Kody: Yes, that’s right. I’ve persuaded Mimiru to do her first solo Interview.
Mimiru (bound to a chair again) If by persuaded, you mean forced, then you’re right.
Kody: Silence! You’re interviewing Tatanga the Conqueror whether you like it or not.
Mimiru: ... Are you going to give me cue cards again?
Kody: Heavens no! What a waste of good paper. Think of the trees!
Old Wise Wisterwood: I’m glad to know we’re appreciated.
Kody: Yes, yes. Now then, someone fetch Tatanga.
Tarein: Or rather, taunt about how horrible a boss he was in SML2?
(A huge spaceship crashes into the castle’s studio and out steps Tatanga the Conqueror.)
Tatanga: TATANGA WAS NOT A HORRIBLE BOSS!!!
Kody: I like the way you think, Tarein... You, Tatanga, prepare to be interviewed.
Tatanga: ... Interview? Is Tatanga a celebrity now?
Kody: Ehhh... sort of. But I’m not the one to do the dirty work. That... would be her.
Mimiru: IT WOULD BE YOU IF YOU WEREN’T DOING THIS TO ME!
Tatanga: Do females scream that loudly all the time?
(Tarein blows fireballs at Tatanga.)
Tatanga: Ow.
Tarein: Shut up.
Tatanga: You will pay, heathen!
Kody: For the sake of argument, and of keeping an Interview sane for once, no. No they don’t. At least not all the time. Now Mimiru, start the Interview.
Mimiru: But you didn’t say how I’m going to ask questions. Off the top of my head... there’s nothing to ask.
Kody: Ooh. Oh yeah, I forgot.
(One of those corny gameshow stands with a screen on top appears in front of Mimiru.)
Mimiru: That’s sane?
Kody: Sadly, it is. NOW GET ASKIN’. The question is on the screen in front of you and will change when the topic changes.
Mimiru: *sniff* Fine... Why did you decide to become a conqueror?
Tatanga: Conquering gives Tatanga great feeling of contentment! Or at least that is what Tatanga learned when he first started conquering.
Mimiru: Okay, and why did you first start conquering?
Tatanga: Tatanga’s father was a great conqueror, so Tatanga took after him, and followed in his stead with honor. Sadly he died many years ago, but he will always be remembered by his only son!
(Tatanga does a salute.)
Mimiru: Taking after another conqueror doesn’t seem honorable to me!
Kody: Same with some fathers. Look at Bowser’s kids.
Lemmy: Um... I’m too busy taking care of my Land here to become an actual tyrant like King Dad.
Kody: Point taken. Continue, Ms. Heavy Blade.
Mimiru: Fine... Why did you invade Sarasaland?
Tatanga: Sarasaland was next on Tatanga’s conquering list.
Mimiru: And you captured Daisy for what reason?
Tatanga: To provoke and eliminate any threats!
Mimiru: Isn’t it a little too convenient that Wario invaded Mario Land the same time you attacked Mario? Didn’t you provide a bit of distraction for – AHH!!
Tatanga (*ray gun at the ready) INFIDEL! TATANGA SHALL ASSIMILATE YOU!
Kody: Tatanga will assimilate no one, sorry.
(Tatanga points the ray gun at Kody.)
Kody: ...because you’re still being interviewed?
Tatanga: Tatanga is no one’s servant or minion!!!
Mimiru: But... but didn’t he make you a boss in Super Mario Land 2– EEK!
Kody: Uh, calm down, put away the gun, have a cup of tea, attend some anger management sessions...
(Tatanga starts blasting everything in sight.)
Kody: Uh, we’ll be back after this short break...
----
Sledge Brother: Did you see a black Boo go by here?
Tira: DIE!
(Tira slaughters him.)
Clover: Why did you do that?
Tira: Because I haven’t appeared in an Interview for a while.
Rawk Hawk: The RAAAAWK needs more air time.
Clover: ...
(Clover beats up Rawk Hawk.)
Tira: See? Mindless violence is fun.
Clover: Actually, I had a full mind to do that. That, and I also haven’t appeared in an Interview for a while.
Tira: Oh, fair enough, I guess.
Tutankoopa: HELP! I’m being chased by the Underchomp!
Tira: That’s nice.
Clover: Can we return to the castle... studio... thing?
Tira: Sure.
----
Kody: And we’re back, and I somehow feel that someone isn’t out to kill me anymore.
Mimiru: I will when I’m through with this...
Kody: Not as long as I have my infinite coin block.
Mimiru: ... You’ll share with me? Ooh. Can I convert the coins?
Kody: Into what?
Mimiru: Well I’m not from around here and we don’t use such currency...
Kody: Ah yes, yes yes yes. You can.
Mimiru: Then please untie me.
Kody: Fine, fine. But no coins yet.
(Kody does so.)
Tatanga (tied to a chair himself, and without his ray gun) Tatanga is insulted!
Kody: Hum-ho, more WHINEWHINEWHINE... All right, let’s continue this. And do keep reading the questions off the screen, please. I put a lot of work into that. Yes, physical and mental work combined. And magic.
Mimiru: Okay. Answer my question properly. Did Wario send you to Sarasaland as a distraction so he could take over Mario Land?
Tatanga: ... Yes.
Mimiru: See? That wasn’t so bad. And why did he send you to Sarasaland, of all places?
Tatanga: Because Tatanga wanted to conquer it anyway!
Mimiru: No, he must have seen there was a princess for you to grab and use to lure Mario in...
Tatanga: Stop disgracing Tatanga!
Kody: Stop whining.
Jinx: Gee, you really don’t like whining, do you?
Kody: Nope. I get enough of it on forums.
(A Lip’s Stick falls on Kody.)
Kody: Ow. Wha...
Tarein: I’m guessing they ran out of crates. And safes.
Mimiru: Crates? Safes? ... Actually, I don’t want to know. Why do you speak in the third person? That’s really annoying.
Tatanga: Infidel! Tatanga talks like this to undermine everyone around him, and rightfully so!
Mimiru: And what’s with calling everybody an infidel?
Tatanga: Because that is what you all are. INFIDELS!
Mimiru: Do you even know what infidel means?
Tatanga: Um... uh...
Lemmy: If you know what’s good for you, you won’t describe it here anyway.
Mimiru: ... Fine. So what’s your spaceship all about?
Tatanga: Technology. It comes arrayed with a wide assortment of bombs, missiles, lasers, and a 1700 gigawatt speaker system. Want to hear it?
Mimiru: No. Why do you have an overkill stereo system anyway?
Tatanga: Tatanga likes listening to the Safety Dance at full blast.
Mimiru: ... You must be joking.
(The Safety Dance music starts playing. Very loudly.)
Mimiru: AGH!
Tatanga: Tatanga is happy!
Kody: Gah! What is that awful racket and where is it coming from?!
Tatanga: It is definitely not coming from the basement, where the spaceship didn’t just fall into after that crash, no. Most assuredly not.
(Kody goes down to the basement.)
Tatanga: Infidel!
Mimiru: Stop saying a word you don’t know properly! And how did that horrible music start playing?!
Tatanga: It is not horrible! And Tatanga shares a telekinetic bond with his ship. He can use his mind to turn it on. Tatanga and his spacecraft are like brothers.
Mr. L: SUE!
(Mr. L is blocked.)
Mr. L: *mute* ...
Tarein: ... That made sense.
Kody: I guess he’s been block-listed. Ha ha ha, get it?
Mimiru: Urgh, terrible... Anyway, I’ve run out of questions.
Kody: What?! Already?!
(Kody checks the machine.)
Kody: Um... We’ll need another break to fix this. Either that or audience questions. Meh, break time.
----
Crazee Dayzee: Did you see a black Boo go by here?
Dimentio: Tubba Blubba ate him. Saddening. Like a thornless rose.
Crazee Dayzee: You’re weird.
Tira: You’re not allowed to call him weird!
Clover: Hi, weirdo.
Tira: I’m gonna kill you!
Sledge Brother: No, I’m gonna kill YOU!
Tira: How did you survive?
Sledge Brother: Uhh... Internet.
Dimentio: Unacceptable.
(Dimentio sends the Sledge Brother and Crazee Dayzee to Dimension D.)
Crazee Dayzee: EZ Rock?
Sledge Brother: ...
Mad Dog: Stouffer’s lunch meats are DA BOMB!
Bobbery: You horrible man!
----
Mimiru: Seat... We do seats in numbers, right?
Kody: Seat 2.
Mimiru: Hey!
Iggy: Is something here?!
Kody: It went that-a-way.
Iggy: Oh good. Uh, how come you had a smaller spaceship in SML2?
Tatanga: Tatanga didn’t want to risk his bigger spaceship being destroyed again so he used a little one against Mario. That is the only reason I was a lowly boss. Yes, Tatanga momentarily stopped speaking in the third person. Sue him.
Mr. L: *mute* !!!
(Mr. L’s mouth is erased.)
Mr. L: ...
Kody: As some net lamers would say... pwned.
Mimiru: They would indeed. Ew. Seat... uh... 66.
Monty Mole: What fuel do you use for both ships?
Tatanga: Pure hydrogen gas. It is on a planet Tatanga conquered several years ago!
Monty Mole: But how does it work?
Tatanga: Browse the internet, why don’t you? Then you’ll find out how hydrogen powerplants work.
Monty Mole: What’s an Internet?
Kody: ...
Mimiru: Seat 1.
Lemmy:. Why did you attack the Real World when you were released from the Gameboy in that Nintendo comic?
Tatanga: Tatanga wanted to conquer it, obviously. The Gameboy is a magical portal from Plit to the Real World. Only that foolish Mario thwarted him AGAIN!
Kody: Yes indeed, you were thwarted by that foolish Mario, and thank goodness, otherwise I probably wouldn’t have been able to submit this Interview at all.
(Another Lip’s Stick falls on Kody.)
Mimiru: Haha! There’s a flower growing from your head!
Kody: NOO! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!
(Kody runs around in circles.)
Mimiru: Hehe, that made this whole thing worthwhile. Seat 45.
Rob-omb: How could Mario damage your smaller spaceship by jumping on it?
Tatanga: It is long since Tatanga fully repaired his smaller ship. It was damaged to begin with. Had it been fully ready for battle, Mario would not have been able to win!
Rob-omb: Did Wario have something to do with this?
Tatanga: ...
Mimiru: That’s a yes. Seat 261.
Bowyer: Your main ship can fly how fast?
Tatanga: Very fast. Only that Earth thing called a fighter jet can rival its speed.
Kody: Phew, gone... Man, I don’t like flowers growing from my head. I am not a Bub-ulb.
Mimiru: Hehe. Seat 5.
Para-bomb: Why did you appear so small in Super Mario Lands 1 and 2, yet you were much bigger in the Gameboy comic? Kinda like right now?
Tatanga: Tatanga was younger back then.
Para-bomb: It wasn’t too long of a time between the games and comic...
Tatanga: FINE! Tatanga grabbed an aging gun and used it on himself. But he destroyed it afterwards so don’t try looking for it.
(The entire audience leaves.)
Mimiru: ...
Tatanga: Infidels!
Kody: I’ll ask the last question then. Why haven’t you appeared in any other game or comic since the Gameboy comic and Super Mario Land 2?
Tatanga: Tatanga was busy conquering. Nintendo doesn’t like villains that constantly travel, so they make them obscure. Well, Nintendo are all infidels! INFIDELS, TATANGA SAYS!
Mimiru: Oh, that’s it.
(Mimiru bashes Tatanga over the head with her blade.)
Kody: Oh, you infidel, you.
(Mimiru bashes Kody over the head.)
Kody: Ow.
Tarein: Well now they’re both down and out, we should end this.
Tira: ... Oh. Someone saved us the trouble.
Mimiru: That’d be me.
Clover: Ooh. Welcome back.
Lemmy: Too... many... cameos...
Jinx: Deal with it.
Tira: So who wants to do the next Interview?
Tarein: No thanks.
Rigel: Then I’ll do the next Interview.
Amaury: Oh, now you remember us, Mr. Narrator.
[yup]
(Kamcle goes backstage.)
[Gah! *runs*]
Kamcle: Drat.
Kody: Duuuude, where’s my car...
Mimiru: *sigh*
Clover: End transmission.
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