights.
Mario: Well, I-a want to go-a first. My story is titled, “I’m leaving!”
Luigi: Me too!
Peach: Oh, come on guys! This could be really fun!
Mario: (under his breath) !@#$%^&*()_(*&^%$#@... Fine! I’ll tell a story. It’s-a called “What I had-a for dinner.” What I had-a for dinner was lasagna! Okay, my story is-a done. Can I go NOW??
Peach: Mario, you know that wasn’t a real story… But I guess you don’t have to tell us one. Toadsworth, why don’t YOU tell us a story?
Toadsworth: Well, I DO have a pretty good one… But it’s kind of long. Mario and Luigi, you might not like it.
Mario: Just tell the @#$%^&^%$#$% story already, old man! I could-a be watching TV at-a Wario’s house!
Peach: I thought you hated Wario.
Mario: It beats being here, doesn’t it?
Luigi: Wow. Even I’m not that tactless…
Mario punches Luigi where the Sun doesn’t shine. Luigi keels over into a ball, whimpering.
Toadsworth: (hehehe…) I think you’ve been watching a bit too much TV, Mario. Anyway, I’m about to start my story, so I would like you to be quiet while I’m speaking. I’m going to tell you my life story.
Mario:!@#$%$#@!@#$#@#...
Toadsworth: I was born into a rich Mushroomer family. I received everything I wanted and I was quite spoiled. I was given a private tutor and everything! I wasn’t grateful for what I had though, and I was always complaining. Then something happened that changed my entire look on life: Bowser’s father, Morton Sr, attacked our town in the Mushroom Kingdom. My home was utterly destroyed and my parents were injured. We had to rebuild the whole house from scratch. I was forced very quickly to learn the ways of working hard, because the building that my father worked in had also been destroyed in the attack. I learned soon that having lots of pride wasn’t a good idea, and that begging was one of the best ways to get food. Sometimes I would even burrow through the trash cans in search of a good meal. I actually think this experience was good for me though, because if this hadn’t happened to me I might have become a terribly mean rich person.
Mario: If your home and-a everything you had went KABLOOIE, then why are you so rich now?
Luigi manages to stand up and then falls down and smacks his head.
Luigi: Owww… Please… Keep reading…
Toadsworth: (hehehe) I was actually just getting to that, Mario. You see, one day, I found a discarded banjo in a nearby trashcan. I had no idea how to play it, but I was always a quick learner, and I managed to teach myself how to play. I learned I had a real talent for playing it, and soon I had crowds of people giving me money in the streets. Eventually a talent scout found me, and I was given a job as a travelling performer. I travelled all over the place, from Pipe Land all the way to Sky Land! I even went on tour in a different country, a distant land called Hyrule, where people like Mario live! I’m the one who wrote the Yoshi’s Island banjo theme, you know.
Mario: (starting to look mildly interested) Interesting! I LOVE that song! Why aren’t you-a the one who is-a credited for creating it?
Toadsworth: I sold it to a man who wanted to use it for Yoshi’s life story… It was quite a good deal too… He gave me 30,000 coins for the song! After that, I decided to retire from the entertainment business and go to Mushroom University, a very famous university in these parts. I graduated at the age of 24, and then I took up a job as the general manager for Munder Difflin, a paper company where I worked for many years. Unfortunately, after 6 years of working there, I was let go because they were making a highway where our building was, and they didn’t bother relocating my branch of the company somewhere else. Having spent most of the 30,000 coins on college, my funds were running low. I needed a job, and soon. So, I took random jobs, such as cooking, cleaning, babysitting, the like. Eventually, I began working for your father, Peach (Dad rest his soul). I was the one who took care of you while you were a baby. I made that job my full-time job too. Eventually, I met Mario and Luigi, who had travelled to the past to save the Mushroom Kingdom from the Shroob menace. I met myself too, which was quite odd. Now, many years later, here I am, 60 years old and still watching over you, dear girl. Of course, there was the Delfino Island vacation that nearly failed, and there were one or two other things, but other than that, my life since that has been pretty much uneventful… (Until you guys decided to blow something up.)
Mario: Wow! That was a good-a story!
Luigi: It took my mind off-a the pain…
Peach: See, boys? Television isn’t the best form of entertainment after all!
Suddenly, the power comes back on.
Toadsworth: Will you look at that! Cheerio then! I guess you’ll be off.
Mario: Wait just a minute! I’d like to hear another one of those stories!
Luigi: It beats watching reruns, at least.
Toadsworth: Oh, I don’t know. I’m going bowling in an hour or so. But all right. One more. Once upon a time…
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