Welcome to Lemmy’s Interviews, a place where you can ask your favorite characters embarrassing questions.
(Lemmy appears from behind the curtain, wearing a very large red and yellow polka-dotted bowtie. He seems quite a little embarrassed about it, though.)
Lemmy: Now to our guests for today, we have Peter Puppy interviewing…*gulp* my mom…
(Lemmy double-checks the note card.)
Lemmy: Great… Now I have to leave this bowtie on the entire show.
Peter Puppy: I think it’s a nice tie. I don’t have any clothes to wear because I tend to rip them apart whenever I turn into a monster.
Lemmy: Are you even a part of the Mario Universe?
Peter Puppy just sits back in his chair and whistles.
Lemmy: Let’s bring out our victim for today! Clawdia Koopa!
(The audience is quite quiet, and a few whispers are heard…. A female Koopa appears; she has blue hair and markings similar to Larry Koopa.)
Clawdia: Hello, Plit! I am glad to be here today.
Clawdia sits in the tacky orange chair right across from Peter.
Clawdia: Lemmy, dear, you should buy better furniture, this chair isn’t good for my womanly hips.
Lemmy: Sure Mom, when you RAISE my allowance.
Peter Puppy: Mrs. Clawdia Koopa, are you still married to Bowser Koopa?
Clawdia: Interesting question! Not really… Both me and my sister Kitty are still legally married to Bowser, but he lives in a separate castle after a heated argument about leaving the toilet seat down.
Peter Puppy: Wow, Bowser is a polygamist! I knew the monster was greedy, but wow!
Clawdia: Simpleton, it is a Koopa royal tradition, big families have always been the power behind the royal family.
Peter puppy: I see. What are your special abilities? We were told that you act the housewife role. You know, fragile and weak, one who eats donuts all day.
Clawdia: HA! Well, Peter, I am an inventor, I make dangerous weapons for use of persuading the princess to give us her lands. You think Ludwig and Iggy learned their mechanical know-how from their father? PLEASE.
Lemmy: Now it’s time for the audience to ask questions.
Red Snifit: Are you single? Because I would love to date you…
Lemmy: NEXT QUESTION!
Birdo: Did you die once? I heard that Bowser killed you so he could be with Peach.
Clawdia: Different fanfiction, different stories. I have never died or been in a coma, thank you very much. Silly Bowser/Peach fans!
Morton: WhatisfordinnertodayIamhungryandIateallthecookiesandisdadcomingover
becauseheseemstowanttocomeoverfordinnerandkissessoifyoucooksomethinggood
maybewewillseeingdad!
Clawdia: Kitty is cooking haggis, does anyone want to try a sample?
(Kitty Koopa comes out from backstage with a plate full of haggis. She walks to each person so they can try a sample.)
Kitty: I hope you like my haggis, it’s a Scottish recipe.
(Peter Puppy takes a bite and seems to enjoy it quite well.)
Peter Puppy: Um, tastes good! What’s haggis?
Kitty: Well it’s the organs of a sheep cooked in its own stomach!
Peter Puppy: WHAT?!
Kitty: Haggis is Morton’s favorite, next to cheeseburgers and cake!
Morton: YummyhaggisistastyIloveitlikeIlovemymummy!
Lemmy: Peter, you okay? You look bigger… and scary and why are you purple?
Monster Peter Puppy: RAWARGROWL!!!
Lemmy: END TRANSMISSION NOW!!!
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