Lemmy: QUIT? What do you mean you quit?
Dixie: We have bigger and better things to do, Lemmy. We can’t spend our whole life on an interview show.
Stinkoman: Besides, this place is dull, and there’s no sign of a challenge.
Lemmy: Does Marvin the Martian ring a bell?
Dixie: Listen, Lemmy, there’s nothing you can do that’ll make us change are mind. We quit!
(Dixie and Stinkoman leave the studio.)
Lemmy: FINE! WHO NEEDS YOU?! ME AND MIVERA WILL DO THE SHOW!
Mivera: But dear, we can’t!
Lemmy: Why?
Mivera: Because if we do it, being the married couple we are, tourists won’t want to read romantic gush between Interviews.
Lemmy: You bring up a good point. We should start auditions.
(63 1/3 painfully awful auditions later…)
Lemmy: Congratulations, sir! You’re hired!
(Lemmy shakes hands with a realistic being in a black suit with a black tie and white shirt inside. The person also appears to have a big nose and a phony British accent.)
Lemmy: Answer me this, sir. What is your name?
Human: I am Mr. Nigrel Wick, owner of department Store “Winfred Louder”.
Lemmy: Well, forget all that, Mr. Wick! You’re going to be a star! A SUPERSTAR!
Mr. Wick: Really? Sounds smashing! When do I start?
Lemmy: In five... four... three... two... ONE! Hello, Tourists, and welcome to Lemmy’s Interview Sho-
Luigi (sitting in the audience): Where’s Dixie and Stinkoman?
Lemmy: They, uh, died. But that’s not important. What IS important is that we got someone to take their place. Please say hello to Mr. Nigrel Wick.
(Long Silence…)
Mr. Wick: (smacking himself with both hands) Welcome aboard, Wick ol’ boy!
Lemmy: Today, Mr. Wick shall be interviewing Stanley from Donkey Kong 3.
(Stanley runs in, using his spray can to spray a bunch of wasps that are chasing him.)
Mr. Wick: Please be seated. Now, what games in the Mario franchise have you starred in?
Stanley: Only one: Donkey Kong 3. I did, however, appear as a trophy in Super Smash Bros. Melee.
Mr. Wick: What is your role in the game?
Stanley: I work in Pauline’s garden, when suddenly, DK Sr. comes into the scene and starts aggravating beehives and taunting the wasps. I have to teach that gruesome gorilla a lesson with my spray can.
Mr. Wick: Recently, DK3 was released for the Virtual Console. Your feelings?
Stanley: Relieved. I thought Nintendo forgot all about me.
Mr. Wick: If you reappear in any Mario game, which would it be?
Stanley: I’d be in Mario Kart: Double Dash!! My pPartner would be Pauline.
Mr. Wick: We now move on to audience questions. Seat MEDITATINGGOLDENBEING!
The Sacard Cow of Contemplation (EWJ3D): What exactly is your relation with Pauline?
Stanley: I’m her boyfriend from after she broke up with my cousin, Mario. We got married after the events in DK3, but Mario and Pauline are still good friends.
Wick: Seat BIGPINKLOSER!
Patrick Star: Uh... Uh... I forgot.
Wick: Then we’ll move on without you!
Patrick: WAIT! NOW I REMEMBER!
Wick: Seat PARTYDUDE!
Patrick: Tatersauce...
Michelangelo: Cowabunga, Dude! If you die after you hit a bug, why are you an exterminator?
Stanley: Truth be told, I never wanted to be an exterminator. I wanted to be a circus clown.
Mr. Wick: ... Ok, that’s all I need to know about you. END TRANSMISSION. Oh, and Mr. Koopa Cameraman?
Koopa Cameraman: Yes, sir?
Wick: You’re fired, for catching my bad side.
Koopa Cameraman: But I have a wife and three kids.
Wick: Ask me if I give a hoot. You’re STILL fired.
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