Fawful: What the @#%$^ is a Goonie?
Lemmy: It’s a Yoshi’s Island minion I’m making you interview as a punishment for eating my frozen peas.
Fawful: (munching on peas) But I didn’t. What would make you think that?
Lemmy: I like blaming you, so GO, and be punished! Bwahahaha!
(Lemmy vanishes in a cloud of smoke.)
Fawful: How is it a punishment?
(Lemmy reappears in a puff of smoke.)
Lemmy: Did I mention he can’t talk?
Fawful: Oh…
(Lemmy vanishes in another puff of smoke.)
Fawful: Man, this Interview studio is foggy.
Goonie: Caw!
Fawful: Who are you looking at?
(Goonie blankly stares at him.)
Fawful: Why can’t Goonies talk?
Goonie: Actually, I can talk, but that’s because I have a translator attached to my throat. Most other Goonies can’t talk because their voiceboxes only allow them to make “caw” noises.
(Lemmy reappears in a puff of smoke.)
Lemmy: Out of all the world’s Goonies, I happen to pick the one with a translator! What rotten luck
(Lemmy disappears in another puff of smoke.)
Fawful: Oww… My eyes…
Goonie: Did I mention that Goonies have razor sharp vision to allow them to see through the night and hunt down prey?
Fawful: … So, you’re telling me that you’re carnivorous creature of the night? You don’t look too frightening.
Goonie: When night falls, we turn into skeletons.
Fawful: Oh. Hey! You just stole my next question, which was about Skeleton Goonies! Now I have to make up a new one.
Hours later...
Goonie: Are you done yet?
Fawful: No.
Even more hours later...
Skeleton Goonie: Now are you done?
Fawful: Sort of. Here it is.
S. Goonie: THAT’S WHAT YOU MADE AFTER 12 @#$%^ HOURS OF WORK?!
(The question that Fawful wrote down is “What is your favorite color?”)
Fawful: Yes it is, now answer it!
S. Goonie: Every Goonie, for some reason, likes the same color. That color is white.
Fawful: Why is this?
(S. Goonie forms an anime style tear drop.)
(Hours later…)
Fawful: Oh, now I get it, you ARE white!
(Wendy whispers something in Fawful’s ears.)
Fawful: There’s a Seinfield marathon on TV tonight?!
Wendy: I wish. But there is a TV show where some people go and make fun of you.
Fawful: 17 Interviews and I’m already subject to the downsides of life. Boom, you’re in charge until I come back.
(Fawful leaves.)
Wendy: Oh, and not to mention, there IS a Seinfield marathon on tonight.
Audience: Yay!
Boom: Umm…
Fawful: I’m back, and there was no such show!
Wendy: It was on channel 16,306,791,349,061,171,707.
Fawful: That’s MY channel, where I interview people.
Wendy: Oh. (That was embarrassing.)
Fawful: Okay Goonie, why do Goonies turn into skeletons during the nighttime?
S. Goonie: Actually, we turn into skeletons when we’re hungry. Our internal clock just usually makes us hungry around night. This instinct is due to the fact that we NEED our food when we’re hungry, or we die.
Fawful: What are your attacks?
S. Goonie: We don’t normally attack Yoshi, unless we work for Kamek. If we work for Kamek then we will drop bombs and Shy Guys on Yoshi. Our flightless varieties will try to blockade Yoshi. Our fatter varieties will try to roll over Yoshi. If we don’t work for Kamek then we let Mario ride on us. Skeleton Goonies can’t because their wings fall off easily.
Fawful: Why is this?
S. Goonie: They aren’t attached to our bodies. Very weak magic keeps them up.
Fawful: Who taught you this magic?
S. Goonie: Wizen-steamer-thingy-mabobber.
Fawful: Oh, you must mean…
Wizardheimer: IT’S WIZARDHEIMER!
Fawful: STOP BRINGING UP RUNNING GAGS!
Wizardheimer: Okay…
Cameraman: Why do I keep running out of film?
Fawful: AAUUGH! End transmission.
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