Joe: Greetings, Slicks! Welcome to the Interview Show!
Lakitu Cameraman: ... Slicks? What kind of name is...?
Joe: It's one of those hip, new words kids are saying these days. It's all the rage, Slick.
Cameraman: Please don't call me that. Don't forget that you have to do a coordinated Interview today. Meaning you're gonna need a partner.
Joe: Right-o. Where is this partner guy, hm?
Cameraman: I thought you knew... He hasn't done Interviews in over a year. Are you SURE about this?
Joe: Why, I course I'm sure! Hopefully this'll go off without a-
(A loud banging noise is heard in the closet, along with muffled voices.)
Cameraman: ... What was that noise?
Joe: ... O-oh, uh, heh. It was nothing. Probably just a rat or someth-
(A second Joe bursts out of the closet, panting heavily.)
Joe 2: Okay, Doopliss, cut that out. You do a horrible impression of me anyways.
“Joe”: ... Imposter! There is an imposter in our midst!
Joe: What?
Cameraman: Well, you're going to have to find some way of figuring out who's who before he-
(Almost immediately Gastlis walks into the studio.)
Gastlis: Hey, what's up?
(Both Joes turn to look at Gastlis.)
Joe: Oh, hey Gastlis.
(The first Joe, realizing the second Joe knows Gastlis and he doesn't, transforms back into Doopliss.)
Doopliss: Phooey. I could've gotten away with it all, too.
Gastlis: If it weren't for those meddling kids and their dumb dog… yeah, we've heard that before... Now then, I suppose you're going to interview this... carpet?
Joe: Actually, we're doing this together. So long as SOMEONE doesn't cause any more trouble...
Doopliss: C'mon, Slick, can'tcha take a joke every once in awhile?
Cameraman: That "slick" thing is really going to bug me.
Gastlis: I guess jokes are permitted, but this is a kid's show. So don't do anything that may make me act PG.
Doopliss: Right then. *sits in the interviewee chair* Fire away, my good men.
Joe: All right then, let's start with a relatively simple question. What game(s) have you appeared in?
Doopliss: I was a prominent antagonist in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door. I initially started in Chapter 4 as a guy who turned people into pigs and stealing identities. After that was done, I joined the Shadow Sirens in an attempt to try to exact revenge on Mario and his crew.
Gastlis: Last I remember, you ran off crying because you lost to Mario and managed to pass by the Shadow Sirens...
Doopliss: Th-that was my attempt to get in with the Shadow Sirens, I assure you! I had to do plenty of dramatic acting in order to travel with them.
Joe: Yeah, because every organization will take in a blubbering blanket like you.
Doopliss glares.
Gastlis: Never mind that. Why did you want to get revenge on Mario and his friends, anyway? They just played the hero act and stopped you from turning the people of Twilight Town into pigs... No big deal, really.
Doopliss: That plumber ruined my fun, that's why! I was all set to grab the piggies from that town and make myself plenty of ham and bacon meals when that greasy Mario showed up and foiled my plans! Honestly, can't a guy eat in peace anymore?!
Gastlis: ... Gross. I wasn't even aware that ghosts needed a source of food.
Joe: Which brings us to our next question, outside of The Thousand-Year Door. Are your kind really ghosts? You seem more... solid-looking, to me.
Doopliss: It's the feet, isn't it? We're ghosts in a sense, but we get airsick from floating around easily. Walking on feet is much more convenient.
Gastlis: You're just a bunch of fancy bedsheets. Not a lot to say about that, really. I'm not yet convinced you impose much of a threat.
Doopliss: Oh? Well, what about the time I fooled everyone into believing I was Mario? That was pretty cool, wasn't it?
Joe: It was only because Mario's party members are always as dumb as rocks.
Goombella: I heard that!
Gastlis: Not so much threatening as it was a prank, Doopliss ol' pal. Next question... I have to ask, what's with the party hat?
Doopliss: I've had this hat ever since I was a child. It helps me know that life is a party, and I must enjoy it to the fullest...
Joe: Even with all the war, famine, and horrible economy?
Doopliss: That and more, Slick~
Gastlis: If you REALLY wanted to be a party animal, you'd wear a lampshade on your head.
Doopliss: Dr. Pepper does a lot to me…
Gastlis: I guess that explains why you're a ghost? A Duplighost, no less?
(Doopliss doesn't say anything, only nods slightly.)
Joe: Well, interesting bit of backstory. Anyways, why did the Shadow Sirens ultimately let you into their group anyway?
Doopliss: I can't remember the exact details. Something about replacing their sister or something.
Gastlis: Did the dress fit well?
Doopliss: Last time I checked, the Sirens didn't wear any clothes...
Joe: Except for their dinky little hats. You fit right in with your own hat.
Doopliss: They tried to make me wear makeup, though.
Gastlis: It's just like a coloring book.
Joe: Only with cruel replacements for crayons. *thinks* All right, I think it's time for audience questions.
Koopa: Oh! Oh! Pick me! Pick meeee!
Gastlis: Yes, you, with the face.
Koopa: Would you like to be in any future games?
Doopliss: Yes, I would, Slick. I can totally imagine myself being a host or something in Mario Party.
Joe: You have about as much a chance of appearing there as Nintendo has a chance of releasing a new Smash Bros. game on the Wii. Anyways, seat 72.
Bob-omb: Do you have any BOMB! other abilities besides BOMB! transforming?
Doopliss: This is all you get. A shapeshifting ghost in a neatly organized package. It's how I roll, Slick.
Gastlis: Carrying around a baseball bat would impose more of a fighting chance. YOU. seat 30.
Fred Fredburger: I LIKE-
(Fred is smited before he can even say anything else.)
Joe: Annoying... Seat 109.
Duplighost: What makes you better than any other Duplighost? You can copy people, sure, but is there anything about you that's incredibly OUTSTANDING?
Doopliss: Uh... I'm great at parties~
Joe: You know, since every other Duplighost is already so boring…
Doopliss: All right, for an honest answer, I'm the only one of my kind whose gotten ownership deals of anything. Just a quick little sign with Boo Mansion, and I became Creepy Steeple's landlord.
Duplighost: I own a five star restaurant.
Gastlis: ... Served.
Joe: Further proof that Mario enemies do everything when they're not seen for awhile. Seat 234.
Swooper: How did you manage to steal the Letter P, anyways?
Doopliss: Simple. All it took was a little ROM hacking and a bit of bribery of the producers, and I could hack the game to remove the Letter P anytime I wanted.
Gastlis: ... But why the Letter P?
Doopliss: It's the most obvious letter, Slick. I mean, look, I'm a Duplighost for crying out loud! You'd think the developers would be a little more creative with my name, but noooo...
Joe: Creativity is dead nowadays.
Koopa Cameraman: I believe that.
Gastlis: I think a better name is Terry. Terry. Doesn't it just... roll off the tongue?
Doopliss: I'd prefer a fancier name, like... Sylvester von Krudgenheimer III.
Joe: Good luck with that. Seat 163.
Goomba: Yeah, how'd you feel when you figured out the Shadow Sirens’ purpose? To revive the Shadow Queen, I mean? You said you wanted to go and take out Mario, but I'm sure your opinion must have changed?
Doopliss: Well, you know, revenge blinds everyone, really. You go join a dangerous group to get revenge on that plumber, and suddenly, you see that they want to revive some demonic being for their own purposes. Should've asked about it before.
Joe: Riveting. I think we only have time for one more audience question, though.
Gastlis: *takes a seat in the front row of the audience* Yeah, what do you do in your free time, now? Without chasing around Mario, I mean.
Joe: Wait, what are you doing in-
Doopliss: I just stay at home in Creepy Steeple now. It's not all that bad, what with watching TV, having a bunch of Boos living in the house... cleaning up after the Swoopers...
Gastlis: Sounds completely and utterly exciting. Now, I suppose that's all we have for tonight. It's been a joy to come back for old time's sake...
Joe: Yeah, it feels nice to do an Interview every once in a while for kicks.
Gastlis: *wraps arm around Joe* You're telling me, Slick.
Joe: ... Wait, I thought you were...?
Gastlis 1: (raising hand from the audience) I'm right here, bud.
Joe: But, you're purple...
"Gastlis": Whoop, gotta go!
("Gastlis" quickly dashes out of the studio, cackling like a maniac.)
Gastlis: Purple isn't my color, anyway...
Gastlis climbs back onto the stage.
Gastlis: Well, that's all we have for tonight, folks. Stick around, we might do another Interview if I don't get sued.
Joe: G'night, folks!
(Doopliss runs back into the studio with Pianta policemen chasing after him. He gets onstage during the chase and topples over the cameras, ending the transmission.)
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