Badyoyo: (Soon to be), you're fired.
(Soon to be): WHAT?! Why?!
Badyoyo: As you can see, I'm a Super Koopa now, so I'm no longer (Soon to be) famous in Lemmy's Land. So I have no use for you... You're fired.
(Soon to be): That's not fair!
Badyoyo: Too bad... But to make it up to you, I've prepared you a goodbye Interview. So this is your last Interview before you leave and I replace you.
(Soon to be): All right, who is it?
Badyoyo: Wario.
(Soon to be): Why him?! He's the most disgusting person alive! Plus he's been interviewed by almost everyone!
Badyoyo: He's learned how to time travel. So this Interview should be interesting.
((Soon to be) starts mumbling something and walks out to the Interview room with the audience. Wario is already in his interview chair wearing a very Victorian-looking suit with dollar bills hanging out of his pockets.)
Wario: Did you know that the US Stock Market crashed because Wario invented a time machine and stole all the stock in the market to add to his company?
(Soon to be): I'm the one who’s suppose to be asking questions here. So Question 1, who are you?
Wario: I'm-a Wario! And I-a invented time travel.
(Soon to be): Really? How did you do that?
Wario: I-a turned on the oven, then I poured salt in it, then it somehow created a time portal.
(Soon to be): ...
Wario: Just kidding! But no-a way I'm-a going to tell you!
(Soon to be): All right, did you do any cool things other than make the stock market crash?
Wario: I-a changed my past, and met a few famous people to handle my life.
(Soon to be): Hmm, interesting. Enough with the time travel questions. Who does your hair?
Wario: My barber's Attila the Hun. He's a cool guy, I just have to pay him a LOT of money. Thankfully he takes checks.
(Soon to be): How was your high school life?
Wario: Terrible. I-a accidentally got Mao to be my principal, he shut down my lunch room! I couldn't eat anything until I got home!
(Soon to be): Ouch, anything else that you hated?
Wario: Yeah, on a trip to France I got Napoleon interested in being my high school football coach. However, we crushed him before he did anything really drastic. You see, that's how the English REALLY won the battle of Waterloo. We just beat him up in the future, then just threw him out into the middle of a battlefield.
(Soon to be): Aside from Mona and Captain Syrup, do you have any other girls in your life?
Wario: I-a don't count Captain Syrup. But my first girlfriend in high school was Lorena Bobbitt.
(Wario shivers.)
(Soon to be): How did that turn out?
Wario: Well we only had one date on a fancy cruise ship, I jumped off it when I saw she was carrying a small handgun.
((Soon to be) is trying hard not to laugh while thinking of Wario jumping off a cruise ship.)
(Soon to be): Anyway, you know those people who boast about people who they have at stuff like BBQ's? Have you had any famous person at your house for dinner?
Wario: Yes, I-a once had Charles Manson over for a steak dinner... It was very eventful.
(Flashback to Wario's house being destroyed.)
Wario: *sigh* That-a cost me over a thousand coins
(Soon to be): What is your religion?
Wario: I'm-a Jewish.
(Soon to be): Ooh, me too. Tell me, what was your Bar Mitzvah like?
Wario: Not particularly good. Remember when I-a said I-a had Charles Manson over for dinner? Well he hooked me up with Marilyn Manson to perform at my Bar Mitzvah.
(Soon to be): But Charles Manson and Marilyn Manson aren't related.
Wario: I-a don't know how that worked either.
(Soon to be): Speaking of music, who's your favorite artist?
Wario: I-a love Barry Manilow!
(The audience looks like it's going to puke.)
(Soon to be): Maybe we should discuss something else... Why does your breath always smell so bad?
Wario: Oh-a, that's an easy one. I-a never brush my teeth, I always eat garlic, and I'm-a afraid of my dentist.
(Soon to be): Dare I ask why?
Wario: He-a has flesh-eating bacteria on his hands and has a rare latex allergy so he never wears gloves.
(Soon to be): Gruesome... You eat anything else other than garlic?
Wario: Well... I-a eat donuts... donuts... bacon... Poison Ivy Caesar Salad at McKoopas... and donuts.
(Soon to be): ... I'm not even going to question that salad one. Wario, while you were time traveling did you do anything other than make the stock market crash?
Wario: Hmmm... Oh yeah, I-a caused Spanish Flu by-a sneezing in some Mexican's face.
(Soon to be): ... You scare me... What was your most embarrassing moment in your life?
Wario: Never had any.
(Soon to be): Oh come on, there must've been something.
Wario: Nope, I used the time machine to fix every stupid mistake I ever made. Even the one where my pants fell down in front of the cheerleaders.
(Soon to be): Wario, tell me about your family.
Wario: Well, my family was really poor at first. We never were famous before I came along. I mean, the most famous person in my family was my grandpappy because he built the Panama Canal.
( Soon to be): So you became rich to show your family a Wario family member could be successful? Wario: Me? Provide confidence? No! I-a just used this time machine to steal enough money from my relatives to make them poor, but I didn't steal so much as too alter the timeline.
(Soon to be) : Well, all businesses have their own flaws. What's yours?
Wario: My-a business is-a fresh... but don't-a bring any animals, or else they'll get Ebola.
(Soon to be): ... How?
Wario: I don't know, they just do.
(Soon to be) :... What is your immediate family like? You know, mother, father, stepbrother.
Wario: Hmm, well my dad always posed as the CEO of some big company, but in real life he was secretly a grave robber. My mom found out about this and felt so betrayed, she left us and took most of the house away... except for me... We were stuck living under bridges and in subways for three weeks... until... they came in.
(Soon to be): Who?
Wario: Who do you think? Waluigi and his mother, they came into subway to order two turkey sandwiches, but thankfully while they spent way too much time looking for exact change, my father stepped in to help them. Soon his eyes met hers and they fell in love. Soon there were wedding bells; me and Waluigi were separate ring-bearers. It was a beautiful wedding. And that's pretty much most of my interesting childhood.
(Soon to be): Well, I think it's time to ask the audience questions. You in seat 44!
Fawful: I want to know what you hate most to meet randomly on the streets that's trying to kill you.
Wario: I would say... a T. Rex would be random and scary enough to work.
(Soon to be): Next one... 432!
Cackletta: Who? *cough* runs *gag* your *hack* blood drive?
Wario: How did you know I give away my blood to get the free money that comes with it?
(Cackletta doesn't answer, she faints from lack oxygen again.)
Wario: That wasn't funny on the Fun Fiction, and it's not funny now.
(Soon to be): Answer the question.
Wario: Dracula, ok? He REALLY loves doing it, but he always backs off since I always do my drives in the afternoon.
(Soon to be): All right... The girl in 433.
Lakione: Why is (Soon to be) picking from the four hundreds?
Lakitwo: I don't know, but what I do know is that Tikimon has two heads.
Mona: Who made our building?
Wario: It WAS Dr. Crygor, but seeing how his structure was very flawed, I signed up this Tony Montana guy to take his place. Crygor still works for me, but only when I need a toilet fixed. He's pretty crazy, but he doesn't need to be paid a whole lot.
(Soon to be): Seat 332!
Dr. Crygor: I'm a wiz at working computers, but you have never called me to fix a technical error, why is that?
Wario: Because I got someone from IT to fix my computer. He's some Austrian robot thing that likes to shoot things but not kill them.
(Soon to be) :... I used to think you were the freakiest person on Plit, but I think the rest of your staff is crazier.
WarioWare members present in Audience: HEY!
(Soon to be): Sorry, sorry. Seat 342.
Waluigi: Hey Wario! Why haven't you mentioned our Senior Year chemistry teacher yet?
Wario: Oh DAD. The memories.
(Wario starts to cover his eyes.)
(Soon to be): What? Who was your chemistry teacher?
Wario: Mr. Alien.
(Soon to be) :... Don't tell me.
Wario: Yep. Those black things with long tongues that like to suck out peoples’ brains. He was rarely in the classroom, but when he was... people died... It was a very gruesome year for me.
(Soon to be): You know what I said about how yours employees are crazy?
Wario: Yeah.
(Soon to be): I changed my mind... Anyway... seat 324
Biff Atlas: Man, that was a wicked employee party you threw us yesterday! Who were the caterers?
Wario: Who do you think? The cheapest I could find... Ninjas.
Biff Atlas: Well tell them, they were great at making sushi.
(Soon to be): Seat... 234.
Dr. Mario: I'm-a Doctor Mario. And-a I saw you limping to your chair... Why is-a that?
Wario: You-a see-
(Soon to be): Why did you randomly stop adding accents until this point in time?
Wario: Because I-a was bored with sounding-a like Mario... Anyway, I-a found a giant centipede in my shoes, and I let it live there. I-a didn't know he was poisonous, and he-a made my foot limp.
(Soon to be): Seat 365
Midbus: Do you have any pets?
Wario: Yes-a, I have a Portuguese man of war in my swimming pool, and-a I own Godzilla... He-a ran away though. But he always comes back home.
(Soon to be): Seat 35!
Fawful: What would you least expect to find right outside your building?
Wario: I-a wouldn't expect-a Rambo to attack me, since I hired him to be a bouncer outside my building.
(Soon to be): Didn't we already ask you?
Fawful: I bought more than one seat.
(Soon to be): Seat 157!
Fawful: What you least expect to wake up to?
(Soon to be): How many seats did you buy?!
Fawful: Three, so I can reveal Wario's secrets and finally destroy him for no real reason.
Wario: I-a would pretty much-a scream if-a I saw hookworms sucking my blood out for free.
(Soon to be): Ok, last question, then moving on to my favorite part of the show... the ending. Seat 500! The cheapest seat in the house!
Goomba: What's your favorite breakfast cereal?
Wario: "Rise'n' Rattle", the cereal filled with rattlesnakes!
(Soon to be): Well, that's the show, so that means it's time for the-
(Suddenly the wall explodes and Micheal Tarver, Arnold Boomeranger, Mr. Malovonnie, Koopa Lord of Chaos, The Chatman, Wind Crystal, Death, and Despair jump into the studio.)
(Soon to be): What the? Who are all these people?!
Badyoyo: One of these eight people is going to be your replacement. Right now I'm giving them all a question to ask Wario to see how well they do.
Micheal Tarver: All right, time to start asking the tough questions! What's your least favorite food?!
Wario: ... Sausage.
Micheal Tarver: Sausage?
Wario: Yep.
Micheal Tarver: This is pathetic! Tarver Tuck!
(Micheal Tarver picks up Wario and body slams him into the ground. Wind Crystal floats over Wario.)
Wind Crystal: ...
Mr. Malovonnie (with a very heavy redneck accent): If you can't be able ask questions during an Interview due to the fact that you don't have a mouth and therefore can't utter words or any kind of sound, you might be a redneck. But you certainly aren't (Soon to be)'s replacement.
(Mr. Malovonnie takes out a monkey wrench and smashes Wind Crystal with it.)
Mr. Malovonnie (still has the accent, and always will): Now, where was your worst vacation? Mine was Alaska, where I was testing monopoles for any change in frequency.
Wario: Mine was when I was time traveling... I wanted to go to North America in the 1920's, however I sneezed as I was telling the computer where to send me, so it sent me to North Korea in Vietnam... Dang, that was a harsh two weeks.
Arnold Boomeranger: Me and marvelous muscles want to ask if you would rather spend ten hours in a place full of fire, or one hour in Baltimore Maryland?
Wario: Well that's an obvious one, ten hours in a fiery place.
Koopa Lord of Chaos: LOLs! I AM GOD! I want to know why you went on a cruise ship to Krakatoa!
Wario: I... never... did... that.
Koopa Lord of Chaos: YES YOU DID! I AM ALWAYS RIGHT! YOU WANTED TO KILL YOURSELF ON A SUICIDE RUN TO KRAKTOA! YOU ALSO WANTED TO JOIN A BOB-OMB EXPLODING CLASS, NOOB! LOL! ROFL!
(The Chatman bites Koopa Lord of Chaos, who runs off crying because he thinks the Chatman is a real bully.)
The Chatman: HiI'mtheChatmanafasttalkingChainChompthatisalwayssoreadyto
learnknowledgesopleasetellmewhatisyourleastfavoritetimeoftheday.
Wario: I think you were asking me my least favorite time of the day, which would be the early morning when I have to go to work through traffic.
(Death, who is a Spartan Clubba, knocks away The Chatman with his giant shield, while Despair, a Spetsnaz Charging Chuck, points a Marakov pistol at Wario's nose.)
Death: Just give us the facts.
Despair (very heavy Russian accent): Tell us what really happen to Cluster.
Death puts a spear up to Wario's belly.
Death: Or else.
Wario: ... All right! Everyone's history books lie! Cluster was never killed by Indians! He was killed by me when he threw me a surprise party. He died of overeating a bunch of potato chips! I threw him into Indian territory, so now the world thinks he was in some bloody battle! ... It was all my fault!
(Despair picks up Wario and throws him back into the interviewee chair.)
(Soon to be): Well... I think we're done here... Time for the WHEEL!
Micheal Tarver: OF!
Ngin: Hey! That's my line!
Micheal Tarver: Too bad. TARVER TUCK!
(Micheal Tarver body slams Ngin.)
Despair: PAIN!
Death: Spin it, Tikimon!
(Tikimon spins the wheel and it lands on... )
(Soon to be): Get beaten by my replacements! HA!
(The 7 pick up Wario and throw him out of the studio as ( Soon to be) laughs. Then the 7 surround (Soon to be).)
(Soon to be): Uh...
Badyoyo: Well, since we no longer have any use for you... SICK ‘IM!
Micheal Tarver: TARVER TUCK!
( Micheal Tarver body slams (Soon to be).)
Mr. Malovonnie: If you think you count the amount of atoms on Plit with one hand, you might be a redneck!
(Mr. Malovonnie whacks (Soon to be) on the head with his monkey wrench. Arnold Boomeranger picks him up)
Arnold: Me and delicious muscles will crush you and the other and then, I'll become your permanent replacement!
(Arnold throws (Soon to be) head-first into a wall.)
Koopa Lord of Chaos: KOOPA SWORD OF ULTIMATE DESTRUCTION AND MAGIC!
(Koopa Lord of Chaos pokes (Soon to be) in the back with a plastic sword.)
The Chatman: Letmehaveaturn!
(The Chatman bites (Soon to be) on the butt.)
(Soon to be): YOWCH!
(Despair throws a grenade in (Soon to be)'s mouth, while Death throws a net over him.)
Death: Fire in the hole!
(Everyone ducks for cover, and (Soon to be) explodes.)
Badyoyo: Well... that was certainly impressive. I say you all have a good chance at joining me. Now for the next six Interviews, each one of you will be interviewing a minion I haven't done yet. Then when those six Iterviews are done, I'll put a poll in Lemmy's Poll and have Lemmy's Land vote on who should be (Soon to be)'s replacement. The next Interview after that will announce who his replacement is and will interview the one and only... MARIO!
(Mario is seen tied to a chair.)
Mario: Help-a me!
Badyoyo: Well that's it for this Interview! See you later, Lemmy's Land!
Micheal Tarver: And don't forget to vote for... me, Micheal Tarver.
(End Transmission)
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