CJ Lambert: Welcome to Tenacious B interviews! I'm CJ Lambert, and I was NOT just out trolling for babes!
(The audience cheers out loud. Badyoyo and ETFROXX are watching from a control booth)
Badyoyo: What did he say?
ETFROXX: I have no idea, he seems to start his Interviews off that way.
CJ Lambert: Anyway, this is my second Interview, but don't despair, because I have a super-cool co-host!
(CJ Lambert grins as the camera pans out)
CJ Lambert: Anyway, here to introduce our interviewee, please give a warm welcome to Birby6!
(The audience goes wild, while the camera Lakitu shows two big slap-marks on CJ's face.)
CJ Lambert: I told you not to use that shot!
Lakitu: *sarcastically* Whoops. I am so sorry.
(CJ Lambert sets the Lakitu on fire with his flamethrower. Birby6 comes in dragging the Eyeless Goomba by a leash.)
Birby6: I'm pretty sure that flaming is illegal in parts of Plit.
CJ Lambert: Doesn't matter to me! By the way, why are you dragging that Goomba by a leash?
Birby6: I beat this Goomba in a game of poker last night. He bet to be my slave for a couple weeks, and he lost.
Eyeless Goomba: Why me?!
Birby6: Hey, I’m not the one who thought a pair of twos could beat a Royal Flush. So who are we interviewing?
CJ Lambert: Piranha Plant.
(The Piranha Plants rises from the floor and looks at the Eyeless Goomba hungrily.)
CJ Lambert: Hey! No eating the mindless slaves!
Eyeless Goomba: I'm not that mindless, you know!
CJ Lambert: Do you want to go down its gullet?
Eyeless Goomba: *gulp* No sir.
CJ Lambert: Then shut up.
Piranha Plant: Awwww. I'm hungry.
CJ Lambert: You shut up too, before I dump weed killer down your throat.
Piranha Plant: Eep! Ok then!
CJ Lambert: You go first, Birby.
Birby6: First question, why are you mostly in pipes? You're the only enemy that does this.
Piranha Plant: Basically, we don't like to show our undersides. Most of us plant our roots in these pipes, preventing us from going to another.
Birby6: What about the others, like the Ptooie Piranha?
Piranha Plant: I said MOST of us plant our roots in the pipes, not all of them. The ones with moving feet don't care about showing them, and Petey Piranha is the perfect example.
(Birby6 hears some noise behind him, and sees the Eyeless Goomba trying to bite through the leash.)
Birby6: If you chew through that leash, I'll feed you to this Piranha Plant!
(The Eyeless Goomba hears this and stops chewing.)
CJ Lambert: How is it that some of you can breathe fire?
Piranha Plant: Because some of us can transfer some of the energy and utilize it into fire.
CJ Lambert: May I see a demonstration?
Piranha Plant: Sure!
(The Piranha Plant plants his roots, huffs and puffs, and blasts fire at an audience member wearing a nametag saying “Hi I’m Tyler”)
Tyler: Wow, that fortune teller was right. My life DID go up in smoke today.
(Tyler disintegrates into a pile of ash. Wario takes the empty seat.)
Wario: I LOVE free stuff!
CJ Lambert: You think I'll have to pay for that guy’s hospital bills?
Birby6: Nope. Just get on the Eyeless Goomba's bank account, because I own it now!
Eyeless Goomba: How did you find out my password?
Birby6: “Supercrip”? It was so obvious.
Eyeless Goomba: AAAARGHH!
Birby6: By the way, are we doing audience questions?
CJ Lambert: Let’s just ask a couple of more questions.
Piranha Plant: Ok then! Hit Me!
CJ Lambert: Trust me, you do not want me to hit you.
Piranha Plant: Fair enough. Let’s get down to business.
Birby6: TO DEFEAT! ... THE HUNS!
(Badyoyo throws a hammer at Birby6.)
Birby6: OW!
Badyoyo: Continue with the Interview, and don’t make more jokes like that.
Birby6: All right, all right.
CJ Lambert: How come some of you are red, and some of you are green?
Piranha Plant: Because it depends if the area we are in has more shade. The shadier the area, the more green we'll turn. But it doesn't work with pipes because we'll still get sun.
CJ Lambert: How come your fire breathing ability has all but diminished?
Piranha Plant: Because we found out that over time, it erodes our innards.
CJ Lambert: How come whenever the Mario Bros. are on a pipe, you don't emerge?
Piranha Plant: Because nobody wants to take a bite of Mario’s lower half. Have you seen the bottom of his shoes? UGH!
Birby6: By the way, how can Elasto Piranhas stretch farther than any other Piranha Plant species?
Piranha Plant: Those plants have stems that are very similar to rubber, and as everyone knows, rubber can stretch quite far.
Birby6: Now I know how rubberbands are made in the Mushroom Kingdom.
Piranha Plant: Can I eat that eyeless Goomba now? I'm starving!
Birby6: Once this show is done, you can chew on him as much as you want.
Eyeless Goomba: WHAT?!
Birby6: Shut up, slave.
CJ Lambert: Ooh! I got to establish an alibi then! Ok. It’s time for audience questions…You! The hot-hot-hottie in the back.
(CJ Lambert grins and is hit in the face with a baseball.)
CJ Lambert: Owww!
Baseball Boy: That’s my girlfriend you’re talking to!
Female Spindrift: Creep! Anyway, how come some Piranha Plants can talk but others can't?
Piranha Plant: Because some of us live near civilization and can learn speech.
CJ Lambert: The dorky Bumpty in the back row.
Bumpty: I take offence to that! Anyway, how come you can pop out of upside-down pipes?
Piranha Plant: Because we can implant our roots into the pipe. We have tougher roots than you think.
CJ Lambert: The Rex in the middle row.
Rex: How can the Mario Bros. go down a pipe with you guys in it without being injured?
Piranha Plant: Because the vertical pipes are connected to horizontal pipes, which we will hide in if the Mario Bros are coming.
Birby6: Since the Great Wario has entered our building, how about he ask a question?
Wario: Sure, why don’t you guys just attack Mario and Luigi on their way down?
Piranha Plant: … You know, that never occurred to us that we could do that… Well we’re certainly going to make the next Super Mario Bros. game difficult.
CJ Lambert: Hey Birby, do you have any questions?
Birby6: I have one. How are you related to Petey Piranha?
Piranha Plant: Well, besides the fact that we're the same species, he's basically our glorious leader. Why do you think we appear around him in Bianco Hills?
Birby6: So you can munch on some Strollin’ Stus?
Piranha Plant: Ummm... NO!
(It spits out a fireball at birby6, but birby6 hides behind the Eyeless Goomba, charring him instead.)
Eyeless Goomba: HEY! I was only supposed to be your slave, not a shield!
Birby6: Well, as my slave, I can do whatever I want with you!
(The Eyeless Goomba grunts in a low tone.)
CJ Lambert: So then, does anybody else have any questions?
Piranha Plant: I have one! Do you have any BBQ sauce?
CJ Lambert: Zesty Ranch or Jalapeno?
Piranha Plant: Which does that blind Goomba taste better in?
CJ Lambert: Well before we find out, Birby, do you have anything in closing?
Birby6: Just one. I suggest using ketchup, since every piece of food today uses it.
CJ Lambert: I don’t carry that with me.
Eyeless Goomba: He carries around BBQ sauce AND a flamethrower. But NOT ketchup?!
CJ Lambert: Jalapeno is close to ketchup though.
(CJ Lambert pours Jalapeno on the eyeless Goomba, Birby6 cuts the Eyeless Goomba's leash.)
Birby6: You got ten seconds.
(The Eyeless Goomba starts running away as fast as possible. However…)
Birby6: Oops, we’re doing this right on a time change line. Your ten seconds ended ten seconds ago.
(The Piranha Plant gets out of the ground and starts chasing after the Eyeless Goomba.)
CJ Lambert: Well then, I guess that is all that we can do here. Join us next time, when I try to find a law saying that Birby did not just commit murder! See you!
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