(When we last left our "heroes", Grounder had caused a Bob-omb to explode! Did they survive? Of course they did - what kind of stupid question is that? The smoke eventually clears, revealing Robotnik's evil lair is a smoldering rubble. Wario pops up from a pile of stone and rubble, hitting the side of his head to comically dislodge a few pebbles from his left ear, but otherwise looking completely unharmed. Scratch and Grounder eventually dig their way out from the rubble.)
Grounder: Where is Dr. Robotnik?
Scratch: *hits Grounder upside the head* It was YOUR fault, you dunderhead! If you hadn't dropped that Extreme Bob-omb, we'd already be headed to Sarasaland!
(Muffled shouting is hear; though the words are mostly inaudible, you can decipher one of them as "Nincombots". Scratch and Grounder immediately begin digging into the rubble, throwing aside stones and fallen pillars in the search for their master, while Wario gets himself out before proceeding to pick his nose.)
Robotnik: *cough* Y-y-you WR-ETCHED *hack* robotic nitwits!
Scratch: It was all Grounder's fault, your maliciousness!
Grounder: It's true.
(Everyone immediately looks at Grounder in surprise, staring at him until a somewhat childish, though male, voice calls out for their attention. It is an Extreme Bob-omb.)
Robotnik: What the- How did you escape destruction? All the Extreme Bob-ombs went off!
Extreme Bob-omb: Oh, I went off, all right - but I respawned, and... well, here we are!
Robotnik: It's going to take me HOURS to RRREBUILD this place, and more importantly, make more Extreme Bob-ombs!
Wario: *stops picking his noise* Don't you have robot workers for that?
Robotnik: Hey, you're right! COCONUTS, GET TO WORK MAKING MORE EXTREME BOB-OMBS IMMEDIATELY!
(A robotnic monkey soon walks by, grumbling as it carries some tools, taking schematics it is handed by Robotnik.)
Robotnik: In the meantime, why don't we interview you, er... What do you want to be called?
Extreme Bob-omb: Johnny. Because it's Extreme!
Scratch: Johnny the Extreme Bob-omb? Okay... So let's get started! How do Bob-ombs reproduce, or are you made in factories?
Robotnik: No, they breed using the magic of rock and roll and spandex. OF COURSE THEY'RE MADE IN FACTORIES!
Johnny: I thought I was supposed to answer the questions...
Grounder: Ooh, my turn, my turn! So how do you guys come back after exploding?
Johnny: Well, back in the day, when Kamek still worked for Bowser, we were simply bombs implanted with an AI chip that would give us our orders: destroy Mario and anyone helping him except Bowser or a member of the Koopa Troop, with the only exception to the prior exception being if they do not intend to return to being ruler of the Koopa Kingdom or a loyal follower of Bowser after finishing helping Mario.
Wario: That sounds... confusing.
Johnny: It's a lot easier for us to understand when we think it instead of saying it out loud. Kamek made ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN there was no way our use could backfire, and that there were no loopholes in our AI.
Grounder: But how do you come back after you explode?
Johnny: After Kamek quit and Kammy took his place, she decided we should be made using magic so we could be used repeatedly, learn, and develop personalities.
Wario: Quality REALLY dropped once Kamek quit, didn't it?
Johnny: Oh yeah. Soon Bob-ombs, Koopa Troopas, and Goombas were rebelling, one crazy Magikoopa left to become a hypnotist, the Boos wanted to be given sunglasses so they could come out during the day, and Boom Booms wanted to work again.
Wario: Boom Booms still exist?
Johnny: Yeah. They just don't get to guard castles anymore. Now they only get to do work as bouncers for dance clubs or as guards for banks.
Robotnik: How do you know all of this?
Johnny: Kammy had a special tower built that would beam all knowledge the Koopa Troopa has to all Bob-ombs that are loyal to the Koopa Troop, but would also wipe this knowledge from their memory if they defected or rebelled and left. But yeah, those poor Boom Booms... Not even Dan will give them work - and he loves giving one-shot minions a job.
Scratch: Why not?
Johnny: He found out how badly they screwed up in the Seven Kingdom takeover.
(MEANWHILE, AT THE WARZONE, THIS IS HAPPENING!)
Yoko Dan: Status report, Norbert.
Norbert: (looking through binoculars) We're at a stalemate. We need that secret weapon!
Dagget: Wait a second! We have Dan!
Norbert: … (thinking it over) Actually, that's a good point. Why aren't you doing anything?
Yoko Dan: Of course I'm doing something - I am supervising our forces! Everyone knows the head general doesn't actually FIGHT!
Norbert: That's not true. What about George Washington?
Yoko Dan: Who?
Norbert: Napoleon Bonaparte?
Yoko Dan: Who?
Norbert: Teddy Roosevelt?
Yoko Dan: Who?
Dagget: Darth Vader?
Yoko Dan: Who?
Norbert: I give up.
Yoko Dan: Besides, if I kill anyone without a real reason, Peach will be all like-
(Yoko Dan suddenly glows white for a second, and when the glowing stops, Peach is standing there.)
Peach?: Why did you kill all those people? We had an agreement and blah blah blah, nag nag nag, lecture lecture morals, code of conduct, pink stuff!
Norbert: I didn't know you could turn into other people.
Peach (Dan): Of course I can. I can turn into a dragon and other stuff - why wouldn't I be able to turn into other people?
Dagget: Ooh, do Bowser!
(Dan - in the form of Peach - glows like before, and when the glowing has faded, Bowser is standing there.)
Bowser (Dan): Rawr, I'm the mighty king of the Koopas, bow and tremble before my fiery wrath! I spoil my daughter Wendy and never stand up to her because I'm a doormat with her! I also like kidnapping princesses so I can rule their kingdoms, even though I have no idea what I'd do if I actually succeeded!
(Dan/Bowser begins breathing fire while doing the signature evil laugh.)
Norbert: Do Daisy!
Bowser (Dan): What? N… Oh, all right...
(Glowing a third time, Dan turns into Princess Daisy.)
Daisy (Dan): HI I'M DAISY! I HAVE NO PERSONALITY WHATSOEVER!
Dagget: Hahahah! Man, that is SO t- Wait, I've got an idea...
Daisy (Dan): Eh?
(BACK AT THE INTERVIEW)
Wario: So why does Bowser let you guys keep getting made the way that lets you respawn, if he knows of the Bob-ombs that went rogue?
Johnny: Bowser lets it go because it doesn't happen very often. The last time Bob-ombs rebelled was when the Koopa Bros. let their new status in the Koopa Troop go to their heads and treated their Bob-omb friends-slash-minions like dirt.
Scratch: So do respawning Bob-ombs really explode for fun?
Johnny: That's a demeaning stereotype. We do other stuff!
Robotnik: Like what?
Johnny: Soccer.
Scratch: Since when do Bob-ombs play soccer?
Johnny: Since Kammy made it so we could develop personalities.
Grounder: So are Bob-ombs easy to make angry?
Johnny: No. Most of us are actually pretty laid-back. The few of us who are temperamental, though, tend to be more dangerous. The power of a Bob-omb’s explosion is USUALLY relative to their level of anger. The exception to this are special Bob-ombs, such as the ones you made earlier, or the ones made before Kammy took Kamek's place.
Wario: Are Nokobons and Noko Bombettes related to Bob-ombs?
Johnny: Nokobons and Noko Bombettes are in fact related to Bob-ombs. Although they look like Buzzy Beetles and Koopa Troopas, they are actually robots.
Robotnik: Who made the Nokobons and Noko Bombettes?
Johnny: I don't know- maybe Tatanga did?
(MEANWHILE!)
(Dagget is taking pictures of Daisy/Dan while they do various poses.)
Dagget: Yeah, work it - work it!
Norbert: What exactly are you doing?
Dagget: Modeling.
Norbert: Uh-huh. And WHY, my buh-ruhther, are you having Daisy-slash-Dan do model work?
(Dagget pauses, lowering the camera. He thinks about the question, then shrugs.)
Daisy (Dan): I was starting to wonder that, myself.
Dagget: WAIT! I've got a better idea! We can have Dan pretend to be Daisy so we can get behind enemy lines!
Norbert: Huh... That's actually a really good idea!
Daisy (Dan): Why do I get the feeling this won't end well for me?
(BACK AT THE INTERVIEW!)
Robotnik: Did Mouser ever consider throwing Bob-ombs?
Johnny: Well, back when Wart was training his troops, he actually made everyone undergo practice sessions with a Shy Guy for what they wanted their battle plan to be; this was so Wart could see how it would work out, and make changes or improvements as necessary. Mouser wanted to use Bob-ombs, so Wart had a Shy Guy pretend to be Mario as he usually did. During the practice session, Mouser kept blowing himself up with his own Bob-ombs because they kept walking back to him, so Wart had Mouser use regular bombs instead.
Wario: Speaking of Wart, why did you guys have arms in Sub-con?
Johnny: I'm not sure, to be honest. They were actually vestigial - meaning they didn't really have a purpose - so later models were made without arms.
Grounder: What's with that king, Big Bob-omb?
Johnny: One day, someone stuck hair on a big Bob-omb as a joke. However, once Bowser found out, it gave him the idea to have a Bob-omb that looked over all the others so he would have less work and focus on his other minions.
Wario: Can the Bog Bob-omb self-destruct?
Johnny: No. He was made so that he couldn't explode, although he CAN make Bob-ombs himself.
Robotnik: What was the deal with Punchinello?
Johnny: Punchinello was a conceited guy that loved explosives. He could make Bob-ombs inside of him, almost like a mini-factory. However, they had the old AI chip, so they didn't have a real personality.
Scratch: Why exactly are Rob-ombs purple?
Johnny: Rob-ombs are a special variety of Bob-omb; they're stronger, but are also harder to make because magic usually results in duds. A single Rob-omb can destroy the door to a vault, but it would take several Bob-ombs to destroy the same door.
Wario: What exactly are good anti-Bob-omb measures?
Johnny: Most blast-proof walls or building materials will survive a Bob-omb attack. If we get wet, we can't explode until we dry off, so you could dump a bucket of water on us. A strong blast of fire can cause us to explode, so you could also try to make us go off before we're supposed to. Yoshis can also eat us without getting hurt for some reason.
Scratch: Well, I sure learned something today!
Robotnik: I'm glad you let us have this Interview.
Johnny: Well I'm happy that you're happy.
Grounder: Well I'm happy that you're happy that he's happy.
Wario: Okay, let's just all agree we're happy before this gets out of hand.
Robotnik: Coconuts, how are those Extreme Bob-ombs coming?
Coconuts: All done, Robotnik sir!
Robotnik: Excellent! Everyone, into the Egg Carrier!
(Everyone starts loading the Extreme Bob-ombs into the aforementioned attack carrier, and then fly off toward Sarasaland. Coconuts is, of course, left behind to clean up the ruin of the base, much to his frustration.)
(Back in Sarasaland, Daisy/Dan is sitting on a rock with her legs crossed, refusing to move.)
Dagget: Why won't you pretend to be Daisy?
Daisy (Dan): I despise her.
Norbert: Then why are you still in Daisy's form?
Daisy (Dan): Too lazy to change back.
(A bunch of Snifits suddenly run up to them and grab Daisy/Dan, lifting her over their heads and running back toward the castle while the beaver brothers watch.)
Daisy (Dan): Hey, put me down!
Dagget: Huh. Didn't see that coming.
(A cow suddenly falls from the sky and lands on Dagget.)
Norbert: I didn't see that coming.
(A meteor flies down and smashes the ca-)
END TRANSMISSION
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