Amadeus the Spear Guy: Good day, everyone. As all of you with the exception of Fireball should know, I am WT's good friend, his cameraman, and I occasionally fill in for him when he's unavailable to co-interview. Today is one of those days, as he... uh... well, you probably won't believe this, but somebody left a lemon pie on the road, and when his car drove over it... it sure wasn't a pretty sight. Now, today, we're interviewing a Dark Megabite, the Flopside Pit version of that rocket-powered head that comes out of nowhere. And by “we”, I mean myself, Fireball, and... Extreme Yoshi!
Fireball: Right on, Amadeus! Today Extreme and Blue will help us out today and Amadeus the... Spear... Bro!
Mario: Amadeus the Spear Bro!
Wario: Wario loves the awesome idea.
Fireball: Nothing new there, Wario, nothing new.
Wario: The great Wario must go on and jump into seat 4.
Amadeus: ... Spear GUY. Get it right!
Extreme: So that thing is a Spear Guy?
Blue: The one from the other Interview?
Extreme: Seems like it.
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Amadeus: ... Okay, madness is already upon us. Firstly, Lemmy, this is FIREBALL's Interview Show; I checked the contract that was signed when Fireball started his Interviews, and he has all naming rights. Secondly, while I made a cameo in the Interview you're probably referring to, Blue, I don't count that as actually appearing. And thirdly, could somebody get today's guest OFF OF MY HEAD?!
(Amadeus points to his head, which the Dark Megabite currently has his jaws around. Mario, being a world-renowned hero, takes it upon himself to pull the creature off of Amadeus's head and fling it into the seat for guests.)
Fireball: Amadeus the Spear Bro is right... It's MY interview show.
Lemmy: Lemmy's-
Extreme: Geez, Wario!
(Lemmy is kidnapped by Wario, who puts him in a sack, and who is dressed up as…)
Wario: The Purple Wind! Silent but Deadly! Now off I go, lootin' and tootin'! And not a-
Lemmy (inside the sack): Just shut up and get going already... Now, where was I? Ah, yes... Interview Show!
Amadeus: Much better. Now, let's get this show started! Mr. Bite, what is life like in the Flopside Pit?
Dark Megabite: ... Lonely. The purpose of us Dark beings is to prevent Shadoo from leaving and to stop the fools that seek to challenge him. It is... boring, waiting for people like Mario and the other heroes to come. And... there is little food, so we get so... HUNGRY...
Amadeus: Bite my head again, and I will impale you with my spear, rip you apart with my bare hands, and then call down a million bolts of lightning from above to turn what's left of your dark skin into even darker ash. Got it, bub?
D. Megabite: ... Yessir.
Extreme: Talk about dark.
Fireball: And what Spear Bro said!
Amadeus: Spear GUY.
Fireball: Except I'll do it more hurtful-
Amadeus: I think you mean painfully.
Fireball: -since I can do whatever I want on my Interview show. Pretty cool, huh?
D. Megabite: Monkey see, monkey do.
Mario: What does that have to do with anything?
D. Megabite: ... And I can't be random?
Fireball: Next question, what do you do in your spare time? Since you DO have a LOT of free time.
D. Megabite: Well I really do nothing... but when I get the chance, I like collecting Catch Cards. It's fun to see all the losers that are constantly getting hurt by Mario. It also tells you their HP, defense, and-
Extreme: Enough already, there's a thing called the Internet, ever heard of it?
D. Megabite: The what now?
Extreme: Oh, that's right, you live far away where your information is scarce.
Blue: He's got a point.
Fireball: He... he does.
Extreme: But next question, what kind of food do you eat, since you live in the lower areas of the Pit of 100 Trials?
D. Megabite: Anything. I even eat wood, metal, steel, and concrete. My favorite food is Shy Guys.
Amadeus: Great... I wonder if WT's having a better time than I am right now...
(The scene shifts to a local hospital, where WT is in a bed. His right foot is in a cast, and there's a laptop computer on his chest.)
WT: Stupid lemon pies... At least I can get Internet access! Now, let's see... What's a good way to spend time on this thing?
(WT clicks a few links, and eventually comes to a site called Newgrounds. He decides to look through its catalog of videos.)
WT: Too M-rated... Too stupid... “There she is!!”? ... Wonder what that's about?
(WT starts to watch the video. We now cut back to the Interview studio.)
Amadeus: ... Nah; he's probably worse than I think. So, Dark Megabite, is there any reason that both of the Pits in Super Paper Mario look a little like a Game & Watch game?
D. Megabite: Well, I don't know much about the other Pit, but the one in Flopside was created as soon as technology had reached a point where it could contain a being of immense power. Any later, and Shadoo could've destroyed the world whenever he felt like it. Any sooner, and Mario would've had to go through 100 levels of Pong.
Amadeus: ... I don't really understand, but I'll go with it anyways.
Fireball: You go with EVERYTHING!
(A pie is flung at Extreme Yoshi, Blue, Amadeus, and Fireball. They all dodge the pies just in time.)
Extreme: What's with all the pies?
Fireball: Who did that?
(Mario looks back and forth and points at Luigi.)
Mario: Get him!
(Everyone but the interviewers and the Dark Megabite gets Luigi.)
Blue: The poor guy...
Fireball: Next random question, who's your favorite minion?
D. Megabite: Well I like Shy Guys and Koopas. They do need respect more than the next guy.
Extreme: Wait a minute, I thought you ate Shy Guys.
D. Megabite: So what? I get hungry, and the reason I like Shy Guys is that they taste good. *looks at Amadeus*
Extreme: Next question, how can a fish-like Piranha robot be able to swim in the water?
D. Megabite: Why is it that a Mushroom can turn you ten feet tall, a Leaf can turn you into a raccoon and give you flying powers, Goombas can talk, turtles can walk, and an Italian plumber named Mario was created by a Japanese programmer?
Extreme: ... Good point.
Amadeus: Actually, the leaves you're referring to turn people into Tanukis, which are a raccoon-like species that-
D. Megabite: Don't make me bite your arms off!
Amadeus: Don't forget I'll fry you if you even try! Geez, even with the broken leg, I bet WT is having a blast in comparison.
(Cut to WT in the hospital, who's crying his eyes out.)
WT: *sniff* The f-first three episodes were c-cute and r-romantic, and then in the fourth... I c-can't believe that happened! J-just when they were f-finally getting somewhere, BAM! E-everything in both of their lives was r-r-ruined! *sniff* And it'll be MONTHS until I c-can find out w-whether or not they'll have a happy ending or not! I C-CAN'T WAIT T-THAT LONG! WAAAHH!
(A nurse runs into the room and injects WT with a sedative, causing him to instantly fall asleep. The action cuts back to the Interview studio.)
Fireball: Wherever he is, he's in trouble.
Extreme: Or he's having a good time.
Amadeus: So, Dark Megabite, why are you... well, completely dark? I mean, I'd understand if it was just your skin, but even the flames coming out of the back of your head are black! How is that possible? And DON'T say a Magikoopa did it!
D. Megabite: I won't, because it was Shadoo that did it. Spend enough time with that guy, and his shadowy powers just drain the color right out of you, even if it's physically impossible.
Fireball: Whatever you said it does not matter, because I'm firing someone today...
(Fireball looks at Extreme and Amadeus.)
Extreme: Hey.
Amadeus: ... I work for WT, so there's no way that I-
Fireball: Tileoid R, get out of here!
(The Super Paper Mario enemy does so.)
Blue: I didn't know he was working here.
Amadeus: He wasn't. Fireball just fired a member of the audience. Don't ask how, but he did.
Fireball: Next question, do you have any family?
D. Megabite: Well, I have a wife that's really pretty and stuff, and we take care of each other and-
Fireball: ENOUGH! Boring!
D. Megabite: You stink!
Wario (from far away): The Purple Wind stinks, Silent but Deadly!
Lemmy (still in the sack far away): Lemmy's Interview Show!
Fireball: Lemmy! IT'S MY INTERVIEW SHOW! SAY SOMETHING AWESOME INSTEAD OF THOSE THREE STUPUD RANDOM WORDS!
Extreme: ... Geez, that gag is getting old.
Amadeus: Older than butter and lemon pies.
Blue: Buddy, no more gags.
Fireball: But this Interview runs on gags!
Extreme: Fine. Next question, is your species rare?
D. Megabite: I guess you could say that, since most Megabites prefer to fly around in a more vacant environment than be stuck in a room guarding an evil shadow being.
Amadeus: All right; it's audience time! Seat 339! ... No, wait; that was Tileoid R's seat. Seat 340, then.
Nimbi: Where doth thou goest when thine life has endethed?
D. Megabite: ... Where do I go when I die? Dunno; probably the same place as anyone else. Just because I'm a rocket-powered skull, it doesn't mean I'm treated any differently when my game's over.
Fireball: Nimbi, you're fired.
(Nimbi leaves.)
Fireball: Nobody likes somebody who can't speak proper...
Amadeus: ... You just kicked out an angel. This can't possibly lead to anything good.
Mario: I have not said a line in a very long while! ... Just thought everyone should know that.
Fireball: Indeed... Seat 2,342.
Paratroopa: Have you ever worked for Bowser before?
D. Megabite: No. And I never even heard of... Who is he...?
Paratroopa: Bowser.
Amadeus: One of the people that was with Mario when he blazed through the Flopside Pit, TWICE, and beat up Shadoo.
D. Megabite: ... I've never heard, worked, or even heard of the name “Bowser”, my friend.
Paratroopa: We're not friends!
Extreme: Seat 2,039.
Kamek: Ever been in the light?
D. Megabite: Not since I first entered the Pit, as the results would be disastrous. I had to come here late last night, and I was hiding in the basement until it was time for the show. Even now, not a single spotlight is upon me.
Kamek: What would happen if you WERE in the light?
D. Megabite: I'd go blind and possibly explode, thanks to Shadoo's influence.
Fireball: I'm sure you would... too sure, in fact.
Cranky: Back in my day, we only had a limit of two lives in videogames, and we didn't explode; we just lay there until someone saw us and buried us. And bad guys were tougher back in our days, and bosses couldn't be defeated in three hits; it took us more then half an hour to defeat bosses and more then an hour to defeat final bosses. And-
(Amadeus snaps his fingers, which causes a bolt of lightning to fry the old monkey.)
Amadeus: I don't have enough authority to fire audience members-
Fireball: That's right... I own this show so I do!
Amadeus: So I thought that would do. Now, let's get on to the FINAL 3! ... Questions from the audience, that is. Seat 777!
Captain Syrup: Now that Shadoo's defeated, what's going to happen to the Flopside Pit?
D. Megabite: Shadoo's game is not over; though Mario and his allies have won in combat against him, that does not mean he will not recover. Thus, the Pit remains as a prison for him until there is a means with which to vanquish him once and for all.
Fireball: Well, that's not fair... I'm supposed to do the final seat. But, since I feel like it... Captain Syrup, you're fired!
(The captain leaves.)
Extreme: A lot of people going...
Mario: Only three, really.
Fireball: Well, it looks like Extreme will ask Mario that question, and I will have to pick...
(Fireball points at E. Gadd.)
E. Gadd: I'm seat 32,525.
Blue: Cool.
E.Gadd: Anywho, do you have any talents, like making time machines as sophisticated and powerful as the one I once built?
D. Megabite: I never really liked that invention. Who wants to go in a device that, if something bad happened, you could end up being lost in time forever? Back to the question, I have no talents at all, except for guarding evil shadow demons... and playing the drums.
Fireball: I can't beleive Amadeus hates apes! I like Cranky Kong...
Amadeus: Hey, you finally remembered my name! ... Oh, and if I didn't stop Cranky while we had the chance, he would've chased the rest of the audience away, thus ruining the show. You can thank me later.
Fireball: ... Ok, Spear Bro!
Extreme: Anyways, I guess this is the final question, at least I think it is... Seat 202.
Mario: What about Waluigi?
Extreme: He can ask his question another time.
Amadeus: Oh no! There's no way I'm willingly letting this monstrous creature that wants to devour me on the show again! ... No offense.
D. Megabite: None taken.
Mario: Did you ever think you could defeat me?
D. Megabite: Who?
Mario: Meh, good enough.
Amadeus: And that's that! We can officially stop interviewing this rocket-powered 3D skull with a taste for Shy Guys and that can play the drums, probably because a Dark Goomba taught him how... Wow, this is one messed up universe, isn't it?
(At that moment, WT enters the studio. His right foot is still in a cast, and he's using a crutch to keep himself balanced.)
WT: Worst. Day. Ever. First, there was that lemon pie incident. Then, I started to have a little bit of fun watching web videos, only to be left with the most massive cliffhanger I've ever seen! And now, when I've finally reached this place, the show is over! Nothing could possibly... Hey, look! Koopa Kola; my favorite!
(WT quickly limps over to the seat Captain Syrup was in before she left, where there's an unopened bottle of Koopa Kola. WT proceeds to sit down and enjoy the beverage.)
Amadeus: ... Well, as the saying goes, all's well that ends well.
Fireball: And WT is going to be in a lot of pain in the next Interview show... and if WT does not help me interview, I may have to take out the trash!
(DUN DUN DUN)
Mario: The Interview is over! DUN DUN DUN... DANG!
Fireball: I know, Mario...
Lemmy: LEMMY'S FUN FICTION!
Fireball: Meh... End transmission!
Whoops! You're not logged in! |