(1-up Boo, Vim, Kingfin, and Void are floating, walking, and umm… however Kingfin moves to their destination.)
Vim: So we’re going back to your studio?
1-up Boo: Yes.
Vim: Didn’t Lord Crump’s Magnus Von Grapple self-destruct and eliminate the place?
1-up Boo: I have the repair remote, remember?
Vim: Oh yeah… I still don’t get that thing.
1-up Boo: Me neither. Void, we getting close?
Void: Nope.
1-up Boo: Hmm… Kingfin, any suggestions?
Kingfin: Me have pillow that Chain Chomp give.
1-up Boo: And how does that help?
Kingfin: It… doesn’t?
1-up Boo: That’s right. Vim! I need something to entertain me!
Vim: I’m not jumping off that cliff.
1-up Boo: Aw come ooooon.
Vim: No.
1-up Boo: But-
Vim: No.
Void: We’re going into a bombing test site.
1-up Boo: How about just jumping into that lake?
Vim: I see those sharks.
1-up Boo: Darn.
Kingfin: Boss?
1-up Boo: Yes?
Void: We’re going into a bomb testing site!
1-up Boo: Void, I don’t think we’re-
(KABOOM! A huge explosion happens beside them.)
1-up Boo: …
Vim: …
Void: …
Kingfin: …
1-up Boo: Shall we flee?
Void: Let’s.
(They all go into a bush.)
Vim: How is this protecting us?
1-up Boo: It isn’t. Now we need a sacrifice… I volunteer Vim!
Vim: What?!
Kingfin: If boss pick Vim, me pick Vim.
Void: Umm… I’ll pick that rock.
1-up Boo: Sorry, Vim, you lose.
Vim: Why can’t we just do the rock?!
1-up Boo: Because it only got one vote, not two. Silly Vim.
Vim: How is jumping out there and getting blown up helping at all?
1-up Boo: It doesn’t! But I can’t think of anything else.
Vim: …
1-up Boo: You know what, I’ll be nice. Let’s throw the rock out there and see what happens.
(1-up Boo throws the rock out in the open and a missile hits in two seconds, blowing it up as well as the bush 1-up Boo and the rest are hiding behind.)
1-up Boo: Well that didn’t work.
Vim: You think?
Void: I think someone spotted us.
1-up Boo: What makes you say that?
Void: There’s a Bullet Bill two feet ahead of us.
1-up Boo: (turning towards the Bullet bill) Oh.
Bullet bill: Who are you guys?
1-up Boo: As far as you know, we’re your worst nightmare… Except Vim.
Vim: …
Bullet bill: Hmm…Are you sure?
1-up Boo: Yes. Tell him, Void.
Void: Yes?
Bullet Bill: I don’t believe you.
1-up Boo: Void, do something.
Void: We wish to get by your testing grounds so we may get to our destination.
Bullet bill: I don’t know… You are trespassing…
1-up Boo: What if we interview you?
Bullet bill: Will I be on TV?
1-up Boo: Yes.
Bullet bill: Okay, I’m in!
1-up Boo: Great. Plus I haven’t interviewed a Bullet Bill yet. Okay, Kingfin, the camera!
Kingfin: Here you go.
Void: What about the constant bombs and-
(BOOM!)
Void: -other various explosions happening nearby?
1-up Boo: Well I’m sure this Bullet Bill has a way to stop it!
Bullet Bill: Just press the big OFF button.
1-up Boo: What big OFF button?
Bullet Bill: That one.
(The Bullet Bill nudges toward a huge off button.)
1-up Boo: Hmm… Void, go press it.
(Void does so.)
1-up Boo: Let us begin. Vim?
Vim: What?
1-up Boo: Round up an audience, and if you don’t I’ll, well, shoot you, y’know.
Vim: Grrr…
(Vim goes off to get an audience. The word “hate” is heard a lot while he leaves.)
1-up Boo: Well, time to begin. Hmm… When in the launcher, are you “alive”?
Bullet Bill: No, when we get shot out we pass a mini scanner thing that activates our control.
Kingfin: Cool.
1-up Boo: Aren’t you afraid of blowing up?
Bullet Bill: Yes, but do we really have a choice after being stuffed in a Bullet Bill launcher while not in control?
1-up Boo: Well, when you blast out, why don’t you just go somewhere else instead of going boom?
Bullet Bill: The Bullet Bill launcher is set to aim us toward a certain spot. We’re in control enough to look around and such but cannot really move on purpose… unless the launcher lets us. In fact, if you haven’t noticed… I’M ON THE GROUND!
1-up Boo: I know, now do all Bullet Bills have explosives in them?
Bullet Bill: No, I wouldn’t be on the ground. Then I would be scrap metal and ashes.
1-up Boo: HA! What a miserable life.
Bullet Bill: Grrr…
Void: Sir, he can still turn us in.
1-up Boo: I scoff at him- Huh? Oh, right, hm.
Bullet Bill: …
1-up Boo: Riiiiight… Anyway, in Super Mario Galaxy and some other places, there are giant Bullet Bills. EXPLAIN!
Bullet Bill: Those are just improved, MODIFIED versions of us.
1-up Boo: Improved?! They’re just giant and don’t explode when they hit Mario!
Bullet Bill: Well um… GAH!
(The Bullet Bill struggles on the ground.)
Bullet Bill: A little help?
1-up Boo: Oh, blah blah blah, your needs.
Bullet Bill: I should’ve just turned you guys in!
1-up Boo: Turn us in? Good luck! I don’t see you going anywhere!
Void: He could’ve not told us about the button to stop the explosions.
1-up Boo: … Who created Bullet Bills?
Bullet Bill: The Koopa Troop.
Kingfin: Any reason they make them?
Bullet Bill: Probably just wanted or needed them, made some blueprints, and after probably a few hundred tests they got it right.
1-up Boo: That a guess?
Bullet Bill: No?
1-up Boo: Ok, why is it that only in Super Mario Galaxy do you home in on Mario?
Bullet Bill: Simple, we just continue to get more advanced. By then, they made homing ones.
1-up Boo: Oh, but they can’t make those giant ones home in? I would think the Koopa Troop would be smarter… Ok, not really.
Bullet Bill: Hey! The Koopa Troop isn’t that bad!
1-up Boo: I disagree, Void! Tell him!
Void: Tell him what?
1-up Boo: That the Koopa Troop is not smart!
(Void gets out a laptop and looks it up.)
Void: They have a fan website. They also got a reward for creating the Bullet Bill.
(1-up Boo takes the laptop and throws it on the ground.)
1-up Boo: KINGFIN! DESTROY!
(Kingfin jumps on the laptop, obliterating it.)
1-up Boo: Oh dear, now we’ll NEVER KNOW who’s right, SO sad.
Void: Umm... Just because they have one fan website doesn’t mean they’re smart.
1-up Boo: What are you talking about, Void? I’m interviewing a Bullet Bill! Heh heh heh…
Void: Okay…
(Void stares down at the broken laptop.)
1-up Boo: I’ll get Vim to fix it. Speaking of which, where is he?
Void: Getting an audience, remember? Now continue the Interview, please.
Bullet Bill: Yes, PLEASE.
1-up Boo: Fine. Do Bullet Bills have fuel by any chance?
Bullet Bill: Some do, if they’re traveling a long distance, but otherwise the force from the launcher should be enough to get them to their destination.
1-up Boo: KINGFIN! Ask a question.
Kingfin: Bullet Bills related to anyone?
Bullet Bill: We’re a mechanical metal structure created by the Koopa Troop. NO!
Kingfin: You no have to yell.
Bullet Bill: Too late.
1-up Boo: You ask one now, Void.
Void: Do Bullet Bills stay loyal to the Koopa Troop?
Bullet Bill: If the launcher allows us to roam freely, some decide to leave the Koopa Troop. But then they’ll just run out of fuel, either exploding or falling and laying there doing nothing for a long time. And if the Koopa Troop finds them, they’ll probably get in trouble. BIG trouble.
1-up Boo: So basically most don’t.
Bullet Bill: Yeah.
1-up Boo: Okay, what’s with those little arms? I never see you use them. Like when a Bullet Bill is close to Mario, he could can grab him and explode.
Bullet Bill: First of all, they’re rather small, we can’t reach very far with them. Second, sometimes we’re programmed to not be able to move them.
1-up Boo: I can say many things to counter that, but I won’t.
Bullet Bill: Whew…
1-up Boo: Audience questions! Seat 4!
Silence...
1-up Boo: Oh, right. where is Vim?! I need that audience now!
(At that, Vim comes up with an audience of Koopas in Black.)
Vim: Don’t ask where I got them.
1-up Boo: I’m asking anyway.
Vim: Grrr… Apparently these Koopas own this place. One spotted me and I convinced him to get an audience.
Koopa: Start calling seats now.
1-up Boo: No one orders me around!
(1-up Boo pulls out his rocket launcher. The Koopas all pull out varieties of guns.)
1-up Boo: BAH! Fine, seat 4.
Paratroopa: What do you do when in the Bullet Bill launcher?
Bullet Bill: Wait for our imminent doom…
Paratroopa: Umm… Okay.
1-up Boo: SEAT 10!!! YOU!
Koopa: AH!!!
(The Koopa hides in his shell.)
1-up Boo: Aw great, it’s this loon. Can I blast him?
Bullet Bill: Go ahead. We were going to fire him today, in fact.
Koopa: Wait, don’t-
(1-up Boo blasts the Koopa with his rocket launcher and laughs maniacally.)
Koopas in Black: …
1-up Boo: Umm… Seat 233!
Koopa: Why not fire Bullet Bills out of a big gun instead?
Bullet Bill: Who would pull the trigger? Or who could?!
Koopa: Oh, right.
1-up Boo: Seat 51!
Koopa reading a book: Huh? Oh, how long do Bullet Bills stay in storage?
Kingfin: There storage?
Bullet Bill: Yes, and it depends. It can be one minute to a year.
1-up Boo: Oh wow, that must stink.
Bullet Bill: Yes… But we are usually deactivated while in there, so it doesn’t really matter most of the time.
1-up Boo: Last question goes to seat 482!
Fuzzy: MEORK!
Vim: Where did he come from?
Void: No idea.
(The Koopas shrug.)
1-up Boo: Oh well… ASK A QUESTION!
Fuzzy: Uhhh… Do Bullet Bills make friends with anyone?
Bullet Bill: Awkward question. We do with some Bob-ombs if they’re in storage with us.
1-up Boo: Wonderful, well I’m afraid we’re done! Goodbye, so long!
(1-up Boo is attempting to push a Koopa out of the audience but is not doing so well…)
1-up Boo: Jeez dude, go on a diet!
Koopa: Hey!
Void: We don’t want to cause chaos. Can we leave now?
Koopa General: Well… okay. But NEVER come here again. Bring it in!
Vim: Bring what in- Oh great…
(15 Koopas bring in a big Bullet Bill launcher.)
Koopa General: Get in.
1-up Boo: Why can’t we just use the exit?
(1-up Boo points to a large exit sign above an exit door.)
Koopa General: Because this is more fun.
(Koopas throw them in- yes, even Kingfin. A LOT of Koopas threw them in.)
1-up Boo: Hmm… Should I float out?
Vim: Well…
Koopa General: FIRE!!!
(The Bullet Bill launcher fires, sending them flying out of the testing site.)
Vim: I am really getting sick of soaring only to probably land in another annoying place with YOU!
1-up Boo: Don’t worry, Vim. I’m sure those nice Koopas shot us to my studio.
Vim: You didn’t tell them where we wanted to go.
1-up Boo: Oh yeah… Hmmm… Void, destroy the camera.
Vim: Why’d they stuff the camera in there?
1-up Boo: I don’t know. Now blast it, Void.
(BOOM! End transmission.)
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