Phil: Hi there, and welcome back! Our Koopa Kountdown has dropped to 6, and we now have with us, Roy Koopa.
(Roy walks in and sits down.)
Roy: This is stupid! I don't even want to be here!
(Roy picks up his chair and throws it at Phil. Phil summons a beast named "It", and "It" squashes Roy, leaving only his head.)
Roy: Arrrrrrrrggghhh...
Phil: Calm down! Now, first question, why d-
Roy: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-
(Phil slaps him with a rubber chicken.)
Roy: Ouch...
Phil: Want more?
Roy: I'll behave...
Phil: Well then, why did you choose the Forest of Illusions in Super Mario World?
Roy: Because of the pretty anim- I mean, because Bowser stationed me there, that's it.
Bowser: I did no-
(Roy loudly coughs over Bowser.)
Phil: Next question, why did you choose Sky Land in Super Mario Bros. 3?
Roy: Ok, I think my lungs are gonna collapse if this thing doesn't get off me.
Phil: ANSWER IT.
Roy: Ok, I was stationed there also.
Bowser: That's another lie, he wanted to see the birds fl-
(Roy shoots a fireball at Bowser.)
Bowser: YEEOOUCH!
Phil: Third question, why pink stuff?
Roy: I was born with a pink head and shell, I can't control that! And someone super-glued these sunglasses on me, and I haven't gotten them off for many years.
Iggy: Heeheehee.
Phil: Well, your brother Ludwig was here and said he dyed his hair, why don't you try that?
Roy: Ok, you caught me! I am a big fan of pink, I dyed my hair and shell pink!
Phil: That doesn't answer my question, you numbskull! Why do you like pink?
Roy: When I was a wee lad, I had a teddy that was a polar bear, until Wendy mixed her reds with my teddy in the wash, and it turned pink. I was furious, and decided to throw it out, until Bowser told me to give it a chance. I did, and one thing led to another, and now I like pink.
Anonymous Audience Member: Boooooo. Pink's for girls.
Roy: Want me to pound you?
Anonymous Audience Member: Right now you're just a head, so bring it.
Roy: ...
Phil: Didn't it hurt in Super Mario World to fall down to attempt to crush Mario? And if the walls squished him, wouldn't you get squished by the walls as well?
Roy: I had a helmet on.
Phil: That wouldn't help a lot.
Roy: That's my answer, take it or leave it.
Phil: Now we go to you! Caller Number 1, what is your name and question?
Caller Number 1: Hi, it's-a me, I do not want to reveal any personal information. Anyway, why did you have a purple shell in New Super Mario Bros. Wii?
Roy: Gee, I wonder who that could be. I was hit in the head that day, and dyed it out of amnesia.
Phil: Caller Number 4, you're on the air.
Caller Number 4: Hi, this is King Boo. Why did you choose the tough guy path?
Roy: Because when I was young, Iggy, the weakest one in the family, beat me up. IGGY! I would not let that stand, and so I got stronger, and now I pound him almost everyday.
Phil: Ok, now Roy, you have to get up onstage and perform, and if the audience likes you, you can leave, but if they don't, you get eaten by that thing that is on top of you.
"It": RAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH.
("It" lets Roy get up onstage, and he ties Morton to the front of a punching bag.)
Morton: Whyareyoudoingthisawfulthingyou-
(WHAM!)
Morton: PleasestopyouhavecausedmeemotionalandphysicalpaininwhichI-
(WHAM!)
Morton: Hey. You. Damaged. My. Beloved. Vocal. Cords. You-
(WHAM BAM PEANUT BUTTER JAM!)
(Morton is unconscious. The entire studio audience gets up and cheers, and Roy leaves the building unharmed.)
Phil: There you have it! Next week we’ll have Iggy with us. See ya!
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