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LORD CRUMP AND JONATHAN JOHNNY JONES interview YUX
 
By zz1666

Yux: Crump, we need you.

Lord Crump: Who are you?

Yux: You got to be kidding me.

Lord Crump: No seriously, who are you?

Yux: I'm a Yux.

Lord Crump: A what?

Yux: I work with the X-Nauts.

(Lord Crump stares blankly into space.)

Lord Crump: Haven't a clue.

JOHNNY: What's going on here?

Lord Crump: This yucky thing is trying to tell me he's part of the X-Nauts.

JOHNNY: Um, he is.

Lord Crump: You guys can quit it now.

Yux: Curses Crump, why must you be such a moron?

Lord Crump: Prove to me you're in the X-Nauts.

Yux: I know your deepest darkest secret.

Lord Crump: And what is that?

(Yux whispers something into Lord Crump's ear.)

Lord Crump: Gasp, who told you?

Yux: You see? So do you now believe me?

Lord Crump: Meh, I'm still skeptical of you.

JOHNNY: Well why don't you just interview him to find out more.

Lord Crump: Genius JOHNNY, genius!

JOHNNY: Thank you, I know I am!

Lord Crump: To the interview studio!

(Lord Crump, JOHNNY, and Yux take a few steps to their left, and are onstage in their interview studio.)

JOHNNY: Is it me, or does our studio appear to be shrinking by the day?

Lord Crump: The recession has hit us hard too, it appears.

Yux: We're in a recession?

JOHNNY: Um, where have you been?

Yux: The X-Naut base, just sitting there.

Lord Crump: Well, let's start this thing. First question; how were you manufactured?

Yux: The X-Nauts created me in their technology lab.

JOHNNY: What's your primary purpose?

Yux: To block doors and passageways.

Lord Crump: How do you attack?

Yux: By shooting electrified rings out from our mouths.

JOHNNY: Were you guys programmed to do that?

Yux: Yes.

Lord Crump: Were you also programmed to launch those Mini-Yuxs?

Yux: Yes.

JOHNNY: How come you can only deploy two per turn?

Yux: Our system needs time to charge up the energy needed to produce Mini-Yuxs.

Lord Crump: What makes X-Yuxs and Z-Yuxs stronger than you guys?

Yux: Woah woah, hold on! How do you know what X-Yuxs and Z-Yuxs are, but not know what a Yux like myself is?

Lord Crump: Because they're strong, so I use them more often. I figure you guys must be weaker, so I have no real use for you guys.

JOHNNY: That's a real nice thing to say, Crump.

Lord Crump: Hey, sometimes the truth hurts. So, answer the question please.

Yux: Because we were made before them, and when they were made, the X-Nauts had come up with better upgrades and programming for them.

JOHNNY: You guys sound like computers.

Yux: Not necessarily computers. We're more like robots.

Lord Crump: You guys sure are weird-looking for robots.

Yux: You're sure weird-looking for a shark.

JOHNNY: …

Lord Crump: Now that's what I call a burn.

JOHNNY: … Let's just get this thing back on a roll. So uh, audience questions?

Lord Crump: I suppose so. Let's start off with seat 18.

Yoshi: Can all you guys do is shoot those rings?

Yux: Sadly, yes. The X-Naut programmers aren't the brightest group of people.

Lord Crump: I take offense to that, dude. We're the smartest group of people around! Buh huh huh huh!

JOHNNY: Looks like you just proved his point. Seat 31.

Doopliss: How come there were none of you guys around the X-Naut base when Mario went there?

Yux: Oh, we were there, but we just weren't on the scene. Plus, the majority of us were wiped out by him at the Great Tree. The few of us left were being tested to see if there was a way to upgrade us to the status of X-Yuxs and Z-Yuks.

Doopliss: Did it work?

Yux: No. We run on a different operating system than them.

Lord Crump: Seat 56.

Beanie: How come you guys can only deploy Mini-Yuxs during battles?

Yux: Actually, we can deploy Mini-Yuxs in the field, except they're too small to be seen, and anyone can easily step over one and not even know it.

JOHNNY: Looks like we only have one more hand up. Seat 6.

King Boo: How do the Mini-Yuxs make you guys invincible?

Yux: They have the power to cast a force field around us.

Lord Crump: Well, that wraps up this Interview.

JOHNNY: Man, that was fast.

Lord Crump: I know. Dude, this fast pace has me in the mood to go for a 10-mile run!

JOHNNY: You can't run 10 miles!

Lord Crump: Oh yeah, watch!

(After running 1 mile, Lord Crump is lying on the ground, gasping for breath.)

JOHNNY: I told you!

Lord Crump: Man, I need to get back into shape.

JOHNNY: Were you ever?

Lord Crump: Yes. Well, since I'm off to go run some more, there's no need to stick around anymore. End Transmission!

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