Bandit: Welcome to another-
Lemmy: Lemm-
Bandit: No! Bandit and E. Gadd Interviews.
E. Gadd: I'm glad we didn't air the Interview of Mr.Kite.
Bandit: That was horrible. He almost fell out the window.
E. Gadd: That would be bad considering we're on the 84th floor in Lemmy's Interview building.
Bandit: It’s ordered from most popular at the bottom, and least popular at the top. Basically... we stink.
E. Gadd: But we hope that this will boost our popularity. Presenting... Big Lantern Ghost!!!
Bandit: Big Lantern Ghost?
(BLG walks onstage.)
Big Lantern Ghost: Hey there.
E. Gadd: First question, why aren't you afraid of light now?
Big Lantern Ghost: After Mario defeated me I moved on out of my home, and was forced to adapt to light.
Bandit: Why do you still carry a lantern, and what's in it?
Big Lantern Ghost: I carry a lantern because all Lantern Ghosts do. I'm the leader of all Lantern Ghosts.
Bandit: Then what's in it? Watt's in the audience.
Watt: FREE AT LAST!!!
Big Lantern Ghost: After I lost Watt I decided to rely on something electric, so I used a Hot-Head.
E. Gadd: Really, then why is the glass tinted?
Big Lantern Ghost: This is no ordinary Hot-Head, it’s The King of Hot- Heads... wait for it... wait for it.... The King of all Hot-Heads... Flare!
Flare: GET ME OUTTA HERE!!!
Big Lantern Ghost: He is so bright that if I didn't tint the windows his light would be so intense that it would kill all of you.
Bandit: Ouch! So Big Lan-
Big Lantern Ghost: Call me Lantern, it would make this go faster.
Bandit: Oooooookay. Then Lantern, how did you catch him?
Lantern: I caught him while he was sleeping.
E. Gadd: So why were you in Paper Mario and out of everything, why Shy Guy’s Toy Box?
Lantern: I heard that Mario was headed towards the Toy Box, so I got there first and waited to challenge him.
Bandit: Where did you get Watt from?
Lantern: I found Watt in the Toy Box, so I replaced my old and dull Hot-Head in my lantern with Watt.
Bandit: How did you lose against Mario? He's weak!
Lantern: I was just testing him. Do you think I would just jump on my enemies? No, I have a lot more attacks that could have destroyed Mario.
E.Gadd: Where do you live anyways?
Lantern: Yoshi's Island, where I give orders to Lantern Ghosts. I usually don't even give orders but sometimes I have to.
E. Gadd: Nice, now for the audience’s favorite part... audience questions!!!
Audience: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... Uh... (unenthusiastically) Yay.
E. Gadd: You, seat 999.
Watt: Is it true that Lantern Ghosts don't fight unless they are threatened?
Lantern: Yes, the reason we have lanterns is to guide people through caves. We can see without them. I fought Mario because I thought I was so strong no one could beat me, but I soon learned I was wrong.
Bandit: Hows about you in seat one00?
Hot-head: Where do you guys live?
Lantern: In dark places all around Plit, especially in Yoshi's Island. In fact we're so common there's probably a couple of us in your basement.
Hot-Head: OH MY GOSH!!! I AM SO MOVING!!!
(Hot-Head runs out of the building to pack up his stuff and move to a place with no basements.)
E. Gadd: What about you in seat 118?
Yoshi: Why did you attack Yoshi in Yoshi's Island?
Lantern: Bowser threatened me so I had to, sorry. (Not really.)
Bandit: What about you, Moron?
Morton: They accidentally spelled my name wrong... again.
Bandit: Who said it was an accident? Just show us you question on the screen.
(On the screen behind them are a lantern, Luigi, Larry, and Lemmy.)
E. Gadd: He asked why do so many peoples’ names start with L?
Lantern: I DON'T KNOW, why is the sky blue?
E. Gadd: It’s because of-
Bandit: We don't want to hear it now, Professor.
E. Gadd: That’s all the time we have for today, because if we go any longer we'll get arrested.
Larry: We don't want that, now, do we?
Bandit: Shut up, cameraman!!!
Larry: ... Ugh.
Bandit: Now end the transmission... END IT I SAY!!!
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