Gloomtail: Welcome, inferior mortals, to Gl-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Gloomtail: What? WHAT?!
Lemmy: Um... Lemmy's Interview Show?
Gloomtail: WHO IS THIS CRETIN TRYING TO STEAL CREDIT FOR MY WORKS?!
Lemmy: Uh... Lemmy. Kinda said that twice now...
Gloomtail: Lemmy who?
Lemmy: Lemmy Koopa. C'mon, everyone knows me.
Gloomtail: I don't.
Lemmy: Son of Bowser, Clown Prince, created Lemmy's Land... the site you're on?
Gloomtail: I'm not on a site, you fool! I'm not even sitting at a computer. While I'm sure there are plenty of these "Internets" dedicated to me, I've never actually gone to one, so I must insist you take your insane accusations elsewhere!
Lemmy: Where's the people I usually bother?
Gloomtail: They were disposed of for being inferior to I. And you're next, you peon.
Lemmy: ... Lemmy's Interview Show!
Gloomtail: ...
(Gloomtail Megabreaths Lemmy.)
Lemmy: Stinky...
Gloomtail: That out of the way, I bring you my guest, some inferior Koopa who fought at some place called the Glitz Pit, King K. By the way, a king is nothing compared to a GOD.
King K: Sup dawg?
Gloomtail: ... Ohh, this is bad.
King K: Huh?
Gloomtail: I am not a dog. I am a dragon. Even the most foolish of fools can figure that out.
King K: I didn't mean the animal dog. I meant as in like "pal".
Gloomtail: I'm not your pal, friend!
King K: Well, I'm not your friend, buddy.
Gloomtail: Enough of this! I will ask you a bunch of questions now, and you WILL answer immediately, or else!
King K: Err, sure.
Gloomtail: First, why do you say stupid things like "dawg"?
King K: It's due to where I grew up, G.
Gloomtail: My name is not "G", it's Gloomtail. If you're too lazy to say the entire name, you can just get out!
King K: Okay.
Gloomtail: Hey, you can't leave yet!
King K: But didn't you just sa-
Gloomtail: Attempt to leave and PERISH!
King K: ...
Gloomtail: That's better. Now, did you really think you'd stand a chance in the Glitz Pit with only 4 HP? FOUR HP?
King K: Well, I hoped bringing some friends would even the odds a bit...
Gloomtail: 19th of 20. All you did was beat a bunch of Goombas! Gwahahah-
(A Goomba drops a stagelight on Gloomtail.)
Gloomtail: -a. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
(The Goomba runs off.)
Gloomtail: Yeah, that's what I thought! Foolish weaklings aside- even though you are a foolish weakling...
King K: ...
Gloomtail: Where'd you find your teammates?
King K: I see no need to answer anymore questions from someone as uncool as you.
Gloomtail: Uncool- UNCOOL AS ME?! I AM THE EPITOME OF COOL, YOU FOOL! See that?! I'm so awesome I made that rhyme! Now stop objecting before I Megabreath you into oblivion!
King K: ... Fine. My teammates were a couple of homies from where I lived that were interested in fighting like I was.
Gloomtail: Shame they were so weak! Gwahahaha!
King K: ...
Gloomtail: Gwahahaha!
King K: ... Just ask your next question.
Gloomtail: Silence! I must laugh some more! Gwahahaha!
King K: You done?
Gloomtail: Bit more. Gwahahah-
(Gloomtail is hit with another stagelight.)
Gloomtail: -a. YOU FOOLISH LIGHT PERSON, PREPARE TO BE OBLITERATED!
King K: Nobody's up there.
Gloomtail: A ghost! Prepare to die, ghost!
(Gloomtail Megabreaths the air.)
Gloomtail: Take that, you foolish specter of invisibility!
King K: Aren't ghosts already dead?
Gloomtail: I'll be the one to ask questions around here, mortal. Now... aren't ghosts already dead?
King K: ...
Gloomtail: Right, new question! What's the difference between you and a regular Koopa?
King K: Well, our shells are yellow and... well, that's it.
Gloomtail: Red is better than yellow, therefore making you inferior! As if there weren't enough things doing that already! Now, how did you find out about Grubba's leeching machine thing?
King K: I don't appreciate that yellow comment, but I will answer your question anyway. I walked into his office to talk about retiring, and the guy went berserk. He had what looked like some blueprints in his hand, but I never got a good look at them, so I don't know why he was so paranoid. I didn't see much else as I was soon knocked out and put in the machine.
Gloomtail: So you let that weakling Grubba take you out, huh? Figures.
King K: I wouldn't call him weak, dawg. His machine made him incredibly powerful.
Gloomtail: I can take him. I am god, after all.
(Macho Grubba busts through the wall.)
Macho Grubba: Oh really, son?
Gloomtail: I'm not your son! I'm almost positive I'm older than you!
Macho Grubba: It's a sayin-
Gloomtail: Shut it with your sayings! You really think you could take me, an 80 HP boss, with your mere 60 HP?
Macho Grubba: It's about more than HP, you f-
Gloomtail: 60 HP! 60 HP!
(Macho Grubba grumbles and exits back through the wall.)
Gloomtail: And you're paying for that wall. God demands it!
Macho Grubba: No!
Gloomtail: Rawr. Now K, as I refuse to call someone a king, what were you planning to do when you retired?
King K: Rapper.
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow.)
King K: ... What?
Gloomtail: And what do you do now that you’ve retired?
King K: I'm a waiter at the Glitz Pit bar.
Gloomtail: ... Gwahahahaha!
King K: ... Yeah, well, forget you, too.
Gloomtail: Gwahaha-
(A stagelight falls, but Gloomtail dodges it. He then Megabreaths the air and a Boo falls to the ground unconscious.)
Gloomtail: Hah!
King K: ... Wow.
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Gloomtail: Silence! Anyone else who uses running gags will be destroyed!
Bullet Bill: Aluminum!
One destruction later...
Gloomtail: Now, I grow tired of asking mindless questions, so I shall allow a select few mortals to get their 15 seconds of fame by being associated with me! Seat 35.
Moon Cleft: What'd you think of the Glitz Pit rumors? That is, before Grubba attacked you?
King K: I thought they were a bunch of nonsense, and that most were just coincidences.
Gloomtail: You! Moon Cleft! Should you not be on the moon? Yet you are not on the moon, are you? Explain, fool.
Moon Cleft: You're not exactly one to talk. You're not really gloomy for someone called Gloomtail.
Gloomtail: Hm... You have a point. Here is my response to that.
(Gloomtail eats the Moon Cleft.)
Gloomtail: Ugh... Remind me to never eat a rock again. Seat 77.
Rawk Hawk: King K, did you really think you could beat the RAWK?
King K: Not really. I mostly joined to make some money...
Rawk Hawk: Yeah, that's what I thought. Nobody can handle the RAWK!
Gloomtail: Hm... Is Rawk like rock?
Rawk Hawk: No, you idiot! I'm not like a rock at all!
Gloomtail: Oh, okay then.
(Gloomtail eats Rawk Hawk.)
Gloomtail: Yum. Well, I'm getting kind of full, so no more audience questions today.
Heavy Weapons Guy: Put dispenser here.
Gloomtail: No.
Heavy Weapons Guy: Put teleport here.
Gloomtail: I have no intentions of putting a teleporter there.
King K: I'm gonna go then...
Gloomtail: Fine, whatever. You're useless to me now. Now, cameraman, surely my first Interview was a huge success.
Stupid Cameraman: No, not really. Everyone stopped watching because they found you to be either a moron or a monster who eats anyone that says something you don't like.
(Gloomtail eats the stupid cameraman.)
Gloomtail: I don't like what he said.
(A nearby phone rings. Gloomtail answers it.)
Gloomtail: Hello?
Mr. L: Hi, Billy Mays here!
Gloomtail: I will DESTROY you!
Mr. L: Put the power back in your shower, put the shower back in your power, and set it free with Kaboom!
Gloomtail: You're not Billy Mays at all!
Mr. L: Soap scum!
(Mr. L hangs up.)
Gloomtail: How dare he call ME scum?!
***
(Lemmy opens the closet door and Dark Koopa, Thumbs, and Pura fall out.)
Lemmy: Hey, this isn't the bathroom.
Dark Koopa: Freedom!
Pura: It wasn't even locked, was it?
Thumbs: I didn't check.
Lemmy: Hey guys, where's the bathroom?
Thumbs: I didn't check.
Dark Koopa: Is the Interview over?
Thumbs: I didn't check.
Dark Koopa: When are you going to stop saying "I didn't check"?
Thumbs: I didn't check.
Dark Koopa: It's like I'm talking to a tape recorder.
Mr. L's Tape Recorder: End transmission!
Dark Koopa: What an awful character.
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